Do looks matter more in the city than the country?
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Sad, but true. In the city environment, superficial things matter more.
I don't think it's just superficiality, I think with the larger number of people in a city, there are more examples to compare yourself with, and more attention is paid to physical appearance. Not just attractiveness, but health and personal hygiene too.
A woman's looks always matter. I've learned that the long, hard, emotionally painful way (age 42, single & never married).
If by "looks" you mean fashion, current style may be more important in an urban setting where business women (and men) are immediately judged on whether or not they are appropriately attired.
However, our society, as a whole, judges beauty with the same yardstick. I think women judge themselves with the same set of standards, as well, whether in an urban or a rural setting. As for rural area women being happier if slightly chubby - I doubt that !
As for rural area women being happier if slightly chubby - I doubt that !
In rural areas, we understand that "slightly chubby" = healthy, and we tend to judge people less on their appearance and more on their personality and skills. Not that we advocate obesity, but a 110 -lb. waif is useless on a farm, and if women drop below a size 6 or so, we start asking if they've been to the doctor recently. A mother who gives her children skim milk and artificial sweeteners is considered a bad parent out here. I really do think we're happier with our bulkier physiques... they're an outward sign that we are strong, healthy and capable. When we go into larger metro areas, we're often considered "fat" and are mocked by Diet Pepsi-swilling women with A-cups, discernible ribs and thighs that don't touch. Luckily though, we're usually just visiting, and are soon home where people show appreciation for a real woman's body.
And not only for women. It's the same for men as well.
As someone soon to be newly-single, I've spent some time perusing singles ads, to see "what's out there," and I am frankly horrified. Seems like no matter how many strikes a young lady has against her, or whatever else she's looking for, she insists on a guy who's "attractive," or "handsome," "cute," or "hot." (I live in a city, but I have no idea if there's a correlation there.) I'm smart, funny, have a good job, I'm kind, and I know how to treat a woman, but I'm funny-looking, so it seems quite likely that I will die alone. From a genetic standpoint, we seem to be selecting ourselves to be a species of attractive, mean, stupid people. Me, I'd far rather have someone smart, interesting, funny and kind, and less than spectacular-looking, than some neurotic, bulimic beauty queen who's out of my league in looks, and nowhere near it in other ways. But it seems as though, in that regard, I am a dying breed. Sad.
Dave - it's not only women who list aesthetic qualities in personal ads - it's men as well! Since I do not have model-beauty standards, I have a very limited selection in my dating pool. But then again, why would you want to be with a person who only cares about what's on the outside?
BTW, I'm in the city in NM too.
MW: I will confess that I haven't spent any time looking at the men's ads, but I would have assumed men are just as superficial as women, if not more so. Also, I suspect Lauraph, below, is right that it's not just a city/country thing. In my experience, small-town people are just more judgmental across the board, and the open-minded among them gravitate toward the cities. For that reason, I'd have guessed the opposite of the article's conclusion.
Another city-in-NM person, eh? Once I am free to do so, I'll totally go out with ya! :^)
Dave whether you are funny looking or not there is someone out there for you. Some girl will consider herself lucky to get you.
I've found that sometime really pretty people hide very ugly personality and character traits. When I married my husband of 35 years it was his personality and sense of humor that drew me in not his looks. Still works for me.
Thank you, Debbie. On some level, I'm sure you're right; it's just discouraging to see how screwed-up so many people's priorities are.
Congratulations, too, on your long and happy marriage. I always thought I would be in your situation. Seems my wife (out of my league looks-wise) had other ideas. You and your husband are lucky to have each other, and you sound like you know it.
City people have always, always thought that somehow if one resides in the country or rural areas, less populated, that people in these areas are stupid, less educated, sophisticated, unfashionable, and of course hicks.
It would never even occur to these people that we sit back and laugh at the clowns. I believe the pollution does something to their brains. What they think is sophisticated and fashion is a bad joke played on the rich.
Lord above, why would someone want to wear most of that garbage. Good fashion designing went out long ago.
I live in a country town in Oklahoma. My parents moved us from a large city in California when I was a teen. I am tall, thin and attractive. In California, I had lots of friends of both sexes and went to a school with 4,000 people. I moved to a school with 350 people. From the moment I got here, I was abused, ostracized and constantly asked if I was a Christian by a bunch of hypocrites. My life was ruined by moving to the country. I am surrounded by obese inbred people who hate me upon sight. I smile and they glare. The fatter and uglier they are, the harder the glare. Even as I age, I am still close to the same weight I was as a teen and more attractive than women half my age here in the "country." I am just building equity in my house to get out of the country and back to normal people who are not jealous of how slim, intelligent and attractive I am. They are ignorant, racist, jealous, religious zealots who believe they can be evil to others because they are the ones going to heaven. Look at all those statistical studies that come out. The "country" states are always the top ten of the worst and the bottom ten of the best of everything. If you are in the city and are not fat and ignorant, stay there. The country is exactly like they show it on sitcoms. I speak from experience.
Thank you. It's experiences like yours that have convinced me I will never want to live in the American south or midwest. It's not that I'm great-looking (quite to the contrary); I just don't want to live anywhere there's a religious test for acceptance, or where people are universally judged on the color of their skin (or any other superficial characteristic). I think people in the country may be happier because they aren't challenged to accept people different from themselves, and can just wallow around with like-'minded' others, secure in their ignorance and convinced of their superiority. Small minds create small worlds to live in. I hope you make it out of the puddle and into the ocean soon!
Wow, someone thinks very highly of themselves....maybe that's why people don't like you.
So Imv77, just becasue TLee1000 is admitting that she is on the taller, slimmer side of the fence she thinks highly of themselves? She is just pointing out the truth about how she is treated in her area of the country. I'm from the central coast of California, not the city, but extremely affluent and yes, I'm taller (5ft. 8in), thinner, (120 pounds), married and a mother of 2 teenage boys and above average in looks (and I don't say that in a conceited way), but like TLee1000, I'm so sick and tired of women my age who have gained a ton of weight making rude comments about my weight and looks. I'm sorry but I'm not anorexic or bulimic. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full - maybe some of the people in the south & midwest (who are the heaviest in the country) should try to do that instead of centering their life around food. I feel sorry for men who get married to a normal sized woman only to have them balloon up to obese proportions and blame it on "having a baby". It's complete BS. As far as facial looks go, people need to get to know people and not base their opinions on "face" value. I'm so tired of how shallow everyone seems to have become. Looks & bodies will fade & change with age but kindess and compassion will last a lifetime.
Leave the midwest out of this conversation. As a long-time Chicago resident I am sooo tired of being caught up in this heartland/bible belt discussion. May I remind you that it is the midwest that led the charge in the legalization of inter-racial marriage, same-sex marriage, abortion rights and countless other freedoms and social improvements. We are not bible thumping hypocritical welfare states, we are not over-taxed socialists legislating ourselves into poverty to account for every extreme. . . . we are moderates who live and let live (or die as appropriate).
I grwe up in a small, rural town and now live in the city and work in cities all over the country. I think this article is dead wrong. Growing up with people since kindergarten makes them MORE judgemental of you rather than less. Looks were the #1 thing that mattered where I grew up, and, from what I can tell, things haven't changed there. I would never dream of going to the grocery store in that town looking unkempt. By contrast, in the city I am comfortable rolling out of bed, throwing my hair in a ponytail, and going to the grocery store in the same clothes I slept in.
I am considered an attractive woman. But I am much happier witht eh anonymity of the city than the constant judgement of my appearance in a small town.
And to comment on some of the comments above, I think it's an unfair stereotype to say that city people are superficial and call us clowns. I certainly don't make fun of or laugh at people who choose to live outside cities. If that's what makes them happy and they can earn a living taht sustains them there, then I'm all for it. Most of my family live outside the city.
I don't think we should be so down on ourselves. I've never been 'slim' per sai or consider myself a Vogue super model - but I have an incredible husband and a loving family. I am 24 – and I live and work in New York City. I feel the most unattractive persons find themselves in the most attractive places with the most attractive people. I think its all about energy - you attract who you are. I am an entry level attorney - I have the most beautiful people working with me - the majority of them complain that they are single and miserable. Not to say – some are very happy.
I think we look at the media too much. People like Donald Trump or Jared Kushner have a negative effect on women – it’s sad. Personally, the people who we should be looking at are - for example - Bill Gates and Melinda – Melinda personifies beauty and intelligence, motherhood and wife – all in one. A very successful woman indeed.
Having recently moved from a city in Calif. to a small town in Kansas I can say that looks matter. Fashion on the other hand doesn't in a small town. I also being a woman of 45 who is still fairly attractive I have noticed that looks matter more to the younger people than to people my age and up. I think that is true even in the bigger cities. You become less concerned with looks once you have been with someone you find attractive on the outside and find out they aren't so attactive on the inside. That makes you take a person a little more for who they are not what they look like. Plus you are less concerned with what your peers think.
I do think the argument about not having much choice in the country is what makes the difference. If you are the pretty girl in the country you are happy, as soon as you take that pretty country girl and put her in the city with the beautiful people, she won't be so happy anymore.
Its actually psychological.
Attractive people are seen as smarter, friendlier, more competent, popular, and so on. I believe its called the "halo" effect, you will judge someone's abilities based on appearance. It can be entirely false though.
It's interesting to note the negativity toward and stereotyping of the south and midwest. There are attractive people everywhere. There are unattractive people everywhere. There are enlightened and unenlightened people everywhere. There are Christians and non-Christians alike everywhere. That includes cities and the east and west coasts. All you anti-midwest and anti-south snobs, come visit Madison, WI sometime and we will set you straight. This city is consistently on the list of the top 10 places to live in America. Why? The economy isn't in the tank, it's a beautiful and progressive city, there are intelligent people here, and we are, for the most part, a community that welcomes and accepts all. Oh, and by the way, the Freedom from Religion Foundation is based here...
But who wants to live in the mid-west where it's freezing right now?
I live in the south, but since my city is a college/military city (I'm both; college student and active duty member in a mid size city in Virginia), people are very open minded, but they don't care about looks that much either (well, because of the military i have to look the part). However, people from rural areas (other members mostly, at least nobody from the university) always said I should to hell because I practice neopagan religions instead of christianity, or they think I'm exotic just because I speak English with a very strong Spanish accent (European Spanish), and look very different from them. They're all kinds of people; open minded and close minded. But the weirdest thing is that only women are the ones who treat me like that. Men, especially those from rural parts of the country (whenever they are from small southern towns, or big farms from the north), don't seem to care, they talk to me all the time, and ask me out all the time. And I grew up in the suburbs, btw. So, the article is quite accurate. Country girls think I'm taking their men away, but is not my fault that since they're so used to them, they would want to give a chance to a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern looking girl like me (light olive skin, shiny black hair, ebony almond eyes, defined cheek bones, and proportional body). So, if you're different, usually the same sex will "hate" you.
One thing is perfectly clear: shallow people live everywhere....