The problem of bullying is not a new phenomena nor is it one that is likely to go away anytime soon. The real problem with it is that bullying is a learned behavior. Where does a bully learn such behavior? Why from his or her parents of course. I have observed bullying not only of piers but of child bullies towards adults and with the parents backing them up. A good example of this behavior is in this article where a parent demanded the school correct the situation and then has been threatened with a lawsuit by the parents of the bully. Unless and until we as a society make those responsible for the bullying, the parents and the child, then we are fighting a loosing battle. A recent example of this bullying happened in my own neighborhood. A young and very short middle school-er stood in the middle of the street with his fists raised and said "bring it" to my neighbor, a man of almost 50. What happened, The parents did nothing. I on the other hand having witnessed this behavior from both his mother and father took action. This family has been involved with Social Services for over 3 years because of their behavior and thus I called to their Social Worker to report the incident. The child was immediately removed from the home and not returned until after a court case in which the parents were informed that the child would be permanently removed if the behavior was not corrected. As there has already been one child removed this threat is real and has had an effect. I will not put up with a Bully having been married to one for 18 years. It is time for everyone to stand up and say, "No More". By the way, that Bully I was married to was a wife.

If there is zero tolerance in my granchildrens school for weapons and PEANUTS, why is there none for bullying? I agree, the Parents of bullys should be held responsible along with the bully, and face the consequences. Male or female, bullies are bullies and need to be reined in.

Why do we bother to "remember the holocaust", and then completely ignore the holocaust message of discrimination? Adults are supposed to set an example. Example is the best, probably the only, teacher that will actually work.

We have all kinds of legal bullying going on all over the world.

Here are some of our "adult" examples:

Do you think the tanning-bed tax to pay for the Disease-Care Reform Bill is not bullying? Do you think discriminating against people who buy tobacco is not bullying? Maybe we should just tax them to death. Let's just not hire them (Ohio, Pennsylvania, Florida, etc.), so they can't even support their families. Then we'll have to shoot them for not working and being so disgusting. How about a fat-people tax (Georgia), a salt prohibition (New York), sugar tax, soda tax. ...

It's not necessarily the parents giving examples. It's all of us.

Mary Y,

Give me a break! That's the whole problem with America today. Parents don't know how to be parents! All we do is threaten with and file lawsuits and pass the buck! Grow up or get sterilized.

I've taught school and am a parent of a child who has been on both ends of the bullying spectrum. He was bullyed in grade school and when he finally started to defend himself, was then labelled as a bully. Teachers are expected to see all and be all by parents who don't want to be bothered with discipline. All they want today (and for the past 15 - 20 years) is to be friends with their child (often times because they're no better at being married than they are with being parents). Both marriage and parenthood are hard work, yet, most in our society would rather call an attorney than talk to each other or their kids and work out issues. And, with respect to the kids, they'd rather someone else do the disciplining so long as it doesn't include spanking!

That is the problem with teachers and administrators who don't punish students. Suspension and Expulsion is not the answer. Most kids see these as vacations similar to adults who get suspended from their jobs WITH PAY! We are the problem, not the kids! We set poor examples over and over again and then, tie the hands of those we expect to be in authority. Although legal, paddling at school is frowned upon just like the proverbial stern talking too or even grabbing a child to pull them away from another child in an effort to diffuse a situation. Why on earth would anyone want to take the chance in disciplining some punk with the constant threat of a lawsuit hanging overhead. Heck, even school boards don't back the teachers half the time. Furthermore, for a teacher to discipline anyone without being a witness or having CREDIBLE witnesses, is in itself, a form of bullying toward the child. I know this happens quite frequently by teachers because I witnessed it in the schools I taught. A child would be labeled as a troublemaker or a bully and from then on, no matter how hard they tried, they would always be singled out when something bad happened...in otherwords, profiling. As I told my son once he was labeled after years of being bullyed himself, it will take a long, long time, years before he will be able to have these perceptions changed. It did...all through the later years of elementary and all of middle school. Now that he is in high school, he is an Honor Roll student, on the schools JROTC Drill team, involved as a leader in Civil Air Patrol, and taking college classes through duel-enrollment since the summer following his freshman year!

Again, the answer lies in all of us ADULTS...when we start taking responsiblilty for our own actions and quite pussy-footing around with discipline of our kids, as well as with other adults in society, and we start communicating again on a daily basis with our spouses and our children and we stop calling the police or lawyers everytime we don't get our own way (sounds more like babies throwing a tantrum), then, just then, maybe our kids will again start behaving and start working their differences out maturely with their schoolmates.

It's not the children, but the parents of these children, who should be held responsible. In most cases when the problem is brought forth, the parents of these children do nothing to stop the behavior from being repeated. This, in effect, sanctions it. If their own parents aren't going to do anything to them, it can't be that bad, right? The kid complaining must just be a loser,right? Even the schools are being held too accountable. They could be doing more, but if that message isn't carried home, it really does no good. And then there are the after-effects. Usually, once it is reported and nothing is done to the bully in question, they feel emboldened and will retaliate for the "tattle-tale" behavior. You also have to be asking the question, what are these children being taught in their own homes that makes them think this is socially acceptable behavior? Children learn from their parents and these kids are obviously learning the wrong things.

I was bullied in elementary and Junior High. It was horrific to me and I was told, like many, to ignore it or walk away. In High School I was lucky enough to begin attending a school where I was no longer the smartest student and my self-esteem began to change. However, I think it is also important that we not enable the "victim" mind-set through adulthood. It is true that being bullied effects a person very deeply, but after high school, how you let that shape your life is up to you. You can choose to be a victim or a survivor. I choose the latter. Being a victim allows those who tormented you to continue doing so long after they have forgotten you.

Whats wrong with parents these days, if someone ever told me my kid was bullying someone i can guarantee i would stop it, i would be so ashamed and my kid would be punished.

to bravepenguin:

kudos, I too have "been there" and have seen who will not take responsibility, and it is generally the parents! That said, the parents are also threatened by the school's so called "counselors" who tell kids that if their parents spank them, they can call and report the "abuse". Of course they are not told that they will be taken away, their parents arrested, and be wards of the state for the rest of their youth. So, how does ANYONE discipline these kids?

I saw the decline in discipline over the years when the counselors had more authority than the teachers, and lawsuits, and threats when teachers dared to try to help. Also investigations into teachers private lives by coleagues. Who WOULD get involved in this kind of environment?

I did try, and my way was quiet, and unobtrusive, but it worked, and the kids who came to me got as much as I could give, and found a peer group of their own, and we all know, there is safety in numbers. But it should not have been necessary at all.

It is a parent's responsibility to teach his child ethics and basic human decency and begin when the child is very young.

Long, long ago when I was four, I was standing in a line in the post office with my mother, my eyes fixed on a little boy wearing leg braces and on crutches, the years before the polio vaccine. I was not having bad thoughts about the little boy; I was just wondering what was wrong with him.

My mother pulled me aside and gave me my strongest lesson on ethics for a lifetime. She chided me for staring at the boy and then said something I never forgot for a lifetime. "Never hurt or bother someone for something they cannot help, not afflictions, not the color of the skin, not obesity, not anything they cannot help. If they get angry with you or do something wrong to you, you can get angry and tell them off, but never, never attack them on anything they cannot help or are powerless to change."

When in middle school, we did have a boy who was slightly retarded, and one day, a boy I knew was making the retarded boy cry. In anger, I immediately passed on to him the ethics lesson my mother taught me, a lesson I held on to for a lifetime. Sometimes, ethics and human decency is all that matters, and parents need to teach their children that ethics and decency sometimes is all that matters.

Achieving and practicing basic human decency is its own reward, and children need to be taught the simple difference between right and wrong, and mistreating anyone or anything is wrong, otherwise.

I was bullied constantly when I was in grade school for my buckteeth. The day I came home crying and my dad realized what was going on, he gave me the speech that changed my life. He didn't tell me I was special or try to boost my confidence with words of encouragement. He simply showed me how to punch someone in the nose effectively. I beat the crap out of the little pricks and never got teased again. A three day suspension to save my self-esteem for a life time was a price that my dad and I were both willing to pay. If your kids small, let them take a socket wrench with them to inflict more damage. You will be helping your kid and the kid that is bullying as well as the other kids that the bully will not get a chance to mess with. Some people only understand pain.

I observe adult bullies everywhere. One just has to attend one of my township or school board meetings to witness the adult bullying that occurs all the time in this society. Why would we expect the children of these bullies to act any differently? By the way, my town is a larger version of South Hadley--full of elitist, academic "know-it-alls", holier than thou, who never learned how to add or subtract or balance a budget.

While taking legal action sounds all good, most of the time the main problem is often times it can't be proven. This is especially true in the environment we have today where these kids have camera phones, facebook, myspace, texting, etc., which makes it so covert it can be almost impossible to prove somethings happening. To make matters worse the victim's peers often won't tell anything, even if they witnessed something and many times the victim themselves are so ashamed of it they don't want to tell. It's a terrible thing and my heart goes out to anyone who had to go through it but what it all comes down to is anyone who is a victim of it needs to get away ASAP no matter what the cost.

As an educator, I, unfortunately, see these behaviors frequently. In the previous school at which I worked, it was much more prevalent because the principle of that school was of the mentality that "kids will be kids" and "the kids must learn to work out life's problems for themselves". He felt it was a "good learning opportunity" and that was the gist of his counseling when dealing with the child and parents experiencing bullying abuse. It drove me mad.

Fortunately, in my current school, attitudes are substantially different. We have a zero tolerance policy for bullying. It's a three-strikes: Ask, tell, make. First instance is discussion and counseling, to try to make the bully and parent understand the ramifications, and effect corrective behavior. Second is tell. We tell the bully and the parents the behavior will not be tolerated and this is last chance time. Third time is make: Last occurrence and the child is expelled and Social Services is notified. They will then call on the family to set up mandatory counselling, alternative schooling options, such as home schooling, transfer to a "special" school, etc.

Contrary to what one poster said above, expelling a student is NOT a paid vacation. At least, not here. It is a very real and serious complication to the life of that student and his parents, especially with Social Services involvement. The child, if under 18, MUST be accounted for in either another special setting school or home schooling and must be supervised. There is also mandatory counseling. With two working parents in homes, this rapidly becomes a very, very costly and inconvenient situation. Suddenly, the affected parents get VERY interested and VERY involved, at least in all but the most hard core cases, in which case, the child and parents are going to be dealing with Social Services on lots of levels anyway.

On a day to day basis, teachers at our school patrol halls, excercise yards, lunch rooms, bathrooms, etc. Since our school is somewhat smaller and we have a higher ratio of teachers to students, we have been able to get much greater control. A large part of the problem in most schools is the huge classroom sizes, as it was, in part in my former school. Unfortunately, it is not possible to have a teacher or staff member everywhere students congregate at all times.

School buses are still a problem area. Bus drivers consider themselves drivers only, not cops, counselors or teachers. They do not want to get involved in fracases between students for a number of reasons, not the least of which is, often in the higher grades, the kids are physically large and may turn on the driver. All our school buses, however, have cameras and radios. All drivers are instructed, if they observe bullying, to pull over, radio in and, if warranted, we will request a police car to meet the bus, review the tape and, if necessary, remove the offending person. Usually, the threat of beeing driven home in a police car is enough to settle things, however, in worst cases, arrests have been made.

Our incidents rate has gone down dramatically, but it isn't perfect. We provide off-hours parental education about these problems, but, the parents who usually attend aren't the ones with problem children. Much more responsibility for academics and social issues need to be foisted BACK ONTO the parents. Parents need to be made legally and financially accountable for the actions of their children. Childhood bullying is a very real, very significant problem and, as we can see from the article, holds lifelong ramifications for the affected child AND the bully. Children must be taught early on that society does not condone this. Bullys will have great difficulty integrating well into work and other adult social situations later in life.

The adults within the schools should have to answer for all this. Our schools are a joke

when it comes to the students bullying other students. When the parents of a young

lady went to our school to talk about her being bullied they were told the other girls

would be talked to. After getting their talk the bullying girls sent the young lady text

messages saying things such as "I will cut you" You will die". When the parents showed

the school these messages they were told that they had no control over text messages.

The school officer was no help. When the young lady was assaulted in the halls and she

swung back she the young lady was suspended. The school has a no fight policy. The bully

took a drink out of the youg ladies hand and started pushing her after several pushes the

young lady took a swing. I know these people and I know that they have went to the school

several times and nothing was ever done. How do you fight something like this when the

school leaders won't do anything.

not quite enough, the school should hold the responsibility about this too. a lot of kids who being bullied surely did tell the school about what happened. like the newest one, surely the school knew that already, but they said they know nothing until a few days before that girl killed herself. that's just nonsense! if the situation is that severe, making a girl doesn't want to live, how they receive nothing on this? they're not doing enough to protect the kids at school. this case is really a good example, having people charged, but just not enough.

I was a bullied kid, and whenever I see it happening now, I gt all over the bullies a**. I am aware that it can make it worse, but someone has to try to help. I usually warn the bully I'm watching, and that they will be very sorry if I get wind of it reaccurring. There is no room for that. I have taught my son to respect all people, regardless of the way they look, talk, etc. You never know when that can come back to help you.

A person I befriended in high school who was constantly laughed at and picked on actually hired me at my present job. They even told me that they had always remembered me being nice to them, and that it had went a long way toward getting them through high school. I'm sure that's why I have a job now.

Be nice to people, it doesn't take much effort.

agree. that's really good for you. it's a normal thing to do to be nice to people even if they don't return the same. well, i was being bullied before, and now standing up with the helps of the others too. i'm really thankful to the people who helped me before. just why not everyone can think like that.......

Both of my daughters have experienced bullying in middle school. They let it go a while trying to deal with it themselves, and when it got to be too much, told me. In each case, I notified the schools, the offenders were brought in, talked to, given a day of in-school suspension in one case, teachers were told to look out for my daughters in the classrooms, and the bullying stopped. Maybe the girls' schools were just particularly effective, and certainly the bullying was not as bad as many cases. But for my daughters, knowing that they could talk to me and that I had their backs them made a difference. And knowing that the administrators and teachers in their schools cared and would not tolerate a continuance affected both my daughters' well-being and their tormentors' behavior.

if so, the government should really set up some laws for this one. how many cases really will make the public concern like this new one? bullying in school isn't something just happened yesterday, but how many of them were really known? it's not going to be a large number, i assume, just how many school officers will really take action on this, no one knows. but really, parents are really a great support. after my mom knew i was being bullied in school, she was trying to talk to me more than before, asking more about what happened in school. though it's only a few sentences, but it's a great support mentally.

It's the parents where the kids of today feel they can get by with whatever they want. They need to make a secret room above all classes so parents can really see what little Johnnie and Suzy are actually doing. Some parents might just get the shock of their lives. Parents,stand up and take responsibility for your child's behaviour. Stop coddling them and let them face the music!! I raised 3 kids and one was the proverbial bad seed. I, the parent, took him to the police station and turned him in for stealing, shoplifting and drugs. My son is 31 yrs old now and he thanks me for being a tough mom. this mother needs to learn her little angle has hidden horns under that halo!! Just my thought. School administrators need to have a back bone to stand up to the parents of these bullies!!! Let them threaten to sue. If you have a strong enough case you will win.Most of the time it's social standing in the community that makes them turn and not see what's going on in regards to the bullies families. Do not ignore complaints, investigate and take action now!!! THE BULLIES!! Do not just " slap " them on the wrists and say " no no " any-more.Make them face the music because in a school system everyone should march to the same drum. Let it be known who they are and hold them accountable for all their actions. Make them do community service with people less fortunate, under supervision. In a case like this one..prosecute in the courts and hopefully they will have to do the time. Peers..you need to stop worrying about what others will think if you stand up for a person who is being bullied. You might even learn you will get more respect if you do. Maybe not from some of the "popular" crowd but from the whole school community, and face it school is a community all to itself. When ever there is an interview with kids the #1 saying and wish is for people to get along. Well it starts in the schools and how you treat your fellow classmates that either makes you a strong leader or a bully forever in the minds of your peers.

well, you might be right on this, but the reality isn't as you speak of though. the school won't really give out any help. i'm just lucky enough to have a teacher really concerned and provided me the proper help. i could say i might end up like Ms Prince in the case if i didn't receive any help. schools always don't want such bad things to be out at the public saying that's going to affect the name of the school. what're they going to do? nothing. how many school bullying case is up like this one anyway? that doesn't just happened yesterday. it shows a lot of problems in this. not only parents, the kids who take part in this, school and government also need to concern on this more seriously, not just providing high standard education

I was never bullied, per say. I, actually, like my position in school, which was I could hang with the 'popular kids' and the 'geeks' and no one thought a thing about it. My son is in a similar position in the hierarchy of the school yard playground...

I was lucky. I had a Mother (and so does my son) who reinforced that the people you met in High School on down are NOT important to the rest of your life. Once you graduate you, most likely, NEVER see or hear from them again. Their opinions, or most people's opinions of you in general, are meaningless, as they contribute NOTHING to your life. Being 'popular or whatever part of the click your in don't later pay your bills, are part of your family or in any way participate in the life you lead. I've never understood why kids all want to be sheep. I've never wanted to look, be or think EXACTLY like EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW. It's disturbing that the schools encourage this behavior. This goes a LONG way into why school bullying exist int he first place. They go out of their way to teach the kids to be little automatons, nothing unique, nothing 'different'. Wear uniforms, be the same. A lot of the kids who end up being targeted by bullies and singled out because the are 'different'. It's sad and kind of pathetic.

Kids that bully ARE the ones who have nothing special about them. They aren't particularly bright or good students. They don't have parents who have a REAL interest in them and they take their frustrations out on easy targets at school. I've seen it. My son is the 'nice, shy kid' (otherwise know as the target). I told my son's class mates (in second AND third grade) that since he was born in August, he's almost a year older than they are, he's always going to be 'bigger and taller' than they are (he's 12 and already 5'7) and he is the leader in his Karate class and if someone should threaten my child he has my permission to beat the crap out of that kid, without being 'punished' by me. It made an impression. But, I was also the parent who rolled down hills with the kids, played tag, got in trouble and stood on the red line with the kids...

mustangcat, You are the exception to the rule. Bravo to you! Most of these parents never want to face the 'their kid' is in any way a problem. Most of these 'parents' don't have rules at home, such as bed times and regular schedules for their children. Parents like this use school as babysitters rather than a place of higher learning. I'm not sure why schools don't take a more proactive stance against these students and their parents, since they contribute nothing to the school to begin with...

wow, mostly being yelled if i beat someone up without a second to explain. most of the parents only care of the kids' grade in school anyway, so if something needed to be blamed, that's going to be the reality. but hope after this case, every side invovled will start to put more concern and efforts in this issue

Mary Yaskin: It shouldn't be up to the teachers to discipline these bullies, they need to be kicked out of school and their parents should be held accountable as well.

Am I reading your position correctly? Are you saying we should create a group that is prone to violence and intimidation and that is uneducated and unemployable in an effort to stave off violence and crime?

I am not defending these cretins or their parents. I am condemning the social attitude that a child's behavior is the concern of the parents and that society needs to back off. I am condemning societies overreaction to the abuse of corporal punishment by banning its use entirely. There are acceptable behaviors and unacceptable behaviors in society. Society has, not only the right but, the duty to enforce these standards of behavior. Parents be damned. These standards are constantly evolving but certain ones are constant. Rape and physical harm are unacceptable. Schools should have the right to enforce this. If this means physical intervention at times that is what should be allowed.

A neighbor should be thanked for intervening on behalf of a child, instead of chastised or sued for sicking their nose into the child's business. Kids bully because they can get away with it. If caught and reprimanded, the consequence has to be severe enough that the price is too high for the behavior. For most bullies, expulsion from school is not a punishment. Solitary confinement in school is much more painful in these cases. If they can't keep their hands to themselves, restraining their hands to their body will teach them how. Leave enough freedom of movement to eat and take notes. Between the inconvenience and the humiliation (yes humiliation) they will learn that inappropriate touching and hitting is not worth the consequences. Peer pressure is a powerful force as we all know. It should be used as a tool in behavior modification.

Some child psychology should use the old standby of physical intervention. Training children is n o different than training dogs. Sometimes they require physical intervention. Though the dogs are usually smarter and require less.

My son was bullied at school from 3rd grade to 5th grade by the same group of morons....this was a group of 5 boys, mostly older than my son (three were brothers coming from a family of 8) who would take my son to the park next to the school after school let out and beat the crap out of him.............we find him with dirt and grass in his teeth and hair and ears and eyes, his clothing torn and stained with dirt and grass and ofter a split lip and bloodied knees and knuckles. The Principal of this elementary school, with a Masters in education, would sit and write down what my son would tell her and assure us she would look into the matter. The final episode in 5th grade my son was telling the principal what had happened and who had done as the vice principal stood at the back of the room with tears running down his cheeks. When we were finished and received the standard "I will look into this" I sent my son out to the car and informed the principal that my son was being permission to defend himself at all costs......on or off the school grounds...as she was useless in the matter. When my husband asked for a sit down with the parents of the 3 brothers the school denied us saying the bullies parents were being uncooperative. My husband and I contacted the Dad of the 3 hooligans and he said it was just boys being boys.........5 against one is not boys being boys. We agreed to disagree and told the bullies Dad that we were going to hire a lawyer and use all the statements that were given to the school and sue him and have his kids ALL kicked out of the district..................the next day we told the principal that it was her job to enforce the zero tolerance towards harassment that the school literature sent home ensure and that if she did not see to our sons safety from that moment on we were going to sue her with the same lawyer we were going to use to sue the Dad of the bullies she had been protecting. The next day it all came to an end. This all happened because they just didn't like my son...........who never tried to hang around these kids.....they just targeted him.....sociopathic behavior.

At the end of my sons 6th grade at this school a group of parents whose kids were being bullied relentlessly gathered together and got the principal transferred...............

Parents must talk to each other as well as to their kids.................join the PTA and bring up the subject of bullying.................it will blow your mind how many suffer without anyone knowing it. Post a list of names of kids who are doing the bullying.............write letters to the school board, the superintendent and the parents of the kids who are doing the bullying. A lot of parents are clueless as to what their kids to at school and others don't care................threaten a law suit..............they will start to care then. One parent alone can not do much, but those being threatened are strong when they act as a group to accomplish the goal of protecting all of their children.

Shed light on what these kids are doing and what their parents are doing about it..............and put the school on notice that this will not be tolerated.

Teach your children by your own actions that standing up for yourself is an act of courage and once you do it you realized there is no fear in doing it..................right is might.

The problem is that there are bullies. PERIOD. Get over it! Everyone has been picked on. Oh no! Life is so unfair! GET OVER IT! When you fall down, pick yourself back up and better yourself. Bullies are put on this earth to motivate us to better ourselves! At least 10% of all people will never like you NO MATTER WHAT. What we as parents need to do is to teach our children that "sh-happens" and to pick themselves up and keep on keepin' on. No that doesn't help the pain you feel from being bullied as a child, but that is a small fraction of your life. Teach your kids that pain is only temporary. Teach your kids that in the long-run, life is good. Kids who kill themselves because of bullies get no support at home. That's that. I was bullied, but I knew I had friends, and I knew I had a family that loved me. People dont kill themselves if they know they are valued.

orbust, I must disagree about the two from Columbine. The initial reports stated they were bullied, but the reality is, they were the bullies.

To anonymous-1730944 - you sound like a bully to me. You say you were bullied, but I doubt you really experienced some of the worst sort of it.

I was picked on in high school (can't say "bullied"), for reasons totally unknown to me. Boys called me names and all I could do was ignore them. Nobody helped, even when I complained to the teachers and administrators. I left that high school to go to another because I threatened to quit rather than spend one more year there (senior year).

If only I knew then what I know now - things might not have been so bad...

As parents we should know the polices at the schools our children attend. There is always a policy book available for you to look at and read the rules and policy of the school. You have a procedure to follow to report incidents and if the teacher/principle and or superintendent does not handle it to your expectations you can request it to be brought to the school board and they can then take over. If you attend school board meetings you could learn alot about what is going on in your schools.

I agree with you 100%. If parents were involved in their children's lives and not worried about their own image if their child screws up, things like this could be stopped. To often parents deny their kids are involved in wrong doing, which tells the kids their parents will not believe anyone if they tell on them for doing wrong and they continue, then get worse.

Moral values and respect is suppose to be taught at home, by the parents, along with consequences. It should not be the teachers jobs to teach basic life skills to students. If parents fail to raise their children properly or take action when their child is involved with bullying, the parent should sit in the courtroom right along with their child and be prosecuted. To many adults find it acceptable and excuse it as part of growing up....what planet do they come from? Part of growing up is learing to be respectful and responsible, not being bullies and idiots with parents who lack the love and concern to be involved in their lives. All states should make the parents equally responsible if the parent has been notified and the fail to correct their child's behavior, end of story. Parents are parents 24/7, teachers are temporary. Teachers get paid to teach all of the students, not spend their time dealing with the few idiots who feel the need to bully others.

There was a time when big brothers protected little sisters and brothers. I grew up in a small town in the midwest that couldnt have mustered 400 population on its best days. We had bullies none the less. The problem was handled by the older and bigger siblings. It had reached a crisis point with one group of bullies. They were first warned to cease and desist or worse retribution was in store. When they didnt stop the older siblings and friends took them out and beat the living hell out of the bullies and warned of dire consequences if the bullying continued. They apparently didnt believe it because the bullying continued. Two older brothers took the bullys out to an isolated spot and and shot the ringleader. The other three, sensing what was coming pled for their lives before they were also shot. Many knew, including me, who the shooters were but none of us would tell or testify and the case went unsloved. This happened over 60 years ago and for as long as I was around the town the problem of bullying went away. This is an extreme but effective example. I neither support nor condemn what happened, only tell of a way the problem was handled a long time ago.

To Angela ..

How right you are! The kids in high school will not mean squat once you get out! I was bullied horribly in high school -- in a school of over 1500 -- and have not seen ONE of those kids in over 25 years!

The problem is, when the child is being bullied in the here and now, which is where kids and teens live, it's hard for them to accept that axiom. How do you persuade your child who is in tears that wow, 10 years from now, you won't know these people? Shoot, 10 DAYS is forever, YEARS are unimaginable.

You have a lucky kid who manages to straddle the line. I imagine good parenting contributed much to that. But what do we do for the others? Bullying has been going on throughout the history of mankind. We've always, at best, ostracized those who are different and at worst, killed them. That's why have so much difficulty blaming everything on "these times". "These times" aren't any different than "those times". The difference is the media and the fact that it is all out in the open now.

It's my hope that by bringing attention to the problem, we can curb that part of our behavior. After all, civilization is supposed to be MORE civilized as it advances. Let's try and help it along. I think the school were Tempe works seems to have a good handle on it, maybe more will too.

And a final thought -- bullying DOES leave a lasting impression. It did on me, making it very hard to form good social skills later in life. But we can't go around whimpering and being a victim for life, because if we do, then the bully has TRULY won. What helped me? Oddly enough, I entered the Army (strange place for a victim!) and got a little backbone and some enforced skills.

From 1964 to 1976 I went through elementary and high school and dealt with bullying as every kid ultimately has to. The problem is that there is no understanding of the need for physical self defense. My dad told me, "Come home wimpering about being kicked around in school again, and you will be punished here. For God's sake, DEFEND YOURSELF!" Thereafter, a solid throttling to the offending bully usually took care of the problem. Don't know how to defend yourself? Take a class.

In high school the Christian Brothers had an effective method for dealing with the problem - boxing. Bully a kid and be entertained with a round or two with one of the brothers and I guarantee you will change your attitude, but quick!

Now days, we have involved the the police and court system. For kids the closer consequence follows the offence, the more effective. Besides if the little bastard can't respect you, at least he (or she) will fear you. Either way, mission accomplished.

Oh, and yup, I realize that this will elicit a good amount of "horror" about perpetuating the "cycle of violence." That is precisely the attitude that gets your lunch money stolen in the first place.....

As a kid in school I also was receiver of unrelenting bullying.

In my case it ended one Tuesday afternoon, in wood shop class, when the bully & his clique started in on me again. It was the proverbial "seeing red." I was told afterward I had picked up a 4 foot 2x4 and just attacked the bunch.

In about 60 seconds I had managed to break one kids jaw (along with a number of teeth), a 2nd wound up with a mild concussion and the leader (the big bully) had a broken wrist, several broken ribs, and a lacerated head. All were down for the count.

The shop teacher had to pull me off and call the cops & paramedics. I don't remember much of it except seeing red and then being held down. There were some recriminations and my father's only comment was " you should have done more damage" (Yea Dad ... he understood)

Maybe if a few more students being bullied swung a few more baseball bats, there would be less bullying. If so many of the touchy-feely parents taught their kids to stand up for themselves (and then backed them when the kid DID stand up for him / herself) we would have fewer bullies. Sometimes the only way to meet force is with force.

In the aftermath I was suspended for a week but for the next three years NO ONE came at me. My last three years in school were actually quite pleasant, especially when the bully & his clique went out of their way to avoid me.

As a young man in Brooklyn, NY I remember sitting on the porch of a friends house watching a little kid being chased down the block by three bullies a little older than him. He was screaming for his mother. His mother looked out the window and yelled out at him "boy, put down that stupid backpack and fight!" she came down just as all four arrived in front of the house. He stood his ground, the boys were unsure what to do with his mother standing behind him. He took a swing at one, missed. But won his own heart back. All three boys left shouting curses. The cops were not called. The mother picked up the bag and put an arm around his shoulders, and proudly led him back to the house. And a man was made.

Bullying is perfectly natural. You will find bullies in all walks of life. Male and female. A part of growing up is learning to stand up to these challenges. I was bullied too. And I learned to be a man by fighting back. No knives, no guns. Just a strong will, and a well timed punch usually solves the problem. Helps to have someone behind you. Parents, Think!

This sounds like the kids being bullied and his (her) parents are at fault. the low self esteem is usually on the bully, not the victim, and it is a way for the bully to feel powerful, and important, hence better self esteem. The problem seems to me that we have raised children who have no feelings of empathy, no compassion, and it's just another sign of the "me" generation. And believe me, if your kids "fight back", THEY are the ones who will be in trouble, in these days, not just in school, but usually with the law. Bullies parents never believe their kids did anything wrong, or deserve any blame. The funny thing is, it's the smart kids, the talented kids that are the usual targets, so what does this say about what the bully gets at home?

As far as teachers, yes they should do more, however, that said, when they try, they are themselves threatened by the bully's parents with lawsuits, and even physical threats are not uncommon.I was a teacher for over 25 years, and have been there. I provided a "safe" room during lunch, and study halls for very badly bullied groups of students, gave up any breaks, or free work time to let these kids have a place to feel safe, and valued. And I found that this small amount of support, and encouragement was what made all the difference to them. So, they had a place to come when they felt threatened, to do homework, eat lunch, or just talk. They still tell me after 5, 10, or even 20 years that they were grateful, and still remember. And it made all the difference to them, and got them through in 1 piece.

And of course bullying has gone on forever, but the last 20 years has seen an escalation of what kids think they can "get away with" to the point of what the law would call stalking, battery, and even rape if they were over the age of 17, yet it is overlooked as juveniles?

Forgive my rant, but this has always been a very sore spot to me, as a bullied teen, and as an educator.

Being shy and timid has nothing to do with self esteem, nor does it have to do with being bullied....my son is very confident, but for years he was smaller and he is not into sports and likes to read, so he was the target of bullies...until he went thru a growth spurt and he is bigger than the kids picking on him. He prefers to not fight, it is not because of a lack of conficence, and no one would ever consider him timid or shy...

Anonymous-1728753
AMEN, brother! As a child, I remember being taught by both my parents and my teachers the old adage of "Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me!" I can only surmise that the namby-pamby psychologist over the years have succeeded in that saying and other proverbs being ignored and viewed as mumbo-jumbo rather than the wise old advice they are. When we were kids, we were taught to turn the other check initially. If that did not work, retaliate by standing up for yourself. I did this upon moving to Georgia from Pennsylvania in the 70's and being hounded by one particular black boy. (no intention of labelling, just a fact) I don't really know what his beef with me was...I had made friends with kids of both races, but when I finally defended myself one day by whacking him across the face with my baseball glove and he got in trouble for coming back at me, that seemed to put an end to it. I felt bad that it came to that, but the net result was good for me. Today, after experiencing as a teacher how kids are profiled, I sometimes think back to that day and wonder if that boy wasn't profiled for various reasons including possibly the color of his skin. It bothers me that because of my retaliation, he may have had his life course changed in a bad way. I hope not, but with what I've seen as an adult, it is entirely possible.

It's time we start treating everyone fairly, too. I also witnessed a case at the school I taught where a white girl who did exactly the same thing as a black girl got cafeteria duty while the black girl was suspended. When I questioned this, I was told the white girl's parents worked and she'd be home alone. Then, my contract wasn't renewed and I worked one more year as a teacher before leaving.

Do not force your child to endure bullying. Let them transfer to another school, go to a private school, or you or relative/neighbor home-school. If they are in high school, let them get a g.e.d. The g.e.d. is just as good as a diploma for college or jobs, that is a fact.

Running from problems? Yes children should be taught what it means to stand up and face a fight. But if it gets to the point of where your children are in mortal danger, well this is why I make my statement.
As for, what is the point, 'everywhere' is like that now, true. And at that point I have no reply, except to conjecture that these are the kids that are going to be taking up the jobs, and positions of authority around us in 15 years or less. Oh oh.

I see a lot of remarks here trying to pigeon hole the reasons why a child may be bullied and some suggestions that the child should learn to defend themselves and not make themselves a target.

Unfortunately, this is an entirely simplistic view of the problem. Children become targets of bullying for a host of reasons: being new to the school, having nicer clothes, wearing hand-me-downs, hair color, skin color, eye color, physical stature, church affiliation, simply being a quieter child or some perceived difference from the bullier or other children. The list goes on and rarely has anything to do with a child's own self-esteem at the beginning. Self-esteem issues will set in later as a result of the bullying.

DO NOT tell your child to defend themselves. This can go terribly wrong in so many different directions. Think potential for serious injury to your child if the other child is larger, stronger and less controlled. Think weapons. Think Columbine in the worst case scenario.

What parents should be doing is actively observing their children to understand what is going on during the hours that child is away from home and parents (both bullied and bullier). Talk to the child! Establish regular, safe-zone discussions with the child. That means you and the child can converse without the child fearing he/she will have the things said criticized or held against them later. Kids will not talk if they don't trust. Above all, instill and reinforce that the child must come to the parent or another adult immediately and consistently if there are problems

Do NOT expect the child to solve these problems. Once bullying begins, it is up to the adults involved, parents, teachers, social services, etc., to intervene and correct the problem.

Exactly right. And if there are adults who have complete knowledge of a bullying incident, and they fail to act, then there is something about that which implies child abuse.

aaqueen. the 3 warnings then fight back is all good, but it's the ones who do what you say that the principles try to expel. Example...In Jr High my daughter, lets just say she was well endowed, was physically attacked by a boy in her class. He teased her how she was stuffed with balloons and grabbed her and pinched to where it left a bruise. Well see I too taught my kids you don't let others hurt you and to defend yourself. She did. The young man was hurt enough where it counts that the school sent him to the hospital, which he was fine, to make sure he was ok. Well they called me in to the school and started talking before I could even see what was wrong with my child that was scared and crying and was going to expel her. I had them bring her into the office to tell me what actually happened, she had witnesses, and after hearing her side I asked what they were going to do to this boy. I was told he would remain in school. Well after I went to the school board and told them the what's and whys,lets just say she remained in school and the young man was suspended for a month. But it took me going to the school board when this principle should have handled it better. He didn't even ask others who seen it what happened. So sticking up for one's self not always works for some kids out there.

I was thrown down a flight os stair by a group of 12 black guys setting a locker on fire. I saw them started to runaway and they grabbed me and the next thing I knew I was in the hospital with a severe head injury. 3 weeks later I go back to school and the four that actually did the bodily injury to me were allowed to stay in school as well as the other 8 and I was asked to leave the schoool. It turned out two of the four had rap sheets ! I was sprayed in the eyes with mace on long with 20 others in a classroom in front of a teacher and nothing was done to the people that did it. This was back in the 70's It was the last straw. I told my mom get me out of there or I will drop out. It's got to stop as it is assult plain and simple.

Jesus!

Were you wearing a sheet?

Seriously, in your particular situaton, I understand where it would have been difficult to "cope".

That is just the epitome of incopetence on the part of the teachers and administrators to allow severe assault and mass macings to go unpunsished.

What about the parents raising these animals???

Back in the 70's they started busing in and out of areas. They were busing white kids with no experience into all black areas where they had no grid to handle circumstances - and black kids into areas where the faculty had no idea how to teach in diverse situations.

Where I was from there were beatings in our jr high - students and teachers, and in the high school there were knifings and riots. It was a totally stupid situation. Neither group wanted to leave their neighborhoods. But each area deserved excellent schooling and care.

Miffed, I am so deeply sorry you had to experience this. When parents leave their children at a school without parental protection, then some adult must assume the responsbility for the child's welfare and health, especially emotional well-being because an adult must protect a helpless, defenseless child. An adult must assume this responsibility because children and teens are not in charge.

Bullying has caused tragedy after tragedy and ruined lives. Our society treats bullying as, "kids will be kids", kinda thing. Across the hill from my home, a 13 yr old boy was repeatedly bullied and one day, he took a rifle to school with him and killed kids and some teachers. School administrators and teachers are the only adults onboard at school; therefore, it has to be their responsibility to stop the tormenting and cruelty of children. If I were to bully you as an adult or even touch you, I could be charged with several laws in violation of your basic rights and sent to jail.

Why is this not applicable to the most vulnerable, the most defenseless, the most fragile in our society, our children!!!!!! No child should be expected to suck up, the torment and misery of a bully. We have laws that protect adults from human torture and torment?????

I suppose thats why in prison they leave the races alone to congregate with each other. Diversity works great on paper but really how much real mixing do you see in the real world?

by the way I graduated PTSD from High School, joined the ARMY got straightened out there. But still have issues with crowds, parties, Malls and such. I watch all Humans as dangerous equally as a rule. As a constant outsider I can tell you it's just the human condition. To Hate.

HazCats, unfortunately, I think you're right about that - you know what they say, "birds of a feather flock together" and that is true of humans as well. This applies not only to race, but to many other 'similarities' that may not be so obvious.

However, to say the human condition is to Hate. I don't know about that. I don't want to believe it, but the cynical side of me says you're right on. It sucks.

Clinthornce and miffed american,

I am sorry to hear that you all had to go through that but what does the kids being black have to do with anything?

(If I am missing something please let me know)

Oh, you want to turn that ASSAULT into a racial issue? One poster asked if the guy in the bathroom was wearing a white sheet when mugged for 80 cents. I guarantee if I were thrown down a flight of stairs by these people, it might change my thinking. I'd be wearing a sheet following the incident, too.

Oh, you want to turn that ASSAULT into a racial issue? One poster asked if the guy in the bathroom was wearing a white sheet when mugged for 80 cents. I guarantee if I were thrown down a flight of stairs by these people, it might change my thinking. I'd be wearing a sheet following the incident, too.

What?? I just asked the question what them being black had to do with anything.

I guarantee if I were thrown down a flight of stairs by these people, it might change my thinking. I'd be wearing a sheet following the incident, too.

Then you have some deep seeded problems that you need to work out. You shouldn't be assaulted by anyone regardless of color, but if you were, that doesn't make it right to go around wearing a sheet! Goodness, i'm sure you know that already.

JanayB

I'd come from a Catholic grade school, where there were MAYBE two blacks in the entire eight years. In fact there were only an average of 11 boys in my class in any one year.

It was my third week of highschool, and white guys weren't known for beating people up in the bathroom for their lunch money. Believe me, that wasn't the only instance where BLACKS tried taking advantage of me.

Being black seemed to have EVERYTHING to do with it! Okay?

My husband is 65. In early life, he lived in a tiny S. Dak. town, daughter of a divorced mother. He was bullied terribly. Finally his mom told him what yours told you -- and he fought back. He was fierce, and finally they stopped the bullying. Trouble is -- the defensiveness and feelings of people being out to "get" him linger in his subconscious. He has to work on himself every day to recognize where these responses come from and get above them.

It is a terrible thing when a certain kind of emotional crippling comes from something that should be stopped immediately by the schools and other parents.

I was too small in school to fight back against anybody, so your theory of just fighting back is not the best policy. I am cursed with a super-high metabolism and am still skinny to this day which made me easy pickings for bullies. I was beaten, thrown against walls, had hairspray sprayed in my eyes and I even had one schoolmate threaten to murder me and my family and I had confirmed reports that after school that day he and his brother were trolling the area with shotguns trying to find my house. Bullying needs to be curbed by administrators and teachers. My parents pulled me out of public school and had to home school me for a while because I was bullied so bad. I am still scarred and still have a pretty low self-image.

Liliu, I agree with almost everything you said, except, with all due respect, I think your mom handled that wrongly.

That was the "old school" way, to tell your kids "you better not cry, or I'll give you something to cry about". And I've heard other people say they heard something similar from parents - but this would have been 40-some years ago when they were 10.

Was there less bullying when towns were small and parents knew eachother more? There was bullying, but seems like it is worse now.

I told my kids (teens, but one is out of high school now), don't start anything, but feel free to finish it. They never got into any big fights, luckily, no trips to the office. The other thing was I insisted they pick one activity in high school (for 4 years), whether band, choir, etc., and they did thank me for that. Maybe that gives them a peer group large enough to provide some protection from hard core bullies?

Our area is "higher socioeconomic", a teacher remarked that "lower" is worse on on the bullying thing, so maybe we are just lucky.

What is worse than 40 years ago is that most current parents do not see themselves as responsible for anything.

Marti, I'm 60 and I deal with the same issues of defensiveness and anger every day. I have a big issue with unfairness (I can't read these bullying stories without extreme discomfort) and I sometimes have to ask my blessed wife to make a phone call for me because I know I can't do it without getting mad - heart pounding, hands shaking, voice-an-octave-higher mad. At other times, I'm just fine. Yes, I was bullied as were my four siblings- relentlessly throughout our entire childhoods by our own dad, a real sick man, while my mom just looked the other way.

Sounds like your husband is lucky to have you.

That is not just bullying. That is a form of criminal assault called child abuse.

That would be fine if the teachers actually tried to report or stop the bullying, but they don't. They never did when I was bullied in both Texas and Oklahoma schools.

You had me, but you lost me when you stated we as a country bully other countries.

I would love to read comments from teachers on why they turn a blind eye to the bullying.

When a kid is in school the school is responsible for the kids safety. If a kid is getting bullied at school the school needs to stop the bullying at school. They need to call the bullies parents to come to the school and let the bully and his parents know that bullying is not acceptable. There are rules at school and all should have to live by them while they are at school. Outside the school and off school grounds is another story. The parents need to teach their children right from wrong and the parents should be held responsible and should be punished along with the kid and then maybe the parents will start parenting.

Stull - I agree 100%, you are absolutely correct.

sfs

I'll try, as my above comment was a start, teachers don't turn a blind eye, we know what goes on, AND we know what can happen to the victim who "tells", and the teacher who makes a stand. More abuse for the victims, and threats of lawsuits, and suddenly your OWN children are the victims of beatings, and abuse.

There are things some of us found that would help. My way was to protect, and nurture in my room at lunch time, break time, in the hallways, after school. I had a large vehicle to drive some of these kids to and from school with my own kids, all with their parents written permission, to keep them off the busses. Had hundreds of these kids over 25+ years. It was not ending the problem, but treating the symptoms of the bullied, who would find that they were able to form larger peer groups and friends they might never have met, avoiding the issolation, and increasing their own self esteme.

It may not have dealt with the root of the problem, but I hope I helped the ones I could reach out to.

Calypso,

Schools need more educators like you.

But it solves only 1/2 the problem.

Why aren't the ones doing the bullying left to continue doing it? Threats from them upon interfering with their fun need police intervention. Or peer intervention in the form of a stand by numerous students that the one who bullies will not be accepted or tolerated in the school.

I wish I had an answer to why it continues. But the best I can say is we have delegated the raising of our children to society, that is, when both parents HAVE to work, and can't take time off to deal with problems, nothing is accomplished. Kids want to be adults when they are 12, and have everything we can give them except our time. Society tells the kids we can't spank, can't yell, can't discipline generally, and this is what we get.

Also, too much labeling, ADD, ADHD ad nauseum, is just another way to avoid the responsibility of raising our kids, and excusing their bad behavior.

Yes, Jim I agree, this nation is, "the bully nation", dictating to the rest of the world, who can have nukes to defend themselves and who cannot; however, regarding children torturing other children when away from their parental control and protection, some adult must assume responsbility for the actions of children, especially regarding bullying. As parents cannot be with their children during the school year, then someone must assume the protection of the children.

Perhaps, some parents could form a, "bully patrol" and spend their free time, scouring the hallways and restrooms of local schools to protect their children from torment and abuse. A child abusing another child is child abuse, regardless. It is unlawful for a parent to abuse a child. Why does everyone pretend, a child tormenting another child, is not child abuse and is technically as illegal as any form of abuse. A human abusing a dog will go to jail; why does our society look the other way, when one child tortures another child???????? And, in the absence of parents, teachers and school adminstrators are very responsible.

My son was bullied at school and was afraid to fight back because he didn't want to get in trouble at his zero tolerance school. But our Vice Principal very quietly told us and him that though he would have to get a detention if he was involved in a fight, they knew exactly who the bullies were and their punishment would be far worse and highly encouraged him to stand up against those kids wo they would face consequences. We encouraged our son to stand up and fight back, he did so without even having to get into a real fight and the bullying stopped. Though he was afraid of getting in trouble his main concern was retribution from the bullies. I do not think that the kids doing the bullying expected him to stand up to them and they backed off.

I would be more concerned about standing up to bullies if their attacks were especially vicious. I suppose in a small sense we were fortunate that our bullies weren't very violent. Isn't that a terrible thing to have to say.

I was verbally bullied in school, called names, threatened and harassed. In those days teachers turned a blind eye and my parents pretty much downplayed the effect it was having on me. I was not allowed to fight under any circumstances. Those experiences strongly affected my self esteem and troubled me. However as I grew up and appreciated my own strengths I came to better place and now do not hesitate to 'fight' back. I have never been in a physical fight, but I will stand up for myself and anyone else I percieve to being picked on. Unfortunately some bullies do terrible lasting emotional and physical damage and they must be stopped and brought to justice. It has seemed to prove true that bullies are raised by bullies. I hate bullies with a passion.

The teachers do report (you know what the administrators do... NOTHING. When they have to report incidents like this to authorities, it cuts into their funding. Being a teacher at one time, in one of the worst districts in the country, you get no support form principal, upper management or the school board. They don't care.

Gotta love Zero Tolerance policies, not! Any excuse not to see the real problem. For years even today I have no respect for teachers as they always like to stand around and let you get beat-up making bets most likely. School teaching is not just a job, as more parents are forced to work two and more jobs, who spends the most time with the kids. America is a mess mostly because of the not-me attitude everyone seems to share. Look at TV most shows are about looking down at circus freaks (reality) or making fun of others (Comedys) I spend what little time I get watching Discovery and Histroy, trying to figure out how we got here.

Hazcats,

Want teachers to intervene? Stop suing them. If a teacher touches a student in many states it is grounds for dismissal to prevent the school from being sued by a parent, in name only, with an attitude of "not my child". I am all for the parents getting both sides of the story, but do so with an open mind that yes your child may be capable of this. And circumstances are relevant. A student defending him/herself should be rewarded and the instigator punished. This is no place for no one wins or loses. It is not 5 year old soccer.

I absolutely agree, bullies breed bullies. Some of the comments in the article hit home for me, the person who said they have friends who were tormentors reminded me of my entire life. I grew up in a town of 2000 people and was always scared to be alone, so I accepted the abuse from my "friends." In high school, I was coerced out to a field by my closest and most trusted friend, only to find out he lured me there so that 2 of his jock buddies could deliver the worst beating I ever got while he stood by and did nothing. I totally isolated myself from that day on. The funny thing is that I was a small kid and a very late bloomer, I was just over 5 feet tall and about 120 pounds when I graduated, so I went to my 10 year reunion with great confidence because I had bloomed to 6' 1" and 210 pounds. People were surprised when they saw me, but I found that all of the old klicks and the very same power structure was established within and hour of everyone gathering...some wounds never heal no matter how far you come.

I've never attended one reunion because I did not want to interact in anyway with the people who picked on me in school. I am a very different person than I was then but I am still aware of the lasting effect they had on me. In some ways it made me a stronger individual but the emotional scars are not worth it.

I only had a couple of instances where 'friends' were involved, and those times were especially devasting. Most of the problems my son had involved 'friends' and I belive it severely damaged his ability to trust. It angers me to no end.

Steve, your story sounds very familiar to me, the only difference was that my own cousin did the same thing to me. Then stood by like he had nothing to do with it. Of coarse I still deal with some of the same issues in the workplace and I can't wait to retire so I can get away from these types of people.

I've never attended one reunion because I did not want to interact in anyway with the people who picked on me in school. I am a very different person than I was then but I am still aware of the lasting effect they had on me. In some ways it made me a stronger individual but the emotional scars are not worth it.

I only had a couple of instances where 'friends' were involved, and those times were especially devasting. Most of the problems my son had involved 'friends' and I belive it severely damaged his ability to trust. It angers me to no end.

KLM- Amen, I there with you. I only attended one reunion and that was the five year. Little had changed. I was still called by that horrible name they called me back then. Disrespected to no end. Excepted and unaccepted.

As for me, to hell with them all. I am now 41 and I still hold a burning rage against them for best years that they stole from me. And I am angry at myself for allowing them to steal it, especially now that I know looking back that the cost for fighting back really didn't matter. But it seemed too high then when I would get into trouble for defending myself and the bullies would go scott-free. Friends, or so I wanted to think, were ususally involved in the abuse. When I did defend myself another would step up to back up the first bully. I was outnumbered all the time. Now one of the ringleaders is a pig - er I mean, cop. There isn't a year that goes by that I don't hope he gets popped on the job so I can go spit or dump on his grave. POS.

All these people tell me to get over it and suck it up, but I just can't. It lives with me like a monster under the bed. It shaped, twisted, and distorted my personality. I don't trust anyone. I am cynical. I am now shy. I am quietly violent in my mind and quite unstable. I hide behind a mask of humor and self loathing. And I'm unsuccessful. And it all leads back to the 12 years of torment. Think about it. 12 years of conditioning during a time in my life when personality is shaped most. My parents were just as bad, saying at the time that I'm just too sensitive and need to ignore what they do to me. That didn't help.

Noiw I have learned that my boss is raising a bully and ENDORSES what he does to other kids, saying that is just makes them stonger. I might have to quit.....it makes me sick.

Screw all you people who say kid's will be kids.

Sure, fight bullying with bullying, that should work. /sarcasm/

It is not bullying wnen you are a victim defending yourself.

So if the bully brings a knife to school, you should bring a gun and say that you were defending yourself? No, retaliating with violence is not always the answer. Especially for people with my body type in high school commonly referred to as a 90 pound wuss.

What a sad world now. Instead of just letting kids be kids, a need to train them in gorilla tatics.

You hit a lot of good points. I totally agree. It's a shame you can't discipline your own kids. They know all they have to do is tell someone they're being abused and the parent gets investigated. The parents don't have any leverage anymore and the kids are no longer fearful of being punished. The respect is gone.

What I like to refer to as the "pussification" of America's youth.

We're raising a generation of uninspired, helpless people.

Would you care to explain those comments more? I hope I have misjudged them.

I don't know to whom you've posed that question kim, but if it was directed toward me, I have several posts on this page that should answer your questions.

It is ppl like you who breed bullies. " Oh its just being a kid." That is why it goes on. They get a free pass. Bullying is not excusable.

It's people like you that breed pansies.

Why do you suppose this is JUST NOW such a big problem?

It's not because this is a new problem, it's because of the way people handle it.

It's because todays youth is so coddled and pampered, they will grow up to be totally dependent on the government, parents, or whatever means necessary to protect their precious insecurities , rather than teaching them self respect and responsibility.

Meh. Get off my lawn yer dang whippersnappers! When i was yer age, I'd walk to school up hill both ways--err--in the SNOW! MEH!

ClintHorace,

Bull@!$%#! What exactly is a 90 pound 8th grader supposed to do against a 150 pound 10th grader? This is precisely where an adult hall monitor should knock the 10th graders head against the lockers and say knock it off or I'll get involved. Yes it is a threat. And it is a promise.

That is zero tolerance.

ClintHorace,

Bull@!$%#! What exactly is a 90 pound 8th grader supposed to do against a 150 pound 10th grader?

Bring another 90 pound 8th grader to the fight?

This is fun!

Do you have anymore?

No offense but, what do you consider bullying?

I get the impression you're referring to verbal assaults, because you say you were "the only one who really saw it for what it was".

That type of "bullying" is as old as time itself.

If in fact you're referring to physical assaults as well, I understand your concern. But have we become so protective of our children that we can't "teach" them to find their own self worth without deciding their every action for them?

No wonder low self esteem is a problem!

Clint - Some kids aren't built for fighting. Sorry, but scrawny nerds like myself COULD NOT stand up for ourselves. I got beaten pretty bad in school. What was I supposed to do? My parents finally home schooled me since the schools would not do anything.

I'm sorry too, but I don't think you understood my post.

Clint,

When a child hears the verbal insults day in and day out, in school and on their home street, when they get verbally assaulted by phone calls (no caller ID back then), by the same kids they have to see everyday, their self-esteem is going to be shot.

Even when I got to high school, where 9 elementary schools & 3 jr high schools came together, it didn't take long for word to spread that I was an emotionally weak one and the same verbal harrassment and abuse I got for years became widespread there. Because it was verbal, I didn't think I could go to anyone and tell about it. I managed to find a few friends in my four years there, but finding and keeping a boyfriend in my school was impossible. I had more success with boyfriends from out of my district. And when one (now my husband) decided to hook up with me, he had to constantly hear from his classmates (he was a grade behind me) how he could do so much better than me and why was he with me? Thank God he didn't give a rat's a** what they thought, unlike the others from there I dated.

I think I just convinced myself not to attend my 20th HS reunion.

Clint - Explain it then, you also posted about the,

What I like to refer to as the "pussification" of America's youth.

We're raising a generation of uninspired, helpless people

Seems like you are blaming the victims. Or am I wrong?

Sounds like you came through it alright though....eh?

That's my point.

I don't know anyone who wants to go to their 20th reunion except the same people that thought they were all that back then, or those who want to brag to their "old friends" about what a success they've become.

SSA

It depends on what your definition of the word "victim" is.

Yeah, my stay at the mental hospital was absolutely deserved right? I mean, every kid should experience a mental meltdown and attempted suicide. It builds character right? Get over yourself. It did a he$$ of a lot more damage than you will ever know.

The kids need to fight back. I always told my son to fight back, don't throw the first punch, but if you have to throw a punch make it count it might be the only one you get to throw and who knows the person may never bother you again. He never had to fight. Yes he had problems with some kids and in the end he found out who his true friends are. Bullies are weak people they do move in packs and without their pack they are nothing. So what if you get in trouble at school for fighting back you have a 50/50 chance that the bully may leave you alone and I say that's a chance you should take, just once.

Clint,

"Sounds like you came through it alright though....eh?"

Not exactly. What I did not get in to here is the pain I felt from the time I stepped into 3rd grade public school until the day I graduated high school. Prior to 3rd I was in private school and did just fine because cr*p like bullying was not tolerated and parents were all of the same mindset when it came to raising their kids.

I became messed up in high school, trying to find acceptance, and falling into the wrong crowd before slowly dragging myself out in my senior year (my divorced parents sent me to therapy a couple months to get me back under their control, but not to address the self-esteem issues which came out in my sessions, because once they had me back under control they stopped taking me. Got to college and for the first time in 12 years I felt accepted, wanted and respected by my peers and adults and did very well there socially and academically. But, at a price. I was constantly worrying and stressed what others would think about me if I didn't do this or that or accomplish this or that, so I forced myself to be "supergirl"and it took its toll. And it continued well into my marriage and having my kids. More therapy as an adult helped some more, and today while I have my adoring, patient high school sweetheart, lots of good friends, and my kids are in private school themselves where things are good, I have developed a social anxiety over how people who don't know me well will perceive me.

So, no, I didn't exactly turn out OK. I will not let my kids suffer the same fate if I can help it. My oldest knows darn well what I went through and what happens in the public school (this is not the district I grew up in). Unfortunately, she will have to move to public for middle school in a couple years and I am terrified. Already had one kid there kicked out after someone found and turned in his "hit list" of those who tortured him.

My bullying was mostly verbal, but it got physical a few times in elementary school. For no other reason that I was an easy target in their eyes.

I couldn't explain it to you any clearer than sfs just did, SSA.

It's called growing up.

Physical abuse and verbal abuse are two drastically different things in my opinion.

But we're asked to lump them all into one category, under the heading of "bullying".

EVERYTHING has to have a new clinical term, as if they've nailed the "problem"!

sfs, they may not of had 'caller id' at the home level, but the phone companies have had caller id at their building sites for decades and had you contacted the phone company they could trace the calls. I know, we had 'prank' phone calls when I was in jr. High and they got to the point of being harassing (from someone we didn't even know too).

Whats funny to me is this so called cyber-bulling, It's not like you have to read it; turn the page or turn it off! No one needs to subject themselves to abuse, There millions of groups to join or not.

Life is too short than to turn on a box and look intentionally at a site where people harrass you, we get enough of that in real life. Move on

I totally agree with you about the 'so called' cyber-bulling. I've never not gotten how just deleting your profile and only friending the people you know and trust, doesn't make it go away. Or just staying off the computer for a couple of months. Or just laughing (at least in public) at the offenders, they'd soon go away.

What this girl went through, however, was over the top and frightening. The fact the 'SCHOOL' knew and did nothing angers me. They are the ones I find most responsible for what Phoebe Prince had to indure. They did not intercede on her behalf with the bullies parents and did NOTHING to stop it from happening on their grounds. I don't think zero tolerance policies work or always are a good idea, but ignoring the issues at the school level is worse! Any teacher/school official that turned their back on this student and allowed the harassment to continue ought to be subject to jail time, as they certainly contributed to the delinquency of the minors (bullies) that harassed and bullied this child to death, for nothing more than being pretty, having a charming accent and accepting a date from the 'wrong' guy...

Ignoring it worked well with cross burning and hanging in effigy.

What gets me about the cyber-bullying is, isn't the bully's identification on the message? Isn't this evidence to take legal action? Being cuffed by the police in front of the school body might dampen some of this activity.

ClintHorace--

Please do not belittle and dismiss the damage that verbal abuse can do. Years of nonstop, unrelenting verbal abuse can undermine an otherwise healthy and strong individual. I know from experience. I could not walk down the hallway in my middle school or high school between classes without some verbal torment being shouted at me in front of everyone--just to get a laugh. I'm sure those boys (and once in a while, girls) do not remember what they said, but I remember too well. In the 11th grade I thought I would lose my mind--I could not get away from it. It got so bad that sometimes at night I would sit on my bed with a knife point against my chest, wishing to God I had the courage to slam it into my heart. Knowing that it was against Him was the only thing that kept me from doing it. My life was literally a living hell. Being a female, I didn't think I could "beat them up", and yelling back just seemed like it would escalate things. I, too, have never been to a high school reunion, and it is unlikely I ever will, even though it has been almost 30 years since I graduated. And instead of the teachers stepping in or even seeming to notice, one male PE teacher in particular chose to join in the name-calling. I see him now, and I remember. Thank God he no longer has any sway over young people. What a wonderful example he gave!

I'm not dismissing anything.

I understand you were too weak to deal with the verbal abuse.

Looking back, would you have done anything differently, knowing what you know now?

I hope so!

If it was your child, what would you tell them if they were in the same situation?

People seem to think I'm against the school or teachers stepping in. That couldn't be further from the truth. All I'm saying is they can't be expected to be " in the right place at the right time", EVERY time.

BLAME BLAME BLAME!!!

The school is responsible for every child in their care...so what you're saying is "if a student brings a gun to school, then the school don't have to do anything about it" not their problem....

Think about what you wrote.

I don't think that's what he's saying at all.

Why don't YOU "think" about what he wrote?

What is the student doing bringing a gun to school?

I'm not saying the school shouldn't react to the situation, but are they responsible for the childs actions?

Your employer is held responsible for the actions taken by their employees and is charged with creating a safe workplace, but schools should be exempt? What the?

SadStateAmerica If they don't get it, we will be faced with this in work situations.

fgh - I actually already have. At my last place of employment I was given death threats by an employee directly in front of a manager. The manager selectively chose not to hear what was going on and instead sent the offending employee out to a customers office. I confronted the manager and told him what was said and he claimed he had heard none of it. I let the manager know that if he could not provide a safe work-place I would take legal action. So the manager called the employee and told him what I had said and then fired him. The employee then called me and began harrassing me. I quit that job. I am amazed with what people think they can get away with these days.

I have seen incidences which would qualify as bullying by adults in the workplace, but can not give details here, except to say that the job is related to the medical industry.

It's called work thats why they pay you to be there, or leave. I can't belive the able-bodied twits who cry pity me when the door is open. There are other jobs, start your own business.

Being crippled is a different can of worms. When you can't move fast or are too old to start over. Companies these days even Goverment work is really enjoying themselves Bullying the workers who belive they have no place to go.

Oh, I have been there a long time. Because if places can pay so many ditses, these screwballs that you HazCats seem to admire-then they can pay me too.

Your employer is held responsible for the actions taken by their employees and is charged with creating a safe workplace, but schools should be exempt? What the?

Your employer has the ability to decide who works for him/her, and who doesn't.

Hardly a valid argument.

You're comparing apples to alps.

I can't figure out where the coaches are when these things happen and why they aren't being held accountable. They are the adult supervisors are they not? Most of my son's problems happened in the locker room. Dispicable.

I like the cut of your jib.

AMERICA is the BULLY to the whole Globe.

Off with them nuts!!!!! :D

Stupid @!$%#er, do all metal guitarist think thus?

Three Strikes then, Spay/Nuter. It's good for all of us >^^<

Fight dirty? Oh yeah. I'll even bite so long as i can take a hunk out of an arm, leg or ear. Tysn did it years ago, why not me!

What a great difference! Someone who really understands what fighting is about. Instead of these manics who just think it is fun to fight dirty.

Wonderful story, artsylady. Wish I had a friend like you in middle school. I'm glad everything turned out well for you and your friend.

Artslady, I loved your post. Your view about bullying was more balanced than any that I have read. I, like you, was the popular kid with all of the friends, I made good grades and was liked by all the the teachers. There were kids that weren't that popular and I befriended them because they needed a friend. I was a tall kid during high school, ran track and I was fit, would kick "butt" if necessary and everyone knew it, plus I had two brothers. I never bullied anyone because I was a COMPASSIONATE person and I cared about other people. These kids today, "follow the crowd after evil ends" so, oftentimes, they join in the bullying and the poor victims suffers endlessly. These days, it may not be wise to let the matter ride, but kids should be insistent in enlisting their parents/school authorities to let them know what is going on. If necessary, go to the police. Bullies only get more aggressive if not curtailed. To all parents, teach your children to be kind to people, have fellow feeling and do not start fights. If you must get into a physical encounter, I say give it all you got, don't ever take a "whipping" lying down, they may leave you alone. Point is, never resolve that this is your lot in life and you have no choices, you do.

Thanks to those who posted regarding my post. Writing that brought back a lot of heartache and a lot of fond memories at the same time. I hadn't spoken to Genie in probably 5 years and I called her out of the blue yesterday evening. We live on opposite coasts and are busy with our lives. But speaking to her yesterday it was like we were still in high school... no secrets and spilling our guts about our kids, work and husbands. It was wonderful. I told her about the post and she remembered it far more than I did. She did remember I got a black eye.

We are now in our late 50s and though it all we've remained friends, been bridesmaids in each others wedding and supported each other through adoption, child birth, our children's adolescence, their driving permits, their college and now our middle age. How many bullies can say that? Bullies don't have friends, they have victims. How sad is that?

You mean the alien who populated this planet from a far off galaxy? Cool.

I am not going to belittle religion to make my point, I am a religious person but I will state emphatically that those who picked on me and those who picked on my son were "christians" who attend church regularly. God is school doesn't solve the problem. How many people have been bullied in the name of God at church or parochial schools, not only by students but by teachers and clergymen?

When God was in school, rape victims were called whores and blacks sat at the back of the bus.

If you want God to be in school, you have two choices: Iran or Saudi Arabia.

Is this the same God that told the anti-abortion people to kill the doctors at abortion clinics? Or is the God who Nazi's said supported an Arian nation and anti-semitism.

Yep!

And the same God who told Southern whites to burn crosses, lynch African-Americans and create Jim Crow.

I was bullied by my family, by an uncle who had taught his kids to bully me at a young age, who went to the same school as me who bullied me and picked on me all through school. I have had a major complex all of my life because of my uncle's torments, my parents abuse and many other people put me down all the time. I have had to fight and fight hard to get where I am at today.

I don't talk to people from my past, and now consider all of my family dead because to this day when I am around them they still try their old tactics to make themselves feel better than me and I can see right through it. I am not talking to any of them today. I am now 41.

I have two children who are strong well adjusted kids. I did it all on my own. I put myself through college. I have raised them to not be bullied or to bully others. They are very moral and very compasionate loving and kind kids.

I have had to learn that what someone says does not dictate what is really going on in my life. I am the soul person who makes or breaks me, it does not matter what others say.

As soon as we teach our kids that one thing in life to love themselves all of this bullying will go away. It is a way to try to make one look better than another person.

But, this is the one thing I have taught my kids. The kid who is picking on you hun well the reason why he is picking on you is because he doesn't feel good about himself, and he is just trying to make himself look better than you. That is what it boils down to.

WE HAVE THE POWER TO STOP MAKING THESE PEOPLE SUPERIOR IN BETWEEN OUR EARS!!! BY STOPPING THE INFERIOR THOUGHTS IN OUR HEADS WHEN THEY ARE ATTACKING US, THEY ARE JEALOUS AND ENVYOUS OF WHAT WE HAVE OR WHO WE ARE.

It has to be drilled into us by our parents at a young age or we will never get over it and become obese adults full of anger hurt and frustration.

Really? Then where was God when I was bullied in Catholic school? I believe in God, and perhaps being bullied made me a stronger person in the long run (because by high school, you better believe I was fighting back), but kids can be mean as hell, and just because they were enrolled in Catholic (or whatever religion) school by their parents, and had to take Religion class or go to Sunday School, did not make them nicer people. LoveGod, you just make it sound so simple....

It is that simple. Just have to learn how to stop it. IT works. I SWEAR by it.

Lots of therapy, from God. Learning how to truly live a good life and learn to not let others beat you up. Jesus teaches it, I have taught it and it works.

God sucks.

I am not going to belittle religion to make my point,

Then I will.

It is the first excuse and the last refuge for bullies and cowards.

But, anotherait, did you think it was that simple when you were a child? Your own story sounds horrible, and I truly commend you for getting through your ordeal, but by your own words, you have no contact with your family by choice; have you forgiven them, as Jesus would? I'm not mocking you or religion, by the way, simply asking.

It sounds like you were an adult before you could "live a good life". By your own words, you still have a complex and have needed lots of therapy, which is fine. But some kids are not as strong as you were and simply don't have it in them to fight, or believe that things will ever get better.

My comments about God were not meant to be disrespectful; as stated before I believe in God. My point to LoveGod was that "having God in schools" has nothing to do with how/why kids get bullied. Having God in my Catholic school did not diminish the bullying.

Yes I have forgiven them but I am also not going to be a doormat for others to wipe their feelings on me. I turned the other cheek many times growing up. And no I have no complex. I am a very happy well adjusted person because someone with God in their lives who was a true Christian in every aspect taught me the difference between right and wrong and taught me to learn how to love my enemies, which does not mean I have to be a doormat.

I did not say you were being disrespectful. But I also believe that standing up and berating people in the name of Jesus or God is not the way to treat people either.

FTA: There is a bully in his school who continually picks on my son, and others, for religious reasons. He falsely believes my son is an atheist

I sincerely hope this parent's response would be the same if the accusations weren't false. And I am a little dismayed that he felt compelled to point out that they are. I have never seen the research, but I would be shocked to learn that the majority of bullies are not among the most vehemently religious. We need to rid society of divisive, brutal, medieval attitudes. That means keeping religion as far from public life as possible. Beating a kid because he's an atheist is a hate crime, and should be prosecuted accordingly.

Sorry, anotherait, in a previous post when you wrote that you "have had a major complex all my life", I took it to mean until present day. I know you did not say I was being disrespectful; I just wanted to make myself clear in case my words offended. Did I berate someone (LoveGod?) in the name of God? How so? Again, my point to LoveGod was that "having God in schools" has nothing to do with how/why kids get bullied. Having God in my Catholic school did not diminish the bullying. That's not berating, that's simply stating a fact borne of experience.

You did not offend me. I totally understand that Godlove needs to be in the school system. But it has to first start within each and every person. The judging, condeming and blaming games have to stop and we all have to look inside and clean up our minds or how are we going to be able to teach others what true love is like.

And yes I have had a major complex, but I am getting over it one day at a time, one thought at a time. I still battle. But I don't need counseling when I have the tools in my own head and am working on it daily.

Anotherait, I was so thankful for your responses, and for all the responses posted on here. I struggle trying to deal with the sins of others and how I let it effect me and while I am noticing that many of you are hesitant to understand where I am coming from I choose to share it with you because it is the only answer I know. I have found that alone I was not able to overcome my obstacles but THROUGH Christ I have been given strength, love, understanding, perseverance, happiness and peace and feel compelled to share that with as many people as possible, especially those that are suffering.

We all struggle with what others do. But the thing is to remember it starts with us first. We have to be the ones who have to change the world one thought at a time. It starts with one mind. And when someone sees us at peace in a world of He** then, and only then will someone come up and ask us what are we doing so differently compared to the rest of the world. When they ask "How can you be so peacful when this is going on?", we can tell them how we found peace. And teach them how to have that peace. It does not happen over night either. It is a life time of learning and growing and changing and being willing to change. That is the key.

There are so many gods, did you have a certain one in mind? None of them will change anything.

What needs to happen, the person being picked on needs to get a big stick, wait till the people are seperated and not looking, and break their legs.

I am all for the use of force and dirty fighting when you are being picked on. Worked for me.

...

Priests engage in bullying all the time.

Bullying is not speech.

And religion is one of the primary reasons we have hateful divisions among schoolchildren, as elsewhere in society. Once we outgrow mythology, we will be a more peaceful, happy and productive society.

Keep all gods out of schools. Maybe some sensitivity training is needed.

Maybe those being bullied need to buy guns, or knives, and exercise their freedom of action to counter that freedom of speech?

Thank you.

AMEN, i don't understand how people could not put this correlation together; if the laws that are in place in a work area are not put in to place in school wouldn't it be an equal rights violation...regardless of age?

Amy-757463, actually the only reason why someone would call this a character building process is because they 'are not able to play with a full deck'.

I agree with most of what you said-except for the fact that I was bullied in a Christian school.

Christianity should be banned so that it never hurts anyone ever again.

"I agree with most of what you said-except for the fact that I was bullied in a Christian school"

Exactly!

Don't tell me that having prayer and the Bible in schools prevents bullying because my life was destroyed by people who felt their religion made them better than anyone around them.

I went to a Christian private school thirty years ago and went through such extreme bullying that thirty years later, at the age of 39, I am still going through psycotherapy to deal with the emotional damage inflicted on me.

The solution to bullying isn't in religion.

I agree with most of what you said-except for the fact that I was bullied in a Christian school.

Christianity should be banned so that it never hurts anyone ever again.

Um, excuse me, but bullying has an equal chance of happening in a non-Christian school as it does in a Christian school. Speaking as someone who has gone to both, I've witnessed and experienced it in both places. Maybe Christianity wasn't enough to prevent the bullying in schools, but it certainly wasn't the cause, either.

Kuskus, that was the point. Dnm47 was implying that bringing "prayer and Bible devotions" back into public schools would somehow help diminish the bullying, as if public schools were the only place bullying occurs. The point Metal Guitarist was trying to make was that bullying happens in Christian (or whatever religious) schools as well....prayer and Bible devotions don't prevent anything. My apologies if I misinterpreted anyone's posts.

Sadly, I went to a Christian school too and was bullied from K-8. I spent my whole year of K, sitting next to the teacher because no one wanted to play with me. Now as an adult, I realize that the teacher could have probably helped me assimilate a little better if she wanted to. She could have addressed these things through play or class activities. Instead, she just let me sit with her, all year long.

My parents enrolled me in a Christian school thinking that I would be safer. But this was the seventies and I was the first Asian in my school. I was called racist names and taunted from K onward and barely made any friends throughout elementary school. I remember once (probably in the 6th grade), when I was dragged by my hair all the way from the classroom to the playground (not sure if any teachers noticed). Anyhow, these things are very damaging. I've had low self-esteem my whole life and have had to work really hard to overcome the scars. Bullying is very damaging and teachers really need to intervene. No one did for me, and I never really figured out why. Especially because now as an adult, I really can't see injustice happening without speaking up.

Let's all try to take care of others in the way we would want to be cared for.

Good for you. Unfortunately, it does take an adult sense of self and years of life experience to build up that self esteem. This girl just turned 15, was new to the school and country and did not have an "established" family in the area. She was vulnerable as many kids are. Not unstable, just at a vulnerable tiem in her life.

can't just end this with unfortunate, you know? it's a life. how much pain she has gone through before deciding to give up living? she was just moved there in a short period of time, though it's a common problem everywhere had, doesn't mean we can end everything with luck. those kids who were bullying that girl surely having fun, but they're not thinking right. i'm tough enough to go through the bullying in my life, or maybe you're though enough also if you met any. but not everyone is tough. who's paying the life to that girl's parents?

I lost my 23 yr old brother on February 5, 2010. Not only was he my brother he was my best friend. He did commit suicide but he suffered from Avoidant Personality Disorder & because of this disorder he was a Self Cutter. He refused to get treatment b/c he didnt want the label of a Mental Disorder on his medical records. Because of the AvPD he started taking Xanax b/c they gave him courage. He thought he was alone, but he had so many friends, and a girl who is still madly in love w/ him! My 6 yr old little girl loved him like a second dad, she was in the NICU for 18 days and he never left her side. They still have a bond that will never b broken. She cries at night and tells me she wants to die so she can b with Bradley. It is slowly killing me and my dad has given up. These kids and their parents and the faculty have no idea what Pheobe's family & friends are going through, the despair and hoplessness their enduring. You feel like a failure b/c you couldn't stop it and you pray they knew how much you love & miss them. I beg god to take me but I get no answer and you start to lose faith. The only shred of hope you have is that one day you'll see them again. It doesn't seem fair that these awful people get to b w/ their loved ones everyday, and our loved ones were ripped away from us! This is nothing less than murder, they made this girl feel it was her only choice, and they destroyed her spirit 1 insult at a time. I hope Im there on Judgement Day when they fall from Grace. Your not supposed to hold grudges but sometimes you cant let it go. I hope these kids have to suffer like Pheobe did. An eye for an eye is justified this time1

i absolutely agree with you. they just think they're having fun bullying people, and they didn't think what kind of injuries they're making to the victims and the people around them. they really don't think what happened if they're in the victims' shoes. if they do think, surely it won't happened. those bullies in Pheobe's case should be charged severely, showing the others bullies not to do such thing anymore or they're going to pay dearly of what they've done

New to the country, English not the first language? And this was suppose to be a character-building incident?!?!?!?!