Being Raped by an incompetent doctor is way beyond a "bad experience". It left this woman with PTSD, that is a serious and potentially permanent psychological condition. Many women had birth experiences so horrific, that even with a healthy child at the end, their psychological scarring prevented them from bonding with the child, and caused issues like serious clinical depression in addition to other issues like PTSD. There were a couple books written about this called Silent Knife and Open Season. In both are heart wrenching stories of women permanently scarred by their birthing experiences, by people who should have never entered the medical profession, much less Obstetrics.

The birthing experience sets the tone of Motherhood for many women. It dictates their recovery time, physically and emotionally, it dictates their mental health in some cases for a lifetime. And these directly affect their ability to care for their newborns as well as function with their older children, and it often affects their sex lives as well. All of this has lasting implications, and if done poorly could contribute to creating not just a broken person, and a broken woman, but could also lead to a broken family as well.

Doctors hold a tremendous amount of power in their hands over people's lives. And often it seems they are all too willing to take our money for that, and very willing to allow their egos to benefit from that, and their social status, but not willing it seems to accept their job as a true vocation that requires some interpersonal skills, and emotional investments in the patient outcome, that the patient can sense and benefit from.

I had a great labor and delivery as well, but I also did my homework. Before thirty six weeks I had already written the hospital and told them in print and signature what I wanted done during labor and delivery. I said exactly what I wanted to be done, such as start off with normal induction, if need be than have an epidural. If something were to go wrong (I did have a preeclypsia scare) than have a C-section. I had already signed all the paper work weeks before I went into labor. I had been to all the midwives and doctors at least once throughout my pregnancy so I could get to know them and took down notes on each of them and checked references. I ended up choosing a wonderful midwife but she was not on call when I ended up going into labor. Luckily since I had already seen each of the doctors and midwives I knew all that I needed to about the doctor I ended up receiving. I do understand that there are terrible doctors out there, I have had a sister in law who had a very crappy experience. But I also know that she did not bother to get to know each of the doctors of midwives, she just took what they gave her and never asked questions. Many family members saw me as being too over exaggerating and doing too much work, but in the end, I did it all over again with the rest of my babies. But the author mentioned that the past exams did not hurt when the doctor checked for dilation, mine did not hurt until I became five cm dilated. My first pregnancy my water broke on its own and than I dilated, however for my second they had to break my water for me. I am thinking she may have already been dilated and it would be less traumatic for baby if the water was broken. I know with some women, such as my mother, one she dilated to a certain point and the water was not broken, she could not dialate anymore. I also know that birth mothershave to sign papers before they can get an epidural, these papers state the risks. I did not want an epidural until I needed it because I studied during pregnancy that they could cause complications. I think what everything comes down to is birth mothers need to either take charge, or accept that the doctors will take it upon themselves to put the birth into their own hands because the birth mother does not know what to do. If you do not trust doctors, than have an at home birth.

A cord around the neck is not generally case for a C-section. And very rarely are C-sections true emergencies, yet women think they have "emergency C-sections" all the time. Most frequently, a surgical delivery is chosen to end a labor that has been artificially started, artificially augmented, and isn't going anywhere fast because the baby wasn't ready to be born, but the OB has done too many irreversible things to the laboring woman. Once her membranes are ruptured, she's having a baby one way or the other.

Unfortunately, once that cushion is gone, babies often don't respond well, particularly when they are being blasted out by pitocin and mom has an epidural requiring her to be in less-than-optimal laboring positions. Women are designed to move and be upright during labor. An epidural ensures the exact opposite - a supine and relatively motionless woman cannot adequately move the baby into the best positions for birth, positions which ensure baby receives adequate blood flow and in which mom's uterus is contracting w/o artificial stimulants.

How many women read the consent forms and really understand the risks? How many women are willing to sign anything because A) it hurts and they just want relief, and B) because the Dr said it will "save the baby"? Too bad they also didn't read the plethora of books and articles which explain that movement, positioning, relaxation, and water (tub, shower) can reduce and even eliminate pain, and the only things the Dr is "saving" is his/her time ("I can cut her and be home for dinner!") and ass (malpractice insurance is expensive, and often insurers influence the Dr's decision-making).

I did my homework before my first child was born and decided that I wanted to avoid an episiotomy if possible. At every visit in the last few months, I discussed this with the team at my OB/GYN's office and they all seemed agreeable.

On the day I went to the hospital in labor, it was the first thing I told the delivery nurse. But when the doctor (from the same OB/GYN's I had gone to all along) came in, an episiotomy was the first thing he did. No matter how I protested, it was "All first-time mothers have this done" and no stopping him. Afterwards, I was told "oh, it's not so bad - they all wear off after a week or two."

But for the last 10 years, all I've heard when I go in for my annual checkups (in a different city) is, "Boy, they really did you in on that one, didn't they?" I get angry every time I deal with the problems it's caused that I couldn't find a way to control the situation when I needed to.

birthsister, my first child had its cord around its neck and her heart stopped beating. I had an emergency c-section, and she died. My labor was not artificially induced, it happened at 40 weeks, naturally.

My second child was also c-section, because the thinking at that time was the old scar could rupture. It was a nightmare because the epidural got into my blood stream. I survived that & so did my daughter.

I went on to have 4 VBAC's, the last 3 had to be induced because I was not having contractions even though my water had broken and everything was ready to go.

The most important thing to remember is the safety of the mother and the baby.And sometimes that means intervention by Dr's.

Realamericansfirst, when I had my 5th child the Dr didn't want to give me an episiotomy. I told them to cut me, but they wouldn't. The babies shoulder got stuck, and it tore my urethra in half. I'd rather deal with that cut than deal with a torn urethra or rectum & all those problems. My 6th baby I refused to push until I had been cut.

If you don't want to deal with Dr's give birth at home. My sister had all her kids at home & they all did fine.

birthsister, you are absolutely right! And actually, the cord wraps around a baby's neck often, they just move it while the head is out.

My first was an emergency C-section. I had begun to slowly leak fluid out in the 38th week and put on bed rest in the hospital. That evening, I started coughing, felt something very odd, and had my mother look. The cord had looped out, cutting off my sons blood supply. They pulled me out of the room so fast, my IV line got cut on the sink. In the OR, they were scrubbing up, stringing new line, when one the nurses said there was no cord pulse. I looked up, the anesthetist pulled my head back down, and the Dr. started cutting. They finally got me under, but I felt the first layer of cutting. I still have nightmares. He would have not have lived without the surgery.

With my second, I went to the same hospital and had a text book perfect VBAC. No epidural, because I won't allow any needles in my back, due to disc injuries.

Dr. and hospitals try to scare so many women by telling them that there is a risk for the uterus to rupture on the scar line. In truth, it happens less than 1% of the time. C-sections, on the other hand, put mother at a very high risk for infection & if given too early, creates respiratory problems for the baby.

My first child was born after a very long labor during which my daughter never went past -1 station. Her heart rate went down, stayed down and we eventually decided to deliver via c-section. She is perfect, thank goodness. The doctor Dr. D Johnson (Iowa) blamed me for the c-section. He wasn't there for the labor at all. He only came for the c-section and not because he was busy. Only 2 women had babies that day at the hospital. The entire time I had the midwife there for me. Bless her! I was very depressed before already and then when he told me it was because of the epidural I became even more deeply depressed. My dh was no help. He didn't understand that I had PPD, after all why? We had this amazing baby after 5 years of trying. I had no business being depressed. My parents live in another country so I was utterly and completely alone. Finally, after about 9 months, I contacted the nurse at the ob's office to ask for help. When I told them why I was put on hold and the midwife who was there during the labor pulled my charts and talked to me. That talk helped me so much I was able to pull myself out of the PPD withoud meds. Until then I was too scared to ask for help because I had known some women who were hospitalized without their consent even though, like me, they weren't suicidal or homicidal. I was deeply in love with my baby girl, just sad about the birth. Anyway, I digress, the midwife told me that the doc was asked to leave and I was his last patient (gee, lucky me, did I mention he did pelvics without a chaperone?) . He blamed other women for births gone wrong or not so ideal. Niiiice. My baby wouldn't come down because of my pelvis (later on confirmed by another 25 year veteral midwife) and they pushed me into the epidural because they knew I was headed that way and I got the epi when I was already fully dilated. The first 9 months of my dd's life are a bit of a blurr because I was so depressed and too scared to ask for help. I was breastfeeding and didn't want to be taken away from my baby. One other thing, a friends husband (also a doc) told me that this doc was some fundamental sort of Christian and felt women sinned when they used pain meds or epis for childbearing. How dare he judge me based on his religion? How dare he make medical decisions for people based on his religion. But at the end of the day, he delivered our child safely and my scar healed so well, that 5 years later when # 2 arrived the other surgeon could barely find the original scar.

My second birth was an elective c-section. It was a dream. Easy, relaxed and I was in control. I knew to ask for lots of anti-emetics and I healed fast and bled less than with the first birth. No regrets. I knew after talking to the other midwife that my body wasn't allowing my kids to engage in my birthcanal. True enough because days before the section my baby tried to engage all day long. I peed blood after that and he had a section of broken skull where he kept banging on my pelvic bones poor kid.

Hedwig, I am so glad you and your children pulled through OK.

Fundamental Christians women, I have discovered, are some of the most judgmental when it comes to womens birth choices, be it made up front or in the spur of the moment. They tend to blame the woman for not being strong enough to 'endure' (it is perfectly rational to ask for pain relief if you are in pain...would you elect to endure appendicitis/appendectomy or a migraine with no pain meds) and yes some women do get PPD and that is not reflective of any character fault. Epidurals are around to fill a very real need of many women who choose pain relief and therapy and/or meds are around to help women overcome their PPD.

I think the main point here is that the doc told her one thing and did another, or rather, didn't tell her anything at all. Breaking her water was apparently unncessary, and yet he did it anyway without telling her what he was doing or explaining why he was doing it when she did tell him no. If it was necessary, he had plenty of time to explain that to her, even while he was getting ready to perform the procedure on her. She was not unreasonable, she was just left completely in the dark. It was wrong, plain and simple, whether the procesure was wrong or the way he handled it was.

Sounds to me that from your description that the OB isn't in charge at all, but rather the insurance companies. Is the OB making decisions that are best for mom and baby or for his/her and the insurance company's bottom line? This may be why more women are choosing home births and midwives. Perhaps that can offset the number of OBs leaving practices in droves.

I would have loved a natural home birth but my baby was transverse and refused to budge, so it was a necessary c-section. I think that by being accepting of it rather than resentful of it is the only way to go. It is great to have an idea of what a mom's perfect birth would be, but the best thing is to be flexible and know that you may not be able to follow your plan. It's that openness to accepting what is best in the moment but making reasonable attempts to follow the plan that will keep you from mourning the loss of a "perfect birth" via a script. Birth is improv.

Be prepared and do your homework. When labor starts, move, move, move. Walk as much as you can. When in active labor, find what position is best for you -- rarely this is strapped to a bed, which is the worst position to be in for mom (but the best for doctor).

And try to follow your ideal, but keep your eye on the ball of the outcome -- healthy mom, healthy baby. In the end, that's all that really matters.

I wouldn't say the insurance company is in charge but rather lawsuit-happy patients.

Without being able to control what occurs in the delivery room, OB's will leave practice in droves.

Any OB that demands to be 'in control' SHOULD leave the practice. An attitude like that does neither the doctor nor patient any favors, and will cause more problems than it solves.

If you are happy with the outcome, then its all good. Each woman is different and should be able to see to her needs as such.

I control my childbirth. I did it twice. THIS is MY BODY. Not yours, not the doctor's or anyone elses. And I control my body and who has access to it. I control whom I have sex with, if I get pregnant, if I choose to carry a pregnancy to term, and where I have the baby and who is present. I do, because this is my body. I don't need you to "protect" me. That is simply a code word for *infantalization. That is a mindset in which men and women feel that it is acceptable to do things "for my own good" whether that is the forced clitorectomies of the 1800s to prevent sexual pleasure, or forced sterilization of Chicanas and Native women of the 1900s, to the Forced pregnancies and forced C-sections of the 2000s.

No thanks. I am a sovereign human being. I am capable of making my own decisions without so much as a by your leave.

It is your body, and you can choose to have a home birth or a c-section. However, I believe what the previous post was trying to say is that any of the decisions can have hidden dangers.

You can control whether to employ a midwife or OB, home or hospital, but the bottom line is childbirth is dangerous, and to think that you have complete CONTROL is not correct. What women need to be reminded of is that the choices made in childbirth impact mother and child. OBs and hospitals are sued for malpractice when bad things happen all the time. Midwives attending homebirths with unhappy endings are sued as well. The parents on the other hand have other consequences: lost children, fathers raising motherless children.

For the author of the article, the doctor who did not listen or respect her decisions was indeed very wrong. However, childbirth is about bringing a child into this world. The best case scenario is a healthy mother and child. Both mothers and doctors have to make decisions with the best information at their disposal. Unfortunately, the best outcome does not always result because we can not wish for and choose the ending we desire.

Sundog, clarify what you mean by 'forced pregnancies'?

Amy Tuteur MD - Your doctor response was so typical - even predictable. You didn't mention anything about giving birth yourself, so if that's the case then your response is rather shallow, as well. That's the message that's been drummed into your head ever since you entered into medical school - an educational system that was developed by men who were trying to put midwives out of business, so they could cash in on it instead. Check out the history behind it and you'll be surprised that the motives of these men were not always for the safety and health of mother/child. Learn how the medical practices of these men were to tie women down in the bed on their backs while they were going through labor and then knock them out completely w/ anesthesia....barbaric practices all in the name of medicine. Has medicine really changed that much in 100 years? Not really. You're right in the sense that no one ever has complete control over the birthing process but that's true with anything in life...BUT...you do have control on how well you take care of your body...the food you eat...the exercise you do...the choices you make that lead to a healthier delivery that minimize risks.

I had a C-section but not because I had to. I had a C-section because my doctor couldn't be bothered in giving me any guidance, advice or support...and was in a hurry to get to his golf game! It was a horrible, scary experience both times but because I was young and was intimidated by him, I thought the experience was normal. When my daughter decided to do a home birth, I learned more about preparation and delivery than I had ever learned before. Her Doulah and mid-wife told her about the food to eat, exercises to do, herbs to take, etc. to assist her body in the process. It was the most beautiful experience I ever had watching her deliver my granddaughter. I have seen what a difference it makes to both mother and child in their recovery, their bonding and in the development of the child who has always been far more aware and advanced then the other babies born in hospitals with drugs used. After having this experience with my daughter and her husband, I'm convinced that this birthing movement is on the right track.

As a cultural anthropologist that has worked in medical anthropology, I have learned a lot about the wise and healthy techniques indigenous women have been using for millenia in delivering their babies. I'm also convinced that men should not be involved in delivering babies, it should be women that do it...women that understand how their bodies work and can share that experience with other women.

Amy I cannot agree more with your post. I think most people are just control freaks (I know I am, so I'm sure not throwing stones) and they think that if they show up with a list at the hospital of exactly how they think things should go, then it will go that way. I have an acquaintance who showed up at the hospital with a 10 page birth plan. Seriously, 10 pages. What on earth kind of rules do you have to have to fill up 10 pages?

Instead, why not just find a doctor or midwife who thinks like you do, and tell them what your HOPED FOR outcome is. Then trust them enough to make decisions that will align with what your wants are, but will more importantly make decisions based on what your needs are. If you find someone you trust fully, who thinks like you do, those decisions will likely align with your desires, and if they don't, you will be able to fully trust that they're doing it for your own safety and the safety of your baby.

Anyone who thinks they control their own body is sadly mistaken. Sure you can make decisions for it as much as possible, but a body is a body, and it's going to do whatever it does, without asking your consent. My friend had a perfect pregnancy. Her daughter died in-utero a week before the due date due to a problem with the cord. I assure you, if we could all control our bodies, that wouldn't have happened. If we could all control our bodies there would be no broken bones, no diseases, no scrapes and bruises.

You also cannot control if and when you get pregnant, like a previous commenter said - with the exception of abstinence. I was on the pill AND used a condom when I got pregnant with my daughter. So you'd THINK that using two forms of contraception would be a way to control getting pregnant, but in fact it is not.

And one other comment - I love it when people act like their home-birthed or breast-fed babies are so much better, smarter, more alert than anyone elses. It cracks me up! I don't think WHERE you have a baby matters at all, and I find it silly to say otherwise. Just my personal opinion.

Very interesting and insightful story. I encourage parents and nurses to ask questions about what we are doing and from personal experiences I also learned the importance of advocacy (sometimes subliminal and others of the arm-twisting type).

One of the problems with the intrapartum period is that it involves not only the OB but the Anesthesiologist and the Pediatrician among others. You probably had a written agreement with the OB or the hospital but that doesn't include the other disciplines. You can ask the OB to spend an hour with the baby but if the baby has cyanosis, respiratory problems or unexpected anomalies we have to provide what we consider appropriate care based on guidelines or recommendations by medical organizations. Remember, the Pediatrician must advocate for the baby too and sometimes that intervention is not well understood or expected.

Doctors have to care for hundreds of patients yet we cannot guide our practices by anecdotes. You can read posts of hundreds of people who had no problems with home deliveries, but that doesn't mean that it'smore safe (mortality) than hospital deliveries, in fact there is evidence of the opposite. If you are willing to take that risk that should be your right, but you should be well informed of the risks you are taking. I would like to see if there are published statistics of maternal and neonatal mortality rates from the country where the wise and healthy techniques are practiced compared with the developed world.

In summary, pick a good, skillful, caring OB who is willing to fulfill your wishes, get a good Pediatrician who is in agreement and talk to the anesthesiologist too.

HMM -- please don't for a second make the argument that "because you didn't do it, you can't comment on it". That's why there are residencies for OBs and apprenticeships for doulas and midwives. There are many doulas and midwives who are interested in helping advance the practice of home childbirth and have never had children. They see their mothers, sisters, friends giving birth and want to assist in the process.

And this argument of "men wanting to cash in" on the pregnancy business is ridiculous. Historically speaking, village doctors (yes, primarily men) didn't attend births, instead having a midwife attend. Only after the mother was failing (before epidurals, pitocin and fetal monitors, mind you) was the doctor called to perform surgery. The high mortality rate occurred because doctors were so far away. After hospitals became more common in areas, they were seen as a "safe guard" in case of problems, not a one-stop shop for as-you-like-it childbirth. Hospitals were clean and sterile (a major factor in neonatal death).

I certainly didn't want to have a C-section. I had read about orgasmic birth, and even if I didn't achieve it, at the very least wanted to shoot for it. But I had a C-section -- I was overweight and had gestational diabetes. My child was 10+lbs at birth. At 36 weeks, she was full butt breech. I tried the methods of turning her -- gravity table inversion, Websters technique -- PLUS all the hippy-dippy things you could expect. My SIL gave me a tea to drink GUARANTEED to make my daughter flip -- all it gave me was gas. My last option was an external version -- look it up if you're curious -- which scared me with the statistics of emergency C-section. I certainly wasn't jumping up and down at the thought of a lifetime of C-sections. Many hospitals won't allow VBACs due to malpractice lawsuits, and many doctors aren't trained anymore to do breech deliveries. But then I stopped myself. This wasn't about me; it was about getting my daughter out safely. I couldn't control how she was coming out, but I could control my reactions to it. Because she was so big and her breech pike position, my scar stretches from hip bone to hip bone. I wear it as a badge of honor.

We all have expectations about things. Our first date, our first kiss, our first love -- and yes, our first childbirthing experience. But Amy is exactly right. You can have every HOPE of doing childbirth your own way, but it doesn't mean you're going to get it. And not building up expectations of what you want is the first step in not being disappointed.

Dr. Tuteur, you are wrong - the doctor involved clearly "controlled" this birth by performing unneeded, unwanted, non-consented procedures to the patient. I suspect this patient would have been much happier under your scenario where "no one" controlled the birth, and it was allowed to just happen.

Actually some of those things are under my control. For instance, I can exercise and eat a healthy diet and the chances of my getting GD are much lower than someone who "eats for two" and "takes it easy" because they're pregnant. There is still a chance that I might get GD, but it's not very high.

In labor, I can move around to help the baby get into a good position, or I can lay on my back with stupid monitors- which one is more likely to lead to a baby that will come out vaginally? Sure, the baby might still be in an unfavorable position, but it's much more likely to be favorable if I'm able to move around.

The whole "birth is uncontrollable" argument just doesn't ring true to me. Life is, to an extent, uncontrollable. But we don't just sit around waiting for bad things to happen, do we? We try our best to work towards good outcomes.

You are right in that no one can ultimately control the outcomes of childbirth, that is up to God.

However, I don't think that it's unreasonable to expect to be treated and for your child to be treated with all the dignity that a human being deserves. The topic here is that the trauma should really be reserved for traumatic events. The trauma should not be unnecessarily caused by those that are in a position of healing and power. Doctors need to realize that indifference and in many cases cruelty do profound damage. How we treat one another isn't an uncontrollable act, it's what we expect from each other and what God expects of us.

Amy --

I agree with you that people need to adjust their expectations and see birth as a physiological process. The gap between expectation and experience can indeed lead to depression.

I think where people part company with you is that, nowadays, the vast majority of OBs do everything they can -- unnecessarily -- to control birth. That's how they were trained, that's how they think birth should be. Fact is, their training was, in all likelihood, deficient. People feel short-changed and duped by the medical establishment. Patients have been trained to be "good patients" and trust their doctors, but with birth, there is a huge disconnect between the care that women need and the care, if you can call it that, that most of them receive. That is why they are flocking to CNMs and, in some cases, staying home.

It boils down to an issue of informed consent, which seems to be basically non-existent in most OB-attended births. From using the Friedman curve as a ticking clock to kick off the pitocin onslaught, to way too many cervical checks (and god help you if you're in a teaching hospital), to all the other medical interventions that are simply unnecessary for the vast majority of women, that OB is in control. S/he will probably admit as much. And what about EFT? Where are the data to support that practice for women with singletons? When you practiced, did you inform your patients about the astronomical rate of false positives and allow them to decide whether they wanted that or intermittent auscultation? (Are OBs and the non-midwifery nursing staff even competent in intermittent auscultation?) The literature suggests that c-section rates spike on Friday afternoons and holidays, that doctors believe that c-sections will protection them from litigation, and that a tincture of time will cure many of the supposed problems during labor (i.e., failure to progress). Are patients informed about any of this? What happened to informed consent?

Remember that everyone thought that germ-theorist Dr. Semmelweiss was crazy too. He was actually right. The sanctimonious OBs who didn't wash their hands after visiting the morgue were, in fact, killing the patients. Oops.

When women realize that their birth experience was a kind of fraud, they get upset. Rightly so. They didn't want to "control" their birth per se, but they didn't want to be a victim of unnecessary and not-exactly-benign interventions either.

Julie

Amy Tuteur MD's comment is the smartest one here...

I'll agree that the author's doctor doesn't sound like a gem, but really whose fault is that? She maintained a relationship with a Doctor she didn't like and it sounds like she was completely un-informed and un-prepared. If you're SO concerned about your body and your "experience" then at least choose an OB that you're comfortable with from the start.

Want a midwife present in your birth? Fine. But at least do it in a hospital. As Amy Tuteur points out, the birthing process is not under anyones control. Unforeseen complications can and do happen. If something out of the ordinary happens to you, you'll want to be in a hospital where you have the quickest access to actual Doctors. To plan strictly for a home-birth is a selfish act of gross negligence.

To that point, it sounds like this quote about midwives by Barak M. Rosenn, M.D. was taken completely out of context: "when they come to the hospital, it's already a train wreck." Don't interpret this as midwives have no value. Rather, it means that in a home-birth with complications there is so much critical time lost en route to the hospital that by the time they arrive it's a train wreck.

Important about changing doctors...I realized that my doc and I weren't on the same page when I was around 5 months into my second pregancy. Most doctors are unwilling to take on a woman that far along if she was not a previous patient. I called over 20 doctors -- even some in the same practice and they wouldn't see me. Your expectations about your birth/birth plan should be discussed before the pregnancy occurs or as soon after as possible. My babies were born healthy, but I didn't have the relationship I wanted with the person who helped deliver them.

Jmctdtucson-I wound up with c/s (breech babies). While the hospital billed our insurance for over 20,000 dollars, the negotiated rate, and what BC wound up paying, was a little over 6,000 dollars, and of that I paid about 650 dollars.

What hospitals bill and what insurance companies actually pay per the negotiated fee are two very different dollar amounts.

Many people do not realize that.

Jmcdtucson - very well said! And you hit the nail on the head...birthing is a billion dollar business in this country. THink of all the money the hospitals would lose if they stopped delivering babies, especially all the money they make on C-sections!! I agree, home births aren't for everyone but it should be a viable option that's supported by our healthcare system.

Amen to that! Really and truly. Whatever you decide to do, however you choose to have this baby, may the only event be a healthy baby delivered, for you to hold and love.

Best Wishes. And your experience with that horrid doctor is not unusual. There were books written about this: Silent Knife and Open Season are about C-sections and VBAC issues in the 80s and 90s. Naomi Wolf wrote Misconceptions in the early 2000s. In fact there is statistical data about women being abused by medical professionals, often in gynecological and obstetric procedures, such as giving birth or having an abortion. No one should have to deal with that.

I hope she finds a free standing birth center or a hospital who allows Actual, authentic independent midwives to attend. That would be ideal. When Doctors quit being so proprietary on a process they dislike so much, they feel they have to constantly hurry it up, then maybe they will learn some humility and allow midwives to do what they do best, and allow the best of both worlds to come together.

I was a Labor and Delivery nurse for many years before I quit thanks to having to watch patients like the author, Taffy, have such awful experiences. Please know, that as nurses, we do not always have a voice to prevent such travesties. I have been "written up, admonished and given disciplinary actions whenever I stood up for my patients and spoke up against physicians whom I felt were doing something "wrong".

Unfortunately, unless the patient herself or someone on her behalf writes a letter of complaint to: the hospital administrator, the Medical and Nursing Directors of the Mother/Baby/L&D units, the Medical Board of the state you live in.....very little will change.

Trust me on this.Many women are afraid of offending their Ob/Gyn since they need that person for post partum check ups or they just don't want to complain. If you do put the effort into it even though you are in a haze of exhaustion with a new baby at home.... you will be saving another woman or women from having to go through the same thing.

I cannot describe in detail the things I've witnessed that would make a non-medical person's hair stand on end. I have also witnessed beautiful births handled by compassionate nurses midwives and physicians. Please know that in this group I include those births that needed assistance and or medical intervention....in my eyes as long as the mother and father were happy, treated respectfully and not "infantilized" by medical staff then I was able to go home after a long shift without a headache or horrible pit in my stomach.

My suggestions: 1) practice saying"NO" and "Stop" any time you enter a hospital and someone wants to do something to you.

You as a patient have rights. Make sure you have a copy of the patient bill of rights as posted by your hospital. You can say.... "I'll think about it and get back to you".

If your practicioner leaves in a huff because you are not meeting his or her needs...by not allowing them to do what they want to ...to YOU don't worry about it.

It might be 3am and they are tired, or there is another patient they are covering for and he or she wants to get you delivered asap because then they have the other woman to deliver and do not want to have to call in their medical partner from home to come in and help....

2) We all have different personalities. If you are the quiet type and are assigned a boisterous energetic nurse or vice versa don't worry about nicely asking for a switch.

Perhaps you are just unhappy with the nurse assigned to you ...ask to speak to the charge nurse. If that does not help, ask to speak to the nurse manager or after 5pm to the Nursing Supervisor on call for the whole hospital.

Nurses who are exhausted or jaded by years of no lunch or dinner breaks or even time to go to the bathroom and hating the assembly line passage of patients from L&D to the Post Partum floors... just don't belong in L&D where women are experiencing their most vulnerable moments in life.

Remember please....you can make a difference by complaining to administration if you had a nurse that was hardly in your room caring for you because she had two other women in addition to you who were in various stages of labor......SHORT STAFFING is a huge issue in healthcare today....and nurses are burning out.

3) Bring a trusted friend or doula that you have met on several occasions and feel absolutely on the same page with. Prep her...as in a business transaction.... on what you absolutely do or do not want her to say or do. Send her out to the nurses station to ask for a switch in nurses if your husband or partner is too shy.

3) Whenever I saw a birth plan.... I loved it.... and tried very hard to meet it. Even when patients came in who didn't have one....I loved it....because I was wholeheartedly committed to making the birth experience an incredibly special one for the mother and the father....It was my calling at the time.

4) There is a Birth Center within a hospital in Providence, RI at the Women and Infant's Hospital called : The Alternative Birthing Center.

I had the pleasure of working there some years ago. It was just wonderful. We had our own elevators right near the 2 birthing suites and a stretcher ready in case the mother wanted an epidural or needed a physician's assistance/intervention in Labor and Deliver 3 floors above us. Once patients delivered their babies in a queen sized bed or in the jacuzzi or wherever they felt most comfortable in any position....sideways, from behind, squatting on a stool, on a bean bag chair....they rested in bed with clean sheets....with their significant other and their baby. We also did 2 follow up home visits.

Finally: I gave birth after 16 years of L&D nursing ...in a hospital with a midwife attending me and the most fabulous nurse named Francesca. Did I have the kind of birth I had hoped for....me, a certified lactation consultant, hypnobirthing educator and member of the American Holistic Nurses Association ? Nope.... I never got to get into the bathtub, I never got to walk around and lean on my husband "dancing" through my contractions, never got to use the birthing ball save for maybe 5 minutes...and could not for the life of me use my breathing techniques because I felt all of my contractions up high near my ribs....and I just could not draw in a breath....Was I disappointed, that I had to be induced because my daughter was 12 days late....and had to have IV's in both arms....and was basically tied to the bed?....NOPE. Well maybe a little...

I was lucky, because I really liked and trusted my midwife whom I saw and spoke to at least 8 times before I delivered. I felt safe.... no matter what was happening. I knew that she would never violate me....

With all my L&D experience, I knew that there was no way to ever predict how a birth would progress or not progress..and what the mother would be feeling....So I knew not to expect anything, just hope for the best.

Which is what I got. After a long induction, I got to see the very nice anesthesia resident who had come in to introduce himself when I was admitted. At that time I had politely told him that although it was very nice to meet him, I would not be seeing him again as I planned to do this without an epidural... 12 hours later, he was back because I was "stuck" at 6cm for 6 hours and my midwife and nurse thought it was best that I get one( or else they grew very tired of listening to my husband tell the same joke over and over again for 10 hours....I remember it to this day. Poor dear, he was so nervous and absolutely grateful that 2 very competent women were there with him to attend to me.

NOTE: I told them to SHUT OFF the pitocin drip in order for me to be able to sit still for the epidural. They did not want to do it....and me...who was pretty amiable and funny between contractions told them in NO UNCERTAIN terms to turn it off. They complied with my "shouted"demand and I was able to sit through the epidural.

Ladies....you can say NO, you can say SHUT IT OFF ....you can demand things..... You are the one in labor.... They can turn the pitocin on again after the epidural takes effect.

It is very hard to stand up for yourself and have to argue with medical personnel when you are in pain and so very vulnerable. Do not worry about what you sound like.... even if you have to raise your voice or shout.....trust me it is very empowering.

Taffy, I wish you a joyous delivery this time around .

If you live in the state of North Carolina I would be happy to be of assistance to you before, during or after your birth.

I counsel women who have lingering questions about their birth experiences or who are still suffering from PTSD ; vague feelings of shame for yelling while birthing ; feelings of inadequacy including being made to feel not strong enough or good enough by nurses, physicians, families or their significant others...

Good luck, and Namaste

Liz RN - thank you for speaking up and sharing! I wish I had that advice when I was pregnant and I hope other women heed your advice.

Yes, Liz, thank you so very much! I am newly pregnant (just about 7 and a half weeks) with my first child. Giving birth is completely freaking me out! I am OK with the thought of being pregnant and thrilled to be a mom soon, it's the process of changing from being pregnant to being a Mom that is not sitting well with me. I will be giving birth in NC (Women's Hospital in Greensboro), and really hope my midwives continue to be as good as I think, and hope, they will be. It's my only hope.

Your ignorance amuses me. It doesn't matter if you see a midwife or a OB, high blood pressure and gestational diabetes happens to women of all shapes, sizes, races and ages. There's nothing you can do once you have it other than control what you eat, how you move and how you feel.

Also, it seems like you're doing quite a disservice to the fabulous individuals who practice nursing. The majority of the time while in the hospital, it's not the "evil doctors" with you, it's the nurses. And the majority of them are fabulous. FYI, do you know how popular the L&D shift is at most hospitals? These are people WANTING to be doing what they're doing, just like midwives or doulas. They're not rushing to get a golf game. And they sure as heck have seen all the "the little embarassing things about body functions that go wonky during pregnancy."

Finally, it's fabulous that your pregnancies went well with your midwife. But let's suspend reality for a moment and ask what if something had gone wrong? Who would you want working over you to save both you and your baby?

PIH and gestational diabetes happens to women regardless of who they choose to provide their prenatal care.

If I had either of those conditions during my pregnancies, I can say for sure that I would not want some direct entry midwife providing my care.

Heck yea. New Moms and Exhausted, relieved dads have baby-brain right after. And it's really nice to have a sane, knowledgeable adult there to remind you what to do, when your brain has turned to mush. Not to mention everyone is just so worn out. Doulahs are awsome, especially in this day and age when so many of us do not live close to family who would normally be there to help in the first weeks after the birth.

Nicole,

I am appalled by your story, the author's story, and the stories of so many women here who have been abused by physicians. Not surprised, but appalled.

A doctor who calls you a murderer as you are having a miscarriage needs to be told to leave the room, and then reported as soon as possible, with the added fact that you intend to sue the hospital as well as the doctor. That will not only get their attention, but will insure that the doctor is told in no uncertain terms to get himself/herself under control immediately. Hospitals won't tolerate lawsuits brought on by abusive doctors.

As for giving you any kind of injection after you have protested, that is actually illegal. It might help if you don't ask permission to say no. You can simply ask what the drug is and why you are being given it, and then inform them of your decision regarding the matter. It doesn't need to be up for debate.

Go check out Iowa, you can not legally have a home delivery there. I know of someone planning on spending a month around their due date in Minnesota as birthing there at a free standing birthcenter is the closest they can get to their desired home birth.

"Your attitude is what traumatized you?!?!" This author was scared, anxious, just came off of very heavy drugs, and was ASSAULTED by her Dr without her consent. It must be nice to be sooo high and mighty. Did your Dr do the things that were done to you without your consent? Probably not. Most of the women on here are not saying hospitals are never necessary, and that is certainly not what the author said. YOU get over yourself.

Saffron's post above is the most uninformed, inaccurate post on this page. Amazing.

Any birth is a success. 100+ years ago when "natural" childbirth was all there was, you had less than a 50% chance for both a living mother and baby. We forget that in this day and age.

Your statistics are way off 1 in 10 is not 50%.

Saffron77, you need to get over yourself and adjust YOUR attitude. Just because you feel differently about how your experience went does not mean you have to degrade others for how they feel. Then to end your post with 'get bent.' Classless.

I don't get angry very often. But this made me angry. Your comment is insensitive and paints you to be a complete arrogant narcissistic jerk. How dare you say how someone should feel about her experience. Good for you for being happy about your experience. NOT EVERYONE IS THE SAME. The author has every RIGHT to be angry about her experience. She has every RIGHT to be unhappy. What happened to her was ASSAULT plain and simple.