Be careful John, you may find out a lot of things you really don't want to know.

Teasing out the root cause of anorgasmia is another challenge.

Seriously? Feeling punny today were you?

This is an issue that has been long ignored. Glad to see it is being looked into more.

Wonder if there is a natural selection effect at work.

Men who don't orgasm don't reproduce. Women who don't orgasm still have children.

It just might be a genetically natural state. As a last resort maybe direct stimulation of the brain.

They say you don't make love to the body---it's the brain.

Dear Marcy40,

Have you tried intensive mechanical stimulation directed toward your g-spot and/or clitoris? I've seen some websites where the women have unbelievable orgasms because these are very hi-powered machines. See F...ingmachines.com.

I wish you the best.

Yea, right!

payyourself, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Hey Joe I think she's been smoking some wacky weed. That, and she can't spell for sh*t.

Actually what this person said makes complete sense. I don't know where the article says anything about pills though...

I have to agree that a lot of people tend to ignore the base level that a person's mind works when looking for problems. We tend to focus instead on what symptoms are obvious, don't think about any of the hidden surprises locked in our subconscious and in my own experience, subconscious controls a lot of very basic things in our life (look at hypnotherapy too).

There's nothing 'wacky' about it. It is possible to have more control over the outlook and even physical problems in your life by simply managing subconscious and studying more positive behaviors. Overtime, the subconscious can retrain itself and it takes a lot of practice/effort, but it is doable.

Most people avoid the opportunity to look too deeply within, because for some people, doing the first step is very hard. You have to realize that a lot of the security in your life is imaginary. You have to take a lot of time to soul search and for some people, that would make them feel too weak and vulernerable or even unstable. It's an 'inconvenience' too if you've got a life to micromanage (like politics at work, in household, with money, etc)... you have to avoid walking on eggshells, let go of your 'natural' defenses and confront life evenly. Remove yourself from negative thoughts, completely rework how you live your life. And some people just can't realistically do that because of their job or their family... or at least they are too afraid to.

I know a friend who has been seeing therapists in his life. He does not change because he can't. He does not work on the problem because it causes him instability and makes him feel/appear weaker. So he has been going to therapists hoping they will give him the magic say-so and one will eventually be the key to wake him up from his problems...

Sorry if this is wordy, it is harder for me to explain things...

PAYYOURSELF and JOE MAMAJAMA. . . .Payyourself, wow. . .what can I say to your rambling dribble except perhaps you DO need one (or many) of those pills that you seemed to be against? Thank you for giving us proof that Newsvine needs to be able to flag a comment "creepy and incoherent" Joe. . .thank you for making tears come to my eyes when I read your response. . .that my friend was hysterical!

Payyourself, if that was your two cents, you some change back because that was the most worthless, least thoughtout posting I think I have ever read.......

That wasn't worth the two cents. And now I've paid for it in brain cells.

Maybe if men gave more attention and TIME to their partners (longer than 2 minutes) women wouldn't have this issue. Also, would men be so hep for sex if they didn't orgasm...I think NOT!!!

And for some, it just the side effects of 1 medication that causes an issue.

but as usual, the trolls have arrived to share ....

my thoughts...be in tune with your own body so you can show your lover what you like...I orgasm almost every time...I feel sorry for those who don't....do not be afraid to touch yourself!!!

i have found that it does help to pay special attention to the spots that arouse your girl

Kaleb, maybe it's just you. My wife is at least as horny, if not more so than I am. My guess is that there is something about you that just turns women off.

Orgasms aside a lot of women do suffer from having a lack of sex drive and some lose it (in my mother's case she complained hysterectomy changed all that).

Maybe that is the balance clarke is talking about though I don't think I really agree with it but that is probably because I don't have this problem and there are plenty of women that don't.

I think women just have a lot of different factors that contribute to both physical desire and orgams. Chemical, emotional, mental etc.. any one or a combination of those things can cause problems. I don't think there is or can be any one single magic pill for this.

Vince, where did that come from? I was replying to a woman who implied that all men are stupid. I was being rhetorical. I never said anything about pleasing a woman anywhere in my post. My wife is quite happy, I assure you.

anonymous-2072980 said, "You must be a man to be that stupid." She wasn't talking to me, but I chose to reply because her comment was asinine. The implication that all men are stupid is insane, so I replied with the equally out-there implication that all women are b!tches.

Your reply to me makes zero sense. None.

anonymous

You're actually quite dense if you can't see the correlation.

I like this post.

Well, certainly the reason there is no funding for research into medication to treat the inability of a woman to achieve orgasm is the fault of men, because they run the show. Also the same reason why sentences for rape and sexual assault are laughably lenient.

If you don't want your gender to be blamed for everything, stop messing everything up, and stop preventing gender equality.

You said it first John - but then you always say something first....

It's not *just* the mans fault...but you know that. I've been with 5 or 6 who didn't orgasm easily...Some didn't orgasm at all the first or second night we were together. Once they did though the girls regularly climaxed during each encounter afterwards.

I agree with those who say that having fun in the bedroom is a result of the right mentality. If you view sex as a chore, why would you expect to orgasm. Why would you put the smallest amount of effort into making it happen?

I've been known to put a small bullet vibrator on a girls clit during the first few rounds of intercourse to get over the first big O threshold. After that it gets easier each time until the girl expects to finish and is disappointed when she does not.

jtdybr, this isn't Penthouse Forum. We really aren't interested in hearing your sexual fantasies. As if you have really been with 5 or 6 different women... Those who talk about numbers usually don't have any.

lol Vince, how wrong u r...not always the person who happily presents his fantasies is actually making up stories...i gotta say, i luv sharing my experiences-especially for the greater good :)

hey doc...... thats what happens when you marry for money!!!!

Maybe because the Cheetos we're bigger and gave her more satisfaction than your penis!

Yea, I have to agree with key2joy. There probably was a reason that doc's ex preferred Cheetos on the couch to him in the bedroom.

Hi,

I don't know if you're still around, but I have a few suggestions that might be helpful in your case, and for the cases of many women who are unable to orgasm.

Just to review what you said, you are unable to really relax for sex, yet you can still orgasm with help from a vibrator. Because you CAN achieve orgasm, I think that your problem is the same as it is with probably most women: emotional, not an actual physical problem really. For instance, a post above mentioned a woman no longer enjoying sex after having a hysterectomy. For a few women some actual physical problem is the issue, but I don't think that's the case for the majority.

I think the key for you, and for probably most women who can't orgasm, is to feel relaxed and comfortable with your husband, and later to feel very turned on, which is generally predicated on love and trust.

Far too many men just get straight to the mechanics of sex, without enough emphasis on foreplay or a gradual build-up. And too often women don't quite know what they want or need to reach orgasm, and are timid about communicating with the man about what they really need to feel satisfied. So you can actually put the blame on both parties very often.

My suggestion is that you communicate with your husband prior to having sex. I don't know for sure, but one of the most important things may be for him to exercise self-control, a little bit of sexual restraint. He may just want to jump straight to sex--but what YOU most likely need is for him to show love, tenderness, support, and patience and caring ahead of time. It is key that you feel very comfortable. In your particular situation, amithere, your past history of sexual abuse is certainly a huge part of the problem. The sexual abuse you went through is a form of betrayal at a young age, and because of those feelings of betrayal I think it is probably extremely difficult for you to feel comfortable and relaxed, as you said.

So first ask your husband to take the sexual experience slowly. The two of you should just start off with very ordinary things. One of the most ordinary things you can do is just talk with each other. Communicate about your lives and your pasts, your hopes and dreams, and ask how your day has been. Optimally a couple should talk about such things before ever having sex, to build a rapport and trust, and to better understand each other and to nourish emotions of mutual love and support.

One of the best things each of you can do to engender such emotions is to give each other compliments. "You're looking beautiful today." "I love the cologne you're wearing, what is it?" "The way you've done your hair is just gorgeous." Compliments should be a vital component of good relationships. They can help show your partner just how much you value them. When compliments are really heartfelt, from one partner to another, they can go a long way toward nurturing an atmosphere of love and tenderness. For this reason I recommend that you each find honest compliments for each other. Relationships take effort, and this aspect of your relationship may also, because sometimes it can be difficult to find something to compliment another person on. Make that effort and seek something to compliment your partner about, and ask them to do the same for you. There has to be something each of you likes about the other. After all, you're together aren't you?

Next, I'd like to promote the importance of eye contact. When I say that I don't mean simply making sultry looks to your partner from across the room, or even looking at your partner when you speak with them. These indeed CAN be big helpers, and I recommend them strongly, but I'm specifically talking about making a very strong bond with your partner with your eyes. The goal is to create a powerful sense of intimacy. First embrace your husband in your arms, and then just gaze into his eyes. Take it slow and steady. Maybe give him a few light kisses, on his face and neck, and ask him to do the same for you. Caress him softly on his arms and chest and face, and ask that he do the same for you. But frequently return to that very important eye contact. Use this time to try to emotionally bond with your husband as much as you can. You can just hold each other, with only a few inches between you, while staring deeply into each other's eyes. This his probably a very good time to communicate more with each other. Now would probably be a good time to just say "I love you, Ned" or Robert or Dan or whatever. (However, if this is not actually the case, if you're not actually in love with him, then just tell him of your feelings for him. "I like you so much. I love being with you." "I think you're such a wonderful person." "I'm amazed at how how smart you are.) Together, the two of you should try to spend a lot of time on this.

In that regard please note: the two of you shouldn't be AT ALL afraid to NOT have sex. Sometimes it is far, far more important that the two of you just spend some time to really feel intimate and close to each other. If that is what you need, or what he needs, then it's what you should focus on! If you're feeling pressed for the need to keep a schedule, to meet a deadline--"It's almost 10:00 now so we're going to need to have sex and be sleeping by 11:00"--then your relationship is probably going to suffer. Men can be far too focused on the simple sex act. Try to help him understand that it's not just the sex that's important. It's the mood that you create, the love and emotions that need to be nourished between you. And those things are a long-term investment into your relationship. Sex CAN WAIT. If your man is so horny and so lacking in self-restraint that he can't have some patience and try to help you meet your needs, emotional, sexual, and other, than there are probably some big problems with your relationship, and the two of you may need some relationship counseling.

Now back to the specifics again. Many of these things I've mentioned are things that YOU can do to show him you care, but he ought to be saying and doing the same sorts of things to you. He should wrap you in his arms and tell you how much he loves you and cares about you. He should hold your gaze with his eyes, maybe hold your face in his hands, and the two of you can just relish the joy of simply being so close to each other. If these are things that he doesn't normally do then you should probably talk to him and communicate your desire to have him take more interest in you.

Holding each other's hands can be another important way to show your affection for each other. You can put your hand on top of his, then pick it up and interlock your fingers. You can also integrate the next important point into this: kissing. Try picking up your husband's hand, and then just softly, slowly kissing his hand on the palm. Like the face and lips, the hands have many nerve endings, and as such you and your husband can create wonderful sensations in each other by kissing the other's hands. And it's not simply kissing--puckering your lips and pressing them to his skin--that's important. Dragging your lips across his skin, caressing his skin with your lips, can create unique and exquisite sensations. Don't JUST kiss him on the lips. You can start a kiss on his lips, but then move your face to the side, slowly dragging your lips along his cheeks and the side of his face (and as I mentioned before, ask him to do the same sort of thing to you). Partners showing appreciation and tenderness toward each other in ways such as this can create a very good mood between them that help endear them to each other. And like other things, this could make it much easier for a woman to feel relaxed enough to orgasm.

I mention kissing at this point because very often it should be one of the final lead-ins to sex. The other things I've talked about, like embracing, sharing a common gaze, or holding hands should come first, and once the two of you feel ready, you should start to switch your focus more to kissing. More than the other things, kissing can be very erotic, sexual, and passionate. To put it another way: holding hands, sharing a gaze, and embracing are probably not going to turn a person on nearly as much as kissing and caressing. So, once both of you feel sufficiently relaxed and comfortable, let the kissing and caressing begin. At this point I would generally recommend not touching the breasts or genitals just yet. Instead, just focus on slow, soft, loving and tender kisses and caresses on other parts of your lover's body: face and neck, shoulders, arms, back, stomach, and the sides. Note that that it's perfectly fine if both you are fully clothed right now. Sometimes it is very much the best choice to take it slow. Like I said before in fact, it's fine if you don't even have sex at all yet. Just focus on showing care to each other through physical, non-sexual contact

Here I'll go off on a brief tangent. This non-sexual contact may be especially important in the case of anyone who has been sexually abused, such as amithere. People who have been sexually abused may recoil dreadfully, even from someone who they are very romantically close with, who touches them on those "off-limits" areas. Even if they don't recoil or shudder, they still may not feel at all comfortable or relaxed being touched in those places. But very often this can be overcome with the steps I've detailed above. Form strong emotional and physical bonds and feelings of intimacy prior to making any attempt to initiate sex.

In all of this, most of the responsibility probably falls on the man. The woman does need to let the man know what she needs to feel loved, but it's the man's job to try to be responsive--in most cases, he's probably the one that should take the initiative and take action to please the woman. But the woman can give the man further incentive to please her by responding to his desires as well. The relationship should be a common endeavor between both parties trying to make each other happy.

At some point though you will want to move your kissing and caressing to more intimate areas of your partner's body. Again, it may still be best to be fully clothed, even now. The goal is for each person to become as aroused as possible at this point. Very often the reason that women are unable to achieve orgasm from sex is because they are simply not very aroused. If men were to concentrate much more on the foreplay and the lead in, then women would be much more prepared for when sex actually begins. But how can a man know if the woman really is very horny? There are a few pretty good indicators. If she has started to breathe very heavily then her body may be quite aroused. You may find that she is staring into your eyes with a sense of urgency, or in a way that it almost seems she is stunned or in shock, like her eyes are unfocused or glazed over . She may have started sweating a lot, and her lips might have become redder and fuller as a result of her arousal. She might have start making little pleasurable moans in response to the man's kisses. She may be wearing a huge grin, as she is completely enjoying the experience she is having. Some combination of these and other signs should most likely key the man in that the woman is ready. But if not, one or the other partner can explicitly address it. Women may consider saying something as simple as "I'm totally aroused. Please let's have sex," or even something more provocative like "Take me lover boy!" The man on the other hand could say "Are you ready?" or "Honey, I feel like I'm going to explode." If the couple has taken enough time for each partner to reach this level of arousal, then the woman has a much, much better chance of greatly enjoying sex and even orgasming.

Beyond all the lead-in to sex there are also things that the man and woman can each do in order to increase the pleasure of the sensations, so that the woman is able to orgasm--things that the man can actually do to sexually stimulate the woman better, products that can be purchased and used to enhance the experience, etc. But the things I've described above should probably work for most women. If not you may want to do more research into the subject--or it may be that there is some sort of actual physical problem the woman is experiencing preventing her from orgasming, such as a chemical imbalance. Again, you will need to do further research to get to the root of the problem.

Men who implement these sorts of recommendations may in time find that they have less need for sex than before--or more specifically, they may find that what they had thought was a need for sex was actually a need for closeness and emotional intimacy with their partner. The sexual act itself may become far more enjoyable than ever, and men may find that they are more content to just embrace and be embraced by their partners. Many of us actually are suffering from emotional neglect from childhood. Many people use sex as a substitute to try and nourish ourselves emotionally, but often what we really need are some of the things I've described here: a loving look from another person, a tender embrace, and just feelings of comfort, calm, and relaxation. Men who realize this may discover that they no longer need so much sex to feel happy, and will sometimes prefer a tender embrace. At the same time, their women may suddenly want sex much more and even compliment them for their improved skills, so that the two meet in the middle.

And similarly, women who have very enjoyable sexual experiences may suddenly discover, much to their own and others' astonishment, that they really love sex. Some women who previously complained about how horny their husbands were might be a bit surprised to learn that under the right conditions they are just as horny, or even hornier! Before sex may have seemed like a chore, but now they can understand why men love it so much. Husbands may unexpectedly find that their wives are pursuing them for sex when before it had always been the other way around.

The main message I hope you have gotten is that a couple needs to feel relaxed and comfortable around each other, and that feelings of love, trust, and tenderness should permeate the relationship. If a woman is to have as much enjoyment as possible from sex, then it's is important to try and help her feel loved, appreciated, feel comfortable and relaxed, and for a bond of trust to exist between the partners. For instance, if she only feels that the man values her for the sex act alone, the relationship is probably not going to be very good. If instead of trust the relationship is filled with feelings of betrayal, anger, disappointment, frustration, etc, then a woman is probably not going to have an orgasm in response to sex. The woman may not want to have sex at all in fact, and unless conditions improve, the relationship may possibly be falling apart. As such, try and solve the problems and squabbles in the relationship before having sex, if possible. Often easier said than done of course, but this is one reason you might want to wait to have sex in a relationship until you have a good, strong emotional bond.

LOL!!

hey if u ever wana talk id love to tell u about some great things to help cause i enjoy pleasing a sweet lady

She's lying.

no noting but the truth you must be jealous

does she share?

I've heard that stuff all my life----one time with me is all it takes---one time with me and it'll never be the same again----chuckle, chuckle. Divorce courts are lined up with people who thought that. My guess. Why don't you start pleasing some of them other women and see how long she stays with you.

snickers, I'm sure your blow up doll must be the happiest woman on the block. It's time to get back to reality. Those who brag are just displaying their insecurities and inadequacies to the world.

Why do so many guys take all the credit for our orgasms?! If it wasn't for my grinding, my body, my curves, my moans, it really wouldn't be half as exciting. We can excite ourselves you know?

Chilean Woman, Well said.

or he said it tongue and cheek (so to speak) and some of you need to develop a sense of humor

I thought it was funny from the start.

I am real, never needed a blow up doll like your self, i have no problem to prove myself and my wife does share, any takers? tired of all you whinning people that dont have a satisfying sex life

Personally, I'm one of those who places a high value on marital fidelity. You don't. I'm one of those that took a vow that means something to me. If you want to lay anything that comes your way, you needn't marry for that. Your last reply told me all I need to know about you. You have a nice day friend. I'll read if anyone else has something to say to you.

wat the hell? Some Chilean Woman, theres a reason why men take ALL the credit-our penetration is flawless! and we can back it up. All that grind, moaning thing is for u freaks out there...not that im saying i dont like that ;)

If a woman has a man who knows how to do a good job, then it's probably not really necessary for her to do much in bed in order to orgasm. But if she does her part, really gets horny and involved, both of them will probably have a much better time.

Yea, Pit Boss, even with those criteria, the only takers you'll get is Rosie Palm and her five sisters. Just face it, there are no women out there desperate enough for you.

Pitt Boss

Where I come from women who can't have an orgasm are called...

...the women you have sex with.

Oh gawd!

I understand the vibrator, quiet room and the bottle of wine but what's the rabbit for? Couldn't they just use Kleenex to mop up afterwards?

"Rabbit Vibrator" Google it. ;D

Rabbit vibes rule...just make sure you get a "made in Germany or Japan" model or they'll burn your Hoo-Hah *i.e, overheat* and break after 1 use. *hrm*

most women can't last 3 minutes with a fully inserted and operating rabbit . . . .

Precisely. Glib seems to be the order of the day when discussing a woman's pleasure.

Thank goodness for my husband. I shall thank him properly when I get home.

And that is exactly why STD's among youth who are active in their church is far higher than the avergae teenager! American is sexually repressed because of this religious, I mean Draconian approach! The diviorce rate is alo much higher because most of these kids never screw prior to getting married.

Very, very true readbetweenthelines! And then there is the other 50% that stay married, but are not happy. I made my mistake, I got married at 19. When that was over I made it a point to sleep with the next man I'd be with before marriage, best thing I could have done!

Upbringing and religion has a lot to do with it too

Very true, SCW. More to the point, it's shame. Even now, women are still shamed about their sexuality from childhood on. The double standard is still kicking. When I was young, no one tried to make me feel bad about being sexual because, as they said, boys don't get pregnant. But the girls...suppressed with shame about their bodies, feelings, and most of all, behavior. There is no word or concept to shame men that is equivilent to the word "whore". Most women I've known have told me how they had to trancend the guilt and shame they felt about their own sexuality before they could be fully a sexual being. I'm over 50, and no man has ever said that to me.

I am not denigrating one religion or another. But I personally find this to be true with my Catholic friends.

The person who shamed me was definitely not religious, in fact he mocked religion.

frederico,

I've never faked it, and never needed to. But, the few friends who have all say the same thing. They fake it because the guy isn't doing it for them and they "just want it to end". Adequate foreplay, as mentioned above, is crucial.

readbetweenthelines-1759809

Just like every other female problem, it is in their head!

This is why you're going to remain a virgin your entire life (unless you can get someone to teach you how to use a date-rape drug).

readbetweenthelines, I have to agree. I've never meet a girl who hasn't enjoyed sex and had an orgasm. That’s why foreplay is so important, it gets the mind in that ready state. If a girl is not mentally in it, it's not going to happen. Source: Personal Experience

Never met a woman, no matter how "hot" she looked or acted, that didn't have an agenda, and it wasn't sex. Sex was simply a tool they were using. Cosmo magazine, and Masters & Johnson clinic have spent more than 40 years vainly attempting to convince women they are sexual. Females aren't made that way. Look at any animal species from humans down to insects.

Wow, Moapa, Nevada? I used to live there.

As to your post, I think that with the right influences even the most die hard, non-orgasmic, ultra-feminist, man-hating woman you find could probably become quite a different, more sexual and happier person. Society hasn't been able to accomplish such a thing with all women (or change all the chauvinist, unskilled, and uncaring men out there), but that doesn't mean it can't be done.

Hello Iconian: Moapa hasn't changed. They've built maybe 3 new homes in the area in the last 7 years, but I do love it. Understand what you're saying, but having worked in a 95% female profession, I'm a Registered Nurse (and NO, I'm not Gay) I have been privy to thousands of comments by women concerning their boyfriends/husbands. I've never heard one positive remark and absolutely never heard a comment about great sex. I'm not criticizing women, I'm just saying it's not anywhere near as important to females as it is to men. God has a sense of humor he gave a libido only to the male half of animals.