I do understand the pain etc that could come out of this but of course I am not surprised to see someone say that they mothers should be blamed solely. THis society abhors women. I am so tired of the hatred and venom I see toward women in this world.

I am a women and I continually see how the "mothers" tend to get blamed for everything, but this is a mother issue or in cases of infertile, present fathers, a parent issue. A lot of thought and effort (and money) goes into conceiving this way and the person choosing this route should think of the child and what questions they may have. Perhaps choose to go with a donor who agrees to release information at 18 so the child has the option. Of course there are many children conceived that do not know their fathers, so I don't think this is an only donor child issue as many of the children are making it out to be. However, as adult children, they need to comprehend that the father will most likely not be ready to accept one to ten to however many children his sperm may have conceived. Unlike sex, this man never knew the mother, was probably desperate for money, and did this in a clinical environment. Can anyone answer me this question? How many children can one donor be used to conceive? Seems like there would be a limit on this as it could create a large possibility of incest in certain communities (esp smaller ones) as the children form relationships in their adult life?

I never knew my biological father, never needed to. My mom once gave me some contact information, but after thinking about it I realized I was completely ambivalent about it all. Frankly I think the void in these young women's lives are of their own making. A parent is someone who is there for you, anything else is just DNA. When I compare my parental experience (just my mom) to my sister's parental experience (drunken a$$ of a father), I firmly believe I am the lucky one.

Wither it is because of horniness induced pregnancies or sperm donation for money, a father is defined only my his willingness to be a father. If a man doesn't want to be a father, then he is not one.

I have to agree with AtomicZeppelinMan. These young women are looking for a way to make their lives look similar to the lives of other "traditional" families (for lack of a better word). Their lives are no better or worse than anyone else's, just different. They aren't missing a father, they're missing something else that just doesn't come in a "daddy package".

I agree with this statement. It really makes me sick when I hear everyone referring to the donors as "father" or "dad". A father or dad is a man who chooses willingly and whole-heartedly to care for, raise and nurture a child throughout their lives. For men who have had the misfortune of being infertile you are sticking a knife into their heart everytime you refer to a sperm donor with the earned title of "father" or "dad".

All children need balance in their lives. It seems that the children who have these issues with feeling incomplete are looking externally to fill this void because they lacked the balance of a male figure. For those children, I hope that eventually with time they will realize that they were born out of love, a love so great that their parent(s) would go to extreme lengths for them. Unlike some children who could have easily been the product of one too many wine coolers and a broken condom. Unfit parents make the irresponsible decision everyday to have a child that they know they are unfit to raise, hence making the child pay for their mistakes. So to the people bashing parents that choose to use a donor, I say at least they were ready and willing to try their best at being good parents. No parent can plan for all contingencies.

As a donor child, most of you are able to get a full medical history along with many other details on your donor. Personality and habits are learned traits, not genetic. Your physical attributes are the only thing you inherited from your donor.

As a person who does not have a very strong tie with her genetic family that I was born and raised in and has been lucky enough to have people in my life that I consider my chosen family, I know that blood is not thicker than love.

ADS80 wrote "Seems like there would be a limit on this as it could create a large possibility of incest in certain communities"

The article stated that only 30,000 are used in a year, and that's a small number. Recent publications reveal that the birth defect rate has been culturally overstated, and instead, that a problem of greater concern is maternal age. Women wanted sperm donors are older women. Women at age 35 have a 1% chance of delivering a baby with Down's Syndrome. 2009 brought us a record crop of Down's Syndrome babies. Despite advances in pre-natal screening, mothers desperate for a child keep the retarded ones. Maternal age should be of greater concern. Where is the legislation against that?

I remember some doctor used his own sperm instead of the fathers' who were "down in the count" and had wanted their sperm to be used to make their children. The possibility of incest is always around, as people have affairs, etc. but sperm donation seems to make it all the more likely.

I suppose that donor-conceived children would compare notes on what bank half of their DNA came from, and that might reduce the chances, although nothings stopping the donor from making multiple deposits in different banks. Sooner or later personals DNA test would be needed to make sure that a couple aren't half siblings.

Men who get fifty bucks for jerking off in a sperm bank really ought to consider what they are doing as well. IT takes two to make a baby.,

It's a two way street. I can understand a sperm doner for a couple where the man is sterile and they want a child. But for gay couples or for women that just want to be single mothers, their intentions are pretty much selfish and their actions are cheating a child out of a parent that they really do need in their lives.

We have Doogie Howser and his husband are gionig to be fathers of twins. Now we have a woman that is giving up her babies to them. That is a child that is going to be cheated out of his mother because of their selfish desires. There is no balance in these types of relationships for a child. It is purely selfishness for a status and that is it. Sure they will provide and love that child but at the same time they are still cheating that child.

Yes, there is nothing more selfish than parenthood, Robert you are an a(donkey)ss. NPH will no doubt make a fine father, just as any of the gay parents I have known.

Anyone who has children is doing it for selfish reasons. There is no "cheating" a child out of a parent. There is no one size fits all program for child rearing. We all do what we can the best we can. Some of us are better parents on our own. Some of us shouldn't have children even if we're in a permanent heterosexual relationship. The real problem is too many of us have this idealized version of "family" and the reality is that real life is neither so predictable or tidy.

@Robert: I am a child of lesbian parents, one of which had me from a sperm donor. I am a 17 year old IB student in Colorado with a perfect ACT score, a full 4 year ROTC scholarship, president of our school's NHS chapter, and good hopes of attending MIT or Caltech. I have never felt "cheated" out of a father in any way, shape, or form. If I truly wanted a fatherly figure for any reason I get that from the many good male role models I have, I wouldn't go seek out my biological father.

There is a taboo against the non-traditional family nowadays. This ostracizing attitude of much of society cheats the child of opportunities far more than the lack of a male parent or female parent ever will. I don't feel upset thinking that I do not know my biological father, as he never raised me or had any part in my growing to be the person I am today. I do, however, feel upset that I have to be careful when talking about my parents because I know a ridiculous amount of people would instantly change their opinion of me when they learn that I have lesbian parents, even if the person has known me for years. I am denied friendships and any kind of faith because any church organization in my area of residence fight that I am going to hell no matter what I do because of my parents. The love of my parents is not a sin.

I am in no way cheated out of any opportunities by not having a father. The only opportunities I am cheated out of are caused by bigoted people who insist that I am a struggling individual with no possible chance in life because I was not raised by a father, where I am, in fact, fully capable of achievement without knowing my biological father.

Right on David. I have a very good friend from high school who got custody of her flake of a sister's beautiful mixed race daughters. She is in a stable lesbian relationship with a woman who had two kids. Near as I can tell all her kids are normal, rambunctious children and I know my friend feels blessed to have such a full home. Luckily these young girls wont have to grow up in the same racist/homophobic world of their parents and grandparents.

Atomic, do you really think that calling me a Donkey's Ass makes your opinion any better than mine?

Doogie Howser's husband walked out on another gay relationship with kids, so how stable of an environment do you think he's going to provide here?

David, I'm not saying that just because your parents are lesbian that that makes them bad parents. What I am saying is how often have you looked at a regular family with a father and a mother and wondered who your father is, what is he like, what kind of world did he come from that makes up 50% of your genetic make up? You get to go through life never having a relationship with your real biological father.

The term "real biological father" is foolish for those of us who don't have any such thing. A biological father is not a real father. The only think my "real" biological father could tell me of any interest is if there is any prostate cancer in my DNA. Other than that he (if he is still living) is no better than a stranger. Every thing I am as a Man comes from the way my mother raised me.

Doogie Howser's husband walked out on another gay relationship with kids, so how stable of an environment do you think he's going to provide here?

Probably no better or worse than most hetero couples.

As someone who had a biological father who chose to have 4 children with my mother and then abandoned us before I was 5 years old, I actually went through my life without having a relationship with my biological father. I believe I can say with 99% certainty that I am better off for it. Having a biological father is no guarantee one will have a good father.

At least those kids who were conceived by donor insemination were not abandoned by the men who donated their sperm. They may feel like they missed out on something, but that isn't always the case. They could have had my loser father. Would that make them feel better?

Jane, you're right.

Atomic, I see you have anger issues.

Anger issues! I have many issues, but anger is not one of them. About the worst I get is when I get frustrated with a math/engineering problem. I do get my fur up when people make blanket negative statements about gay people. I have always had gay friends and they have proven to me to be on average superior people; morally, stylistically (fabulousness) and ethically. To hear them impugned bothers me a great deal, but I do not get angry. Anger is for those who don't understand why others are so mean spirited, I understand fully. I just don't accept it.

Jaze wrote "The donor "Fathers" also have a responsibility to their "child" and should not be held unaccountable."

The vast majority of single mothers seeking sperm donors are unwilling and unable to maintain a relationship with a man and certainly don't believe that a father is a critical part of their child's life. How willing do you think these cat ladies will be to allow any fatherly influence?

janineinthisworld wrote "Having a biological father is no guarantee one will have a good father."

But overall, it is known that biological parents invest more in children that they know are their own.

"As someone who had a biological father who chose to have 4 children with my mother and then abandoned us before I was 5 years old"

Even though I don't know your story, you probably don't know it, either. Women have lied about paternity to their children and a man since the beginning of time. Most fathers abandon children that are suspected not to be their own. If I were in that situation, investing more than one second or one cent in a child that is not mine would be too much.

"investing more than one second or one cent in a child that is not mine would be too much"

Quite the commendable stance to take Ian. Very charitable.

Jebus, we sure need to evolve as a species/civilization.

Lots of American women are anxiously awaiting to meet open wallets like you. Cuckholds are in fashion.

Even though I don't know your story, you probably don't know it, either. Women have lied about paternity to their children and a man since the beginning of time. Most fathers abandon children that are suspected not to be their own. If I were in that situation, investing more than one second or one cent in a child that is not mine would be too much.

I suspect you know even less than you think you do. I do know my history, and your assumption is totally off the mark.

The children of donors think they are missing out on an idealized version of their upbringing when the truth is that its just as easy to have a dysfunctional childhood as it is to have a happy one. Knowing or having a biological parent in one's life isn't always the happy ending fairy tale people want to think it is. Where would Jerry Springer be if it was???

Sperm donars are not off the hook entirely. Women have sued sperm donars for child support and won.

Atomic, I am not blanket smashing gays.

My whole premise is for that of the children.

Why would people delibritely put children into a situation where are denied their biological parents. Why put children into a position where they are going to have to defend their parents all the time and at the same time wonder why their mother didn't love them enough to keep them.

Some will say that the birth mother committed a selfless act providing a child for someone else, however that child is being forced to having to live with the thought that their mother didn't love them enough to keep them and basically sold them off like produce.

Jane, I know a man that fathered a child out of wedlock and has continually had to fight to stay in his daughter's life and spend time with her. When the girl was 12, the mother told him that the girl wasn't his daughter and they had a DNA test done and it confirmed he wasn't the father. That did not matter to him, all those years he believed to be the father and has determined that he will continue to be that girl's father.

In the case of the courts and child support, the courts would still order him to pay because that girl has always recognized him as being her father.

Robert Karp - In regards to having to defend their parents, who are they going to have to defend them from? When children make fun of/harrass each other, they usually choose perceived physical or social defects that are visually apparent in some way. Other than the occasional mother joke, children don't generally involve parents in their insults until they are older and capable of malice. At this point, the child doing the defending is also more than old enough to understand their parents' situation. Realistically speaking, the only people a younger child might have to defend their parents against would be the severely out of line adult that decides to harrass a child over a complex social issue far above the child's maturity level, a completely inappropriate move on the part of the adult. Disturbingly enough, there have been a few cases in Europe and elsewhere where an anonymous donor father has been successfully sued for child support. Thankfully such cases haven't happened yet in the US, as any state that has a sperm bank also has laws assuring the privacy of anonymous donors. However there are plenty of other opportunities to shaft someone out of their hard-earned money.

I have a good friend who was put up for adoption as an infant by his 14 year old birth mother. Eventually he got in contact with her and from what he told me it was a positive experience. However it doesn't even come close to his relationship with his "real" parents. After meeting them once I mentioned to him how much he resembled his parents (before I knew he was adopted). His values, his taste in food, even his chosen career in civil engineering is all directly from his "real" parents. He never has to wonder why his birth mother "didn't love him enough" because his "real" mom loves him plenty.

Familial bloodline loyalty is a myth. Love is light-years more important than DNA.

Jane, I know a man that fathered a child out of wedlock and has continually had to fight to stay in his daughter's life and spend time with her. When the girl was 12, the mother told him that the girl wasn't his daughter and they had a DNA test done and it confirmed he wasn't the father. That did not matter to him, all those years he believed to be the father and has determined that he will continue to be that girl's father.

Doesn't sound like this man was a sperm donor. Sounds like he was what most people consider to be a real father. He should be commended. But, I'm not sure I see the connection to the donor story.

In that guys case the mother is always bringing him into court trying to increase child support and that point came up.

Sperm donars are not off the hook entirely. Women have sued sperm donars for child support and won.

Links, please? I'm curious why a woman who purposely seeks an unrelated and anonymous donor would sue for child support without some other motivation to do so.

Janineinthisworld wrote "The children of donors think they are missing out on an idealized version of their upbringing when the truth is that its just as easy to have a dysfunctional childhood as it is to have a happy one."

No. They simply want the majority family experience in which children know their biological parents. The truth is that children with a single parent or divorced parents generally fare worse than children with both parents living in the same house, and the real surprise is that children raised by single fathers do better than children raised by single mothers.

Jerry Springer makes a show out of paternity fraud, and it is exactly his show that launched me on this topic. So many of the tortured lives featured on his show for our entertainment would remedied with DNA paternity tests at birth. The trouble with the mothers on the show is that they often do not know the father of the child because it was conceived often enough with the sperm of two or more men coresiding in her body. I've read estimates that among lower income people, 1% of births are from that situation, and 30% of fathers are incorrectly designated as the biological father.

Jane, I don't have the link off the top of my head, but I do remember a case in Sweden a few years back where a lesbian couple had done artificial insemination through anonymous donor at a bank and then the couple split up and the custodial lesbian sued to get child support from the supposedly anonymous donor and, disturbingly enough, won. I haven't heard of any cases like that in the US, but, then again, any state with a sperm bank also has laws in place regarding anonymity or lack thereof...

No. They simply want the majority family experience in which children know their biological parents. The truth is that children with a single parent or divorced parents generally fare worse than children with both parents living in the same house, and the real surprise is that children raised by single fathers do better than children raised by single mothers.

This is only your opinion. One without any real support, which is not a surprise.

Men are not really interested in being single parents. Very few of them do it by choice without a partner. We have a slew of laws on the books targeting dead-beat fathers. Men abandon their children in far greater numbers than women ever do. That is a fact.

But really, this is beside the point. It has nothing to do with the answers that donor children are seeking. They would not have been born under any other arrangement and yet they are trying to have a "do-over" where their paternity is concerned. No one gets a do-over. It is what it is, and a lot of it is what a person makes it.

I once read a statistic that said ~10-20% of fathers weren't actually the biological fathers and don't know it.

Janeinthisworld wrot "We have a slew of laws on the books targeting dead-beat fathers. Men abandon their children in far greater numbers than women ever do."

Men know that without a favorable relationship with the mother, there is nearly zero hope for any relationship with the children.

Many of the so-called dead-beat dads are just fathers escaping situations in which they have very low paternal certainty. They're really not much different from sperm donors, but society expoects more from them. The estimate is that 30% of children born to low income mothers have been incorrectly assigned to the biological father. These men are called irresponsible, but it is the mothers than have been sleeping around in hopes of taking a cut of the income stream of at least one of those men.

Many women decide to have children with unwilling fathers even when the women have complete control over reproduction with birth control and abortion. Why don't we have a derogatory name for these irresponsible mothers that decided to deliver children in environments with unsecured fathers that are obviously disadvantageous to the children?

In this case I agree with Ian. At this point with the contraceptives available, when a single woman gets pregnant it is her choice. If she does so with out assurances from the sperm donor in question, then I fail to see how the "father" has any responsibilities (other than to protect himself from STD with a condom of course). Men produce billions and billions of viable and mobile sperm cells in their life, it is nearly impossible to know where they all go. A woman, however, has but one viable reproductive cell per month to safeguard. Common sense, to me, dictates that the brunt of responsibility for a pregnancy falls on the woman. For a single woman to go ahead with a pregnancy without consulting the DNA provider is frankly tantamount to intellectual copyright infringement (i.e. my DNA is my property, it should not be copied/modified without my consent).

The female mantra is "my body, my choice." The choice is about delivering the fetus to term, not choosing to force fatherhood on a man that opposed the pregnancy, or in many cases, was not informed until months or years after the child was born.

"fatherhood on a man that opposed the pregnancy, or in many cases, was not informed until months or years after the child was born."

Then cover it up pal!!! Take responsibility for your own tool....regardless of what the woman tells you about her birth control. Birth control can fail, women can be untrue....make sure your are in control of your OWN body and anything that may leave it!

Don't want to be a daddy? Don't let out the dogs!

The male mantra is the same "my body, my choice".

Chose to cover it up or to not have sex and you won't be a daddy!! After that all your rights are relinquished in her desicion making of what the future may bring. Not saying it's fair, just the way of it.

Same for you MR. DNA copywright....if you don't want to share the wealth...keep your guys in the bank.

I personally disagree. I am a child of lesbian parents and come from a sperm donor, but I have no desire whatsoever to meet my donor. In my opinion, he has neither raised me nor cared for me, and has played no part in my growth as a human. In that respect, I consider my non-biological mother more influential in my life and more of a parent than my donor any day.

David, its too bad you didn't have a part in the original study that was done regarding this topic, though I'm not sure how credible it is. It seems the ladies who did the study had a bias from the start and set out to prove their bias correct. They may or may not have done that, but it certainly is good to have a perspective from someone who's been there.

They most definitely had confirmation bias, which completely negates any results the study might have produced. Given their previously stated positions, it's no surprise the study they conducted came up with these results. Just like the autism study that had so many stupid people worried about vaccinating their children, this one is also completely worthless. That study was debunked for poor scientific methods, and this one will be too if anyone ever decides they care.

Good point. Maybe the anti-donor crowd wants the donor to milk the pipe in front of a video while telling something about himself. Not practical.

Pretty soon they will start hitting these men up for child support. Total nonsense. I believe firmly that when it comes to pregnancies they are "her body, her right, her responsibility". As if the DNA content of a donor sperm cell is any way equivalent to the time and resources that a woman's body gives to a fetus.

The problem with this debate is all sides have a valid point. I am extremely thankful to know both my parents. I go over their place for dinner most every night. :) It is human nature to want to know who you are and where you come from. So I fully understand any child who wants to know the donor. They are people just like everybody else. On the side of the donor, he is donating for whatever reason, but if he doesn't want to be known, then that is his prerogative. He didn't confidentially donate to have the terms of his agreement changed down the road by somebody. I can only imagine what would happen if anonymous leaks about this or that in our government had to be made known. No news would get out anymore.

Maybe if we give donors who check the box that says, yes they can know who I am, more money than donors who choose to be anonymous, maybe these issues won't be as common. But in no way should that donor ever be expected to support the child. You wouldn't get a single person willing to donate anymore if that were the case.

Richard, if the donor is known, the mother and child can pressure the donor to support the child even without going to court.

Well said, sir. Furthermore its a far sight better to have been raised by loving mother(s) or whatever than to suffer through neglect, abuse, or whatever as so many children have to. Perhaps the focus should be on the loving parent that raised you, and has statistically accounted for 75 percent of you as a person (if people "are" 50% genetics, and 50% upbringing).

Well said, but also a lesson people making the decision of becoming a donor parent (truly the active parent) should consider. As this child is 'planned', the parent should be committed to a proactive, loving, and positive approach to their choice, whatever the reasons are that they came to this decision. I have known several people who chose parenting through anonymous donation, most of which have been incredible experiences. However a couple who were done more selfishly, out of 'wanting' a child at all costs, more of an accessory to who they are, those children suffer the outcome, and not just for a short period of time. Life is not fair and the contract should abide, but this article and movement can be a huge learning tool...if those considering this option will allow it to be.

Parenting, from the start, should be as proactive as possible (though not always feasible)...reactive parenting seems to be our societal norm and accepted as 'just the way it is', which should be unacceptable to us as adults.

I'm with Joelski. These kids don't realize that it's better to have no father than to have a crappy, distant, no-account father. I'm not sure that they can realize that unless they've gone through it. I'm absolutely not saying that as a man-hater. I recognize the value of fathers, as long as they make a solid effort towards the health and welfare of their children.

I'm not sure that they can realize that unless they've gone through it. I'm absolutely not saying that as a man-hater. I recognize the value of fathers, as long as they make a solid effort towards the health and welfare of their children.

They can't know it because they're only comparing their experience to an idealized one. It doesn't occur to them that maybe the guy who donated his sperm was only good as a father at the donation part.

Stephen that contract does not exempt them for financail obligations to the child if the mother should sue for child support. This has already hit the courts and support ordered. That sets a precedence across the country.

Or maybe the child just wants to have a real parent in his/her life and not the liberal freakshow that was forced onto them?

Tired_of_Extremists, Rather ironic choice of name, don't you think? Considering you seem to be an extremist on the other side.

All of us want a lot of things. But as the song goes "you can't always get what you want..."

Perfect life, perfect family, perfect upbringing....they just don't exist. It doesn't have anything to do with liberal or conservative.

All of us want a lot of things. But as the song goes "you can't always get what you want..."

And don't forget the song also says "You get what you need"! :-)

What we want and what we need are sometimes very different things.

It just shows that there are always consequences for your actions and doing a little homework ahead of time can save you a lot of grief later.

Immaculate contraception that's when Joseph pulled out early right.

A "father" can't have his wages garnished on hearsay or rumor you idiot........it's called a DNA test.

boston7788,

You never dealt with Family Court. That is a statement, not a question. Men pay child support every month in this country based on "her say-so" and ZERO PROOF. They get away with it because the courts allow it, sometimes even encourage it.

If a man that is not the biological father, and disputes this as such, allows the courts to garnish his wages without a DNA....then he is either ill informed of the laws or is just stupid.

Only need him for a few minutes.

It's clear that modern American women do want a man's income stream but are unwilling or unable to sustain a relationship with a man. So, there's no need to provide uncompensated help for or feel sorry for these ultra-capable independent mothers. On average, the current generation of American children has spent less time with their father as a result of mother choices than any previous generation. Children of the parents of the divorce era are much less likely to form families. Let's see how these children fare in a couple of decades.

Oh Ian...you're a funny guy!

The rights of one person should never cancel out the rights of another person.

Mark-InPA,

So whose rights are more important? The donor, who knew what he was getting into, or the innocent child who didn't ask for any of this? Or would that be the right of the "mother" to have a child no matter the feelings of anyone else, including her own offspring?

Anonymous donation needs to stop, but not be retroactive. I will concede these men did donate based on being anonymous and to change the rules on them now would be wrong, it's a breach of contract and akin to lying. However, going forward their identity should not be kept a secret once the child is 18.

And SOLID law needs to be written that these men are NEVER responsible for child support.

Where do you draw the line then? Sperm and egg donors? OK. Blood and tissue donors? They are affecting people's lives to a great degree. Someone might really want to see if their heart/liver etc. came from a white guy, christian person, Muslim, child abuser, etc. Should that be made available?

Better yet, cancel the whole program, deny parents that can't have kids without assistance, deny the potential for a future Pasteur, Lincoln, Ghandi and just go back to the dark ages.

I know I wouldn't have donated if I had any idea that someone might show up one day and day "Hi Dad." With the crappy way people are brought up and the entitlement mentality we have, the next words most likely will be "where's the child support you owe me?" All this because I, like many others felt we could help someone when we were younger.

I didn't bring the life into the world. I created a possibility for the woman (and her partner if applicable) to: 1) Decide to do it. 2) Get screened for the suitability. 3) Have the finances to do it. 4) Be healthy enough to do it. 5) Get the procedure and bear the child. Where in this process does the donor have a responsibility to the offspring?

So whose rights are more important?

No one's rights are more important. But when one person's rights spill over into another's, somebody is going to feel like they're losing out. You just can't force someone to be something they are not.

YES, thank you Paul for being the first one to say this. Sperm doth not a father make. I can understand the interest these children have in the other half of their genetic identity, but let us not confuse these guys with anyone who might actual BE the father to these kids. Modern genetics studies tells us that very few habits are inherited, most are learned. If you want to see what your nose is going to like like in your 50's then sure, ask for a picture from your donor. But these kids should not expect to discover they magically inherited their love of Sinatra through some guy's chromosome pairs.

This is how surrogate mothers are treated. At rates of $25k for surrogate services, I'm surprised that wealthier men aren't taking that option given the high risk of divorce with women. Women are twice as likely as men to initiate divorce as women file for 70% of divorces.

Women have a significantly more important and risky role in being a surrogate than a man who donates sperm.

At rates of $25k for surrogate services, I'm surprised that wealthier men aren't taking that option given the high risk of divorce with women.

I'm not surprised. For the most part men are generally not interested in raising children without a partner.

Janineinthsworled wrote "For the most part men are generally not interested in raising children without a partner."

The divorce culture is too recent a phenomonon, and surrogate mothers are still more taboo than sperm banks. I suspect that male children born today will be making the calculation and choosing to pay less for surrogate mothers and child support services than the pain and anguish associated with a temporary wife (six years) that takes the children, assets and secures an income stream.

This is why the only responsible thing is sex between a man and a woman.

This is a superficial stereotype at best. There are lots of examples of failed hetero parenting.

A sperm and an egg do not make the donors "parents." If they wanted to be found, contacted, responsible, etc. they would have done it the old fashioned way. They simply wanted to make a contribution for some reason. That's all. Does this mean that the people who receive donated blood, white cells, marrow, tissue can be contacted too?

These folks should give thanks that someone took the time to donate (for whatever reason- money etc) and be gratefull thay have life and the parent(s) that raised them. They may be cutting off future donations (and hence lives) by pursuing this. Careful what you wish for.

Exactly. What a bunch of infantile nonsense. At least most credible sperm banks have the donors fill out medical questioniares and weed out drunks and drug addicts etc. Having a "natural" father is a crap shoot.

People need to take responsiblity for themselves, either parent is nothing more than a donor of DNA, if you're lucky at least one will be a good parent and teach you the ground rules you need for life, you don't need two people for that, you don't even need parents for it, you can have grandparents, adobtive parents or even the parent of a friend, or a good teacher.

The point is that everyone's life is not what and who their parents were, it's about what YOU do with it. I grew up with both my parents around and in my life, but they both refused to take any credit or blame for anything I did, have done or will do in my life. They both said, "life is like a little red wagon; you can push it, pull it or break it. It's your choice, and your responsiblity."

I think that all children should as much as possible have access to their parents medical history so that they are aware of potential medical issues and can make informed decisions about their own choices to have childern. However, I also think that not knowing shouldn't be a make or break situation unless you yourself are already experiencing some medical issues, because even people with good genetic histories can have a child or two with health issues.

HERE!HERE! My BF is going through the same for 9 years this month. The two oldest are now adults. He is back in touch with the oldest and things are going well. Chin up and I will keep you in my thoughts.

There are two sides to every story. Not trying to start anything, just stating facts.

That's right, there are 2 sides to every story. Too bad the courts don't see it that way. This woman turned the kids against their father and then when the girls, older by this time, started asking the "why did you do that" questions she turned on them. Her own kids! The oldest is now 21, old enough to understand what her mother did to them, and the hateful things she told those kids would make your stomach turn. So I couldn't possibly care less what "her" side of the story is. You don't do that to your children!!!! The other person is still their parent, God himself can't change that fact at this point. And yes, I am a parent myself. And no, I didn't do that to my child, though her father tried and failed to turn her against me. I've lived both sides and know first hand what it does to the kids.

Parental alienation is classed as child abuse, but it can be hard to prosecute...

Okay, well, that's one example, and I'm sorry that the children and father went through it. I will say, however, that very rarely are these things completely one-sided.

Clarence Maloney wrote "PARENTAL ALIENATION must be severely punished by courts."

Agreed. When such verbal abuse is directed towards a woman, modern society is particularly sensitive.

Sad to think that these people feel that the donor is a "father." Have we so degenerated that we will grasp at anything to make us feel better. God gave us the brains to create this process. It works. Don't drive away future donations by scaring them away now.

Paul, I think you misunderstood Brad. I doubt he meant that the donor was the "father". I think he meant that being raised without a father at all is the problem, and I can see that. If this were a couple rather than a single woman the child might have been able to handle it better. Being raised by two parents is best in almost all cases.

Yes, its natural to want to know your father, but not always possible. Many of us lost fathers early in life due to death/abandonment/divorce and have never been able to have a relationship with them or truly know them. We have managed to live our lives happily and successfully without trying to make the world change to suit us. That author who would rather not have been born ought to spend some time in a hospice with terminally ill patients and see what real suffering is! How unfortunate that she can't learn that God has a plan for all of us, no matter what our birth circumstances were. She should be grateful just to be alive and healthy!

Jean, I realize that he didn't mean the donor was the father. I guess I wasn't as clear as I should have been. You are right. My point is just that these folks are so desperate to find someone they can call "father" that they are grasping at straws. We have destroyed the true meaning of family in this country. We were just talking the other day about how we don't even sit down for dinner together any more. I think these folks looking for their "father" are just driven by nature to complete the missing parts in their lives. It's just sad that a country founded on Christian values of love, family and God is driving all three to extinction.

What is surprising is the absence of government regulation in this area. Sperm donation for money should be as illegal as selling organs.

Sperm donation for money should be as illegal as selling organs.

Which is to say, NOT illegal.

What is surprising is the absence of government regulation in this area.

In the world we live in where so many people are jumping all over each other to regulate the personal decisions of other people it IS surprising.

As an adoptee, it's debilitating to always wonder who you look like, what medical history lies hidden, and so much more. While donor kids are lucky to be only 'half-adopted' in a sense, as they know their mothers, there is so much more that every human should have the basic right to know.

Not all adoptees feel this way. I'm adopted and have never had any urge to search for my biological parents. I wouldn't necessarily look like either of them, and even medical history can be a great big if. Why worry about it?

I know my parents -- the mom and dad that held me and cared for me, laughed and cried with me, supported me and punished me. I have an extended family -- aunts and uncles and cousins -- who stood beside me when my dad died, and helped me remember what a great life we had together. My parents weren't perfect, and neither am I. But my biological parents wouldn't be perfect either.

I know others feel differently, but I just wanted to comment on the other side of the adoption argument.

I am sorry Laura, but your attitude is disrespectful to the people that loved you and raised you. Being adopted is not like having cancer or having some kind of apututation. Do you know how very hurt your parents would be by your attitude? Think about it please....

I am not against adopted children finding their biological parents, but remember that you do owe some courtesy to the people that loved you enough to make you their own. Imagine if they told you they could only feel "whole" if they were able to have a biological child. That's nonsense of course, but your attitude is similar to that point of view.

Laura Schwartz wrote "Perhaps the donor kids movement and the movement to unseal adoptee's original birth certificates should work hand in hand as we seem to want the same thing -- truth."

Every father would appreciate the additional confirmation of paternity with a DNA test immediately after the birth of their alleged child. The birth certificate you seek may not have the truth about your biological father, either.