sometimes, only children can be athletically awkward. parents must make an effort to get an only child into dance, baseball, tennis, hockey, etc., for the child does not have a home network with which to foster these skills. of course, there are other pursuits besides sports, but i find that they help in many, many ways. some video games do help with coordination, i suppose, but i would rather have my child running and playing with others. in the suburbs, there may be many children with which to play, but in rural settings it can be more difficult.

I am also an only child who moved a lot. High school was the only school I attended for more than 2 years. I actually went the other way, though. I learned to adapt to new environments and make friends quickly. But your point about dating is making me think. I still don't date much but hadn't put that together with my constant moving as a child before.

Only child who grew up as a military brat and we moved around a lot as well. It might not apply to everyone, but while I have no issues making friends I have never been successful at dating at all and I am in my late 20's. Just kind of weird to see that others in similar situations experience the same thing.

Auzziegirl, Paul N and Damien13, I think somene should study people like us: only children who were military, corporate, missionary, academic and diplomatic "brats". I think the results would be fascinating, especially when one considers that the POTUS has our same background.

I was the only child of a corporate gypsy; in my first 18 years I had ten addresses in three different countries and attended eight schools. Although I was socially adept, made friends easily and was very comfortable around adults as I grew up, I realize now that the constant moving affected my desire to develop close relationships with my peers. Knowing that I would have to say goodbye eventually kept me from wanting to get close enough to be hurt when moving day came. So, I was personable and friendly, but not overly so.

That cautiousness continued in adulthood. I didn't date until I was 20 and didn't marry until I was 31. The marriage was brief and childless (he cheated); however, my airline career lasted until I retired. While I had opportunties to remarry, settle down and have a family in the intervening years, I didn't take them. I realized I was happier being rootless, independent and on my own to travel the world. I see now how much my childhood experiences influenced my chosen profession and lifestyle.

These days I have an active social life and friends of both sexes. I date occasionally; getting serious and settling down with somone isn't on the horizon. I know now that I'm much too accustomed to my independent lifestyle to want to change it. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a "normal" life and family, but as I'm comfortable as I am, I'm rarely unhappy about the choice I've made.

I think people with siblings think that being an only child also means that you are a lonely child. In my own experience and from talking with other onlies, I think the opposite is true. I submit that most only children learn very early how to be very independent, self-reliant and comfortable when alone out of necessity -- especially the migratory ones like me. My feeling is that if you know how to be your own best friend, no matter where you are, you're never lonely.

You sound a little resentful.

So because of two instances you believe that siblings are overrated?? How would you know if you didn't experience it yourself?? My daughter is an only child and is just fine socially. I have three older siblings and we have a bond like no other.

Maybe you don't see anything envious as an adult because you are blind to having siblings and your own experience is vicariously through others....

Siblings are not overated....they are a blood connection to the end. Regardless of how well you get along ( and using an example of your 2 friends doesn't seem a solid test group) those family members are your living link to where you came from.

You seem jelous, envious and resentful to the fact you don't have a sister/brother. And you hating to have to "drag" the younger siblings along during playdates proved your lacking in the sharing department. Something siblings learn very early one.

As a mother, I clearly see a diference in attitudes, behaviors and personality with my kids friends that have siblings or are only children.

I think only children can be a little more selfish, unrelenting and harder to accomodate as they often act entitled.

Course this could be due to the parenting style where I know many parents that spoil their only children.

Glad to see it's a moot point by high school.

didn't intend to sound resentful. just saying, i certainly didn't miss anything growing up by not having siblings.

boston, did you miss the part where i said...my friends liked to come to my house to play without little brother bugging them...funny you chose to ignore that comment. I used just two friends as an example, but i see it everywhere even in my extended family. My husband is a twin and he has been estranged from her and has been for over twenty years.......

selfish? sorry, no....folks like to throw that word at only children, when in reality, an only is well behaved, can be taken to a restaurant at an early age, is responsible and matures at a faster pace.

hey, if you're close to your sibs..great! i'm blessed to choose mine...

shep.....

You can't say you didn't miss anything not growing up with siblings...how would you know what you've missed? Just as I can't say the same about being an only child.

Sorry, but whether or not you get along or are estranged from a sibling doesn't negate the fact that you have a genetic link to someone other than parents. Blood is thicker than anything. I can understand being estranged from a family member, but also know that I would drop everthing in a hearbeat if called or needed.

I was an only child for the 1st ten years. Having 2 other sisblings born was a great event as it made me realize there is more to life than just my needs. My sister and brother define in part who I am...because I am a SISTER.

bost.....I hope you have more in your life that defines you other than being just a "sister".

Siblings are not the only family members you have a genetic link to...wow, and there are so many other relationships that make up ones life...We must agree to disagree on the siblings.......have a good one!

dont blame it on him being an only child, blame his parents for not taking the time to instill good values in him.

If you have to remind him so much, and it's so irritating that he is selfish, why are you with him? Have you learned from having siblings that someone else's problem is somehow your issue to solve?

People with siblings can be selfish too. I'm an only and I was taught to share. You need to dump your boyfriend because he's rude and a creep, not because he's an only.

I tend to agree. Both my husband and I are only's and we do have "mine, mine" fights over things like the TV...When you are used to never having to settle, or to figure out how to share, it's quite an adjustment ;) I have decided that we can't have only one child though because that would be too much and I think we would end up raising the most spoiled child in existence.

in between the angry personal experiences in your article, i think you hit an important piont. other family members other thans siblings such as cousins. my parents both came from larger familes (im an only), so i had lots of cousins, who i saw fairly often. in particular, i had another only cousin who we would go and stay with for week long stretches multiple times per year for vacations, and we would be inseperable. i think family experiences like this can perform a similar role in social development as have siblings. at least i think it did for me

I had a similar experience growing up as an only child. I had cousins I always saw and played with on my mom's side. My dad was the oldest of 7, and since he had me at 21 all my aunts and uncles on that side were ages 10 to 20 when I was born. We weren't all raised in a selfish bubble.

i here you Paul, i'm arab...everywhere you turn there was a cousin...lol

The article was reporting on a study. You sound like you're taking more away from the article due to your own experiences.

I did the same thing with my toys. Paul. I also get the same reaction to my out-of-the-box ideas. BTW I also was a voracious reader, which I still am today.

I think onlies learn early how to be creative with their playthings out of necessity. My theory is that for many onlies who were also "brats" like us, who moved around a lot, our toys and books were the only friends we could keep and take along with us when we were kids. So, we learned to animate them into life through imagination.

I played Monopoly by myself. Somehow the shoe always won though....

If it's such a personal choice then why are you belittling the choice to have a bigger family. Your child might have his college paid for but his mom pretty misguided.

Agreed.

"A child from a large family will have less resources and will be cooking my child's dinner for him at the ski resort in 18 years."

Other Mom, that's pretty factual. People with only children are more likely to be able to pay to put them through college than families with multiple children.

Tracey S-I don't mean "misguided" about being able to pay for her son's college. I mean misguided that someone with a college education is more important than someone working in a restaurant. Sorry that wasn't clear to you, you must be from a large family with limited resources.

Your nasty comment involving the ski resort was totally uncalled for. What does that have to do with being an only child? You clearly have enough cash to spoil any number of children if you already have college costs locked down. You are misguided if you believe money will bring him happiness.

I have an only child, but my brother has 5 kids, one of whom is well on his way to playing either pro football or pro baseball. He makes stellar grades. The rest of them also make amazing grades in school. When the time comes for college, it will happen for them. That is what student loans are for. I am not sure where you got the idea that there is a better way to make a family, but I think as long as you're not exposing your family to harmful substances or experiences, and you love him/her/them, then you're doing it right. I feel sorry for the person that thinks that making their kid's life easy (full college fund by the 1st birthday) means they are better parents. I also feel sorry for the people that think that making a kid's life easier is bad parenting. I am sick of seeing people on their high horse, regardless of why they're on it.
Side note: Stephen Hawking has 2 sisters and an adopted brother, Isaac Newton had 3 half- siblings, and Albert Einstein had a sister. So Nyuh!

Mom in Nova: As an adult only child, I would have been surprised and disappointed to learn that my parents felt as you do about families with more children. I'm happy that you are in a position to provide for your child's future, but I am concerned that you may be teaching him values that could create problems for him down the road.

My father was very successful; I had a lot of advantages. However, both of my parents were raised during the Depression in poor families. They determined that just because I was an only child, I wouldn't become a spoiled brat. Instead, they would instill the values they had learned from their experiences in me.

So when I turned 14 I began babysitting, mowing lawns, weeding gardens and cleaning beaches to earn extra money; I started paying rent to live at home right after my high school graduation; and I worked my way through college using the tuition aid program that was available through the company I worked for full time. My dad bought my first car for me, but that was it for getting started in life.

I admit I didn't always like my parents for making me go through what seemed to be unnecessary hardship, but I learned to appreciate their tough love. They taught me to work hard, be careful with money, appreciate a good education, become self-sufficient, and to take nothing and no one for granted. Bonus: I got to retire a lot earlier than most people.

Just a thought. Good luck to you and yours.

Mom in Nova: It is very sad that you somehow put down a person cooking in a ski resort. I am not an only child and I am successful and purchased my first restaurant in my 20's. I was the head chef/owner - assumptions should never be made about people. My parents did not put me through college, instead they instilled values and morals. I think you should consider doing the same for your child. It is wonderful you can afford to have a college fund for your child, but an education means nothing if you raise him to be snide and judge others. It really is a shame that your personal decision has caused you to become negative about others. I have a 6 month old and hope I am blessed enough to have more. This does not make me a bad person, just one with a lot of love to give. I do not think my son will fare any less because he has siblings. Nor do I judge you for making the choice of having only 1 child. Take a look in the mirror - somehow you do feel the need to justify your decision. Good luck to you and your son.

the "kid" cooking could very well be the Master Chef at that ski resort!

its all in the parenting not the number of siblings.

Mom in Nova:

although it is understandable that you want to secure for your child a good education and every chance in life to be successful, I don't think that your way of deviding this world into succesful and unsuccesful people, good and bad or even wealthy and poor is exactly getting him there.

Wouldn't it be akward, if he turns out to be a child who is gifted manually but not intellectually and wouldn't it be a downright desaster to you if he decided at the age of 16 to drop out of school and work for a car manufacturer. Don't you think that a child like this would be rather unfortunate to have parents who seem to think that happiness and self-esteem are calculated by the level of study and status your job may give you?

Would it not be rather akward, if any child had some sort of condition (heaven forbid), which did not allow him to go anywhere or be anybody, but the child to his parents? Imagine you had such a child and he / she would never be able to learn anything, live his own life or have any job. Is he then unhappy?

I totally understand what you actually wanted to say, but the way you wrote it makes one believe that the people serving other people, by cooking meals, tidying rooms, driving busses, taking orders in a restaurant etc. are poor idiots who do not deserve any recognition. Benefit of a doubt: I actually believe that this was just a mistake and misunderstanding. However, an apology from your side would be more than in order.

Children come to this world with weaknesses and gifts. May you have the intelligence to discover both in your child and the wisdom to find the most suitable education for your child, rather than the fullfilment of some ambitious future you have dream of.

Your child may very well grow up to be a chef; nothing wrong with cooking dinner, especially when it is done well. Your comments contain an unnecessary snide tone attacking other families' children and suggest your own preoccupation with money and status. This causes concern that you may not be supportive in your child's finding and developing his own interests. The fact that he is an only child only makes it seem more likely. I hope I am wrong, but you should give this some consideration in seventeen years.

By the way, happy birthday to your son.

He's lucky his college will be paid for but it sounds like he'll have to do deal with one status obsessed b**** of a mom.

Well adjusted is in the eye of the beholder, and remember, anecdotes are just that -- personal experiences which may be out of the statistical norm. These studies are more about statistical averages and group trends than they are about individual experiences.

If your experiences don't match with statistics, well, those are your experiences. Other people have different experiences.

Speaking as someone who's put up with a fair bit of assumption surrounding being an only child, some of which has resulted in mild on-the-job discrimination, all I have to say is that you're probably engaging in what is known as "confirmation bias" when you claim that it's "easy to deduce" who is an only child. (Confirmation bias is when you remember evidence to support a position, but forget evidence against said position.)

It really isn't so easy to figure out who is an only child, although as one other commenter here has indicated, many "onlies" seem to handle being alone better (solo play time as kids, etc.) It's a different story when someone is a child -- I had a fair bit of awkward play time as a child, and got beaten up by the older siblings of other kids when I didn't play according to the (largely unwritten) rules. Once you hit adulthood, though, the real differences are negligible, and people who had siblings tend to look for evidence to confirm suspicions about people who did not.

Of course, now that I've been tentatively diagnosed with a form of high-functioning autism, that seems to better explain what some have regarded as a result of having no siblings.

I have a very well adjusted 14 year old only. He's amazing, funny, smart, and the girls love him and the boys want to be his friend. He's a good ole farm boy and just restored a 1954 Ford with my father, entered it into our local fair and won grand champion. So for all the girls you read about, my excellent only boy makes up for all the only boys you didn't hear about!

No, but giving a child love, fair discipline AND a good education that you might not have been able to afford if you had multiple children is a pretty good gig for a child.

You are an idiot. Please don't breed, I don't want to have to deal with your selfish children in school.

Nice stereotyping there: "...two selfish adults raising a selfish child."

As if it is now some kind of social obligation to have more than one child, for the benefit and comfort of others -- never mind the resources that multiple children must consume.

My parents were unable to have more than one child, and even if they had been able biologically, they probably would not have been able to afford another. Yet I run into this prejudice time and time again, to the point where I find it is a form of low-level discrimination against only children.

It's not just in this country, either -- I had a coworker from India ask me point blank if I was an only child, and when I answered reluctantly in the affirmative, he started spouting off some elitist garbage of his own. That's elitist from the standpoint that having siblings somehow makes you superior. He thought that because I wanted a solution to a problem "right away" and was, by his reckoning, impatient, that obviously had something to do with me being an only child. No, it couldn't possibly have anything to do with the urgency of the business needs I was trying to satisfy, or that I thought his priorities were screwed up!

I was only able to have one child because of health reasons and I thank my lucky stars every day for being able to have her. I do not consider her or myself to be selfish at all, and I shouldn't have to justify my reasons for having only one child to anyone else. Get over yourself, Matt.

A good solution Matt is to eliminate the socialist programs, with more resources for fewer people, the need for our government to support them is gone.

I suspect my children will not particularly WANT to support you, from the sounds of it.

Sweetie, there's nothing like responding to a snide comment with twice the snideness, stereotyping and idiotic assumptions. Well done, you showed 'em!

Ah, mom...but as the parent of an only myself...I would urge you to be careful of the "China Syndrome." By that, I mean the Chinese state-mandated, one-child-only law intended to curb overpopulation, but has had the unintended consequence of having a whole generation of overindulged, narcissistic momma's boys. Shock ensues when the rest of the world does not treat them in the same manner once they leave the nest. We purposely tried to keep our child on an even keel: limited electronic overstimulus; stimulate the mind; make him/her work for things. And yes, my wife and I want for nothing financially, but that was not the point. We know people who overindulged their only--and they wound up with an unmotivated, lazy narcissist who barely got into college--and was subsequently expelled for dealing drugs. Only a sample of one, I know, but still telling.

TO: Mom in Nova,

Funny that you say only children fair better.. I grew up with a brother and in my cases had to defend myself. In this case I'll defend myself by spitting in your dinner I made at the ski resort.. how does that "fair" with you!? Stop trying to sound rich and impressive. You only look diluted and shallow.

mom in nova: Congratulations on becoming a mother, as a mother myself I've found it to be the most rewarding thing I've ever (and will ever do).

If there is no reason to justify having an only child, then why do you proceed to do so in a manner that is assumptive (and frankly quite rude) towards all families with more than one child?

Let's support and respect each other in this journey of parenthood rather than criticize, judge or be callous towards other parents and their choices.

You mean she doesn't need to travel in a pack to go to the bathroom? Amazing!!!!

TUPF, your daughter sounds like a lovely and very talented girl who had great parenting. Kudos to you and my best wishes for her professional success.

I've noticed that many only children are drawn to the arts professionally. I think this may come from having to entertain ourselves much of the time by using our imaginations as playmates. Besides, reading, writing, painting, drawing, photography, music, etc. are essentially solitary pursuits and so well suited for us. Playing games or acting out stories can be very creative activities for kids who have to make up all the parts on the fly.

Just fot the heck of it, some famously artistic only children: Ansel Adams, Hans Christian Andersen, Carol Burnett, Leonardo da Vinci, E.M. Forster, Anthony Hopkins, Alicia Keys, John Lennon, Iris Murdoch, Elvis Presley, Daniel Radcliffe (just like Harry Potter), Frank Sinatra, Danielle Steele, Barbra Streisand, John Updike, Robin Williams ... and many more.