Fantasy helps you deal with anger in a healthy way
Article Source: msnbc.com
from:msnbc.comMad as hell? A guilt-free way to release your rage
Seeded on Sun Aug 22, 2010 4:08 PM EDT (msnbc.com)
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Imagine hell. That's what people should be allowed to do in situations such as that. Thanks to sissy ass laws in this country though good people are forced to put up with trash like that. That's what is not right.
...and if the mover knew there was a chance he'd get his teeth kicked in for that kind of performance, he might do a better job in the first place.
An armed society is a polite society.
"An armed society is a polite society."
This is one of those sayings that is probably true, yet stupid. Please pick up a history of Tombstone, Dodge City, Renaissance Italy, the Border region of Scotland, or Norse society during the age of feuds. In an armed society, life tends to be short, and men get killed all the time over tiny affronts. But yeah, they might be a bit more polite before they get shot or stabbed. Yay.
An armed society is one where everyone is missing a beloved family member. Are people crazy? Check out central L.A. and get back to me on how well carrying guns work.
I live in a smaller town and thanks to this years tea bagger popularity, gun totin is the in thing. So far 4 people have been killed in our city parks this year, in 3 separate incidences. Last year no one was killed.
An armed society is where only the bullies win, and you'll never be the biggest baddest bully.
I clearly was not proposing to gun the fellow down in the street. The quote was for illustration.
My point is that such boorish behavior is enabled and even encouraged in our "polite" society. Some people need a little negative reinforcement (or even just the potential of it) to keep them in line.
When they know they can do whatever they want, they do whatever they want.
Unfortunately, our "polite" (tort-happy) society frowns upon that negative reinforcement more than the original offense.
And the jackass gets a pass.
I just sucker them into hitting me first, then I go to town. There's nothing quite as satisfying than the look on a bully's face that his only options for leaving are 1) in a humiliating way and 2) while bleeding.
It's even better if his woman or his kids are watching.
Oh, Johnny Salami. You need a hug, man.
This isn't news to me. I've been doing this since I was a child....Unfortunately I reached the point where I was so angry fantasy wasn't enough. It ended poorly. :(
Nice going, sociopaths..both of you.
There are laws for a reason. Man the hell up and follow them and go through the process of getting things done and justice served, not trying to be a Neanderthal and feel that you're in the movies.
What a crock. If you X is a (insert C word here) who has taken an huge part of your life and ruined it you may just think of all kinds of ways to give her/him a taste of their own medicine.
Sorry, I think it's the people who have done the most harm that become the main 'target' in your fantisties. Not the cop who gave you a speeding tickect 3 years ago.
Now the 'mind cops' are telling me how to think. I say NO MORE. I have hurt no one. I will think like I please.
you could just go to gripingpost.com and get it off your chest....
boo. nothings better than the real thing..as long as they swing first...im all in.
Whoa, dude. A violent encounter is deeply upsetting? Nothing like a good sweaty, bruising, and bloody fight to relieve the anger. A little ice, a few stitches, and you'll sleep like a baby, albeit a slightly tempermental one.
Your brain is a powerful tool and it is not something to play with. The human brain is very much like a ballistic missile. The missile makes tiny corrections on its way to the target until finally it explodes. The human mind is designed to recreate what you imagine. Someone one has said that once you conceive of something it is already done. I have had this experience many times in my life. Just as soon as night follows day if you continually imagine something in detail you will work to recreate it in life. This is one of the things that is dangerous about video games. The terrorists that destroyed the world trade center probably used flight games on computers to practice their plan. Don't play with your mind! Never put things in your mind that you do not want to actually happen. Your brain will work to create what you have imagined. People that murder many times think about the murder over and over in their heads then when a confrontation occurs the brain takes over and recreates what you have imagined. Use your mind wisely. The Bible says, "as a man thinketh in his heart so is he." Fill your mind with positive images of kindness and forgiveness not hatred and violence. You don't get rid of anger by using your mind to act it out. You get rid of anger by putting yourself in the position of the other person and trying to understand how they feel and what they think. It is called understanding and compassion. If you want to get rid of anger start seeing beyond peoples behavior to their core. What they really are and what they have been designed to do. This will do more to relieve anger than a foolhardy plan of creating violence in your mind.
I think you have guided and ballistic missile mixed up. Other than that, I agree.
I am an engineer - I implement things. Running kill & maime fantasy is dangerous. First you plot the variations, then figure out which you could get away with - which could work. Sort of Gran Torino - they won't have a chance. My suggestion, figure some ways to get even which don't carry 10 to life - premeditation.. that's a problem.
Yea...I agree mostly. When I think violent thoughts like that it bothers me. Finding pleasure in violent thoughts bothers me. Thinking like that is just too dangerous. If the service here is listed and can be found on the internet then it can be rated on the internet. I would at the very least get on line and give them a worst possible rating and tell exactly why they suck so bad. Hit 'em in the pocket book.
I would also consider legal council if it was bad enough. In the time of cameras everywhere, running a video camera can be night and day to a legal run to the court house. It may be that people like the ones in the story have a history of breaking the law.
Your brain is a powerful tool and it is not something to play with. The human brain is very much like a ballistic missile. The missile makes tiny corrections on its way to the target until finally it explodes. The human mind is designed to recreate what you imagine. Someone one has said that once you conceive of something it is already done. I have had this experience many times in my life. Just as soon as night follows day if you continually imagine something in detail you will work to recreate it in life. This is one of the things that is dangerous about video games. The terrorists that destroyed the world trade center probably used flight games on computers to practice their plan. Don't play with your mind! Never put things in your mind that you do not want to actually happen. Your brain will work to create what you have imagined. People that murder many times think about the murder over and over in their heads then when a confrontation occurs the brain takes over and recreates what you have imagined. Use your mind wisely. The Bible says, "as a man thinketh in his heart so is he." Fill your mind with positive images of kindness and forgiveness not hatred and violence. You don't get rid of anger by using your mind to act it out. You get rid of anger by putting yourself in the position of the other person and trying to understand how they feel and what they think. It is called understanding and compassion. If you want to get rid of anger start seeing beyond peoples behavior to their core. What they really are and what they have been designed to do. This will do more to relieve anger than a foolhardy plan of creating violence in your mind.
I can't agree with you more. I think it is good to acknowledge your feelings, and to voice your hurt and say what you are angry over. Don't hid those things, or pretend they don't exist. But to go over and over them and to plan hurt or words and actions of vengeance and retribution - it's bad for everyone, especially the person who is doing it.
I disagree. Its very difficult to see beyond peoples behavior when they are complete strangers. I take delight in pressing my pretend missile button to the a-hole who just cut me off and almost caused me to have an accident. Okay, for your sake I'll put myself in their shoes. Here we go........
"Ugh, I've got to get to where I'm going.....This is taking too long......Geez! I always get stuck behind the granny drivers.....Hmm, maybe blasting my music and turning up the bass to the point where glass shatters will make it seem like I'm actually getting somewhere.....Hey, that lane is moving faster, I think I'll get over there.....Shoot, there is someone in that lane....Eh, who cares! They'll just have to slow down and wait for me to get over.....Should I use a signal?.....Na, they may speed up beside me blocking my chance to get in.....Erp here it goes!" *SCREECH* "HAHA NOW IM IN FRONT!!!"
Yea, no......I press my pretend missile button anyway!
I agree. And because of that you can't know the reason for their actions or their thoughts. So your whole senerio doesn't come from reality, but only the anger from your mind. If you want to fantasize about bodily harm that is your free will.
I totally agree. Whenever anyone tries to put themselves in someone's shoes, its never truly accurate. Its only the persons perception of the life or situation of the owner of the shoes. The perception can be based in anger, sympathy, or simply the information gathered about the person you're trying to empathize with. You will never truly know for sure because everyone is different.
Yes, this is why I watch Wolverine movies over and over again, and then the next time I get cut off in traffic or someone takes 30 items into the 10 item lane and pays with a cheque or someone is just generally rude, I indulge in a bit of "gee what I could do with retractable claws of doom" fantasy and then I feel much, much, better. I can maintain a reasonably pleasant, "no, it's okay, really" expression on the outside while envisioning pointy goodness on the inside, muahahhahahaaaaaa....
Interesting concept. But not as therapeutic as an actual physical confrontation with a passive aggressive jerk-off that thinks no-one has the balls to lay a hand on them. Provided you got the skills, that is. If not, then I guess fantasizing about it could be somewhat satisfying.
That is HI larious! Kim
I think a comparison could be made to a sexual fantasy. You can imagine beating the living hell out of someone all you want, but at the end of the day you'll need to be a little more "hands on" to get any kind of release. haha.
Yes but it will get translated into real violence....Look at the violent video games, and kids who grew up on those games are now shooting at each other for real...
It really drives me nuts when people pull the "video games turn kids into killers" argument.
1) Violent video games have age ratings, much like movies. Don't want little Johnny playing a game where you kill people? Don't buy him a rated T or M game. It's pretty simple, and it's the parent who holds the wallet.
2) Kids are smart enough to know the difference between fantasy and reality. Studies have show that developmentally, children usually can tell the difference by the time they've reached 5-6 years old at the most (think Sharon and Woolley's studies).
3) Violent acts caused by young people are nothing new. I shouldn't have to go into detail here.
4) There are hundreds of age-appropriate and even educational video games available for children. Again, it goes back to the parent having common sense when purchasing games.
Huh? I grew up on a steady diet of Miami Vice, Mortal Kombat, and horror movies, and I'm about the most pacifistic person you'll ever meet. See, my parents taught me the difference between fantasy and reality, so I understood from a young age that the things you see in movies and in video games are not real.
Besides, if someone is pissed off, who would you rather they kill? Some pixels on a screen or your flesh-and-blood best friend?
You people are blind!! Its not drug epidemics, gang activities, psychological problems, lack of a strong foundation during their youth. ITS ALL FROM VIDEO GAMES!
Except some of the youth that go on to murder couldn't afford video games growing up. Uh.....Its totally the video game commercials! And t.v. Oh yea, music too. And um...books! I read the most violent book the other day! And to think that schools actually encourage our children to read those things! Yea, thats what is to blame. It has nothing to do with peers and parents!
There is a place to go where you can, at least, write out your "anger fantasies". Seriously. It's Damnit.com and it's basically a whole Forum of Folks pissed off about one thing or another. It's pretty cool, actually. It's even got Categories and stuff where you can vent, reply/comment to vents, or find a situation like yours and read somebody else's. My bet is you won't wanna stop at reading; you'll wanna rant...and you should!
Damnit.com: Write The Rant.
@Jack -- rofl! But you're right on the mark.
When I get jostled in a crowd (which I hate!), say after attending a rare Seahawks game, simply fantasizing just ain't gonna do it for me. If I'm being shoved around by thousands of drunken idiots (because the Seahawks continue to serve drunken fans alcohol until they pass out - $$$), the only thing to do is cause some pain in return and GTFO of there.
A quick, discrete, well-placed jab into an offender's pressure point with a car key, or burying the heel of your shoe into someone's instep, however, will serve you very well as far as anger release and also provide an exit lane from the premises.
I've heard it works. =o)
Stephen A. Howell has it.
Now I ask you, author, how come you let your aunt down by not helping her from the beginning?
A display of masculine presence and "I'm watching you, fellas!" just might have averted your mental mayhem and last minute remedy.
Moving is a major task: One hands over all of one's worldly possessions to a bunch of musculat strangers.
Why leave the poor lady to flounder in the yellow pages? A few inquiries around the office or among your friends might have resulted in a less stressful experience for her. You could have found a pleasant woman to help pack--and unpack--in addition to some testosterone-charged furniture luggers.
Older people by themselves, especially women, are often afraid to ask. They rationalize: "Oh, its ok--I'll manage somehow. My nephew is sooo busy with his job/family/friends/fantasy football league to have to take time for my little problems." By ignoring their needs people train them not to ask for or expect help. This often leads to depression.
In sum, young man, you should be ashamed of yourself!
No, he doesn't have to be ashamed of himself. You don't know the whole story. My husband has moved everybody he knows and their mother, aunt, brother, and friends cousin - all before he turned 45. Now that he is over 45, we have together made a pact that he is totally done with that. Those moves have cost him two hernia surgeries. We are just lucky he has a good back. Many people don't. If a persons back is bad they can't help their dear aunt move.
Don't judge someone, you might end up on the wrong end of a good anger fantasy.
Please practice reading comprehension.
My post nowhere says that the author should have done any labor beyond helping his aunt obtain decent people to help her pack up, move, and unpack. That means asking questions, interviewing people, and, maybe, standing around while those folks lurked to make sure it went smoothly.
In the story, the aunt is elderly. She needed help. Should we assume that your family has decided to ignore the needs of vulnerable people?
Please practice bodily insertions with a statement like that.
You called the author of this article a "young man" and told him he should be "ashamed of himself." If auntie could call them for help with the movers, she could call them for help arranging the move. Have you ever heard of a person wanting to do things for them self? This lady didn't sound like she wanted adopted - she wanted a trustworthy honest moving company. And the author sure the heck didn't want you to scold him like his granny and I didn't need my first grade teacher lecturing me on reading comprehension.
My mother is elderly, too, and there is one thing I've learned is I better keep my nose out of it unless I'm asked. I'm always willing to step in and help and looking for chances to do so, but a time of helplessness will get here all too soon and independence is a precious thing.
Self control is a virtue. Although fantasizing about kicking the poop out of someone is much more fun and we think feels better and is more constructive, it isn't. Continual fantasizing like this will only lead to frustration, more anger and then acting out, which will only lead to law suits, the hospital or worse. There are better ways to handle anger or rage. If it's too much - go get real help.
I've had a similar incident,but the guy took a swing at me.Big mistake.After beating him and his 3 cohorts to a pulp,I impounded the truck. and stood there with a .357 and an UZI and forced them to finish the job I had paid them to do.Then they were allowed to leave.Never heard from them again.This happened 20 years ago when my great aunt moved to a smaller home.
The fantasy thing is great to think about but doing that just increases the frustration way past the boiling point.For me,unfair treatment at work was met with a summons to court.Here in Eastern Kentucky,there is NO enforcement of any labor laws,so off to federal court it goes.Think I'm a hot head? SO be it.But I also have stood up for myself and my family and NOBODY tries any kind of crap like that with me and mine and gets away with it.
It's like dealing with a bully at school.The only way to stop them is head on and show no mercy.If their head won't learn,their ass will.I nailed too many to the wall to even think of backing down.
Western psychology has this idea that "bottled-up feelings" need to be released or we will be "unhealthy." Like so many things in psychology, there isn't much scientific basis for this. In contrast, philosophies such as Buddhism do not see that anger should be expressed in violence, even in fantasy. The reason is, as a poster above pointed out, what happens in your mind is in some sense real.
That doesn't mean you let people walk all over your aunt who is moving. The author of the article did the correct thing in calling his friends. He could have also called the police. But the fantasy is unnecessary and just sets up the mind to want to follow through in real time. Just look at how many posters here are recommending actual assault and battery! The next step is picking up a gun.
---From experience I know this articles advice to be completely WRONG!
---Anger is a way we choose to respond to any given situation.
---To change, we must learn to respond differently to those situations which we CHOOSE to be angry about.
---Emotions are a choice we all have programmed our minds to make and taking responsibility for them is an important first step.
---Learn why you get angry. Find the underlying issue you have (control, hate, fear etc) and then learn to respond without anger. Most of what we get angry about is something we don't like in ourselves that we see in others.
***The rest is an undisciplined mind.
1) I agree to a certain point. Someone cannot call you a name and make you angry unless you believe that the name he/she called you actually describes you in the first place.
2) Next, if you really want to piss someone off then stay calm and DON'T react (see point #1) as they vent their spleen, but treat them like a child having a tantrum. Tut-tutting someone makes them feel absolutely foolish and ineffective, not to mention childish. At that point you can both work to resolve the problem
3) I abhor unnecessary violence. That being said, violence IS sometimes necessary and may be the only reasonable action one may take. If violence is called for and is necessary then do your best (worst) to your opponent without any feelings of guilt. Never forget that the most dangerous animal on Earth walks on 2 legs and will shake your hand as he/she is pulling the knife to stick between your ribs. If you get to the point where violence IS necessary it is best to not be angry but to have all of your faculties working unhindered by emotional overlay. Let the other guy be angry for both of you- and make the mistakes for both of you. Then have no mercy until you are the master of the situation or it ends to your satisfaction. Even if you don't win you can always leave your assailant a calling card (ie broken nose, ear torn, ripped lips, a gouged eyeball etc...) so they never forget the problems they had when they did bother you.
The suggestions in the article do nothing for those claiming adherence to christianity. Thinking the violence is as bad as actually committing the action and makes you just as guilty. Ain't religion grand?
This article is garbage. The idea is to either not get angry in the first place or learn to minimize it's effects once it happens. This can be learned. Acting out angry fantasies will likely make things worse because you are basically practicing being angry. That is just crazy. The author of this one has a terrible source and is an incompetent journalist.
There was law in the Old West when all of the gunfighters were "enforcing" consideration...it just wasn't available to most people. There is law here now in the New West, and we have given "enforcement" of consideration over to people we call "police officers". Problem is, the "law" is still unavailable to most people, due to lack of police officers, inconsistent enforcement of the laws, etc. etc. And since people know that police are not available or won't enforce the laws on the books, some people have decided that they don't have to consider other people when they decide to crank their stereos in the middle of the night, throw their garbage all over the place, run into others as they are walking along, expecting others to get out of their way...
I believe it is time for Smith & Wesson to make a return to our society, and not just for personal protection...also to enforce consideration of others. Amazing how people will think twice about their behavior when confronted by a gun barrel and a person not afraid to use it. Not to mention how it would thin out overcrowded neighborhoods...
You can't really think that this would be an improvement. The streets run with blood in some neighborhoods right now. Go see how it is--see whether you would like living that way.
Like I said, let's thin out the neighborhoods....if the few bad apples in this neighborhood I live in were confronted by the rest of the residents in this area with a few gun barrels, I am sure they would be gone in short order, one way or another. Since the police won't enforce the laws, these jerk-offs just keep it up and laugh in everyone else's faces. Yes, I do really think this. The real problem is not enough blood is running yet.
Whoa there, Robin. Take up martial arts or something, man.