I believe this is just the tip of the iceberg. I agree adoptive families need more assistance. I also believe many adoptive families are trying to do it on their own. We tried to do it on our own for 2 1/2 years.

The services needed are not always available. There are many budget cuts in this economy. I hope this brings about more discussion on the challenges facing families of adopted children who have been neglected or abused, whether it is internationally or domestic.

I think part of what needs to happen is the adoptive parents need to be prepared in advance and then paired with services throughout the process. For every one that comes off without a hitch the is another with major problems. The kids are not undamaged by their circumstances and that damage has to be dealt with or the child will not survive and flourish no matter how good the adoptive parents are. AND it really doesn't matter whether the child comes from a foreign adoption or one from this country out of foster care...they all have immense needs. Where is the money going to come form? I do not know, I do think that whatever country is sending a child here should foot part of the bill and our government needs to cut back on crap spending and spend some on the children...they will always be here and fixing them when they are young prevents more cost later.

We are in the process of adopting an 'older' foster child from Indiana. From the time we started this process until now (we're more than 1/2 way thru), the story we've gotten from the case worker is this child "is the only one of the siblings not sexually abused", which changed to "it's possible something happened, but no one knows for sure", which changed to "one of the siblings abused the child, but we don't really know the extent of it", which changed to "this is one of the worst sexual abuse cases our county has ever seen". REALLY? Wish we would've had the facts from the beginning. Adoptive parents can't be prepared for their forever-child if they aren't told the truth from the beginning.

As a product of the foster home system, some ok, some good, some bad, and some terrible I was adopted at age 13. By that time I had lived on the streets, and had become a suvivor. The people that adopted me were not prepared for the baggage that came with me, and I wasn't prepared to live with them. It did not turn out very well. I firmly believe that when a child is adopted that the Feds, State, etc bear some responsibility for helping the family adjust to the child and the child to adjust to the family. It can take years of therapy for the child to get back to "normal'', sometime it never happens. I happen to be very lucky, I went into the military when I was 17, not by choice but at that time a judge could give you a choice, military or jail...The military really helped me and the judge that gave me the option keep in touch with me for years and was one of my biggest supporters..For that I will be forever thankful...Being adpoted as an older child is tramatic for the child, you have to think what they have been through and that can be almost impossible for the adopting couple. Again, whatever it takes help these kids and the adopting couple they need it to remain sane.

I raised my husband's two older adopted kids who were from an abused family and younger one has fetal alcohol syndrome and mental retardation, among a number of other problems. I could have used help, because it took a toll on me and my bio kids. Neither of the adopted kids have done well at anything and the younger child will struggle as an adult despite all the helps that I was able to get for him. More must be done for adopted kids and the adoptive families. To do so would help society all the way around.

We adopted 2 children, ages 10 and 12, and added them to our three biological children, who were 13, 16, and 17 at the time. We have had our ups and downs, and I did suffer frome some depression. But, we had good support from our private foster care and adoption agency. We were also foster parents first (so we knew more of what we were getting in to), and we chose to homeschool the kids to give them lots of time to adjust without outside pressures. I would not trade them for the world. They are part of our family, our lives, and have given us as much as we have given them. Go slow, get experiences, get well read, ask lots of questions. There are happily-ever-afters.

I adopted an older (13) child from India 23 years ago, long before it was support was as wide spread as it is now. I was single mom. The medical bills, just the co-pays, were enormous. He underwent several surgeries. There were no medical records available and he was reluctant to discuss his past. And I am a mental health professional. He was diagnosed with an inability to attach, which is now known as reactive attachment disorder. He has now bonded with his best friend's parents, quite well. However he blames me for all of his adjustment problems and I seldom hear from him, which breaks my heart. I have now learned that his reaction is quite common in children from abusive backgrounds and children who came from the streets, as he did. When they cannot bond in their first home, they later bond with someone else and blame the failure on home #1, wiping the slate clean. At least he is somewhat happy now. Me? I would not adopt an older child from a foreign country again. I am old now, at 58, and I guess I will not be seeing my grandchildren. I would so have loved them. I love my son.

As a former foster parent I can tell you that there is almost no support from the groups you would most expect it. We had 3 Catholic boys yet the church had nothing to help them. Not even reduced price day care, which the YMCA did offer. Yet many of these groups spend millions working to overturn our abortion laws and force women to have even more unwanted children. If the pro-life crowd spent even a tenth the money and effort on helping children already here as they do trying to force their morals on others there would be more then enough support out there. Instead they seem to always be too busy to foster or adopt, especially special needs children, and can't even contribute to the groups that do. The word hypocrite comes to mind whenever I hear someone say they are pro-life (we are all pro-life, no one wants to see a live person die) and I love asking what they have done to help. They never have an answer!

I worked in an orphanage in Guatemala and helped with adoptions to the US until it was banned. I saw kids go to great homes and do so well. I also saw a wonderful family adopted five children and within two years one of the teenage girls was pregnant and the oldest son, who struggled the most with American life, commited suicide. While I support people wanting to give these beautiful children going to a good home, there needs to be assistance to families once the kids are with them. I feel that so many times all the support is in the process of adoption and after it is completed the support disappears.

"Post-adoption blues?"

Who comes up with these ridicules headlines? "Blues" are what you get now and then and get over. Having a child who is in chronic distress for any reason is not a case of the blues.

Adopting a child is a two-sided edged sword...the adult thinks that they are doing the absolute best thing in the world for a child. The child has issues that sometimes never change. Abandonment from the child's biological parents is a thought that the child will quiz as to why? Some children can grow and handle those doubts and questions, some apparantly cannot.

With all of the love that a human can muster for another, you can give to your daughter or your son, but sometimes they still pull away from you. Then, the heartbreak can begin. Yes, indeed if an opportunity for counseling is available for the family than by all means walk right in that door and sit down bringing every single family member with you.

For today can "seem" to be bright and happy, but it is tomorrow when the lights fade and the doubts begin. No child should grow into adulthood and not realize that someone loves them and would do anything in the world for them. With that someone sitting right beside them desperately wanting to be "mom and dad".

Some kids never overcome the doubts of their childhood. That is the hard part about adoption.

We are the parents of 11 children, 7 of them adopted. Our youngest adopted is 7 and the oldest is 16. There are 3 sibling groups. We were foster parents for 17 years. We saw many children with heart breaking stories. If not for drugs and alcohol abuse, none of these children would have been in foster care or adopted. As our society worsens, we will see more kids in need of care. For some it will be temporary, for others it will be permanent. My children still speak freely of their birth families even though they were so young when placed with us. That attachment to birth families never goes away no matter how happy they seem with us. We love our kids. They are our life. Do we have issues with them? Absolutely!! We receive no help from any agency, even though it was implied during the adoption process that we would. This past year our monthly adoption subsidy was reduced from $300.00 per month to $240.00 per month (per child). My husband is retired and it is hard to make ends meet. What the kids need comes first. 4 out of our 7 adopted children are ADHD. That makes for an interesting day, let me tell you! One of our children has multiple health issues mostly stemming from the physical abuse from his bio parents. We do multiple trips to our local Childrens hospital. We do counceling on an as-needed basis. These kids need constant supervision. It seemed that the agency was so supportive until the adoptions were final. Then there was nothing. I don't really fault them totally. They have huge case loads and have faced huge budget cuts. We seek out our own support through our church family. We have dear friends there who will keep the kids and give us some much needed "down-time". I will say that even knowing what I do now...I would adopt them again, no question about that. Would it be great if there was some kind of trainings or support groups to vent at? YEH!! But if that doesn't happen...then we just keep on doing the best we can with a smile on our face as much as possible.

I am pro life and support anti abortion causes. I also fostered a total of 23 children. I agree that people who protest abortion have an obligation to homeless and abused kids.

I'd like to answer. I'm pro-life and we adopted a teenager from foster care. We'd adopt more, but we don't have the money you think pro-lifers do to build another room to allow us to foster-adopt more children. Most of the pro-lifers I know do everything they can to help. Most Catholic schools I know of are on the verge of closing because they're poor too.

My wife and I adopted an 11 year old girl three years ago, she was in our home for a year prior to the finalization. All during the process of the adoption, the state agency we went through kept on telling us that she was a terrific child and that any problems associated with her previous placements (nine in six years) were primarily due to her older brother. As mentioned by some other posts, we were not given the entire story of this child and had to drag some of the information out of the case workers during the process. Unfortunately, after the adoption was finalized she was diagnosed with RAD by three different counselors and phychiatrists. Even with these professionals submitting reports to the agency, they refused to accept the diagnosis and we couldn't get the help she really needed. They even went so far as to tell us that she was fine when she moved in so we must be doing something wrong.

Something needs to be done to give adoptive/foster parents the support they need to be able to help these children as much as possible. We felt like we were alone on an island one the adoption was finalized, like they figured they didn't need to do anything more now that the case was closed. Making sure that parents had access to counseling services would be one step in the right direction. Additionally, with relation to RAD, there needs to be more acceptance by agencies that this is a real problem and have professionals and services for this problem. In our state we were only able to find three or four people that worked with RAD children, only one of them in our area and she admitted that this was out of her ability to give all the help needed.

I hope this report opens up some dialog between state and federal governmental agencies and the adoptive/foster parents so that they can get the help they need. Good luck to everyone that has a child in their home, our thoughts are with you in this most noble service to our children.

As an adoptive parent, I completely agree that there needs to be support after the adoption occurs. We were fortunate that our adoption agency supplied the support we needed, but many agencies just abandon you after they've placed a child with you. Thanks to Hilary Clinton and her advocacy for adoption of special needs children, we were able to get health care for our son, because our provider would not offer insurance to him because of his pre-existing condition. Prior to this, we had already taken out a second mortgage to pay for his medical needs.

We all want to believe that we can make children's lives better with just a lot of love, but it isn't always the case. They also need therapy and time. Lots of time. I think adoption agencies should be more forthcoming with this information while you're going through the adoption process and be there for you once your child is placed in your home to offer advice and support. We were fortunate that we chose the agency that we did. Thank you Wide Horizons for Children!!!

We've had 2 of my grandchildren in adoptive process for 2 1/2 years of 3+ years with us. It seems we're no closer to adoption today than then. The state I'm in wheels turn very slow. They say the only way we can keep them is thru adoption. Both children are from neglect, have add/adhd symtoms, one probable sexual abuse. Neither can fit in the public school box well. We continuously get meaningless monthly visits from 2-3 social workers. We do have weekly mental health appointments we go to for the oldest (7) boy, with varied success. We just want the system done so we can get on our boat, sail away, and see the world with the boys, in hopes they may find the world more interresting than the institutions our land has created. As long and sacrificial as these processes are, no wonder the system is broken.

Joyful-pilgrim writes: "I am pro life and .... fostered a total of 23 children".

now WHY isn't THIS comment on the FRONT page "ad" under the article, rather than the usual knock-pro-life NBC snide hits? how many of the good people, who have ADOPTED kids, and are writing on this thread, ARE pro-life? NBC should check that out, before putting the knock-pro-life comment up in the ad as though that nasty complaint means much! the censor's prejudice is showing again.

All I can say is "it's about time". My parents adopted my 2 brothers 38 years ago. My youngest brother had undisclosed medical issues (with no help from the state for his medical bills) and my middle brother was an older child adoption (age 5) with undisclosed previous physical and sexual abuse (and all the emotional problems that went with it). There was no help available to my family. My mom was instrumental in "full disclosure" policies now in place here in San Diego, but my parents...and after their divorce, my mom...was financially responsible for everything. It was a long road for the middle brother...a road filled with therapy for everyone, education stumbles, anger (and at one point locks on the inside of our bedroom doors) and relationship issues (attachment disorder) for him as a teen and young adult...but he has grown up into a responsible adult with a child of his own.

Both my brothers have always been "My Brothers"...but I remember thinking as a teenager having to navagate "issues" so far beyond what regular teens had to deal with..."what would my life be like if we hadn't adopted him".

I can't change history...and as a 50 year old adult I can look back on those times and know that all those "adventures" helped to mold me into the person I am today...but I can imagine that everything my family went through might have been a little easier to deal with if there had been supports already in place to help us find our way through the stressful times. When I read the article about the mom who put her adoptive son on a plane back to Russia...I was probably one of the few people who could relate to what she was thinking at the time.

I totally agree that something needs to be done to help the families and children in the adoption/foster system. We were in the process of obtaining guardianship of a teenage family member. The local HHS office knew about her lifestyle, living on the street, abusive home, and did nothing to help her. We stepped in trying to give her a healthy, safe place to live and just as we thought things were going good, all her past came back to haunt us. Custody was taken away of her parent-only because we went to court and she testified about the abuse-even though school officials and other family members had reported these incidents in the past. Since she couldn't go back to an abusive home, the court pushed her to stay with us because we weren't a licensed foster home-they didn't have to give us any monetary help. The child was able to get medicaid and that was all. Her mental problems escalated and she even attempted suicide. Thankfully, she did NOT succeed. We were in the hospital with her a couple times a week due to her various self-induced illnesses. My husband and I almost lost our jobs due to leaving work frequently, we couldn't pay our bills and we also had our own toddler-who wasn't getting the attention she needed anymore. We asked the court, and DHHS for any kind of help, even supervision for the child so we could have a few hours off, we got nothing. In the end, the child did go to the foster system (she requested it). I haven't heard that she is doing much better. We tried everything that we were able, we went to family counseling, she was even treated "in-patient" at a children's mental health hospital. But it still seemed that the "SYSTEM" just didn't have the ability or desire to help. Children are suffering and because there isn't much support, families are reluctant to help.

I read everyone's comments and my heart goes out to the foster/adoptive parents who do whatever it takes for their children. As a previous foster/adoptive case worker and worker in a residential attachment unit, I got to see how struggling through daily life can be for the parents and children. I've seen firsthand how children with RAD can destory a families, marriages, and bank accounts. I've seen the horrific conditions of orphanages and the lifestory of the children who have suffered. Although we try our best to provide all the information about the child we can, sometimes no one really knows how awful it was. How can anyone really be prepared for the unknown? It is so sad that there isn't enough support, services, or finiancial backing for the parents who take on the difficult task of raising the world's abused/neglected children. I wish there was a way to pinpoint the cause of all the problems so that efforts could go to prevention, so no one would have to suffer.

As a potential foster, I am very reluctant to consider it further. I would think to take a child who needs you into your home, and into your life, and give it chances it wouldn't have otherwise is a noble thing, but many of you make it sound so bad!!!!

I fully support Americans who adopt children in the foster care system and think they should get assistance and support. However, if you go to another country and adopt a child outside of the US adoption system, you should be prepared to financially support that child in all the ways that miight arise. There are a lot of children in the United States that are lacking medical services, surgeries, and counseling as a result of lack of health insurance, and I don't think that bringing an orphan to this country and putting the care of that child on the taxpayers is the right thing to do. Almost all of the children in orphanages in other countries have been neglected in some way, and it is very courageous of you to take them into your hearts and homes. Please don't take any more away from the stretched resources of neglected American children.

I can tell you from adopting 4 traumatized children from foster care. Those who can help these kids do not take their medicaid. It is hard to find qualified services for these kids. The counties have no support for these families. It is sad

I'm confused as to what services are needed. All of these children except the ones from other countries should be on medicaid, should have some sort of Social Security benefit and should be under an IEP through the school system. Medicaid pays for tons of things, babysitting, grocery shopping......... Is it resources that are specifically for the adoptive parents? Or that there are limited resources in their area?