Chad Arnold balances between grief and hope as he lives with his brother's liver
Article Source: msnbc.com
from:msnbc.comTransplant recipient struggles to go on after brother's death
Seeded on Mon Nov 15, 2010 9:51 AM EST (msnbc.com)
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You can do it, Chad! My prayers are with you-you and Cristine have left footprints on my heart...both now and from that summer. Thank you.
And this tragedy is a good time to remind people to sign their organ donor card and, if available, list themselves on a statewide or nationwide organ donor registry.
In addition, ensure that red dot is on your driver's license and that you've told your close relatives about your desire to donate upon death.
Even people with certain diseases or conditions might have usable organs, skin, or corneas. Don't assume you cannot donate.
For people in California, you can register at: http://www.donatelifecalifornia.org/
i just read your life and the trials that you have concurred. i sit here in tears and my prayers go to you and your sisterinlaw. i woke this morning in pain of my own family tragedy thou no one has passed my two sons who are marines choose not to have me in their lives or my two grandsons lives it is the work of evil but i believe i believe and so do you so do you GOD holds your brother in his arms and is looking down at you waiting for you to reach your lifes goal. it must be in the christian realm. go for it let your doubt and fear and sorrow go let it be put in GODS hands and know that you are loved love mary gillis
Chad, I am deeply sorry to hear of your brother's passing. After reading about what you and your family have been through, my heart truly goes out to all of you. The beauty of that love is astounding. My ex husband had a life saving liver transplant in January. I hope your recovery is going as well as his is. Please find a support group in Colorado to help you through your grief and accept your joy of being alive. Please contact Jeff Petrivich at the Denver Division of the American Liver Foundation for resources. I am the Vice President of the Pacific Coast & Hawaii Division of the American Liver Foundation and I have seen people embrace their second chance at life while moving through the acceptance that often someone else died in order for them to live. Again, my prayers go out to you and my wish is that you continue on to live a happy and healthy life in honor of your wonderful brother who obviously loved you beyond words.
Thank you for sharing your pain and trials with us. Please know that it takes a brave soul to be so open and honest in such a painful time in their life. Thank You.
I would like to know how Ryans wife has taken this terrible death of her husband. Does she visit Chad, or is she terribly sad to do so. No one talks about her and the fatherless children.
Very sad story. For Ryan's wife, who I'm assuming was involved in making the decision for the transplant, it's so very sad. She has lost her soul mate and her children are now without a father. Very sad for their family. I hope the family has surrounded themselves around those children, and the wife who stood behind her man, and watched as he put his life on the line.
Thank you Angie; I thought I was the only one wondering about her since the beginning of all this. I've found no quotes from her since her husband's death, or even so much as a mention of how she is taking it. She must be devastated, as are his three young sons. I wish the four of them would be acknowledged more, if not in the articles, at least among the many commentors. Everyone seems to have forgotten that Ryan had his own young family.
I was wondering the same thing. I am hoping that Ryan's father came out of retirement to help his widowed DIL financially. Though from what I have read of Ryan he seemed like the kind of person to take care of his family even after he was gone.
I hope that Ryan's wife and his son's are doing as well as can be expected at this point in time. I know that Christmas and Thanksgiving will be really hard on them and that they have the family that they need to pull them through.
I think it is very safe to assume that this big, loving, faith filled family has surrounded this young widow and her sons with love and support and caring!!! A family who is obviously so centered in Jesus and His love and grace could not possibly turn their backs and hearts on such a precious part of their family. My guess is that they continue to honor her and uplift her as a integral part of their family...and they continue to show their love of her husband...through acts of love and support to her and her sons.
Chad is focusing on his own healing and in finding a way to honor his brothers sacrifice through his life...this is the story that he is sharing with us...
I agree completely Ruth. Everyone always wants to get angry and not try to understand where the person writing the story is coming from. They were all a close family before this happened and I'm sure they remain a close family. If you really read the story it tells you how much Chad did not want his brother to do this. That is made very clear. For the reason of saving his brother Ryan made the choice to do this. It was all meant to work this way. If Ryan was meant to live, he would also be alive. It sounds to me like God needed Ryan and he called him home to him. As heart breaking as this story is, God will provide for Ryans family, hopefully by sending someone into their lives. God bless this beautiful family. I can only imagine how painful all of this has been for every single member of this family. May God bless each and everyone of you during this tragically difficult time. Just try to always remember, "God Will Provide" You will all remain in my heart and in my prayers. Look to God for your peace. God Bless you all until the one day you will all be reunited with Ryan. May peace fill your hearts. Hang in there Chad, you too are here for a reason. It's so hard that it takes such difficult times to remember that God is in control, but with pain there is bound to be beautiful blessings. Keep your eyes on God, your entire family is a Huge example of his Love!! Love to all of you and prayers. Darla
Actually in the very beginning of the article there is a quote from Ryan's wife, of the part that get's her through. She said that it is not God's hand in it all, because she doesn't see that yet, but having known what love trully was, and how it felt to be loved and adored and protected.
The article also talks about Chad first coming home to his wife and children and relizing that Ryan's family will never have it again.
I think the article achieved it's purpose. Chad seems to try so hard to make his life about Ryan, and the impact of Ryan's loss. The article wanted to try to make the story include Chad, where Chad refuses to include himself.
It reminded constantly of facets of Ryan's life and family, but didn't focus on it.
And it is still so soon after their loss, I can't imagine Ryan's wife would be able to say much on it.
My heart goes out to the entire family. No one was left without a scar. :(
hey, brother, man up! be a man and live for your brother. don't make people feel sorry for yourself and your brother. he was a man and gave his life for you, so smile and enjoy! quit being such a crybaby because your brother would be disappointed on your attitude. cheer up! he's in a better place now, and you know it. live in faith, he gave his life for you, so dance, rejoice, honor him acting like a real man. and take care of his baby...there are so many reasons to keep going, so delete that sadness from your heart and honor this man. of course you deserve to live, or do you think the Lord got it wrong? come on! celebrate your brother's life living it at the fullest.
alex...you are a first class ass! It would seem that either you have never dealt with death of a family/loved one and grief or perhaps you are like the Grinch and have a small heart.
Chad I wish only the best for you and your family, I think Alex hit it on the head in many of his comments...albeit a little on the harsh side. As you have described Ryan, it seems definite that he would want you to go out and live your renewed life to the fullest and not feel guilty.
It is understandable the 'tinge' that you keep feeling, but as you move forward you will hopefully feel that less as you learn your new path in life that Ryan and God have given you.
Keep Ryan's young family in your life as much as possible, but don't feel guilty, God has his reasons and you are meant to live on and tell not only Ryan's story, but yours as well.
Good luck and God Bless.
Alex is right although he could have been a little more sensitive. What a painful tragedy, yes, but you must get over the guilt! Guilt is a waste of precious time especially when you have absolutely nothing to be guilty about. You are here, you need to live. The grief will be there, but the guilt will destroy the chance at life you have been given.
The 2nd biggest waste of time is feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing is gained by it and your brother wouldn't want that. Rejoice that you have been given a second chance AND that your brother's reward in Heaven is GREAT! For there is No greater love than a man to lay his life down for his brother.
God Bless you and may He heal your body and your heart.
srvfan Alex is right, so mind your own f-ing business moron.
to NoMoMoney-962921: Why does these blogs always turn into a cursing match! This is no place for your dirty mouth. You could use a good ole Ivory soap mouth washing like grandma always did when a person used foul language. This is about a person who has suffered a loss, not about your supreme opinion. So, please people, let up on the foul talking, and be a little more compassionate. I know about these kind of losses. I have had six in my family, and it hurts when people don't understand. God be with you, Chad and family.
While I agree with Alex to an extent, the lack of sensitivity in his post is ... astounding.
I strongly believe that nobody can force happiness onto another ... and to fake happiness is futile. Give this man time to grieve. Let God (and him) decide when it's time to "delete that sadness" from his heart. Real men cry, Alex. There's nothing weak or "babyish" about mourning the loss of a loved one. Especially when dealing with a major illness (which itself is a heavy enough load to carry). And especially considering the manner of death ... c'mon, (even though of course it isn't Chad's fault) who WOULDN'T feel survivor's guilt after somebody, much less one's own brother, gives their life for you?!
God bless you, Chad. Your brother was a hero, and so are you. In your own way, you have shown every bit as much courage as Ryan did when he gave you such a special gift.
srvfan, you are suspended for a day for violating rule # 1 of the Code of Honor.
NoMoMoney-962921, you are also suspended for a day. See above.
I would have to agree with the other response on this one. Alex, you truly are either a heartless jerk or a first class ass! How dare you be so rude and heartless... until you are in Chad's shoes, you best step aside and be a little more respectful!
This is an amazing story! You have an incredible family. I will be praying for you & your entire family. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you are lucky to have the family you do. You would have done the same for anyone of your family memebers!
Wow, your story touched me. You are a brave man to be able to go out and tell it. I am very sorry for your whole families loss.While the loss for you and your family has been great I am deeply saddened for your sister-in-law and nephews. They are missing a great man in their lives, but I am sure you already know that. Keep your head up and be well.
Chad your story is a testament to God, he knew all long that this would happen and he has given you this second chance at life and he expects you to succeed. Ryan was your brother and he is with God now. God knew what he was doing. So rise above the thoughts that the evil one throws at you, he wants you down so God can not get the Glory. Praise the Lord that you and your family have your faith. Without Faith In God no one can survive. Remember that the greatest gift is love and your brother loved you and his family very much. Stay tune to what God wants you to do. God Bless.
Chad, keep fighting. I can only imagine the struggle that lays before you everyday, and I am sorry for your loss. being that I am a brother, I will tell you that if Ryan had the chance he would do it all over again.
Angie and Beth, I hope that you are wrong in that Ryan's family has been forgotten. I am also a soon to be father. I have talked to my wife about situations like this. I would like to think that I would have made Ryan's decision to leave an example of love and charity for my son. There is no doubt that they must be carrying an equally difficult burden, and I hope and pray that they can find hope and comfort in their lives.
May we all remember the good and love that still exists in the world, and that we can all be a tremendous influence for good.
To Chad,
On December 19th, 1973, I lost my 24 year old brother to cancer just two years after an All American football career at the University of Delaware. After signing a contract with the Baltimore Colts, a shadow was found between his heart and lungs during a routine team physical. He died one year later. I was only 18. Not only did I lose my brother and my best friend, but I lost my childhood hero. Chuck was everything to me and everything I wanted to be. It was the worst time of my life and for a short time I had, like you, no answers.
The story is long and amazing, but I can tell you unequivically, that God planned out every single event that took place over the next several years for me and my family. Without hesitation, I can assure you that He still does. My life was turned upsidown, but God chose to provide me with some answers as I am certain He will provide for you. My wife and I wrote a book ( which is not published yet) called "Not By Chance". It walks you through the trageties and the triumphs of a walk with God and His son Jesus Christ. I will continue to pray for you and your family that God will see fit to allow you to have some of your questions answered, but to be totally honest with you, it sounds like He already has. God Bless. Tom Hall
Thank you for your comment on God's sovereignty and his perfect will.
Amazing. I am so encouraged to see Chad and the rest of Ryan's family continue to trust God during this almost unbearable time. God is faithful in the good times and bad. Thank you for sharing this story!
I feel for your brother deeply. Please tell your brother:
Life can be upside down in any moment, but it goes on.
It is important to live for those who are around you.
Help yourself and help God.
ryan would have wanted chad to enjoy being healthy and to be happy. noone could possibley ever understand how chad feels and its easier said then done but time heals everything. losing my sister to primary pulmonary hypertension and seeing her struggle was heartbreaking and if i was in ryans place seeing his brother in pain i KNOW id make that same sacrifice.. thats what love is.. sacrifice. The dead feel no remorse so living shouldnt make us feel guilty.
Sad to see people still grasp at a god to explain things that can be explained by a toss of the coin. So let me get this right, God saved the one son by sacrificing the other? Pretty lame god. It is sad that the father felt that some of the first words out of his mouth when informing his son that his brother had died, was that the "still served a good god." It sounds like the father didn't entirely think so.
Silly people.
I'm sure someday you will be able to let God know what you think of Him in person and how you don't approve of His ways....
Save it for then, because no one here wants to hear it.
Yeah...I am not seeing how "god is good" in this story. Sounds to me like just like in everything else god gets a free pass. Or wait, maybe there is no god and people just feel the need to have one for some reason.
vdancer,
Or maybe God is larger than you can imagine with a plan that you can't comprehend. Who is man that God would have to explain Himself to you? Whether you believe in Him or not has nothing to do with whether He exists or not. I truly hope you will examine the issue and ask Him to reveal Himself to you. You risk a lot if you are wrong. Someday we will all know the truth, won't we? I sincerely wish you well.
Or maybe God has nothing to do with this one.
God allowed the brother to die and for Chad to get sick, but it's not anything against either of them.
God promises that the sick will become well, Isaiah 33:24, and God promises that the dead will live again in the resurrection, 1 Corinthians chapter 15. Jesus came to Earth and showed that these two things are possible.
In light of both the promise in both word and deed, why do you judge someone for believing it?
It's hard for us to understand that the life we have now is a blink of an eye compared to what awaits. We are not home yet, we are just passing thru.
Dad can say with confidence that God is a good God because scripture tells him that "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" and there is no better place Ryan could be.
Sonflower, do you realize how delusional you sound to a rational person? There is no great beyond.... there is no paradise awaiting you. Your simply quoting and clinging to ancient fairytales and legends, writen by early man who had no idea of how things around him worked. There is no god, and the belief is one is delusional paranoia... not to mention a complete lack of common sense. Why don't you do the world and yourself a favor, and put down your bible and buy a book that will actually explain life to you in a meaningful way... like a science book? I mean, you can keep reading a 2000 year old fairytale in an effort to understand the world and universe if you want, but it just makes you look like a fool.
Normally I wouldn't make such a statement on such a touching story, but such idiotic and delusional comments such as yours are dangerous to the world as a whole.
As for this story, its the perfect example of the fact that there is no god. People who believe in a god, need to find ways to justify and explain a situation in which god killed one of his believes after such a generous act. Why though? Why look for an explanation when there is none? Its just a bad luck of the draw, or a failure of modern medicine after a complicated surgery. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no god pulling the strings behind the scene.
The world makes so much more sense when you abandon the fairytales, and accept that there is no god.
Please don't make fun of other's faith. You sound bitter. I'd rather have faith any day than what you've got. Humanism, atheism, intolerance, and hopelessness at its worst.
I am sorry for your confusion, I hope one day that your heart may understand. God Bless
John S-400329 Just how are my beliefs dangerous to you? and to the world for that matter? What have I got to lose if I am wrong? If there is nothing in the hereafter, it won't matter, will it?
If I am right, then you as an unbeliever, especially one who gets so worked up and upset over people of faith, have alot to lose. I'm guessing THAT's WHY you get all riled up. You are trying to convince not only me but yourself that you are right.
Atheists always tell me the burden of proof lies on me to prove God exists. When the burden of BELIEVING He doesn't is all theirs. That's a weight I'm glad I don't carry.
I just wanted to add one more thing, John. I really am not interested in a dispute about religion on this thread, in fact I wish I could delete my response to you above. Chad and Ryan believed in God and out of respect for them, go dispute religion elsewhere.
I do not believe in God. I do, however, believe that everyone has a right to their own God and if you feel like you need to release your grief and sorrows to him, by all means please do. It is not hurting anyone and helps people get through times of stress, trouble and pain. I do not judge anyone on their beliefs as I hope no one judges me on mine. I hope that Chad and all of his family can learn to live with their sorrow and loss whatever way the know how. May peace find you
As stated below... this site is about the Arnold's and their grief and loss and story of over coming it. They hold very strong to their belief in our Lord and Savior and that should be respected and honored on a site and story intended for them. Go fight your religious beliefs elsewhere. This is NOT about you, it is about the Arnolds.
To mudrake2: If you have nothing positive to say to someone who is trying to make sense of what happened to him and his family, you should keep your condescending comments to yourself. I can't believe you had an audacity to say those words and so little sensitivity.
This story is not about your faith, it is about this family's faith, pain, and their love for each other. I respect your right to your beliefs, but this is a forum for support for this family and not a bandwagon for your beliefs which I believe in this context is insensitive.
My wish for this family is that time will heal the pain and that when they think of Ryan it be with the wonderful memories, love, and joy that they have shared together.
Dear Chad My prayers are with you and your family. I hope all goes well and you can go on with your life. Good luck
What a beautiful love story. Chad, you just keep clingling to God and to Ryan. Together they will help you become strong and healthy. Your faith in both of them is so incredibly strong, I just know that you will make it. You and Ryan are such an inspiration to everyone who reads your blog. God speed Chad, and never stop believing that God has something incredibly wonderful lying in store for you.
Chad, I know you miss your brother. My Mom had a stroke 13 years ago and not a day has gone by that I haven't asked God why he did this to her....but I know He has a plan for all of us. I may not always understand what that plan is but then again it's not my place to understand the why's. I take each day as it comes and know that tomorrow is the greatest gift we are given....I know Ryan is thankful to have been here with all of you and this earth is a greater place for it. My prayers are with you, God speed in your recovery.
As for mudrake2--It's people like you in this world--those with little or no faith--that make the earth and life in general so hard. There's nothing wrong with having faith or believing in something bigger than just yourself. If a few more people would think that way--there would be less violence and hatred in this world. God Bless you Mudrake2--sounds like you need it.
What an amazing story of Family and Faith! The Lord is amazing, when we step out of the way and let him proceed with His plan not Ours. I still struggle with that. Praying for you Chad and your family. And to Ryan's wife and children, what a husband and Daddy you have for always. Godspeed.
Wow. It would be close to unbearable. No doubt this will test Chad's faith and hope he comes to terms with it.
Chad not only did Ryan give you life, God too has given you another chance to finish work on earth that He wants you to finish. So remember that as you still stuggle with your feelings. I lost a husband and son in an accident I survived and felt guilt but learning to turn that guilt into something better instead of wanting to have died too.Lean on family and friends but know that God is strength and Chad your brother deserves to see you get things together in his name and to know he did not die in vain, God Bless you all and please make sure ,we your supporters know what your future is from this day on.We are strangers to you but we too love and care what becomes of you.
You are the lame one, not God or this father who has not lost his faith in God, the One, the Good and the Beautiful. An enlightened teacher has blessedly pointed out that without that which we call "Death" we would not have an awareness of the "Spirit" which is the second manifestation of the "Divine". An awareness you clearly don't have; nothing bad happens to a good person, Ryan was a very good person and he has gone on and into the light of our eternal continuum, he is with God, the One, the Truth and the beautiful. And again the only lame here is you and those as asleep as you obviously are...Dear Chad, Ryan lives on within your heart and it has been said, no greater love has been given for you to live as Ryan wants you to do for both of you now...
Have you stopped to consider that even if you have to accept another liver, your brother's gift was not in vain.... your brother bridged the gap between life and death for you. Without Ryan's gift you may never have make it long enough to see that day.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your faith. The Lord is honored when the tough questions are asked and there are no answers except that God is still a good God no matter what the circumstances look like. You and your family will be in my prayers. Thank you for your courage and faith. Blessings Russanna
chad continue to shine, your brother and familywill like you to do so..we all are proud of you,..god is depending on you. live so many more will believe in Hime and continue trusting.
you are a special person!! LIVE ON!!!