There is only one way to be happier during the "holidays."

1. dont take them so seriously.

Who the heck buys their landlord a present? LOL I can say none of my landlord's have ever landed on my gift list...

Some of this is good advise. I especially like the spending more time with your parents at other times. I notice when I haven't talked to my best friend in a while I get kinda miffed at her and I realized it was because we never talked about the little things so whenever we did talk- it was about big events in our lives (which happen to be horrible for us both right now). Realizing this, we now call every few days and chat about the little stuff (which is usually positive and full of humor) so when we do share about other stuff, our relationship has a foundation to make it a supportive experience rather then a emotional dump-age.

I think this is true for any relationship and if you build a good one with your parents, the things that annoy you about each other during the holidays (and the rest of the year) wont be so severe- plus it will give you opportunity to practice better habits (then reverting to juvenile behavior of dismissive-ness etc.) without the pressure and time constraints of the holidays so you can build a better relationship and actually enjoy each other's company. Plus, as the article stated, most of us owe this to our parents who sat through boring recitals and games in order to show us love.

I also thought the advise to let go of defensiveness over in-law behavior and try and examine how your relationship to your spouse and in-laws can be strengthened without trying to "win" through superiority is good advise.

The biggest criticism of this article I had was it seemed geared toward women (with the whole "your hubby" references without qualifiers) when these are problems all genders face and the advise is equally beneficial (or useless depending how you view it) to both. This is a disservice to women because it adds to the sentiment and thus added pressure and expectation that we should always be the ones to be bigger and mend relationship woes and a disservice to men because it is dismissive of their concerns and underestimate's them as well as it may discourage men from taking advice that might serve them well.

That's really too bad.  My parents built two duplexes and managed, fixed and rented them for the last 40 years.  They always took candy at Christmas to each of the tenants and the tenants stayed in their apartments a long time.  My mother always took a special interest in them and felt terrible if anything bad were to happen to them.  They had a few bad tenants but for the most part the tenants were good, developed a nice relationship with my parents and still send Christmas cards after 40 years.

Cherish EVERY MINUTE of time you still have with your parents and/or siblings. I have lost both parents and my oldest (only) brother and would trade one of your "unhappy" days for one last with mine.

In the words of Trace Adkins' song; "You're Gonna Miss This".

Love you Mom, Dad, and Skip.

My comments are almost as long as the article!

7 ways to be happier during the holidays????????

Ok let’s face it this seemed to be a bit of a cut and paste job or they wrote this article months ago.We all would be a bit less stressed if we had taken their advice last summer. However, the reality is it is now the 1^st day of Christmas and people do not have time to makeover their lives. So here are my suggestions of things you can do right now.

You revert back into a teen when mom shows up

*Grab that poster from your teen years, look at it really hard and ask yourself “do I really want to go back there”?

*When you open the door bow down to your mom and then tell her it is great that you get a few days off from being an adult. After you both get over the giggles- sit down and have a cup of coffee and just talk to her about how it is so easy to slip back into your teen year attitude. I bet you won’t do nearly as much of it and your mother even feel comfortable enough to point out when you do. You will know if you hear your middle name several times. In any case you may end up with a nice 2010 holiday and then you can spend 2011 having more visits with your mom and getting over your issues.

Perfectionist on the loose

I do agree with much of what the authors have said but I would go a little further (since you only 12 days left to pull off the best Christmas ever).

*First item on the list is “Make a list” that way you already get to mark something off.

*Have a glass of water every couple of hours- take a moment to rehydrate yourself it will do you a world of good.

*Hide chocolate in the laundry room, sneak in and hop up on the washer or dryer, have a bit of chocolate while swinging your legs.

*Think back to last year and if you cannot think of at least 10 big things that went wrong then you can bet the rest of the universe cannot remember 1.

Eww me!

As a large woman I can relate to this issue but right now you just need to get out and share those social skills.

*One of my best friends let me in on a secret “My body had to be this size to contain my big personality”. How I viewed myself changed forever and for the better

*Rent Bridget Jones’s diary while getting ready for the party

* Be grateful you don’t have to wear a mini-skirt and freeze your bum off

*Make a commitment to drop off some cookies at a local homeless shelter two hours before the next party that way you will have to get dressed, get out and then have a wonderful moment to bring to your friend’s party.

Lonely

No way to turn this around just 12 days before Christmas. Oh wait you can- I have met several nice men during the holiday season. So please note:

*Men do not want to spend the holidays alone either and they also do not want to buy mom the wrong size robe, or their niece a toy that is unsafe or un-cool. Go to the mall and see that confused man- offer to help out and if he is single- go for coffee afterwards.

*If you know some gentlemen that aren’t in relationships but have company parties to attend you can there plus 1. One year I went to 3 company parties as friend’s dates. It was a blast and we both had more fun because the pressure was off. Put yourself out there not as a lonely woman but as someone who is ready to have an adventure.

Other’s success and party chatter

This is the one that really got to me, since I have been laid off for 3 months. The party season is in full swing and Dr. Bimdorf’s words are for the long haul of re-defining one’s life not for the “how do we handle stressors during the holiday season”.

*Go to the party and says things like “I am keeping my job afloat” or “So glad you are going to be able to help out the economy”. Or, in my case “My business plan is almost complete and I can’t wait to take advantage all those perks the government is giving to small business’ ”

*Watch Debbie Downer from SNL and then repeat “At least I am not that negative”

*Remember this situation, where many of us have come to a standstill or even slid backwards is not of our making and does not define who we are.

In-law issues

Please hear this loud and clear- you have not done anything wrong; you are not broken; you are not at fault.

*You can talk with your husband but isn’t he acting just like his family? You are going to want to make sure that is not something that is passed down to your children.

*Realize you in-laws may not be able to change and it is something you might need to accept, but it doesn’t mean you put up with poor behavior. You do have choices.

*Be respectful but accept they may not change

*It is ok to opt-out of activities if you are not treated with respect. When they ask you are not coming to Aunt Suzie’s house just tell them this is a special gift from you: you are giving them the opportunity to enjoy the activity with it just their side of the family.

*Create a journal for a future daughter in-law and write down all the things you will do to make her feel welcomed. Include nice tidbits about your in-laws in case someone finds it. This may also lighten the pain your heart feels.

Tiny bank account

I do agree with the writers’ approach on this.

*This year I am sending out cards (I rarely send out cards so this is a big deal). I got an un-opened box that was originally $24 for $1 at the thrift store so my spurge is on the stamps.

*For the last two years I have been giving my nieces and nephew items from my parents (who have passed on). With each gift I write a bit about the item so they can get a glimpse of grandparents they never meet.

Yet another article from people who want for nothing to people having a hard time for whatever reason!

These people have no idea what your problems might be, nor do they care. It;s just another chance for them to be on tv, sell a book, get their name in the news, etc.

There is no magic way to get through the season, you just have to do the best you can with what you have. Some of us are alone, or have been out of work for some time. Some of us truly don't have the resources to have much of anything this year. And there are those who are truly desperate for something, anything to look forward to, be it a job, a friend, or someone who cares. And, regretfully, a lot of them will not get what they need or want.

The only thing that will/ might help them, is for their friends to be around to do what they can. So smile when you pass them by, shake their hands, ask how they are(and at least try to look like you mean it), knock on their door, pick up the phone, anything.

Believe me, it does help, if only for a few minutes, to make them feel a part of the world. Who knows, you may find something in that person you never thought was there. More importantly, you will feel better yourself for reaching out this Holiday Season.

You may even save a life.

I have finally learned, and believe me it has taken YEARS of trial and error, that the best way to be happier during the holidays is to #1 keep it simple and #2 lower my expectations.

For years and years, I went into psycho holiday overdrive the Friday after Thanksgiving, and continued at a frantic manic pace, finally colapsing on Dec 26 into a heap of disappointment. I thought I HAD TO. I thought it was my duty as a wife, mom, daughter, daughter in law, etc. I thought everything had to be perfect, the tree, the decorations, the gifts, the food, the cookies, the house, everything, perfect. I spent weeks imagining this Hallmark card day that I would create...and it didn't happen...ever. The reality came no where near the expectations. And do you know why? There is no such thing as the perfect Christmas. NO SUCH THING. Total let down. Total disappointment. Then I'd do it all again the next year with the same result.

So now, much older and hopefully wiser, the decorating has gotten much less grande, the gifts fewer, far less expensive, and wrapped with the gift receipt in the box so as to make the inevitable returns easier. The bakery has wonderful cookies, and dinner does not have to be made from scratch. It doesn't even have to be made. Restaurants are open on Christmas. And you know what? No body even cares.

So with that being said, pass the Chardonay, and a happy, safe, SIMPLE holiday season to all.

{I think this is true for any relationship and if you build a good one with your parents}

While, yes, adult children need to put in an effort to fortify a relationship with their parents, building one begins with the parents.  If a parent does not build a relationship with a child when they are young that relationship does not generally magically appear when the child becomes an adult. 

While some adult children are negligent in this area, all too often the parents fail to cultivate a relationship initially and then wonder what went wrong. 

It's all about being stress-free

http://www.fourgreensteps.com/infozone/lifestyle-health/top-25-natural-stress-remedies

If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's at the Holiday time, we'd grab ours back. Concerning Holiday, remember this too will pass....

True, stress kills even with pills....

I dread the holiday season every year. I wish I had enough money to spend the from the middle of November until January every year in a country with a nice climate that doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving and X-mas. I've learned to cope with it more each year and put on a smile to not ruin anyone else's fun, but I'm always glad when it's over and the last decoration and ornament is packed back into the attic. Some of us just don't look forward to the holidays and have no fond memories of them in the past. Other people balance us out, though, by celebrating x-mas almost all year long and can't wait to see it in full swing.

i know exactly how you feel, i am living on Social Security and my spouse's

retirement.. so i am feeling the pinch also. i decided to fake it until i felt it. it

seems to be working, Good luck and holiday cheer to you.