80 American families affected when U.S. suddenly suspended adoptions
Article Source: msnbc.com
from:msnbc.comStuck in limbo, families fight to bring kids home from Nepal
Seeded on Sun Jan 23, 2011 12:31 PM EST (msnbc.com)
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It is a shame the adoption process doesn't work here in the U.S., forcing people to look overseas. Its not like we have no eligible children in foster care.
Oh, I forgot, the more children in foster care, the larger that particular Government agency's budget...Silly me!
I am sorry for this woman's pain BUT the government was right to close adoptions to any country ( i.e. Nepal, Guatemala) that has long standing issues of corruption. This is a humanitarian issue.
In some poorly facilitated adoptions there are many instances of people giving children that are not their own up for adoption so that they may gain financially. Guatemala and Nepal for example have not followed rules set forth by the convention for international adoption. The parents in this article should have known this. How would you feel if someone stole your baby just because they could get $5,000---and then your baby was sold overseas? Guatemala would ask for $20,000 to $50, 000 lawyer /country gifts on top of adoption fees--- just to make money off of baby hungry Americans. It is simply BABY SELLING!
Countries MUST start obeying the adoption convention rules. Adoptive parents need to do proper research before setting themselves up for heartbreak.
As an adoptive mother I think starting a family through adoption is a wonderful journey but it is a journey that needs to start with compassion for the biological mother. Everything needs to be handled in an orderly, legal manner with no exceptions.
DARTHON:
1) Where in the United States are there "eligible" children? Children in the United States foster care often have severe emotional and /or medical problems. Some families are not equipped to handle these issues. I dare you to try to be a foster parent for one year...see what happens. I just dare you to go to the classes in your county and talk to other foster/adoptive parents.
Speaking from the point of view of a family who cared for two amazing sisters for two years, the American adoption system has serious flaws. We had our two wonderful girls with us for two years, they were 13 and 15 when they came to us a foster children. They had already been in foster care for 10 years. There were 5 children in all in their sibling group and they all did have emotional disturbances from dealing with the horrible abuse and neglect they endured as children. We were the girl's 6th home. After a year we asked the girls who had no contact with their parents if they would like to be adopted. They both said that they wanted to be adopted by our family, so we notified Social Services we would like to begin the process. After three ardious months we were notifed the girl's parents did not wish to allow them to be adopted, and further more the parents requested they be removed from our home. Three months later they were removed, and because Social Services could not find anyone that would take in two teenage girls they were seperated, living 3 hours from one another. At the older girl's high school graduation we were able to meet some of the other foster families the girls had lived with, and two of them had a very similar story that we did. Apparently when a foster family would express interest in adopting the girls, the parents would request the girls be moved.
Even though Social Services removed the children because they were abused and neglected (we are talking horrible abuse), and the parents had never once in 10 years qualified to have the children back, Social Services still favored the parent's wishes over the safty and stability of a home. Now that the older girl is in college, she does come live with us duing her breaks from school, but you cannot tell me that not allowing them to be adopted by any of the other families was really in their best interest.
My husband and I are looking into international adoption because we just cannot go through the whole process of caring for a child being told they could be adopted and then having the sorry parents come in a rip our family apart.
Greg, I had to do a double take and read those words again because I didn't trust my eyes. Disgusting? How do you come to that conclusion? What is disgusting is you, you troll!
Darthon. The legal system here being what it is allows virtually unlimited attempts by the biological relatives to reclaim kids again and again. The stepsister of a friend has been trying to adopt a little boy. But the mother (a crack-head) keeps trying to take him back and the system allows her that right/privilege. Meanwhile the little boy is getting more and more screwed up. There are lots of children but because of a system that for better or worse allows the constant bouncing around of children, hopeful adoptive parents are much better off trying to adopt children from and I'll quote Greg in Oceanside here 'disgusting 3rd-world countries'. If I were looking to adopt that's what I'd do.
Kallie - Read AMED and Hedwig's posts if you don't get my point that the current system here in the U.S. is broken.
Sadly no one wants to adopt US babies and children. Too many are born drug and alcohol addicted and so very few want "defective" children.
My challange to the "right to lifers" is that YOU adopt the crack / meth babies and FAS babies etc.
My challenge to the "right to choose" is that YOU make sure these mothers have abortions so that the crack/meth and FAS babies aren't born and thus require govt services.
That's a good idea, actually.
.
I disagree. Many beautiful healthy babies are born and placed each year for adoption in the United States. And many "defective" babies are placed each year as well. For those of us who aren't blessed with the ability to have children no child is "defective."
Why is it legal to go to a foreign country and buy ( adopt ) a child ? This would seem to be a modern day form of slave trading under a new name. We have lots of children here in this country that need to be adopted and are not being done so when we allow people to go outside this country to get a child. It is not free to adopt oversea's and it cost's a lot to travel to another country to buy a child. We go to another country and buy a child ,bring the child to america and raise that child outside the normal culture that it would have been raised in and leave a USA born child without a parent and think that it is just fine. Why do we think that is ok ? - because of people like Madonna and Jolie are doing it is not a good excuse. Why can these people not get a child for adoption here in america - there may be a good reason and if not and it is simply rules let us work on making new rules to make the system work better after all it is the kids that will benefit and they need us. This country needs to stop modern day slave trading.
Huh? I am rather perplexed at how you equate the adoption of a child to the slave trade. These children are being taken in as a member of the family. My experience is that parents looking to adopt focus an incredible effort into ensuring that they provide a loving and supportive home environment for their child. Adoptive parents have to go through a vigorious screening that natural parents simply do not have to even consider. The adoptive process in the United States can be a nightmare. Often times taking many years and a number of incomplete processes before a successful adoption is achieved. Parents adopting (whether it be within the states or abroad) are not looking to buy a slave, but to raise and love a child in need.
Next time you consider throwing out accusatory statements, I would recommend first that you research the subject a bit more.
There was just a case of a mother who returned her son to his native country because he was "defective". She sent him home on an oversea flight by HIMSELF. I do believe he was nine at the time. Obviously the screening process made a big oversight there. While it can be a nightmare in the United States it is because they are making sure that these children are really eligible for adoption. Many countries do not do the same kind of screening. I am tired of seeing celebrities and "church" groups making overseas adoptions and toting their "multi racial" families around like toy dogs. I see it all the time in the community I live in. It's a status symbol and it's sad. Many of these children are not going to be raised with an understanding of their native culture. A sadly some families do adopt and do foster care solely for the financial gains, as sick as that is there is truth behind that statement
What is sad is such an uneducated post.
I'll remind my adopted kids the next time I shell out 5K to take my kids to Disney land that they are slave labor, the only time they will agree is when they have to clean there rooms. I guess to my bio kids, they are just spoiled kids with clean rooms that I got for free....
Most of them are not treated as slaves, I agree with this part. The procedure of buying them is what is similar to slavery.
It is an insult to adoptive parents to call adoption of foreign-born children "slave trading" - I know foreign kids who have been adopted by Americans - none of them do any "slave work"!!
I am sure that the vast vast majority of foreign adoptions are on the up and up. BUT the thought of even one child being stolen from his/her legitimate family and sent to an (unwitting) American family who has paid big bucks for the adoption is nauseating. The government is right to put a freeze on adoptions from countries where the process is questionable.
By the same token, we need to make adoption in this country easier. American would-be parents should be adopting American kids!! Birth parents in this country have TOO many rights. We need to make it easier for authorities to take kids permanently away from crackhead and criminal parents. And adoptive parents need to seriously think about adopting older kids.
Those people could have saved themselves well over $100K by adopting a USA child that no less needs a family! Children in the USA are no different than in other countries. They are also desperate for a responsible family to adopt them!
I agree with the other posters that foreign adoptions to these people are like going to the store to just make a purchase. It's a child, not a carton of milk!
Well, Jim, I suggest you run right over to your local social service agency and apply to be not only to adopt but also to foster a child. Once you've done that, you may have the right to lecture potential adoptive parents on where they should look for their child.
Yes, there are children in the US that need homes, but there are a variety of reasons that people choose to adopt internationally instead. I personally know one family that has fostered a child for 4.5 years in their home and has spent most of that time trying to get the child's adoption finalized....and it still hasn't happened yet. The process in the US can take forever and be very complicated. A large percentage of children available through foster care adoptions in this country have serious special needs and not everyone is capable to parenting these children. There are some very special people who do adopt these children, and I much admire them.....but Jim, something tells me you just aren't one of them. It's not for everyone.
sadly, children are "profiled" and white healthy infants are the overwhelming choice. there aren't enough to go around.......
after 3 weeks in a foreign country, 15K in expenses, being inspected and grilled by social workers in two countries, having to pass through US govt and european adoption officials, being grilled in front of a judge in a different language, back ground checks, interpol checks, fingerprints in every state I have lived in, house inspected, met with a psychiatrist for approval, 6 times with a social worker, approval by INS and the like, I can darn well tell you it is not like buying a carton of milk sweet heart!!!
I am the proud father of a daughter that we adopted from China when she was 8 months old. She was found at 3 days old in front of a garden gate. She is the light of our life, our love and our pride and joy. I am amazed at the idiots on the post that 1) have no idea of the cost, or process and 2) have absolutely no idea of how expensive the US system is and worse 3) how a birth parent can petition the courts to get a child back and often win.
If you're going to comment on such important topics, then try to educate yourself. For those of us who have gone through the process' we find you to be offensive, uneducated and totally ignorant to the truth and the circumstances. I also doubt that any of you that are critical of foriegn adoption have put your money where your mouth is...
Being the parent of two adoptive children, one domestically and one internationally, and having had to pay over $70,000 in legal fees for a court dispute with the U.S. birthmother who temporarily changed her mind at the last minute, in addition to all of the emotional distress for myself and my adopted daughter, I absolutely advocate international adoption. It's not about the money nor the drug/alcohol addictions at birth, it is about the certainty that when the adoption is done that it is in fact truly a complete adoption without the birthparents U.S. safety net of indecision. I love this country but the adoption system has severe flaws which put the children in a sad and sometimes dangerous position. If someone thinks adopting a child from a foreign orphanage is "buying" children then I challenge you to live in that facility without the benefit of a home and family and decide where you would prefer to live.
Yes, children in the USA are no different from children in other countries. It is the legal system and the people who are different.
After having seen adoptions fall through because the birth mother took the pre-natal care and nurturing that the adoptive family offered and then decided at the last minute to keep the child, and I saw the could-have-been-adoptive parents were devastated...
after seeing birth parents who were convicted felons and willingly gave their child up for adoption later sue for custody and WIN even though the child was clearly better off with the adoptive parents (the only parents they had ever known) and saw that both the adoptive parents and the poor child caught in the middle were devastated...
after interviewing birth mothers and realizing that most of them aren't young girls that got into a spot of trouble, most of the aren't and some of them are even taking advantage of the system. Seeing that my romantic notions of birth mothers were for the most part, wrong...
I decided to adopt a child from another country. The insurance that a birth parent wasn't going to come and take her away from me some day was well worth the trip around the world. I'd advise anyone else to do the same thing until our country starts putting the good of the child before the "rights" of the birth-parents.
I work with several groups trying to get Americans to adopt US children. Too many do not want mixed race children, whether the mix is black/white or hispanic/white. I am amazed at the people who were and are willing to adopt children from the former Eastern Bloc countries without knowing anything about the biological parents. I have seen several instances where the children have been 'returned' since they are not perfect. Nothing is - I have two biological children and two adopted ones. All four are normal, healthy people. We have had some concerns with all of them but worked hard to get through issues. People will adopt where they will - I just hope there are no issues with these little ones in the future.
We adopted our daughter in America. The process was rigorous -- but then it SHOULD BE! As for Americans not wanting to adopt "mixed-race babies" --well, come on now--they are adopting mixed raced babies from foreign countries. I think it has more to do with not qualifying by American standards or, possibly, it is considered so chic to bring a baby back from a foreign country. Somesort of ego thing they can brag to their friends about being so liberal or something.
your group must not do a very good job of advocating for these children as I can tell you that we would have taken any race and we did not find any children in our 20's we were "allowed" to have. Please, provide this great list of little ones that are multiracial, I would love to see it.
Can you tell me what group you work with that are trying to get Americans to adopt mixed race children? I would be interested in contacting one of your groups. Thanks.
Why would someone living in the United States want to go overseas to adopt a child. There are plenty of children in this country that need homes. I wonder if they brought back anything else that Nepal is known for (hint hint). These same people who go overseas for children will use US tax dollars for breaks and schooling, while US children starve. If you go overseas to buy a child (yes these children are bought) and bring it back to the US you should be required to pay at least $200,000 for the benefits these foreign children will receive.
Not sure what benefits these "foreign" children will receive you are talking about. If US citizens adopt these children are the children not eligible to become US citizens and are the responsibility of the adoptive parents???? And as to why people are going overseas to adopt children - no one wants the crack and meth babies that are put up for adoption here and all the associated problems those children have - so they go overseas to get healthy children that also need homes.
I personally feel that the most important reason people are adopting out of the country is their desperate need for attention. The babies are obviously not theirs biologically, and shouts to their community "LOOK AT ME! LOOK WHAT I DID! AREN'T I JUST WONDERFUL?!!!" One woman in my local grocery store, as she answered a question about the little girl with her, was actually stupid enough to state that "we BOUGHT the baby from China". The word was clear; not brought, BOUGHT.
Here is an easy way to educate yourself. Go to your county or residence home page and look up your foster care page. Tell me if there are any children that a young middle class family of average education could possibly be capable of adopting! If you are unwilling to do that---just go to the foster to adopt classes once held by your county----then get back to me on the whole "why are you going overseas to adopt" thing.
Obviously you have no clue if this is what you think. Please tell me you did not procreate.
Yes Kallie, I read your previous laments in your prior comments about how inconvenienced you would be when you adopt that "less than perfect" baby. A child with emotional or medical problems. gasp! That wouldn't hold up at the country club now would it?
And yes, I know 4 families who have adopted LOCALLY! 2 were meth babies. They are happy, healthy and loved boys. To even further your disdain, I will tell you that ALL of these families are YOUNG MIDDLE CLASS people who have been more than capable parents. Perhaps YOU and those who think like you, are the ones making adoptions so difficult in this country...."Tell me if there are any children that a young middle class family of average education could possibly be capable of adopting"...YOUR WORDS, not mine.
You are right, hey, you, you're infertile, you better adopt a meth baby (and hope birthmom doesn't get him back) or you are a bad patriot to your country. What a foolish notion.
The REASON people from the USA adopt overseas: the courts in this country will not uphold a legal adoption if the mother wakes up one day and sues for custody! there is no adoption in this country anymore , under liberal progressive illogic.
Quit for a while bringing these foreigners in the country. Your selfishness that you want a baby is not everyone else's problem. Chances are over 50% that you two will divorce anyway. It is not an inalienable right to make the female happy with a adoption.
That is the dumbest thing ever. Let's hope you don't breed.
Idiot.
Sorry. I have two adult step children and two adult children. Let me ask a question. How many husbands out of a 100 go up to a wife and say "I got it let's adopt a child in Nepal and if you don't I will not be your friendly mate". Answer - probably none. Nothing else needs to be said, eh.
LJ was wrong. THIS is the dumbest thing ever. I feel sorry for your kids and wife.
For the record, my husband is the one who brought up adoption, and we decided together after looking at both domestic and international adoptions to adopt outside of the US.
the adopted foreign kids get all the govt benefits - which is ok. however, a move is in afoot in washington dc to deny govt benefits to the kids born in usa to illegal parents - like schooling and medical care.
Your statement makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Parents who adopt internationally are solely responsible for providing for their children and meeting their needs. However, a child adopted from the US foster care system is eligible for Medicaid and a monthly subisdy payment that goes to the adoptive parents. Adoptive parents may choose to waive the subsidy, but most opt to take it.
OMG...you have no idea what you are talking about. Parents who adopt internationally are fully responsible for the care of their children; they get no Government subsidies or assistance!! Think before you speak!
So far very little reality from what folks have said here. I work with many parents that want to adopt here and it is a pain for them. Far too many children that are available are from drug addicted or have histories of violence and bipolar disorder something you want to avoid in your adopted child as nature will trump nurture every single time. Those children from Romania and Russia have a very high percentage of alcohol related problems and are not a good long term bet. Those from Hindu and Muslim countries are likly to have slightly better genetic bakgrounds save those from known histories of severe mental illness which the agencies will never tell the adoptive parents about. Out of the US adoption agencies are also hghly corrupt and will try an get as much money out of the adoptive parents as possible an do a really good job at it. The whole stuation is a real mess with no control factors on either end.
Hey, William, calling my brilliant Russian adopted daughter, "not a good bet" is not a good bet for you. How hypocritical and Godly of many of you to stamp a flag on the face of an orphan. How many kids have you adopted lately?
Our family tried to adopt a child in the US out of foster care. He was in our home for 6 mos before we lost him to give birthmom a second chance. We have also tried regular domestic adoption...did you know that can cost upwards of $50,000 with the lawyers and expenses??? The children that ARE easily available are either large sibling groups, much older kids or kids who are profoundly disabled. These situations require very special placements and, as a couple in our 20's, we were not prepared for this
We finally went to one of those "Eastern Bloc" countries. You must know that ethnicity is not assured as many many kids are of different ethnic backgrounds. These countries do have fetal alcohol disorder and the same types of drug addiction problems and disabilities we find in the U.S. BUT, the adoption is closed and final. Our total adoption costs were around $40,000 with over half of that going to travel and the other half going to U.S. agency, orphanage donation, and translators. You haven't seen deprived until you have seen and EE orphanage.
Wow, there are so so many uneducated people on here. Backwoods hypocrites who think you can pick up a phone here in the U.S. and have a child at your door as easy as can be. You have no idea and really shouldn't even comment on these types of stories until you do.
Do you happen to know who the BREEDER of your "brilliant Russian daughter" is? An interesting word that you chose there.
Haha, actually I do know the birthfamily of my Russian daughter. We have chosen to have contact and they are good people. Again, hope you don't breed.
Haha, why is the baby you bought produced from a "birth family" and others are accused of "breeding"?
Let me spell it out for you so you understand: I am just saying you are an ignorant person who has no clue on adoption and you should not share that ignorance with a new generation. It is bad enough that you have shared your ignorance with this whole site. Fortunately, our birthparents were intelligent, good people who knew they couldn't give a child a home.
YOU used the word BREED, not me.
Breed is the best word I could think of to describe the procreation of someone with such an obviously uneducated, offensive view.
Your comments to myself and others in this discussion simply reinforce the opinion that you are part of the blond-haired-blue-eyed-master-race backers. Your daughter was brought from Russia? Interesting.
Nice, now you have jumped the shark. You are not just stupid, you are also crazy. Great combo.
Oh, btw, if you were educated at all you'd know that many many children adopted from russia are kazakh or gypsy with strong asian features. but, guess you wouldn't know that... You should do a little research OR BETTER YET...why don't YOU adopt...
OK, here's some of my research...
http://www.personal.kent.edu/~mvandul/Gunnar_vanDulmen_IAP2006.pdf
This study describes results from the International Adoption Project survey (http://education.umn.edu/ICD/IAP/).
There are other families who know EXACTLY what these families are going thru - the families who were stuck in Cambodia in 2001 when the US unceremoniously and without warning stopped issuing visas for cambodian children being adopted by Americans. It took 20/20 doing an expo on their situation for the Senate to call for a solution and John Ashcroft finally issued humanitarian visas to the children whose adoptions had been deemed legitimate.
As an adoption advocate (who has adopted an older sibling group from TX, 2 children from Russia in 97 and a multiracial child from TN foster care) I can say that there are many reasons parents decide to adopt from overseas rather than from the US. One reason being that it is not easy to adopt from the US fostercare system. Another reason why older children are not eagerly adopted is the prevalence of fetal alc syndrome, oppositional - defiant disorder, emotional and behavioral problems, reactive attachment disorder, sexual acting out, etc.
It is sad - when the children languishing in orphanages overseas, children who are literally starving - children who dont have foster care or any back up systems to ensure their survival, have their chances of adoption diminished by corruption within their own country, red tape and obstructive regulations within the adopting parents countries and lack of information highlighting their plight.
Giving a home and family to a child, regardless of their country of origin, is a wonderful thing. It is a sad reflection on our society that their are many ignorant posts from people like Ron and Mic57. I feel sorry for you. Hopefully, as you get older and have a family, you will realize your stupidity.
Agree 100%
I am amazed by the uninformed and offensive responses of some of the people here. Many people who have adopted children (my husband and me included) have spent years and years trying to have a child biologically. When adopting, whether domestically or internationally, prospective adoptive parents have to endure invasive questions, multiple visits from social workers, inspections of their homes, inspections of their financial situation, and rude questions from strangers about their intentions to adopt. Our decision to adopt internationally was not made with any kind of desire for attention (as one poster said) or to buy a child for slave labor (that is a reprehensible thing to accuse somebody who has adopted a child of,) but merely, as a more informed poster said, to love and raise a child. Like everybody who biologically bears a child, we wanted to raise a child from as early an age as possible. Because we were in our 40s, we were advised that it would be difficult to find a birth mother who would choose us. We did not want to adopt an older child (and before anybody calls us horrible for saying this, they need to adopt an older child and THEN criticize us.) We wanted what other biological parents want - a healthy infant. We chose to adopt from Russia because we did not want everybody to look at our kids and know immediately that they were adopted. We found out as much information as we possibly could about the biological parents and have since gotten to know them through a contact in Russia. We brought home our first daughter (who is now 8) at the age of 8 months and our second (who is now 6) at the age of 12 months. We are a happy family of 4 just like any other family of 4, with the exception that I did not birth these two wonderful girls. I am as happy as I could be with the decision that we made when I couldn't carry a pregnancy to term. We have the family I always wanted. Anybody who criticizes those who choose to adopt, no matter HOW they choose to adopt, needs to keep their offensive thoughts to themselves.
Great post!! Our daughter adopted at 14 mos from Russia is the light of lives. Why do people feel the need to criticize the decisions of adoptive families? It is so truly offensive to us and our child.
Comments made about foreign adoptions are obviously being made by people who have never really considered adoption as a means of growing a family. The thought that there are "plenty of children waiting in the US" isn't really accurate. There are many American children in need of loving families, true, but the process to adopt them is far from easy. Regulations and laws make it a very scary prospect -- bring a child home only to have the courts overrule the adoption in favor of a birth parent who has had a change of heart. We adopted a foreign-born child a few years ago, and we couldn't be happier. We'd love to adopt again, but I'm uncertain, at present, if we'd choose an American adoption -- it's just too risky.
Have you ever considered, as an adoptive parent, starting a movement to change the laws and regulations? Those who have been throught the process would be the best voices of change and in the process could educate potential adoptive parents. Change starts somewhere.
I don't understand why this couple is expecting sympathy. My first question is why did they not (could they not!) qualify to adopt a child in America? My second question is why, with so many American children needing adoptive homes, they did not seek to adopt a child in America where the legal process is highly structured to ensure protection for all involved --including child, biological parents and adoptive parents.
Really? Where are all the healthy American younger children available for adoption? Can you share a link? Because we have been trying to adopt in the U.S. for years and finally went overseas. You must know something I don't...
It is false that there are a lot children waiting here in the US, only those that have not tried to adopt would think so. There are some teenagers and large sibling groups with older children in them that are available but the waiting list for infants to 10 year olds is crazy, sometimes you NEVER find a child that at social worker will approve you for. Also, the social workers are unresponsive, give inaccurate information or get to pick the family, and some things they are looking for are hard to over come, ie. child must be ONLY child in family, child must live near X city to keep up visits with grandparents, when X city is no where near here, it goes on and on. The reason people go overseas is because the children are ALREADY placed for adoption, you don't have to foster them sitting in limbo for years hoping you can way day adopt them. They cut the parental rights and then you can adopt and be done with it. We waited 2 years to get any boy under 5 that was not severely impaired, we didn't get a single phone call, so we went overseas and first full day we were there, were handled a 1 year old boy with special needs, he was ours 2 weeks later and is now 10. I feel very sorry for these families stuck in legal limbo.
I am a mother by adoption. I am a mother by international adoption and I did it long before any celebrity made it a cause celebre. I have never responded to any comment on any blog before but, this time, silence was not an option. There are currently only one hundred thousand child country-wide available in the United States for adoption. Many of these children are special needs, multiple siblings, and older who have been in the foster care system for years with issues linked to profound abuse or neglect. Many are African American but it is incorrect that Caucasian parents are unwilling to take in black or racially mixed children. In fact, many African American social workers actively dissuade white parents parents from adopting black or biracial children believing that white parents cannot address heritage and hardships living in a racist country. Their concerns might be valid, or not. I know only that I eventually grew tired of having to convince anyone of my aptitude for parenting and eventually chose to build my family by going overseas. This did not mean that I did not find American children adoptable, only that they were not available to me. I chose an international adoption. I did not buy my daughter nor is she a slave. In fact, she is a beloved miracle found dying under the seat of a chair in a rural hospital in northern China. She was three pounds and everyone assumed she would suffer some sort of disability because of her abandonment by a birth mother who, by all evidence, did whatever she could do to save our daughter. Despite being warned by authorities that she might have developmental delays I accepted the match and flew to China to meet my child who I had waited for my entire life. That was over ten years ago and if there is any slave in this family it is me - sitting at the side of a soccer field in the freezing cold watching her try to kick a goal, or sitting through a spring concert where every single fifth grader is singing off-key. I don't expect any of you to understand that adopting her made me believe in things bigger than myself - in destiny, in God, in all the wonderful things in the world. I am grateful every day that she came into my arms. I can only hope that in the journey of your life that you experience the same kind of joy my amazing, my breathlessly funny, my daughter has given to me.
Wonderful post!
Agreed! Thank you for being a great voice :)
Beautiful post. So true.
I'm a mother by birth and by (international) adoption, have many children in my life (friends and family who foster or who have adopted) who were adopted either domestically or internationally. None of us knew (whether we were pregnant or adopting) that our children would be "perfect" or "normal." All of us feel guided (you mention destiny and God - yes!) to the children who would become part of our families.
All children (whether they have special needs, whether they are born in our country or not) deserve families. And all adoptive parents I know strongly support ethical adoption.
Great statement. Bravo! I am also an adoptive mother and I understand your joy. Adopting a child made me complete. I longed to give a child love and a wonderful life and it is the biggest joy in my life to have my daughter. Only those that have cried and longed for a child can understand.
Thank you for sharing your story.
To forevermother:
HERE HERE!!!!
BRAVO BRAVO!!!!
AND FINALLY--- YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!
Thank you for opening your world up to us.
Doing ANYTHING in the United States takes an act of God (regulations, regulations). And unless specifically looking to help a "problem child," what parent looking to adopt wants to adopt pre-existing problems (crack/meth kid, bipolar, retarded, etc.). You want a child, not a set of complex problems from the outset. That includes biracial children because they, through no fault of their own, inherit the proverbial bullying as soon as they enter school, not to mention the adoptive parents getting a few dirty looks.
Nonbeliever - "Doing ANYTHING in the United States takes an act of God"
No wonder YOU can't get anything done.
I have no sympathy for them, there are thousands of children in the US that ned a family. The money they have spent on a foreign child could have been better spent in the US on a "problem child" to quote Nonbeliever
You're right. You are 28 and infertile so you should do your duty to the U.S. to adopt a child with profound disabilities or a sibling group of 5. lkaw, have you adopted lately??
Thank you LJ, for bringing a voice of reason and truth to this topic. I'm afraid JM is an ignorant, lost cause and we can only hope he never becomes a parent by birth or adoption. Congratulations to you and your family.
I'd just like to know, are these children going to be loved like they should be, or are they just a showpiece for the neighbors and family members, when they are older, and not cuddly like a new puppy, or kitten, will they still be loved, or discarded like trash, a lot of shallow people out there.
All children should be loved. My daughter is sure loved like she should be. It is hard, I think sometimes, for those who haven't adopted to understand the love you feel for a child who was born in your heart :) She is almost 7 and, while still quite cuddly, is a typical kid who loves McD's, Miley Cyrus, Webkinz and her best friend next door. She has a fabulous extended family who also accepts her fully and completely. I also have all the information at the ready so, if she ever feels the need, she can continue a correspondence with her birthfamily which I have begun. You try to make all the right decisions when raising an adopted child but it is sometimes learning in process...
Biological babies also grow up and aren't 'cuddly like a new puppy.' Do you anticipate that THEY are discarded like trash? For fertile couples, it is a whole heck of a lot easier to get pregnant and have a baby than it is for people to adopt, either domestically or internationally. ALL adoptive parents that I know went into the process knowing that they wanted a child, and they go to great lengths to adopt that child. Not all biological parents get pregnant knowing the same thing.
Adoption is ALWAYS intentional. Having a baby biologically is not always intentional.
I truly cannot believe some of the ridiculous statements made on this forum.
Our daughter is adopted, yet there is no denying that she is our child. I see my self and my husband in her gestures and turn of phrase, her likes and dislikes. I couldn't throw her away any more than I could throw away a part of myself.
For all of you reprimanding these people for not adopting a child in the US, please do you research first. Sadly, the cost of adopting a child born in the US is approximately 4x what it cost to adopt abroad. Also, no matter how legally bound a US adoption may seem to be, it can always be argued in court. A mother may change her mind or a father may show up years later, demanding the child he never knew he had. The system is broken here and worldwide, and it is the children who suffer for it. Please don't deride these people for trying to give one child a better chance at life, no matter where that child was born.
Exactly. A child is a child, no matter where they were born.
A child is a child and frankly, while I am not an adoptive mother, all children deserve to be warm, to be fed, to be held, and to be loved. When they are teenagers, perhaps it's time to send them to an orphanage (this is a joke -- however -- think about it -- send all teenagers to a 3rd world country to live -- not volunteer -- but to live -- and watch them beg to come back home!. Seriously, you do what you can do and if it's cheaper and easier to adopt abroad then in the USA -- then by all means what's the harm in adopting abroad? Adoptable infants in the USA do not go wanting -- there aren't enough to go around -- and children who have been irrevocably damaged by the foster care system can't just be placed into an adoptive home and then, everything is hunky dory. These kids have major, intractable problems that may never get resolved -- we can't expect young parents to take these kids in and "fix," them. As the parent of a kid with learning disabilities, I can't tell you how much money it cost me -- try on $56K per year for a special high school -- in order to do the right thing for my son. He's in college now -- he had a 3.8 GPA last semester, so I obviously did something right. As someone who's been in the shoes of a parent of a kid with "issues," (and my kid is a biological kid), it's not easy and it can drain parents of every dime they ever hope to have. Kudos to these brave people for going oversees when adopting here won't work out. It takes guts to go to a foreign country, live there while waiting for the paperwork to come through -- and then finally bringing home the answer to their dreams. Let's hope that ALL available kids, including those that are "damaged," be adopted out to loving families. Taking a kid with issues that you are not prepared for or can't afford to educate properly isn't the right thing to do, however.
I completely agree - and here's to good mothers like you! (And thank you for pointing out that people who don't have the resources - financial, familial, emotional - to adopt children with difficult special needs should not do so.) All kids deserve loving homes.