This study makes a lot of sense.

We've all heard about the "Tiger Moms" that demand a lot from their kids, and the reality is that they are much more likely to succeed, and now we see why.

Now we'll see a plethora of parenting books on this.

@bspurloc

Didn't read the whole thing, did ya?

There are therapies available for kids with ADHD. You can look into some counseling for your child.

@dawnm

You said your daughter is only six. With early help many strides can be made to overcome this. Get her that early help and it could be a non-issue down the road.

Good luck!

I agree that toddlers aren't little adults. But children can learn what is appropriate behavior and boundaries within reason. For example, if my child wants another glass of milk after she just had one for lunch, then I may tell her that she doesn't need one and that she has to wait for dinner. Then I'll give her an alternative choice of drinks. If she pitches a fit, then I wonder if it is time for a nap or look for some other cause. Either way, I don't have to give in or yell or let have her way even if she is just a kid.

A child can have self control in the form of boundaries and discipline appropriate to the child's age and maturity level. Children start learning right from wrong at an early age. Unfortunantly, I have seen too many children misbehave as teenagers and adults partly because someone indulged their bad behavior too often as a child and they never had the appropriate boundaries.

And that attitude is exactly why so many kids in the US are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. Kids are not born with self-control...it's a learned skill that too many so-called parents don't bother to teach. Just like learning to walk, talk and feed themselves, kids need to be taught to control their impulses, and 3 years old is NOT too young to start.

Parents need to keep in mind that they aren't raising children...ultimately they are raising adults.

We need to stop looking at the issue of child development through American lenses. We must realize that a lot of what we perceive to be normal child behavior is merely the ramifications of a culture that thrives on indulging in the every whim of a child. Children as early as the age of two can begin learning the lesson that the world does not revolve around them. This is a tricky message to send in the US as everything children see around them tells them otherwise.

@Momster

I agree with your comment. I've been a teacher for 21 years and I know from first hand experience that kids with ADD/ADHD can learn self-control. I have also had many students who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD simply because the parent took the child from doctor to doctor until one was found that would give the diagnoses. Those are the parents who did not take the time to teach self-control to their children. (Yes, I do talk with the parents of my students.)

With the students who actually have ADD/ADHD, I usually have the students close to my desk, and I try to "bookend" the student with students who have good self-control. That way, the ADD/ADHD student can learn through example while I'm at another table helping others, and we all work as a team to help the ADD/ADHD student to work at becoming more successful in the classroom.

We also discuss consequences and how to control whether one wants a positive consequence or a negative consequence. The students who don't truely have ADD/ADHD adapt their behavior very quickly, those who do have ADD/ADHD take a little longer adapting to the concept.

I have taught K-12 classes (2 yrs.), 600 middle school kids a year, 30 in a classroom (3yrs.), and I now teach 7-12 visual art (16 yrs.).

Keep in mind that students in visual art class have to use various types of media and sharp objects (scissors, exacto kives), so self-control and keeping students on task is a safety issue for everyone in the classroom. We have national and state objectives to meet like all other teachers, so the idea that fine art classes are just "organized recess" is flawed thinking. The use of art enables the creation of the man made objects around you. Using the art concepts enables one to make better decisions about those objects. (If an object doesn't work well, it has a flawed design.)

Shawn:

I have no problems taking my three, three-year-old grand children in public. Their manners are nothing less than perfect. If they were not, i would not even allow them in my home.

Children CAN be taught to behave. i still think many ADHD impulse control kids are really the product of bad parenting and the lack of a swift kick in the ass.

Jeff, check out articles about our food and the typical American diet and see what you think. In th 50's, no ADHD but food sources changed and other things did too. Appreciate the comment.

Your brother has self control. If he didn't have self control he would not be successful. If he did not have self control he would have taken the money from the business, and the business employees, and spent it on whims. He controlled his impulse from buying unnecessaries, and making thoughtful decisions based on information. (Decisions regarding finances, employees, materials, tone of conducing business, etc.)

Imagine that, edward, you know his brother better than he does. Wow. Your post is the most absurd thing i've read on the internet. just chalked full of assumptions. "If he did not have self control he would have taken money from the business, and the business employees, and spent it on whims" ... cool Durkheim. The leap in logic from lack of self-control straight to embezzlement is ridiculous to the point of being comical. Maybe his brother got lucky. Maybe his lack of self control actually made him successful, because he went in on very risky propositions that just happened to pay off. I don't know, but then again I'm not claiming to like you are. Oh and by the way Tim's question was is his brother an anomaly, not does his brother have or lack self-control. You immediately threw the real question out as invalid based on the logical fallacy that no one can be successful while at the same time lacking self-control.

Some spoiled rotten people turn out out to be good, decent people despite their circumstances. Others take an inch and never look back and say screw you when anyone tries to get their behavior under control. You are very lucky that your husband is a good man.

As for your MIL, I would do what is best for your daughter first and foremost. She is two years old and her well being is more important than your MIL's feelings. I too have inlaws that are indulgent with one of their children and her children, but give me and my husband excuse after excuse why they can't attempt to have a relationship with us or our daughter.

I have even made alternative living arrangements for holiday gatherings so that we could get some peace and quite and not have children yelling and screaming outside our room at all hours of the night. It hurt my MIL's feelings and I knew she was offended, but her plan was to stick me, my husband, and two yr old child in a small, crowded office while her daughter's family got two bedrooms and their own bathroom upstairs. They won't change this arrangement because that is the way her daughter likes it. I told my husband that I wouldn't stay there and as a result we stayed at a nearby hotel. I got to keep my sanity and my family got to keep some sense of dignity. It was well worth the investment.

So...my youngest son, who is now 25, is finally becoming a resonsible adult on his own. Having had two children before him, I knew he was different. He was a difficult baby and toddler, and did not behave in the way my 2 older children did. I had him tested and was told he had an auditory processing disorder and ADHD. BUT...he was smart, very smart. Although he was kicked out of his pre-K, which I expected, he excelled at the alternative program he was put in, and actually ended up skipping ahead a grade. What I did was get him involved in sports, and music, and even video games. He became a prodigy on the drums. Sports, not so much. He had teachers and adults competing to beat him at the video games. But his adult claim to fame is music. Sometimes you just have to try as a parent to find a niche for your child. Not everyone fits into the traditional mold. I'm happy for my son. It wasn't indulgence. Just think outside the box sometimes. Not every child will fit into the traditional format. It doesn't mean that they can't be successful and productive. The world needs all kinds of people.

mom11, so sorry for your loss. to everyone, I highly recommend "Children, the Challenge" by Richard Dreikers. Dreikers (this was published in hmmm1964?) advocates giving children choices that are acceptable to you, the parent. He also has some interesting information on 'kid logic.' One take away I got was your (my) job as parent is to get small human beings to grow up to be productive, healthy, etc., larger (adult) human beings. Your job is not (necessarily) to have 'fun.' Now, having children can be fun, at times, and children are truly wonderous beings. But it is, according to Dreikers, very important to understand what your parenting job is. Our daughter (27 now) has cerebral palsy. As much as we could (what with doctors, physical terrorists...er...therapists, testing, advocating, etc.) we gave her choices that were acceptable to us. She is now a responsible, working member of society. So I guess either Dreikers was right, or we lucked out.