Article Source: msnbc.com
from:msnbc.comYoung, married, childless UK couples seem happiest
Seeded on Mon Feb 28, 2011 12:57 PM EST (msnbc.com)
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I think most folks already knew this.
Yep. Young. Healthy. Still looking good. Still feeling good. No stress. I think anyone could be happy in circumstances like that.
On the other hand, when you are pushing 40, you have gained 50 lbs, your back aches all the time, you have two kids and a third on the way, you are 4 years into a 30 year mortgage you couldn't afford when you took it, and your wife is cranky all the time because she has had insomnia for the last month, life becomes more of a challenge.
Then again, I wonder how many of the couples they survued were just lying? Or in denial?
Story should have stated "...found married couples SAID they were happier than their cohabiting peers." You are SUPPOSED to be happier in marriage, right? Wonder if there were any factors figured in for that. Probably not. If they are trying to get people to believe they will be happier if they get married and not have kids...there will be a very rude awakening with the new resurgence of divorce lawyers. 60% completely satisfied? That's funny. Isn't that the CURRENT divorce rate? Still about a flip of the coin if you get married. Stay single and stay happy...then you only have yourself to worry about with no government getting into your finances when she is not happy any more.
"Regarding divorce settlements, according to the 2004 Grant Thornton survey in the UK, women obtained a better or considerably better settlement than men in 60% of cases. In 30% of cases the assets were split 50-50, and in only 10% of cases did men achieve better settlements"
Yes, but studies cost money - money that MUST be spent.
And cows go moo!
so wait...when you're young, getting uninterrupted sex all the time, being able to come and go without having to worry about (or paying for) babysitters and the like, and have a couple incomes...you are at your happiest?
Damn, that IS an amazing revelation....
Next study - is water really wet?
You said "getting uninterrupted sex all the time". Unfortunately, these are married people we are talking.
I guess it depends on how one defines happiness. Having a child has been the greatest joy of my life! I had no idea ahead of time how incredibly wonderful it would be. It is impossible to realize how much you can love someone until you actually have a child.
Amen, I couldn't agree more. But i also think it should be a personal choice.
Huh??? It is a personal choice.
BillyD, I couldn't agree more.
And just when I thought I couldn't love anything better than I do my kids, along came my grandbaby!
Not me. More fun with little ones
What a cynic!
My kids never told me to go f---myself.
LOL
Those couples are happier than their peers at the moment. I wonder who is happier when they are 60. Those childless couples or the parents with children that are carrying on their legacy to their grandchildren. This survey seems to be about instant gratification. In that sense it is probably right on.
A real helpful study would look at the entire life of childless people. Do they end up happier?
I was miserable a couple of years ago when my son was sick. I took some time off and really cheered him up during his sickness. Now I look back at that as one of my fondest memories. At the time, I would have been happier going out to a fancy dinner every night, but would I still cherish those dinners today?
Instant gratification is not always the best way to happiness, but it sure looks nice on a survey.
it is a twenty year study.
There is no guarantee your kids won't just stick you in a home to get at your stuff faster. And I have no desire to pass on any "legacy" to anyone. Who knows what kind of undesirable DNA gets passed along. My moms side can't see to live past 62. All I know is my legacy will be what I did in life, not who I made.
I take care of my sick husband and pets, it doesn't need to be a kid to make something memorable.
Oh and we prefer to be called "Childfree" not childless
courser
Totally agree. On the other shoe, my Dad is seriously ill and I went to visit, live on other side of country so don't see as much. 180 degrees in happiness factor for my dad, he said seeing me cheered him up tremendously and our relationship is stronger.
No brainer so I hope no gov't funds were wasted by the already cash strapped UK.
Sorry, they wasted 40+ million they could have used on other things.
The addition of a child into a relationship makes a great marriage good, a good marriage fair and a fair marriage poor. I'm not saying that our daughter caused our marriage to fail, but with her came a level of stress that the marriage could not withstand. We both love her dearly, but children change relationships and not always for the better.
I used to think I would never be happy without having children. The more I think about it and look at friends that do have kids, I'm thankful I don't have kids.
Our life is much more enjoyable and affordable because we don't have them. I'm in my 30s now and I still feel this way. I worry I may regret this decision as I age, but then I think this is what nieces and nephews are for.
I wake up every day happier than the day before that I have chosen not to have children...
every day is the happiest day of your life. Awesome. I bet you have money too.
"I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three moneys?"
Homer J. Simpson
Children are not for everyone as is marriage isn't. To each his own. Whatever you decide is right IS right for you. Simple.
That's it in a nutshell.
I prefer childfree as my lifestyle choice. I'm not -less or missing anything in my life. For those saying, I'll regret it later, guess I don't look to a kid to be my caretaker when I'm old.
Everyone should make choices on what they want and what is best for them. I happen to have children, I wouldn't trade them for world. You have to make a lot of sacrifices if you have them. My husband and I try to make time for each other, we will go out to dinner alone, NO! Kids allowed.
I'm glad someone has finally said it! Most of us who have gone through all the myths knew it, but just couldn't bring ourselves to admit it because it made as sound like ogres who didn't like our kids. We do love them, it's just that they are a real DRAIN and DRAG!! Moments of joy certainly, but far greater and more frequent moments of anxiety, hurt and frustration. Only those who want no life of their own and are willing to subjugate themselves daily and always should even attempt it.
I know living as unmarrieds, no kids, and dual income is definitely the life, and has been. Change the tax laws and maybe we'll consider marriage ! And, we can spend as much on other kids as we see fit ! And, you're right, it should be a choice, not a law......
Who'd a guessed it? Young, healthy, always with best friend, lots of sex, more disposable income and no kids equals happier people - no sh!t?
brits r stupid anyways just look at the gulf.....
I'm glad they're happier. Because Europeans are breeding themselves to near extinction what's left of them will live under sharia law by the middle of this century. Those that refuse will be killed.
To all the happier childless couples. Go back to your PARENTS and ask them if they would be happier if you were not born. If they say yes, then I suggest you leave them alone and stop ruining their lives for it is the very fact that you were born that have caused them such misery.
To all the miserable couples who have children. Raising a child is incredibly hard work but the end result is much much more rewarding. If you don't like your kids, give them away. You can have your "freedom" back. You can always go play with your neice or nephew if you get the itch. Having a child is a personal choice. Nobody made you do it. Tax reasons should not be anywhere near the equation of having kids. I have 2 kids, less money, and less sleep. They're smelly, they're sassy, they color on the furniture, and have turned my hair gray.....I kinda miss the little buttheads right about now. Think i'll go pick them up, head home, and color on the walls.
Holier then thou logic.
I chose to not have children as the world is already overpopulated. Can't help but wonder how many of us there is out here.
I wish more people thought about this. Good for you! I agree.
You chose not to have children because the world is overpopulated?
What a load of crap!
I agree with Strider54. I'm 43, unmarried, happy, and proud to say I'm not adding to the human overpopulation problem!
I think that children (these days) are just not the investments that they were back in the olden days. I mean certainly back then you needed children to help you prosper; help you with your farm, or ranches, or just the fact that you had to have many of them in order a handful to survive-that was understandable. But in all honesty, the world really doesn't live like that anymore, and in the poorest areas children are even a greater burden then in the industrialized nations-and they suffer greatly unfortunately. They are more..I don't know-a luxury item it seems today, certainly they are with celebrities and people who are mega-rich and can actually afford them. Even with regular people, they seem to just be something to have because you can-no real planning or motive for their future. It seems we're just producing children for the sake of production. But whatever, if you have them you do, and if you don't you don't-just the way of your own choice really.
Amen to that. Every time I spend time at the home of friends or family members who have young children, it only reinforces my commitment to birth control.
I'm glad there are people out there who love children and want to be parents but it is not for everyone. It is far better that people have children because they WANT to and not because they feel they are SUPPOSED to by their peers, parents, or society.
True
This is hilarious. So to be happy, we shouldn't have kids. Uhhh, wouldn't we then just die out as a species.
BTW, I have friends that don't have kids and they spend all their money on materials items. It seems like they're trying to buy happiness. I wouldn't trade places with them for a million dollars. It's going to be cold and sad as they grow older, no kids, no grandkids, no special memories of the first word, first step, first date, etc., just them looking at each other old and wrinkled until one of them dies.
I agree. Money can't put its arms around you and say I love you.
But while I wouldn't trade places with them, I realize that they wouldn't trade places with me.
To each their own.
I know I love having nice things for all the hard work I have put into my life. They don't scream, cry, talk back, ruin my body or need their nonexistent butts wiped. Sorry but I wouldn't trade places with any parent for a million dollars.
Read my post #8.2 :) I look forward to a life of just my husband and I and us growing old together. I have no desire to witness any first steps, dates,words etc. Just not my cup of tea and not worth the sacrifice for us.
Of course you wouldn't trade your kids--they're already born! You can't make the comparison after they're born.
Of course money buys happiness. What leads to divorce most of the time? Bickering and stressing over finances ranks pretty high--I know that much.
You people are extremely self-absorbed and sad! Wow! I'm glad I'm not you.
Oh, and BTW Lana, when you're old and keep trying to buy yourself into happiness, remember what I said. What you are saying is you love inanimate objects that will bore you in time and then you have to have new things that make you "happy". See I know that family is everything. You're sad and extremely selfish! :(
So, Lana is extremely selfish (and a real sad case) because she's chosen not to have children and wants to just grow old with her husband, and/or pets? I don't get the sense from her post that she's worshiping at the material goods alter, either. She simply sounds like someone who has chosen not to have children and enjoys being able to purchase things because she doesn't have the additional expense of raising a child. On second thought, lets hang her!!!!
Sad and selfish because I want nothing to do with raising kids? Unlike you, I don't need kids to feel fulfilled in life, that is what my husband, career, and pets are for. Don't be mad that I have extra income that I put towards my husband and I's fun instead of into a brat that will probably shove me into a home first chance it gets.
But you keep telling yourself that you like cleaning up puke, dealing with their annoying questions, wiping butts, doing homework, dating and all that other jazz because you have no choice now :) There was a study done on how parents lie to themselves to justify having kids. Go look it up.
You cannot make a blanket statement like that about those of us who choose to have kids. I have never and will never regret having them, and I do not have to lie to myself to justify having them.
They have brought joy and pain to my life and I am richer for it. If you don't feel the same, fine. You shouldn't have kids. But don't make it sound like we are all miserable.
I've been reading a lot of responses to this article and notice that no one has pointed out that having a loving family doesn't need to include children. As adults we make our own familys out of friends, lovers, and the family we already have, ie siblings, parents, extended family, cousins, etc.
I'm not having children, because admittedly, I'm not cut out for the stress and expense. But I won't be alone in my old age. I have a large circle of related and non-related "family" that fill every need and craving in my heart. Thank goodness my mother had the stomach and the nerve to have children. She's my hero, and I'll take care of her until the day she dies, but then we will have balanced out, as she took care of me when I was young, and she when she is old. I owe the universe nothing more than the love and be loved.
The world *is* overpopulated, and marriage does suffer with children. I worry that if one *needs* children, it's to compensate for a lack of self knowledge and presence. Like back in Shakespeare's day when they were vain and insecure of their legacy without a physical being to carry that on. Which is a seriously underdeveloped view of the world.
So live and let live, love and be loved, and try not to fall into the traps society sets for us at every step. Be yourself.
Hey I am just stating what the study said and never said that you would regret having kids. In fact that is what the study was saying...to keep from regretting it you just naturally block out/overlook the unpleasantness because you know there is nothing they can do about it now so that coping mechanism takes over to keep you from regretting it. I don't think this applies to everyone either!
However, many friends and family have told me they would never have had kids if they knew what they were really in for so I know that mechanism doesn't always kick in.
A "coping mechanism" to keep us from "regretting it"?
Without which we would regret it?
I have nothing more to say.
Never said it applies to everyone.. don't be mad at me, be mad at the study.
The Myth of Joyful Parenthood: The Ultimate Cognitive Dissonance
They suspect that the belief in parental happiness is a psychological defense -- a fiction we imagine to make all the hard stuff acceptable. In other words, we parents have collectively created the myth of parental joy because otherwise we would have a hard time justifying the huge investment that kids require.
And 20 years from now , when the pension funds
are cashed strapped and National Health is almost
broke, because there aren't enough young workers
paying into the accounts, will the "childfree" people
let the "child blessed" people retire first, getting
the small funds that are still available, because their
kids are the ones keeping the programs afloat, or
will they insist on retiring and yanking money out of
the funds even though they have no one contributing
for them. Doubt they'll be so fair....
I hope no one is naive enough in this day and age to think there'll be Any pension left... But entertaining that there is, if the married or unmarried destitute would slow down on the prolific child-rearing they are doing now, there WILL be money left because less will be going to assist the children of Parents that can't afford them. Not to mention the money going to legal children of illegal parents that aren't paying anything into the SSI system.
Don't get me wrong--as I say in my own comment--I'm all for children. They are great. But they have to be decided upon with more discretion than most are using nowadays... rampant irresponsible child-birthing is not good for anyone whether married or not.