Medication is no solution.

In certain instances, medications are certainly the answer. Every child who exhibits bullying behavior needs to be examined on an individual basis. There is not one genesis cause that makes children behave in this manner.

If the child was bipolar medication most certainly was the answer. that is a serious disease that needs to be treated!

Medication solves your problem with them not necessarily their problem. If they were doing so great with the medication why did they stop taking it? Some do think that since they're doing fine they don't need the meds any more, but there are others who are suffering from side effects that cause them to continue to be unhappy even though the effects of meds make you happy because you don't have to deal with their behavior anymore. Sure your great with it because you don't have to feel the way they are. And many of the medications have effects eerily similar to withdrawal. Someone who has missed a dose by an hour or so can be quite scary but they never acted that scary until after they were on the meds and going through withdrawals. Serioulsy the it's damn near like watching a herion addict on a jones.

Some Lame Name Here, yeah, you're pretty lame. READ the original poster's remarks again then think about what you wrote.

"When he left home, he went off his meds"

How in the hell are you going to MAKE the adolescent take their meds if they've left home?!! You CAN'T!

A person who either 1) is too lazy to take them or 2) is having a severe bi-polar swing in which they need intervention, yes, will most indeed stop taking their meds.

It's not a simple issue. You can't force someone to do something once they get past a certain age.

Each province and state has different regulations relating to intervention with regards to mental illness. In Ontario, chidren from the age of 12 have the right accept or decline treatment for mental health issues. This can mean that with the assistance of a Mental Health Advocat, your child can refuse to take meds and therapy and it isn't until your little timebomb blows and the police become involved that anything can be done. It is not a good solution and can be hugely disruptive and damaging to those around the child/teen. Hats off to Misty for getting her grandson the care he obviously needed and how unfortunate for everyone around him that he was unable to continue the course of treatment or find an alternate that kept him in balance.

@Angelpointe

Take your own advice and re-read my post and please come up with something better than insulting my screen name. As your hardly the first to do so or most likely not the last you smack of unoriginality. And unless the adolescent is a emancipated minor they are no longer an adolescent when they leave home at 18. You don't even address or acknowledge the fact of unwanted side effects being a factor in why some stop taking the meds. And my 3rd sentence had you read that far down flat out says some stop taking the because they think they are doing fine now and stop taking the meds. I know I have these type of people in my life and is why I put that there in the first place. I don't take issue with criticism to my statements. I do however take issue with those who cherry pick and ignore what they don't like or can't come of with a decent rebuttal to what somebody else posted.

Going in with documentation is probably the best way to get the attention of and assistance from school staff. If your child is being bullied on facebook or instant message or one of these cyber types of bullying by other students, or nasty messages written about them, print the comments and take them with you. Sadly, these days everyone is so "litigation" minded and sometimes in documenting the bullying, not only do you have tangible proof of what is being done, but also if the bullying is not addressed and you have to go to the next step, you can clearly show your case of what is occuring and the steps you have taken to attempt to stop it...and no one wants to be shown negligent in their response or lack of it, so usually (hopefully) the documentation will help in assuring the problem is understood, taken seriously and addressed.

I agree Miker-3057253. Violence tends to solve bullying. I'd rather my kids threw someone who was bullying them into a beating, rather than have it come back to screw them later in life by lowering their self esteem.

I think the article quote mentioned, was referring to the parent reaction.

Sadly, violence isn't always the answer when it comes to bullying. I was bullied myself in junior high school, and to a lesser extent, in senior high. My guidance counselor and teachers kept telling me to ignore the bullies' name calling, but the name calling and verbal threats did play with my emotions to the point where I ended up losing my temper at these bullying classmates, further aggravating the bullying. My losing my temper was creating a disruption at the school, to the point where I was the one being punished, rather than the bullies, because of my temper. Occasionally, the bullying would get so intense that I would resort to throwing a chair or a book at the bullying student, thus causing me to get disciplined or suspended. Shop classes were the worst when it came to my being bullied. My projects would get damaged or destroyed, as well as the name calling that was bothering me. The breaking point came when I threatened a bullying student with a hammer. Fortunately, the teacher intervened before anything serious happened. I was sent to the assistant principal's office, and was since removed from that class, and placed in a study hall, which I spent at the school library. At one point, the parents of the student that I threatened with the hammer threatened to take me and my parents to court over the incident. If I did hit that student, I would have been probably sent either to juvenile detention or a state mental health facility. Being removed from that class was the compromise that was made. In senior high, I was still picked on, but it wasn't as intense as it was in junior high. And I had more friends in senior high as well. Despite my being bullied, suicide never crossed my mind, but then again, I'm glad that the internet wasn't around in the 1970's when I was in junior high. I feel sad for those bullying victims that are victimized via Facebook and other internet sites, sometimes to the point of suicide. My greatest relief came when I graduated from high school...no more bullying.

Bullying is wrong and it needs to be stopped. What happened to compassion?

Beginning in elementary school, thru middle and into high school, i was not simply threatened and bullied but physically tormented by 3-8 other kids. I finally had no choice but to resolve it. Between junior and senior year, i attended basic training as a cavalry scout (MOS19D), where i learned a lot, including self-discipline. Most of the bullying turned off during senior year because i left at 162 lbs at 6'2", and came back at 210, except for the worst of the bunch (5 idiots) The "School Authorities" who didn't want to recognize they had a problem "Suddenly had no choice" when i took 4 of them and beat all 4, ALL the witnesses said the 4 attacked me yet a learning director said he "Saw the Whole Thing" and i attacked them (2 were behind me so how i attacked them is a mysery). As my father arrived, i was on my feet explaining and being told "Sit down or they'd smack me" and i told the LD-"Go Ahead, if you can". He was stupid enough to try, and got a broken finger for it. I can't stand bullies now, and began working law enforcement so that i could stop it wherever i found it. I agree, though-sometimes, if you don't stop it physically, it only escalates, even in the Adult world. Ask the Clown at Fry's the other day-i don't back down well to threats on my wife and child Or myself. You saw into my eyes, you know what pain lurked there for you don't you? 22 Taliban saw that and can talk directly to thier mohammad now because they didn't pay attention.

Back in the 50s, my second grade teacher read the book Walter the Lazy Mouse to the class because I had a tendency to day dream. The boys started calling me Martha the lazy mouse. It got worse over the next few years. I also was terrible at sports and the girls always asked if I could be put on the other team. 6th grade things began to ease up. But all these years later it affects me. I don't know how to demand good pay at a job. Even though I have a lot of friends, I don't really have close friends that I talk to often and about everything.

Back in those days adults often thought it was OK to shame a child into something. Now people complain that children are not taught to do anything because you have to protect their "self esteem". If the teachers were doing the "self esteem" stuff right the children would be doing better in school and in life. A person needs to know what they are doing right. There are so many more possible wrong answers to everything that most people will give up before they finally stumble on the right answer.

In most cases, the main bully has problems that need to be addressed. Other children will join in if their parents haven't taught them how to behave.

All I can say to back up my own argument is: I bet that kid in Australia doesn't get bullied any more by anybody.

You Said It!!!!!!!!!!

Front kicks, Reverse Punches and Back Fists work the best in that case!

Yeah @ Miker, and people might as well know up front that I'll go straight to jail about my kids. Some brat wants to bully my kid, I'll show him/her what a REAL bully looks like.

@WiseMocha and Miker - I've gotta agree with you on this one. There's only one way to handle a bully - i would not let my child become a statistic - i would become one first...

I believe how you answer the bullying depends upon the TYPE of bullying. If it is not violent, there is no excuse for a violent response. As satisfying as it would feel, ultimately the victim would be the one punished.

However, if you are physically attacked -- YES, defend yourself! You may still get in trouble, but even if you do, you cannot allow yourself to be put in physical danger.

The reality is, I'm not sure this problem can be solved. It's going on now, it went on 50 years ago -- and I'm sure long before that. I think it's endemic to western cultures (I don't know enough about eastern ones to comment).

The best we can do is be vigilant in school and in the home, teach our kids to have self esteem and intervene when we can.

Beth, you're wrong. Verbal bullying causes long-term psychological damage. I'd rather have bruises because they can go away, mental damage cannot.

News, I don't disagree with you ... I've been there. What I was pointing out was if you respond to non-violent bullying with violence, you are likely to be in more trouble than the bully. It will get you nowhere. You don't even have a claim of self defense.

Honestly, the Best we can do is pay attention to our kids. we fix the bad, we praise the good things they do, and if there's a problem, we know about it and it doesn't stay hidden. Then we decide how to deal with it appropriately. If we don't know, we can't fix it. I have an unfair advantage in that i work law enforcement, but we can all simply pay attention more and get more out of it at the same time-after all, what child Doesn't want more attention? (good attention, anyway-lol)

I agree with you wholeheartedly. But your child can be cyber-bullied without a FB page or a cell phone.

Facebook and cell phones do not cause bullying. It occurs without those mediums. Instead, parents need to teach their children not to be bullies and quit telling them that it's a fact of life to be dealt with and move on. Children learn behavior from somewhere, teach them to be considerate of others by showing it.

And dont encourage them to hurt or bully other kids-had one tell my 7 yr old last yr "he would kill her and his daddy would kill us(my wife and I)" I didn't see the day care doing Anything, so i showed up with several deputies and had the kid and parents in handcuffs for 20 minutes "explaining" how that was illegal, while the dad fumed and threatened under his breath-So dad Stayed in handcuffs and spent some time. There's Idiot Parents behind most of these Idiot Bullies, have no doubt-and a Lot here claim they're better than other people for racial reasons, which is the Absolute Dumbest thing they can do! Doesn't matter what "race, religion or creed" you think makes you better/bigger/whatever-the society we live in says equal or nothing. Want to be nothing? I'd rather have friends! Even those i don't get along with personally KNOW i'll be there for them in the pinch-That's called Professionalism!

If you don't teach your kids Now, nobody will-and they'll learn all the bad stuff because that all flows Down Hill, just like they will.

Why not just eliminate the "weak" from society? Is this not what you are suggesting by telling them they can not do the same things that other children are doing.

Here is a better solution. Take away these things from the one doing the bullying. It that does improve the situation, paddle his/her ass.

Parents that allow their child to make other children live in fear should be punished too.

Yeah, no one ever think to try the "he/she's not on Facebook, that must mean they're an antisocial loser" approach.

I agree with the other replies here. It's not the medium, it's the mentality. We live in a very competitive, selfish society right now, and we have to stop teaching those values (if you can call them that) to our kids.

Actually it is the medium that allows the bullying to spread to viral levels. True bullying will continue to happen...one-on-one. Much easier to deal with than hundreds or even thousands of texts, emails, FB messages, status updates, tweets, etc. coming from people across the country who don't even know you but think it's funny to jump on the bandwagon.

Take them off FB, no cell phone, they dont' need it at their age and they are clearly not mature enough or ready to use social media. This applies to ALL minors, those being bullied, and those doing the bullying.

Taking the target child offline won't stop the bullying--it just means they won't be able to receive some jabs directly. The rest of the school can still be passing around jokes, photos, and/or rumors that will still affect the target.

As to claims that it is today's Internet that allows such "viral" spread of rumors and the like, it has made some communications faster, but access to a copy machine 25 years ago was nearly just as effective. Things could get around to everyone in my school (almost 1,200 students) in about four hours. In the evenings, plain old phone calls carried a lot of information to a lot of people very quickly (think of the old telephone tree approach).

Blaise-i completely agree that parents of bullies should be punished because they created the situation where thier child became a bully, even when that parent is a single parent, but take compassion in how it's done and we can create a contributing member out of the bully, while we observe and guide them back. Then if they stray, they have a record, and can be treated like a repeat offender-with appropriate result (LOL)

And that is the whole point of the matter. We have forgotten one crucial point of raising our children, and that is to teach them that there are consequences for their actions, either good or bad. And, we have to be willing to let them face the full impact of those consequences. If they bully others and one of the victims smacks the pluperfect crap out of them, our response should be, "You get what you deserve" instead of defending their actions. Likewise, we should teach our children that some problems can only be resolved by meeting force with force. Sad, but very true. If every bully got the crap kicked out of them by their victims, there would be a lot less bullying.

Not gonna lie, I was one of those kids who wouldn't defend myself because I didn't want to get in trouble.

"hitting is bad kicking is bad tapping someone on the shoulder is bad" is essentially what stuck with me.

Kids should have room to be assertive and know it.

Back in the old days when I was in school, we were in the cafeteria for lunch, when another student reached over and took my banana pudding and handed it to the guy beside him. The guy started eating my banana pudding. I wasn't too happy with this, so I reached over and took the pudding and shoved it in his face. Then we went out behind the gym, where I taught him to leave my food alone.

Physically striking back at a bully may stop the physical bullying, but usually the emotional bullying will continue...and sometimes will esculate. This is especially true for girls...and in many ways, emotional bullying is much more damaging than physical bullying, as it leaves no visible marks (which would normally bring the problem to the attention of an adult), and it is often so insidious that the victim has trouble even explaining what is being done to them...and very often does stay silent. One reason for the silence is the victim does not want to talk about the shame of being seen as "different" and "unaccepted" by their peers or others.

I think the best way to stop bullying is if all parents would teach their children to stand up to bullys and stick up for victims. Bullys bully because it makes them feel more powerful and if they are not getting the silent approval or active participation of other peers joining in their abuse, but in fact giving the clear message that what they are doing is seen as unacceptable, the power element they crave is gone and there is no incentive to bully. Many kids however, are not confident enough to stand up to a bully who is tormenting another child. Thus it is all the more important that the more confident children and natural leader types are taught to stand up to bullies...and that ALL children are taught it is not only acceptable, but NECESSARY to report bullying of ANY child that they see or know is occuring, to a teacher or other responsible adult...and more than one adult. We start telling our pre-schoolers not to tattle, and children know when an adult does not want to be bothered with social issues in a classroom.

Also, there are adults who are bullies and even encourage bullying in the home, a classroom or sports team situation, etc.. I have seen it, and when an adult is promoting bullying, either actively or through silent approval, the children are most often going to join in or remain silent, and the victims truly feel they have no one to help them...and sadly often think there must be something wrong with them and it is their fault...that they deserve the bullying, as even the authority figure gives the message they deserve to be treated poorly.

Adults...teach your children well to stand up for others who are being mistreated, and make sure you do not model bullying behavior for the children in your care, in your own relationships.

My 6-year-old son got sent to the principal's office after he punched another kid who would not stop poking him with a sharpened pencil. I did not scold him much. I simply told him to go to the teacher next time around. I gotta admit, though. I rather my son got in trouble with school authority for standing up for himself than just stood there and took crap from other kids!

I sent my kid to a martial arts school when he was six years old for discipline development and the ability to defend himself. He's smaller than the average sized boys his age making him a prime target. He knew from day one, never to use his martial arts to bully others but not to be anyones punching bag neither.

7 years later, while walking home from middle school a larger kid, looking to impress his friends, tried to steal my kid's school issued laptop. My boy spun around and sunk his fist into this jerks gut, folding him like chair. The kids "friends" left their friend gasping on the ground. That kid nor anyone else has yet to bother my boy again.

When all else fails in the "civilized" setting, sometimes we have to go back to old fashioned methods of sending a message the bully will surely understand.

Sending a child to martial arts classes is a good idea! If nothing else, doing well in the classes will build their self-confidence. Plus, most of the martial arts disciplines teach that the techniques should be used in self-defense, not to attack other people.

I remember my son telling me when he was in middle school about a sixth grade girl who stood about 5'1 and weighed maybe 100 pounds soaking wet taking down an 8th grade BOY who was much larger. She'd been in martial arts classes since she was 5 years old and simply used the moron's size against him - in addition to the element of surprise due to the fact that the bully figured she was an easy target.

Well said. Same goes for the rest, standing and doing nothing though-They're Part of the Problem-As a previous poster stated, teach the kids to stand up for those Being Bullied.

I am sure you are a member of the NRA and violence has always worked to curb violence. Now go watch Nascar on Fox.

Unfortunately the victim is usually smaller, weaker, or has less athletic ability. Teaching potential victims self defence is a good idea but not always enough. Teaching all children respect for others is very important. And then give potential victims additional training.

Blaise. I bet you were a bully who got his/her behind kicked by a future NASCAR fan.

I sent my son to martial art school as well. His Sensei always stressed to the students to "use common sense before self-defense". The martial art practice casts a lot of positive energy in my boy's life. He is very confident yet respectful. And I think this is what most bullies are lack of. I always believe that bullying is a reflection of one's insecurity and self-abusive behavior.

hey blaise, what's your deal? What's wrong with defending yourself and someone else that is being bullied? I'll tell you one thing, I'm a girl and I'm not that big, but I'm not going to put up with much crap no matter who it's coming from. I'm teaching my kids compassion and how to be kind, but I'll be darned if I'm going to tell them to stand there and take a bunch of nonsense from some insecure brat. It's ok to ignore to a point, but there comes a time that it needs to be stopped. I agree it needs to be taught at home, but let's face it, there's a lot of irresponsible parents out there.

@SB from CA, the teacher probably wouldn't have really done anything about it anyway. One minute, these teachers want to treat a child as a 'tattle-tale' or a whiner for speaking up about another child bothering him/her, but when the same child defends him/herself, then they want to punish that child who's sick and tired of being picked on. That use to happen to me all the time in grade school, especially since I was taller and bigger than most of the other kids. My parents taught me, "if someone hits you, you hit him/her back", and when I did just that, to timeout I went. Now, when I tried the teachers' tired theory of letting them know someone was bothering me, they took it as a joke, so I just went back to smacking the crap out of kids who bothered me (no bully), and took my timeout proudly.

In our experience, the bullies were suck-ups with parents who were powerful at the school. The kids knew they could get by with anything. One verbally and physically harassed my son continuously until my son put him in a headlock - without injuring him, I might add, only humiliating him. And which one do you suppose got suspended from school for a day? At the hearing we pointed out, and documented, the harassment. They told us it was a separate issue and had no bearing on the case against my son. So we filed a separate complaint. They nodded solemnly and told us they would take it very seriously, then did nothing.

Sometimes, they're like that-self important kids with self-important parents, but there's always a solution, whether or not violence is involved before, during or after the fact. Notice i'm not responding at the level of unintelligence some posters use? That's because no matter what else, I'm a Protector of society as a law enforcement officer. All of society, not just part. Criminals should worry but not decent people, name callers make me laugh, but mess with a kid around me-Just Once. Life gets Interesting in the Chinese sense of the word. You'll suddenly have Unfriendly Neighbors where you're headed if you don't straighten out, blaise.

This statement is flawed. Why? Because bullies pick targets that they can bully without consequence. Bullies are not brave but are generally smart enough to pick on kids they can bully - which includes picking on people who are unlikely to fight back or incabable of inflicting harm on the bully if they do finally get fed up with the crap.

the statement isn't flawed at all. It says IF every bully gets the crap beat out of them......

As someone who's been bullied, I can tell you, nothing will make the endorphines flow like finally facing down your bully and beating the ever living daylights out of them....especially when two were nearly a head taller than me. I did this in the 6th, 7th and 10th grades. I may have been small, but I was very versed in wrestling thanks to three older brothers. It's funny how the bullies always want to become your friend after the beat down. This was the case on all three occasions.

Many bullies are also the victims of violence themselves, bullied and beaten at home. Kids learn the behavior from somewhere.

Unfortunately Jmom is correct. Broken homes, single parent homes with the only parent working 2 jobs, all that-BUT i've seen single parents do a Better job than a double parent family, so it's still the example set by those or that parent that matters the most. If we see siblings torturing thier brothers and sisters Put a Stop to it! It's not QUTE! it's not "Just a Phase"! I've seen kids kill thier siblings for little or Nothing, and that's just Unconscionable! a Father killed his son once "Over the Last Pork Chop"!! It's THAT example we have Got to Stop. I've got a situation where i have 12 kids that come visit in the evenings to have a place to go that's safe, play video's, games, and Not have to deal with BS-Informal, but Safe. Has others try to do a drive-by Once-Idiots found out that it's Not only not a gang place, but you Never shoot at a cop's home. All 23 rds hit the car, stopping it within 30 feet, and yet not one shooter was hit-but his "poor car' will never run again. Got all 4 in custody, confiscated 9 handguns and a shotgun, and they're working off the damage to the front of the house. 1 actually shows up now to have fun after work. Community Service works, folks!

Bullies are basically cowards. Without a gang they can not defend themselves and are fearful of the entire world- I should know- have a grandson like that although he's only 11- but heading that way. SO they hook up with the bad guys to bully the heck out of someone who can't or won't fight back. Mostly, though, it's a home situation. Everyone I know had someone in school who had someone make their lives miserable. Today's kids, take it to a whole new level. One of my own kids was bullied until he grew muscle- things evened out. Parents desperately need to involve themselves more in their children's lives.

Secondly, we as parents ENABLE this type of thing- WHY on earth does a 13 year old need a personal cel phone? Thought you needed an income to afford this. Or is this parents overpampering since careers are more important than kids.

Christina, you sound like a bully, go pick on someone else. It's libs like yourself that allow bullies to continue as you and your kind are soft on handing out consequences to the bullies.

As I said, go pick on someone else.

"It's libs like yourself that allow bullies to continue"?

What does liberal or conservative have to do with kids bullying, you idiot?

And where do kids learn bullying? From adults...as this small thread is proof of...let's all try to treat each other with respect.

Christina, do you honestly think we can rid the world of bullies by forcing everyone to hold hands and sing songs.

The real world is full of bullies they are in the workplace, they are your customer, your boss, your supervisor. Bullies are on the road, the guy behind the counter or the guy who lives off of frivolous lawsuits. Hell, they even run governments and run entire countries.

Even if we outlaw them, they are still going to exist. You might as well learn how to deal with them.

Go back to giving everyone on the team a trophy (for being the best "you" you can be).

Best we can do is stop it when we find it, no matter who or how or what the excuse is. Nobody deserves to be bullied. Especially not bullied into not voting so some "Change we can't believe in" gets in office and Lies to us. If i Ever see some Dufus in front of a Polling Place with a Club Or Any Other Weapon he's going to get it So Far up his bung he'll Brush it along with any leftover teeth i Miss!

Snowdragon--well done! That was the absolute best case of complete red herring argument that I have ever seen. Again, well done!

Christina's point, though I don't entirely agree with it, is that handling bullying on a case-by-case basis by the individual child fighting back only resolves the one case--the bully will simply pick on an even more helpless child. There are people who cannot (not will not, but cannot) physically defend themselves.

Nothing was said about passing laws--though if we follow your logic, we will get rid of laws against murder since they murders still happen despite them. Nothing was said about dealing with the problem by holding hands and singing Kumbaya. Nothing was said about trophies--and in any case, trophies are given to very small children for being the best that they can be--when was the last time you saw that done for anyone who is older than eight?

But, again, bang up job on bringing up three completely unrelated points that have nothing whatsoever to do with the OP's point--probably because you neither understood it nor could you counter it in any other way.

I don't happen to agree with Christina because my daughter, who was being bullied by a child half her size who knew that her cute little blond-haired-blue-eyed-ness had the teachers wrapped around her little finger, was told by her father that if the bully picked on her again, that she had his permission to flatten the child. We would deal with the legal ramifications.

I made sure that both the school and the parent knew that our daughter was no longer being taught by her father (and I wasn't interfering) to "play fair" and that this child was likely to wind up severely injured if she picked on our daughter again. The school finally took steps to separate them, and the parents talked the larger friends of their daughter into taking up the bullying. Our daughter smacked one of them over the head with a notebook (the teachers saw it--and they disciplined the not-as-cute bully rather than our daughter as I think they heard what the bully said). Most of the bullying stopped.

Sadly, unless there are ramifications to the bully's behaviors, neither the bully nor her (bullies are more likely to be girls) parents will do anything to stop. Bullies' parents do not generally function out of the kindness of their hearts, and they are whom bullies learn it from.

However, it is not necessarily the case that children have to take action on their own. It is possible to teach other children to report bullying, and it is possible for the school to have serious ramifications (like suspension and expulsion) for bullying. It is also possible to install cameras around schools as well as have children wear badges that track their movements. If bullies know that they will be identified and there will be ramifications--that tends to stop the bullying for everyone.

Workplace bullying is easily stopped by changing jobs--it's not a pleasant choice, but it's possible. Children generally can't as easily change schools--so a different approach is needed. Teaching people that they deserve to be bullied if they don't defend themselves, on the other hand, teaches the bully that her actions are justifiable--and that's not particularly helpful.

Any bullying should be stopped as soon as it's recognized no matter who the culprit is. Supervisors are your 1st line of defense at work, and there Are laws to prevent it-EEOC for one is a federal agency for this. Never give up, never give in to bullying.

The Internet, FB and cell phones did not create bullying. It's been around for quite a long time. These mediums have done two things for us, however. First, it's made easier or simply provided additional means to bully, which is not good. But second, it's made it easier to prove how prevalent bullying is and the problems it causes, which is a good thing. It is now forcing us to carefully examine what we teach our children about bullying and how it should be handled. Simply stating that it's a fact of life and everyone should learn how to deal with it is not the best approach. Instead we need to focus on educating children (and adults) to report bullying when they see it and not accept it when they see their peers engaging in it.

And for those parents who "don't believe" other kids would "Do such a thing", pollyanna style, we can't ignore it anymore in hope it'll go away. Had 4 instances since my youngest started school several years ago, and i Always listened, not just so i'd know, and be able to filter the inevitable exaggeration out, but so she would Know she's being listened to-That is Very important as well. If your kids Know you pay attention, they'll know you trust them, as you should, and it enhances All learning coming FROM you as well. I don't just want a straight A student, but one who has confidence that a B is accepted because SHE is accepted and Loved. God help anyone who tries to take her away and hurt her. I have enough to answer for at the gates-dont add to it.

Yep, zero tolerance is exactly the problem. It relieves the authorities of any decision making, and empowers the bullies.

Accolades to Ksandra! I Completely Agree! Policies and lazy "School Authotities" were the Bane of our existence in the 80's as well. Furtunately since we're aware, we can stop it in every way available. Joint the PTA and community groups, there's law enforcement auxiliaries in most places as well. Make Your Difference to the Best of Your Ability. I Do.

This is exactly why bullying has become so rampant. The victims have been made powerless to act on their right to self defense without consequence.

When I entered school - advice from my parents - Take up for yourself - even if it means getting into a fight. If you get punished for that - do it anyway - after the first time the bullies will know that that will also get punished.

Ksandra - I totally agree with everything you have said. It really has changed big time since I was growing up. Back in my day, there were consequences and the one at fault paid the price. It wasn't this bit of everyone gets suspended whether or not the child was protecting himself. A friend of mine had a kid who was just protecting himself and hit this kid back after he punched him two or three times and the school said everyone had to be punished. It did not matter who started it. He got the least amount of suspension - but it still wasn't right - there were witnesses and everything that backed him up - but it was not enough for this crazy school system. They claimed they had to do it. Anyway, my friend did not have the money to sue the school district as a lot of them do today. So, basically, this was in his record and he had to explain everytime he put in paperwork for college and even when he went into the military. So, unfortunately, this stuff can stay with you even if it is not in your control. Things have to kind of go back to how it was in the "old" days or we are in trouble and will see much more of this. The attitude today is, "it is no one's fault, but it is everybody's fault."

Like I said in my previous post, I'd rather my kid gets in trouble for standing up to himself than stands there and takes the crap from bullies. After my son fought back (and got sent to the principal's office), that bully never got near him again.

We had a fight last week where a child has been being bullied. He has repeatedly reported it, we teachers reported it, and followed the procedures set forth by the district, the administration followed the steps we have to follow dealing with bullies, including counseling. He was picked on because his classmates thought he was defenseless. The bully started the fight verbally, but the bullied threw the first punch...and then preceded to beat the crap out of the bully. Bully suspended, bullied not suspended...it was considered a case of self defense. By the way, NO ONE has bullied our young man since he stood up for himself. We on the other hand are still having to follow the stupid procedures......

After i broke the LD's finger, the School Admin never ever again threatened me-or any Other kid. Nowadays, sometimes, we as parents forget we're the 1st line of defense against ignorant school policies as well. They dont like me wearing a sidearm on campus, but can't do squat about it (the Law). Especially after the principal had a gang-thug parent giving her trouble and i disarmed him for her. Too many people think cops are useless without thier guns-oops-bad assumption-This one is a Combat Vet too! We discourage gang thug behavior on And off campus around here. Parents Included! Columbine be Damned, anti gun garbage ideas will get good people hurt and killed. KIDS are the ones we need to protect, and if you're a Responsible Adult, and the laws allow it, Wear it! Keep it away from the kids, but show you're not afraid to wear it and support the LAW.

PTA's can help there as well. Some of the parents work LEO-make sure they're aware and willing to help. That'll stop a LOT of this type of BS. Thing to watch-Hate/Race BS some groups like "la raza" (The Race) come up with. They're on the terrorist watch list for a Reason, and it's not something to laugh at. If you live here, and you're NOT American, you Don't Tell American's what to do and you Don't Have the Right to Vote! You Sure dont try to Intimidate Citizens!

only ones who can do that I guess are bullies and psyco right wing cops....

brickwall2...

"In some states - legislators had to make doctors "lawsuit proof" in order to control the rising cost of medical insurance associated with out of control awards to questionable lawsuits against doctors.

States need to do the same thing with Teachers and Principals - then we will see some successful action against bullies. In any case - a Teacher or Principal not up to the job should be fired - not sued"

I was agreeing with you until you got to these last statements (quote above). The worst bully I have ever seen was a fifth grade teacher (and trust me, I have seen many over the years of my own youth growing up with several siblings, and as an adult raising four of my own children, and working in a profession, etc....some severe bullys, and of all ages and walks of life). This teacher not only bullied, berated, humiliated and shamed select student(s) unmericifully and without reason, but she encouraged other students to join in the twisted, sociopathic abuse and social isolation she inflicted. This demented teacher tended to choose the shy, weaker, less accepted, more vulnerable kids for her victims Teachers should never be placed above the law in being exempt from legal consequences for their behavior. And my own mother, grandmother, and great grandmother were teachers, so I do understand the job requirements, and that it is not always easy. Bullying has nothing to do with acceptable discipline...bullying is purposeful, harmful aggression and abuse and is not provoked or deserved by the victim...and unfortunately there are instances of teacher bullys.

I had a fifth grade teacher too who was horrendous. She had a particular dislike for those with special needs and silently encouraged the other kids to pick on me and the 5 other special needs kids in our class of 30. One girl got so stressed out from all the torment, she developed stomach ulcers and had to be hospitalized because she stopped eating and tried to kill herself. We were all aged 10-11 at the time.

My parents put their foot down when one day I came home and showed mom that a kid stabbed me with a pencil in the shoulder, and the teacher didn't do anything about it. Until that point, the abuse I suffered was verbal and emotional so I had no proof of anything. That was finally the proof I needed.

They couldn't fire her though, even though my parents weren't the first to raise concerns. Their excuse was that she was on tenure, and was only 2 years away from retirement. She got off with a slap on the wrist, the hag.

I was a victim until I left high school of every kind of bullying known to humankind. But that year of torment is hands down the worst ever. Parents need to be mindful of their kids' complaints, especially when they concern a particular teacher. If a kid is coming home with stories every day of one teacher being a certain negative way, chances are the kid isn't lying. It's teachers like the one I suffered that help bullies get away with what they do. Sometimes they even aid in the torment.

ellywhite...

"I was a victim until I left high school of every kind of bullying known to humankind. But that year of torment is hands down the worst ever."

That fifth grade teacher set you up to be a victim of your peers for years...in other words, she did irreparable damage that continued on long after you were free from her classroom. That is one of the problems of adults who bully children in their care...and allow/encourage other children to join in the torment. I am so sorry you had to endure that, and hopefully you are able to look back and see that the problem was not you. Although severe bullying leaves its marks on victims for life, often its victims are more compassionate, caring adults and in that, the bully's desire to harm, cause pain and destroy has actually backfired. See it that way, and use it as a positive in your life pointing to all the ways you will never act (or allow your children/others around you to act) towards others. I almost don't want to ask this, but what state (and year) did you live in during fifth grade? Your story sounds so sadly familiar.

I've had teachers do this in elementary and Jr high as well. Disgusting behavior, and now that i'm the parent, it's not going to be allowed for my kids or any other i see.

Not being a psycho cop, as some ignorant idiot says-a Concerned Parent who happens to Be a Cop and not willing to look away from bad things and let them happen-JUST like a lot here are wanting to see. Not being a hero, just a Concerned Parent, who's willing to Step Up and do thier Job, and thier Duty to Society.

The only person who would gain from suing everyone in sight is you.

Your kid would not be any safer, if anything the bullying could get worse, they would just be more secretive about it.

And this article was about cyber bullying. The schools can't really stop that. its not their responsibility.

They actually Can stop cyber bullying in certain states-By Law. Just an FYI.

Jeeze! What school do you teach?

30-Year Teacher - good that the school had enough common sense not to punish the 5th grade girl that acted in self- defense. Schools need to take more of a stance on this type of stuff and hopefully the pendulum will swing back to where it belongs. There are a lot of parents that enable this crappy kind of behavior for their kids. There was an episode of CSI-Miami about a month ago where this rich girl was bullying everyone in school and her mom was taking up for her saying the kids were all jealous - it sounded like like mom like daughter. Well, anyway, it got so bad that some of the parents stoned this girl to death. I don't advocate that, but at the same time, they acted out of desperation. Schools officials would not do anything because they were scared of a lawsuit and one kid tried to commit suicide because of this girl. It turned out his parents were one of the ones who participated in the stoning.

While we're on the subject of parents, let's not leave out those parents who flat out don't give a rat's ass what their kids are doing. Even parents who don't consciously enable their kids' behavior can encourage it tacitly, through their own indifference.

The parent that took thier kid to the other's Home needs to be put in Jail for wreckless endangerment and assault! She comitted the attack whether she threw the blow or not! The 5th grader's parents have that right still to press charges no matter what the school did!

30 year teacher - YES you are correct. IT DOES start at home! and parents do NOT believe their innocent little angel did those things- saw it in my own family

If a fist wont work....grab a weapon.....they have to be stopped...period....face it...we dont need these animals....no matter who they come from or how good they may be in sports etc.

grab a weapon.....they have to be stopped...period.

Are we talking about pit bulls or bullies?

I meant the bullies...any dog has more to offer the world than the human trash that becomes a bully....Thing is...bad pit bulls and bad people are usually made by people....which still leaves the problem of the bad ones...I guess a mad human in some ways is worse than a mad dog....still...put them both down...we will be better off.

well...fill your life up with finding the bullied and giving them tech support or even logistical support...hard for kids to get guns these days...

Just think....you could be a GEEK GOD!!

Former nice guy- Love your post- excellent! My oldest was a slight built person- got called names all the time- psychology works!! I asked one day if the bullies left him alone- he said yes- he was 13. I asked- How'd ya do it? He said that was easy- I found the BIGGEST guy I could and made me a friend! Good job. Kick the creeps.

WOW....Now your the bully, gee I wish I could grow up to be just like you - NOT

I 100% agree with you people at my work place have a mix of blue collar,white collar.And when dealing with people some adults cannot deal with issues without trying to yell or some kind of power trip that ends up being bully type actions like threats and cursing at you.and the person(victim)is scared they will lose their job.

IF you could get any DA or cop to actually do anything.....IF you have the means to get a lawyer...