I'm sure there is more to the crumbling of the country than single parents.

Single parents particularly in the minority community lead the pack as far as a declining country is concerned. Popping out babies and demanding public assistance while the father sells drugs on the corner and is in and out of jail sums it up. Moral decay for all of us.

If a person is not able to pay for their child without any help from the government, then they should not be having children in the first place.

Bill- I totally agree, and to the poster who calls it woman bashing, I am a woman and I MAKE SURE to have a husband and stable household before I pop out any babies.

Alot of times women feel it is their natural right to birth children and dont think about the consequences of raising those children alone and feel they are ENTITLED to help from taxpayers (the government) which is unfair to those who are responsible enough to keep their legs closed until thier financial/familial support is right.

I personally know two women who had children out of wed lock to drug dealers and are struggling for the almighty dollar. I offer no sympathy to them as they should have never allowed those type of men in their bedroom much less thought it was okay to bare children by them. They ruined their chances at being a good parent and their childs chances at having a decent family structure!...SELFISH...they deserve NO SUPPORT.

This of course does not apply to widowed/divorced parents. Im referring to those who voluntarily become "baby mammas" which are mostly in those minority communities that Bill-433395 speaks of.

Time to stop feeling sorry for these people and letting them actually feel the consequences of thier irresponsible actions. Like a child, if they dont feel the hurt, they wont know its wrong...

Whether it is a single mom or a single dad, it is not fair to the child. A son needs the nuturing from a mother just like the manhood from his father. It has been proven that a daughter that has a good relationship with her father is less likely to feel the need to tramp around looking for that male acceptance. I am a married parent of a 11 yr old boy and a 9 yr old girl, and I myself am in my early 30's while my wife is in her 20's with our financial situation no higher than middle class. Yes my wife did not have a father figure.

Of course there will be those situations where if a parent is TRUELY harmful to the kids then the other parent needs to get them all out of it. But too many pull the trigger way too early these days. Just because you argue and can't get along? Before you decide to make a decision that will ruin your kids life, just so you can be happy, think again. You had kids which means your life revolves around them. Do you go to work everyday and not really like it? So you will keep trying to work on that because you have to, yet you don't feel the same criteria for your kids mother or father? Get your priorities straight.

I hear so many of my wife's friends saying "I don't need a man to raise my kids!" Guess what sweetie? You do too. And those of you that are going to engage in my argument here are most likely the reason that so many kids are being raised in a poor household that you can't control because you simply can't support a family properly while also being there for your kids.

QueenBee -- that's all well and good in principle, but you do realize it is the CHILD you are punishing, right? It is the innocent children who must suffer deprivation in order for you to punish their mothers for their bad choices. I'm not saying women shouldn't be held responsible, or that they shouldn't "keep their legs closed" as you so delicately put it until they are financially able to care for a child. I totally agree with all of that. Goodness knows, my own life choices have reflected those beliefs. However, I do get morally and ethically uncomfortable when one suggests we make children suffer for the sins of the parents. And I just don't have an answer for that one yet.

When I divorced a second time I made sure my son has both his parents nearby. I have 50/50 custody and made sure our divorce went with as little conflict as possible and still have a friendly relationship with my son's mother.

If a normal healthy and mature person opts by choice to be a single parent, I think the child would be just as fine as if in a two parent home. However so much of this single parenting comes from unhealthy sources....teens who have the fathers vanish into who knows where etc. God bless those children. Their chances at a good and healthy life become mighty slim.

They should make a 20 year pill and give it to every female child after birth. That would solve it.... However, having such a pill would only diminish any bit moral values children have these days.

saddened - I agree, the children shouldn't be punished. There is no good answer really. Maybe better parenting and a more watchful eye on teens.

both your comment and Bills is not only a bit flawed, but also a bit ignorant as well. the fact that you both believe that no one should EVER ask for public assistance is ignorant. although there are many who do abuse the system, there are others who either by suddenly becoming unemployed or through other legitimate circumstances that need the help and because of people like you and bill that stigmatize PA because a few bad appples, the children of those people won't eat today because someone like YOU made someone embarassed to ask for help in this absolutely crappy economy. who are you to go on judging others?!? not everyone goes into a marriage/relationship thinking that it's going to fail and that they would have to care for their kids mainly by themselves, and i'm sure that most women know what they may be getting themselves into in becoming pregnant. AS for the women you know, they made bad decisions in the men in which they have decided to conceive with. not every "baby mammas" as you so ingnorantly put it is shacking up with a drug dealer. i happen to be a "baby mamma" of 2 and i am in a relationship with their dad(we will be married in a few months) and he is a hard working SOB as am i but i work part time so that i can be home when my girls get off of the school bus. we do get help for health insurance because insurance at his job is way too expensive and my work does not provide health insurance for part timers. when my little ones are a bit older i will move up to a full time position. my point... don't judge every "baby's mamma".BTW i am not a minority as you so ignorantly put it . i am a mom who decided to my kids first and my career options off until they are older. no low quality day care for my girls.

my previous comment was for both queenbee419 and bill

I'd like to see these stats broken out by race and as a percentage of each race.

Why do people think that employers or the government should have to pay maternity leave? Neither the government or the business world can afford to do it. Why should they? Did they require you to have a child? Why should others be responsible for your choice? If it was an accident, it was still your choice to have sex.

I'm tired of paying for other peoples poor life choices. Take responsibility for your own actions.

Longhair,

you shouldn't punish children for the sins of their parents. for every time you stigmatize PA, there is someone who will be too embarassed to ask for help when they really do need it and therefore their kid(s) will go hungry.yes as i said in my previous comment, there are many people who abuse the system ,but there are others who do not.

Jeager, go back to your cave. I love how people like you are always concerned about your personal pocketbook. Has it ever occured to you that not every child is a mistake? That society needs new children to survive? Societies that have a lower birth rate than death rate (or an unfavorable ratio, if not actually lower) are in demographic peril. Societies that do not support healthy family growth (like the US) tend toward such demographic patterns and they are not good for the long term stability and growth of a nation. The production of the next generation -- a healthy, well developed and successful next generation -- is in the best interest of all -- and that includes you. Policies that limit that reproductive activities of responsible citizens (like lack of paid maternity leave, lack of affordable childcare, etc) are short sighted and ultimately self-destructive. Responsible people do not have kids (or far fewer) because they know the support structures needed to do it responsibly are underdeveloped or do not exist (this does include me, by the way... mid-30s, married, no children). Irresponsible people keep having kids without a thought to these issues. Can you see how this contributes to the demographic population shift we are seeing in this country already? Ah well... you will believe what you want to believe.

Teen pregnancy used to not be a problem, because the kids got (shotgun) married. Great solution, until they all got divorced.

Here is my question to all the moral conservatives claiming that this growth in single moms is tearing the fabric of our society (something I kinda agree with): why do you want to cut subsidized contraceptives and comprehensive sex education? These two things are what brought the teen pregnancy rate down for 5 decades in a row and could, if properly funded, provide even more poor women the opportunity to make better choices. Yeah, yeah, I know it just all about how these "sluts" just need to "keep their legs closed". But that is just Victorian Era sexual morality that equates pleasure with sin. Whatever. Lets take a fraction of the money we spend on our nuclear arsenal and give every American (and, hell, even all the illegal) women in this country free birth control pills, patches, implants, etc.

We should be teaching every young woman to make better mate selection decisions. Hard to do in our MTV era, but we should try.

What I can't stand is the multi-generational component of this plague. You have young girls repeating the same thing their mother and 30 year old grandmother's did. How can you see the hardships your mother went through by having a child out of wedlock at a young age, then spread your legs for any droopy pants idiot who treats you like dirt? How do single mothers allow their sons to turn into such little a-holes? I think the answer is that it's culturally acceptable and norm in their communities. They accept living like sub-Americans in their paycheck to paycheck lives.

Saddened and aurora,

My post is far from ignorant (aurora), If you dont have money for health insurance then you should do some planning before you have kids. Its not okay to use " The kids will truly suffer" or "Its the kid who ultimately pays" or some other version as an "out" to give support to the irresponsible. Sometimes the best remedy for a volutary baby mamma who had no resources or income to care for a child is to see her child suffer, then she will straighten up. I dont beleive in bailouts in the name of a woman waving her kid around for us to feel sorry for. If you did it then YOU should pay for it. As I stated the best motivation is seeing your child suffer from your decisions. I dont want to pay taxes for welfare or assistance programs because "I'm making the kid suffer"...guess what...its not MY KID....its the baby mammas kid, so SHE in fact is making the kid suffer!!

Im far from ignorant because I would NEVER (1)have kids out of wedlock and (2) wave my kid around to recieve checks or sympathy and (3) not have a financial plan BEFOREHAND and finally (4) the family structure I needed so I dont have to be a burden on the public...

I take great umbridge to being called ignorant (aurora). I am a realist and my parents taught me that I should be the only one to pay for my decisions or mistakes. I dont come from upper middle class, I am working class and realize if I dont have the money for something, I dont commit to the expense! and that includes raising a child.

Aurora someone (god/luck) was on your side because if your childrens father passed godforbid, you would be on that public assistance line since he wasnt your husband you would recieve no real benefits! So before you call anyone ignorant in the name of defending your own situation, look at the facts.

Signed,
Single and Responsible.

P.S- If more shame was assigned to irresponsible behavior people would think long and hard before engaging in such behavior.

To all the people who are commenting about how people should get married before they have children (which I do agree with), you should really consider that people do get divorces. And many times the divorces are for legitimate reasons other than, a minor argument. I was married before I had my son, but his father refused to be a PARENT when our son was born. He had no problem being a husband, but couldnt be a father. He would ignore our son completely, he played a psp while i was in labor (no we were not teenagers) and then while my son was a newborn, he never helped with him at all. After 4 years of marriage, I decided that my son would be much better off without him. Shockingly, his father has very little contact with him now. There are just a lot of circumstances that can take place to make someone a single parent. It isnt fair to judge everyone because they are a single parent. I'm not on welfare, I had a full time job when I divorced him. My son is much much better off now.

Unless divorce becomes shamefull again, and we begin to seriously shame -even shun - dead beat parents as a society, this trend will be our undoing, period.

The focus in our country right now is; what is the proper form of government? All governance has, as its foundation, the family; father, mother and children. When that is undermined the country will fall!!

I am speaking generally so please don't give me your individual succes or failure stories that you feel undermine the truth of what I wrote. Of course there are exceptions.

Choices, Choices, Choices.

There are many examples of decisions made where circumstances were not able to be foreseen. However, there are many more where we can look in the rear view mirror and see that often choices we made in the past produce obvious consequences for our future.

With choices, come consequences and opportunities. Benefits and hardships.

All males should be given chastity belts (yes, they exist for males - look it up). The keys would only be given to their wives on their wedding night. That would take care of our problems with out of wedlock pregnancies, abortions, STDs, or men who complain they have to pay child support because they couldn't keep their arses out of the air.

This is not about testosterone, that has always been with us. This is about a society that should reward responsibilty and shame irresponsibility. Presently in our society; right is wrong and up is down. Our future revolves around the answer to this dilemna, not the latest front page news. This should be front page news!!

Spot on Tod. 85% of ALL children with behavioral disorders, 90% of all runaway and homeless children, two-thirds of all youth suicides, 3 out of 4 high school dropouts, and children that are 20 times more likely to end up in prison, as well as spending 17 times longer on welfare...are all results of those children from fatherless homes.

This is not to put all the responsibility on the father, since many mothers do not put an effort in choosing a more responsible father for their kids. These stats are too disturbing to ignore, but yet out government continues to reward this behavior.

Add a 50+% divorce rate in the equation and we have set up the perfect storm for a collapse of family and responsibility as we know it.

Scary and agreed. We are in deep trouble!!

Most of the comments in this thread are fraught with erroneous stereotypes, misogynistic attitudes reflected in the printed remarks, and fail to acknowledge the fact that millions of men walk away from their families or have been abusive enough that their wives or significant others left them for their and their children's safety and sanity.

With $108 billion in unpaid child support (and only 78% of children covered by child support orders), the onus isn't on the single parents - 85% of whom are women - for the deprivation these kids suffer. It's the single parents who are sticking around and doing whatever they need to to provide.

Employers discriminate against single mothers in pay, opportunity, and advancement, not to mention hiring them in the first place.

Not one of these comments asked, "WHERE'S THE FATHER?" in their excoriating remarks about single mothers.

Not one of these comments pointed out that when the absent father walks away from his children, ignores them, and doesn't financially support them, he is sending the very clear messages that those kids don't matter, that they are not important to him, and that they don't count.

That is why many of these kids have problems.

Men had better wrap their minds around the fact that women are not going to put up with abuse just to keep the family together when those women know that the abuse will be handed down. Start treating women equally and kindly and the divorce rate will surely decrease.

IT DIDN'T TAKE THESE ABSENT FATHERS A COURT ORDER TO MAKE THE BABIES THEY ABANDONED.

While I agree that the Fatherless issue is a problem it is not the whole story. The US has become hostile to children.

Every year we spend more on seniors than children. Proper medical care in the first three years affects brain development for the rest of their life (80+ years); but we will sacrifice medical care for kids to take care of the elderly in their last 20 years. Compare your local senior center to your local youth center.

We have raised standards for education every year for the last 20 years until there is so much to cover that kids are learning nothing. Then we demonize the teachers and ostracise the kids for failing to keep up and cut education budgets to punish schools for failing.

True single parents care for one fourth of our future all alone.

There is a special place for those single moms who do everything they can to compensate for the fact that they chose an irresponsible male to father their children. When a single mom complains of how the father doesn't support his kids, while the mom does not support them either...but instead the child is supported by the taxpayer, it does sound somewhat hypocritical.

If the taxpayer is doing the supporting, then they have the right to tell one how many kids they can have. After one child on gov't assist...provide a reversible sterilization program that will continue until they are able to support themselves and their offspring.

Agreed skeptic, though, in part, I think you are overstating a bit. Men are the problem, and the bulk of responsibilty lies with them, but when a woman has multiple children with different fathers, she certainly bears some of that some responsibility don't you think? If society promoted a more responsible male, and a less Lindsay Lohan type female, we might be better off

I'm a high school teacher. I could not agree with you more about the message a deadbeat/absent father sends to his children. The negative impact on that child is beyond words.

Most of the single moms of my students (yes the single dad is rare) are heroes in my book.

Ken, the problem is kids have no vote, seniors do. I never, never hear a politician standing on a platform of reforming/funding our foster care system, or our group homes which are overflowing with parentless kids; no votes. I agree with most of what you posted about education, except for the funding part. The problem is not funding (it should be cut drastically), the problem is how we spend the money. The bureacracy is way, way out of control, and ironically that is what has created the problems you speak of

Tchem, though I understand the sentiment, good luck with that policy.

Well, at least it would be effective. Kinda like replacing Congress with scientists...problems would get solved, but not without a lot of kicking and screaming from those being held accountable.

People like to spout off about our society falling apart, peddling the same fear mongering they pick up from the media, longing for the good old days blah, blah, blah, blah. I read that crime is actually the lowest it's been in thirty years. Google FBI crime statistics and you can see it for yourself. Crime has been declining since the early nineties.

Also, just to add my two cents, I don't think problems stem from single parents but narcissistic, self-involved, crappy parents in general. Those kids that shot up Colombine grew up in two parent households. So did Jeffery Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy. I'd take one good parent over two @!$%#ty ones any day.

Media does'nt usually touch this stuff, so I'm not sure what your talking about there. Your crime #'s are kinda irrelevant to the topic, but nice try. Look at Tchem's #'s for relevant stats.

"Narcissistic, self involved, crappy parents in general"; of course. But bringing up individual exceptions does'nt really bolster your "in general" argument does it?

If you had actually worked with kids that have been radically effected by an absentee or dead-beat dad (or mom), you might actually have a clue about the topic. But its quite apparent you don't. My two cents.

Tod...coming from the same career background as yourself I can vouch for the effects of fatherless deadbeats on the children. Based on the statistics one would have to be one of the most selfish individuals in the world to leave their children to fight against such odds. The entire objective of our programs are to train and educate the least advantaged, with cultural, peer, and families values (or lack of) being the biggest deterrent against education and work ethic development (success of the student).

Tchem, replacing politicians with scientists paints a funny visual in my mind.

I have an engineering background but ended up with a B.S. in Earth Science and a masters in Environemtal Engineering. That schooling experience gave me a lot of contact with scientists, and yep, they could probably solve the problems, but I doubt if they could verbalize what or how they planned on doing it.

Hmmn? The guys we got right now can't explain what they are doing either can they (or won't tell the truth about it if they know it)? So, what the heck; replace em all with scientists in 2012!!

Begin? I just got through the first thread, and I've already ruined a good pair of boots.

Yeah, I love how people bash women for having children out of wedlock, as though men had nothing to do with it. If men don't like out of wedlock births, they need to keep their meatuses closed (for those of you who don't know what it is, look it up).

Personally, I believe single moms are the heroes here. The shame should be mostly rendered toward irresponsible men and the parents who raised them as such.

This isn't about female bashing, or male bashing either for that matter. It's about responsibility. BOTH need to take that responsibility. Children NEED both parents, and if you're not ready for the committment of marriage and family, then use birth control.

Now things happen. People get divorced, or one parent may die. In the case of the divorce the non-custodial parent Still needs to be a part of that childs life. In the case of death, that's what the extended family is for. Brothers/sisters/cousins can step in to help.

This sounds like a Republican platform, but it's true. We NEED Family Values brought back.

Not all single parents are moms nor is single parenting only a matter of irresponsiblity. What we need more that "family values" is to value children from the time they are born. All of them.

Most are moms (by a long shot) and unless there is a death in the family (when extended family should step in), it is almost always a matter of irresponsibility by someone if a child only has one parent.

Your last sentence (like the rest of your post) sounds nice and PC (come on now let's all just value children, all of them), but really doesn't mean anything. Nor does it really offer any tangable solutions, does it?

1 in 4 raised by a single parent is a big problem. Unless society begins to see it as such, and shame those who neglect their responsibilties, it will get worse, and our nation will fall. And no, I don't believe I am overstating.

I was raised by a single mother and unlike the Republicans claimed, my home was not "broken." I had a great childhood, received an excellent education, and am now successful.

Providing healthcare, nutrition, and education for children is an investment in the future of our country. And no, our family never received public assistance. Our lives would have been better in Western Europe or Canada. That's a fact.

And your individual success story negates the entire problem huh? You can healthcarize, nutritionalize and educate children from cradle to grave if you would like, it will not take the place of, nor fill the void left by an absentee father.

That's about the most irrelevant, ignorant blather I've heard yet on the subject. Read up, the stats are off the charts on this issue, no matter what your socialist professor told you, or how great your chilhood.

That's "a fact" Huh? Well, see ya. Don't let the statue of liberty swat you on the way out!!

Tod, your generaliztion of the subject matter does you no good. Not everyone falls into a "specific set of statistics." The vast, vast majority of people I have known who have come from single parent families and divorced parents come out just fine. They don't let statistics drive their motives.

Individual stories are irrelevant when you are commenting on general statiscs (1 in4). You can not speak intelligently on the subject without speaking in generalities. The angry comments on this article are why media unfortunately stays away from it. People get upset, and think They or their loved ones are being de-legitimized.

I teach high school, I know full wel the sacrifice and courage of my single parents. This story is not about them, its about the parent who has decided to neglect their responsibilty and do horrible damage to our future. If people like you don't stop questioning the "motives" of those who bring the subject up nothing will be done.

Here is a classic example; the negative numbers in Africa-American children are staggering, and almost always, the common thread is no dad in the home, period. But guess what? You can't talk about it, because the assumption is you are being racist. More generally, this subject is assumed to be anti-single mom. It's not, if anything its more anti-irresponsible male.

We need to get over our individual perceived offences, and deal with the issue. It is real, and it will destroy our future. Please don't assume I am questioning anyones individual motives. I also know many wonderful single moms, who are raising great kids, but they all could use the help of male role model.

Tod,

Very valid points. Do you think the issue is really about " no dad in the home" as opposed to no second or not enough income in the home.

Income definitely plays a part in how much time the single parent can effectively parent (stress, time at work etc. I'm amazed at what they have to juggle), but I think the main issue is the horrible message the child receives from a parent who takes no responsibilty to love, nuture and provide for his/her child's well being.

Divorced parents who are both taking responsibilty are not the problem. Many of my students (startling percentage) have divorced parents. The ones whose father has moved to another state (how can either parent agree to such a thing?), or is simply not in the picture, are the ones with serious issues.

In all my years teaching, and working with teenagers, the symptoms are universal; males show a lack of respect for their female teachers/adults and females show lack of respect for their male teachers/adults (though they manifest it in different ways)

Tod, the stats, when broken down for socio-economics, always show that children of single parents living ABOVE the poverty line do just as well as two-parent homes of the same economic status. It is not the lack of a parent, it's the lack of money, pure and simple. When you are living hand to mouth and your single parent is working him/herself to death and doesn't have the time to parent because they are just able to put a roof over the kid's head, food on their plate, clothes on their back and shoes on their feet, then what is that family suppose to do? Poverty is crushing, no matter how many parents are in the home.

brewzky23

You correct in your thinking but all the liberals want it this way!
Same sex marriages, that will help reduce any more children, not counting all those that will die with aids!
So the population will decrease, via this mentality, but those of U.S. that have been born and raised here see our country becoming like all other countries and empires that have fallen in the past.
We are required to study and know history! What for? We have been taught and become to believe they are all fairy tales and it will not happen to U.S. because we are so educated now? L.O.L.
Since we think we are so educated and believe we know everything, why is the world in such a mess??? Who are those creating all this mess?? The uneducated?
L.O.L.!!!

I don't want to bring politics into the discussion, but I have to laugh every time someone says that the U.S. doesn't support parents. They conveniently forget about the massive child tax credit, the earned income tax credit for low-earning parents (which is nearly impossible for people without kids to qualify for - I'm disabled and had $12 in earnings last year and did not qualify), and almost all state and federal assistance programs are only open to people who are pregnant or have children. Good luck trying to get help if you're single and childless! You mean nothing to the government unless you've reproduced. You get to live in a box and eat dead mice.

Then why do low income people in true need of help keep voting for the same people. It's obvious they only care about your vote; not you. I just don't get it.

"most single mom's don't work anyway and have a handful of children from several different men"

What an ignorant and factless statement. I take it you're a white middle aged man with a moderately high income right? Low income CITIZENS vote for dems because GOP just wants to take more away from us for big business.

Randi - Sorry but that is a fact. Look it up before you shoot off your mouth.

Randi: Do you dispute that comment or should I say fact? If you don't think the majority of single moms with multiple children is more highly concentrated in the black community then you're just a racist and blind.

http://www.census.gov/prod/2009pubs/p60-237.pdf

Half (50.2 percent) of custodial mothers were non-Hispanic White, more than one-quarter were Black
(27.8 percent), and 18.0 percent were Hispanic. Custodial fathers were more likely than custodial mothers to be non-Hispanic White
(71.6 percent) and less likely to be Black (11.4 percent) or Hispanic
(12.1 percent).11

I'm talking percentages. It's not even close.

The social safety net (Soc Sec, Medicaid, WIC, and many others ) were put in to help those in need. But once in place they get administered by paycheck for life gubmint employees who have no incentive one way or the other. Poly-tissiuns wnat to be everyone's sugardaddy. Leave a plan in long enough and the game players comeout of the woodwork. Next thing you know you look at these things 30 years later and viola` 25% of the mothers have no hubbies helping them raise the kids because they view it as society's responsibility. While the workers and taxpayers are off workin and paying, the game players, poly-tissiuns and gubmint employees are creating systems designed to pick the taxpayers and working people's pockets. Now we have a gubmint we cannot pay for. Lotsa of people filing claims against the gubmint, too few people working and paying taxes. So instead of firing teachers, policmen firemen and taking Medicare from old ladies who worked all their lives, how about we take beneis from people who are dragging us all down and who have never strung two years together of hard positive work and making a contribution ? Whilke we're at it lets cut out that corporate welfare too !!!

It sums up who is the one that takes the most money out of the coffers

Please show your stats that most single parents don't work and collect welfare. I would love to see them.

Divorces are big money makers. That is why the legal system is not Family Friendly. That is why lawyers will try to keep couples from trying to work things out.

Bristol Palin

I can't believe how everyone is bashing single women. I am a female single parent. I was married and gave birth to 2 beautiful children but eventually had to divorce the man who was TORTURING all 3 of us. When my son was born very ill I left my well paid job to take care of my child. After the divorce no one wanted to hire a single parent with children. So most of you believe I am a piece of @#$@ because I took my children away from someone who was abusing them. I hope someday someone abuses the people that are posting such ignorant comments. Oh no, I take that back it would only make me as despicable as you.

And???

Grifv-

In my first post I state the exception for those divorced or widowed. Those are things you cant really control. I am the child of a mother who divorced my father and thank god she did. She found my step-dad right after as to make sure I had a suitable male role model. She didnt believe in the "I dont need a man to raise my kid" theory because its not necessarily healthy (especially for little girls) like another poster pointed out.

Just dont become bitter to all men as a result and try to find a suitable partner so your children can see firsthand what a healthy relationship looks like.

Successful societies are not just built upon 2 parent families, but upon values and mores that are conducive to success. Our society is crumbling because we have undermined all the systems that were valued, and are now relative to interpretation by the individual. Cultural/moral/ethical relativism and political correctness have done just as much to destroy us as destruction of the nuclear family. Look at all the pople (47%) of the population that rely on the government for their very existence-no shame-they feel they are owed a certain standard of living for making a lifetime of one bad decisions and mistake after another. The entitlement mentality in this country created by the Great Society and welfare state will destroy this country from within-way before any enemy abroad!!!!

That's why the female toy industry is booming. I wish I created the "Rabbit".

Caring for children should be a market priority.

An intelligent, healthy population is good for business. The most critical time in a human's life for development is from conception to age 3. Although you can learn new things after age 25 you will not get any more talented or increase your IQ.(biology and neuroscience - look it up) By age 65 most humans have stopped contributing to society at large and are strictly low level, marginal consumers.

So a rational business interested in a productive workforce and a thriving market should support early child hood care and cut services as you get older. As a society we do the opposite.

Brewsky can't back up his assertion that most single mothers don't work, because it is not true.

Mothers
The labor force participation rate—the percent of the population working or looking for work—for all
mothers with children under 18 was 70.8 percent in 2010, down from 71.4 percent in 2009. In 2010, the
participation rate for married mothers with a spouse present (68.9 percent) remained lower than the rate
for mothers with other marital statuses (75.0 percent).

That's from the Department of Labor Statistics, by the way. So actually, more single moms work than married ones.

franklin 4221 is correct. The welfare (corporate as well as social) society has killed us. Economists now say the bottom 80% when talking about our economic classes. Pres Obama reffered to the "bottom 90%" in a recent speach. IT is not possible to have 20% of the workforce be gubmint employees( Ck the BLS stats) and have a vibrant successful economy. IT is not possible to have a vibrant successful economy based on building homes for each other and rendering food serices and medical services to each other. Yet until very recently before the housing collapse we were being told these three things were the economy and they were the future. Counselors still tell people who lost their jobs to retrain for medical care and senior services. Really ? Now just who is going to pay for that ? The bottom 80% have no money - hence the name "the bottom", and the top 10% who own all the wealth have no incentive to pay it over to take care of a bunch of people who are no longer doing anything for them. Serious people are looking toward recovering our manufacturing base. Albeit with less gubmint interference on work rules so it can be competitive with the countires who don't have such constraints and costs on manufacturing. Meanwhile, please keep your American Paychecks out of China and Korea and Mexico. We need that money here so we can rebuild.

QueenBee,

I'm widowed and I realize you made an exception for divorced and widowed mothers, but to say that I need a man to raise my child is not entirely true. I don't have time to go find the man in my life because I'm working 2 jobs (mostly from home with good pay) and raising a man, so please tell me when I have time to go find someone? Besides, I lost my husband to suicide. Please tell me how I can honestly trust that another man won't let me down like the one who promised to be there with me through old age. I don't think all men are bad, I just haven't met one strong enough for my life.

I have never seen a legitimate psychologist ever say dads are not important to the development of a child. Quite to the contrary. And you don't have to go for the women shouldn't work argument. There are many succssful, married, working mothers/wives out there. Mine being one of them. She is a wonderful mother, still married to my dad after nearly 40 years, and quite professionally successful and satisfied. For some, being a wife and mother may be enough, and that is fine. But for others, they want more out of life than that and want more out of life than that for their daughters. I'm grateful to my mother for providing such a great example of strong womanhood -- not limited to but including being wife and mother.

Okay, I have to ask.......what is wrong with wanting to be more than a wife and mother? And what psychologists have said that fathers are "not important"? I'd like actual links, please. I haven't seen that. I have seen that many men have walked away from their families to make new ones with younger women but I haven't seen too much chastisement of these men like I have seen of women having children outside of marriage. Nor have I seen men being scorned nearly as much for not fathering their children as I have of women having these children. Women always bear the brunt of the blame for the ills of society, it seems, while men always seem to get the free passes. Why is that? I don't think the majority of these women are single mom's by choice. I think that most of them have been left by the fathers of their children and are doing their very best for their children. And before you say, "well, they should have thought about adoption", sorry, but no woman should have to give up her child because the father walked out on them. A child is NOT a commodity, nor is she a brood mare for the infertile. And the bond between mother and child is not easily severed.

Bristol Palin

At least Bristol isnt on welfare.

And what psychologists have said that fathers are "not important"?

I do not know of any psychologists who have said this, but there are plenty of women from certain cultures in the U.S. that say it. They don't deny they just use the men to conceive their baby. Why should they need him? The government check is much more reliable than a deadbeat's support.

Yes as we all know no one gets a divorce (sarcasm).

And we all know condoms never break.

And men never just up and leave, either. (sarcasm)

Dare I say the "A" word....

Inching into the agrumentavtive realm of personal belief, religion, and freedom of choice...

Crazysinglemom, A condom breaking? Really? They don't break. The latex ones will disintegrate if you use a petroleum lube like vasoline but they don't break, It is a myth!

They don't break. The latex ones will disintegrate if you use a petroleum lube like vasoline but they don't break, It is a myth!

They are still not 100% effective neither is the pill. We found that out.

Yeah- sure.. they don't break. If that's true... then I'm completely baffled as to how I got pregnant. And of course, Hollywood is right... men never up and leave either... certainly not after a condom breaks. Wake up people. Stereotypes are just that... stereotypes. Yes- condoms do break. Plenty of children have been born as a result of this. And men do up and leave. Particularly after a condom breaks and the test comes back positive.

And women would never 'bait' a guy by telling him she was on the pill. And no one would ever have multiple babies from different men just for the check. And everyone desires to be a productive contributing member of society....

How about keeping your legs closed while you are a teenager. And if you happen to get pregnant; maybe, just maybe you shouldn't nail every guy that walks by and whistles at you.

Condoms never break? Gosh, that would be news to my sister, her husband, and their little boy.

condoms don't break?! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!That is really funny and totally a BIG FAT LIE! I have seen the rip and the ooze resulting from the rip. They can and do break and no form of birth control is 100% effective except abstinence. And abstinence is totally ridiculous to expect of people in a committed relationship. After reading comments like that I have to ask, "And there are still people out there who say that our youth do not need better sex education and counseling?"Apparently the misinformation about sex and birth control is still rampant.

I am a single mother. The best thing for my daughter is to NOT have her 'dad' in her life. Because of my not so wise decisions as a 19 year old I had a child by a man who I later found out had two other kids in a 10 month spand. Sienna deserves two fully dedicated parents, but will only have 1 fully dedicated mother. I work full time, pay for day care, pay for health insurance, we have our own place, and I do not receieve anything from what is refered to as her 'dad'. I do this all by myself and I am only 21 years old. I think respect for single parents mom or dads is important. However, only if they take the responsibly of being a parent seriously. Teen mom..... I can't watch that show.

AMEN!

Sara1698145-- I am a single mom, having had to divorce my ex-husband due to his complete lack of wanting to be a husband and father. We were married for 7 years and had 2 sons together. I was a stay-at-home mom until I realized this man no longer wanted to part of the family unit. Then, I went out and got myself a job, filed for divorce, and left. Guess what? Now almost 10 years later, he hasn't seen his kids since 2003 and stopped paying child support several months ago. Should I have styaed married to him just to say my kids had a father? He was as absent when we were married as he is now, emotionally. My kids were much better off without him then with him. I never went on welfare, always had medical insurance for them, they had everything they needed and then some. I am by no means rich but sacrificed things for myself to get them what they wanted/needed...food, clothes, sports and other fun activities. Without ever taking a handout from anyone. To assume that all single mothers were teen mothers is ridiculous. To assume that all single mothers have multiple kids with multiple men is downright disgusting. My children have not suffered by not having this piece of dirt in their lives...they haved thrived without him. I am now engaged to a wonderful man that I have known since we were 16. He is their "dad", the man they go to for advice on girls, the man they go to for anything they need. Had I stayed with their biological father, they would not have grown up knowing what a real man and a real father is. Once we marry in a few months, my fiance will be adopting these boys of mine and then they can call him dad for real. You are a shortsighted, bigoted person who needs to wake up and realize that divorce is the more common reason for single parenthood. the only correct thing you said is that children deserve to have two parents that are fully committed to their life and well-being. Sometimes, though, that means leaving the dirtbag and moving on to find someone better.

Wow, you sound like a very hateful person, that is too bad (but also not my problem). Re-read my comment. I NEVER said that ALL single mom's are/were teen mom's, but you are clearly misguided if you don't think that is a problem with teen pregnancy or don't think there are multiple people that continue to have children with differnt people who can never fully, properly parent them and continue to live off the system. Wake up and smell the coffee lady; look at the facts and truth of what is happening in our country and how things have changed. And I get that not every marriage is going to work out and I believe that it is better to be from a broken home than living in a broken home, when the marriage is in turmoil; however, that is not what I talking about, so spew your hateful comments somewhere else.

That's not true. Divorce is not the most common reason for single motherhood. Many women end up pleasing another man and re-marrying anyway. The "china" is a very good motivational part of the body.

My comments were far from hateful...you are the one spewing hate. With divorce rates being over 50% now, yes, most single parent homes are because of divorce. I didn't say teen parenting isn't a problem but that is not THE ONLY problem. The problem is parents, men and women, who don't want to take care of their kids after splitting up. I have friends and family who are owed tens of thousands of dollars in child support, whose ex doesn't see the kids and they were MARRIED. Your first statement of "this is what happens..." is totally pointing the blame at teen parents.

Brewsky--Yes, it is true that divorce is the most common reason for single parenthood. Have you not seen the divorce rate lately?

Not all divorcees have children. And most young single moms never marry in the first place.

Believe it or not, I have been raised by a single parent for over 13 years. And guess what? It's my loving, devoted father. My mom died when I was only 5...there are many factors that play into someone being a single parent. Some are in it alone, unwillingly because of something very tragic. It's not just young women who never marry their child's father or that the child's father is a deadbeat. There are single parents out there who are male! My dad is proof of that.

All white here just to say..in the north east. ( not sure about all those other fathers though).

So... if this girl is such trash, what was your brother doing with her to begin with? I'm just saying... it takes two to tango. Sincerely, though, , I wish your brother all the luck and happiness in the world helping to raise his child.

Wow, your brother sure used poor judgement in becoming involved with this woman. (Maybe he had a problem with the male equivalent of holding an apple between his knees?) Hopefully he learned from this experience and thinks a little more carefully before deciding whether to become physically intimate with a new woman.

Born in the USA..............

You are vile.

This isn't about a womans choice to have sex...so get over it. She is free to have sex with everyone and anyone without your judgement...newsflash - MEN do it everyday without social pre-conceived judgement.

As for your brother......seems he has no common sense to find a decent mate....maybe he is the one who shouldn't procreate and pass on such poor genes. Tell him to show some self control, keep his pants zipped and stop making babies he doesn't want to father.

That's not true. There are a lot of professional business women that are feminists that are single mothers by choice.

Okay, I am truly sick of this fallacy. Please look up TANF and you will see that no single mother gets any more for any subsequent children while in the program. These were all part of the welfare reforms under Clinton. They are also only allowed a FIVE YEAR LIFETIME MAX of benefits. The average single mother has one child and is only on TANF eighteen months.

Hey Karp...of course you are correct, but I did say "for the most part". And, here in Ohio, the more babies you have as a single mother on welfare, the more money you get for ADC...aid to dependent children. This is what I am speaking of.

There is plenty of aid other than TANF that they do qualify for.

Mr.29.....that program was eliminated in 1997 when the federal TANF laws were rolled out. Go look it up. I did. Women do NOT get paid extra per child in ANY state, as it is a FEDERAL MANDATE.

We heard you the first time, repeating it just makes you look like an idiot.

...or a TROLL!

Yeah, that is something that they never even touched on in this article. I read a report, I think it was here on msnbc.com a few months ago that over 75% of black american women that give birth are not married, it went down to like 55% for hispanic women, and 35-40% percent, I believe, for caucasian women, and something like 15% for Asian women. Pretty shocking numbers if you ask me.

sigh

The fastest growing group are WW and educated professionals. If you birthers would actually bother to learn to read, you would have known this some time ago. I n fact, some studies put the overall numbers at ~40%. But you keep taking your crank and pills and hiding your head in the sand

smdh

Who are you directing your comment to? I can copy the link that was posted on this exact site a few months ago if you would like to see it? What is with these crazy people on here? Wow, get a life!!!

Hanks

Are you saying "Save these children" by making sure they are never born? Real compassionate.

This is the result when such an irresponsible behavior becomes culturally accepted...all in the name of PC. Only rule we need to follow to curb child poverty and hunger rates is... Only have the number of kids you can afford to support! If a problem happens later the taxpayer will be happy to 'help' you out because at least you have proven you have a work ethic. The taxpayer has no desire to continue support for someone that has no intention of every becoming a productive and contributing member of society.

I am a young single mother of two children. I am divorced, ex-husband in the military. I also work (manage a dental clinic). Please tell me where single mothers can get money from the government for each child they have! I haven't seen a dime of that money!

Become unemployed. I commend you for working so hard; most don't. If you are working and struggling the government won't help you. Therein lies the problem. It's too easy to just have kids, not work or no school and the government will give you tax dollars for each kid you have. There needs to be a strict overhaul in these entitlement programs that make the recipient at least try.

File for welfare and they will garnish the father's wages for that money. People think welfare only comes from your taxes. That is wrong, they go after the other parents wages and that's not Child Services doing it, its the welfare department and they do it on top of the parent paying child support already.

One major problem here. To garnish one's wages they must have a job and have excess cash flow above and beyond their immediate needs.

They DON'T get money for each child. Please look up TANF (Temporary Assistance For Needy Families). These reforms took place under CLINTON! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporary_Assistance_for_Needy_Families

Hollywood, I work with TANF clients daily and some of the stuff i see is ridiculous. You have to look at the wider spectrum: persons who receive TANF also receive foodstamps (which the amount is increased on a per child basis), medical insurance, school tuition, and transportation assistance. Also depending upon the child's needs they will receive SSI benefits and if they are lucky they get housing assistance to where they pay barely anything for a place to live. I have seen women who make more money living off of government benefits than I do working 40+ hours a week.

So please tell me where in any reality is that right?

Michelle

If your ex is in the military and he isnt paying you child support, call his CO, they will take it straight out of his check.

Just a Shame-

Haha, I bet you're a clerk...

No smarty pants, I'm a counselor, the one that has to try to help them find a job when a lot of the time they don't want one. Do you know how hard it is to find a person who wants to only collect the money and not work.

I am divorced, ex-husband in the military. I also work (manage a dental clinic). Please tell me where single mothers can get money from the government for each child they have!

You messed up three times...once by waiting to have a baby until you were married,... 2nd, by having a baby with someone that actually has a job,... and 3rd, by having enough of a work ethic to hold a job.

Just a shame - the real shame is that employers pay so little that you can work full time and still not be able to provide basic needs for a couple of children.

You are right Anita....the government has it set so that if you show any effort at all you do not qualify for 'free', unless you are already in the 'system'. They are actually rewarding irresponsible behaviors that result in the statistics you see in post 1.24. This policy, just as is our immigration policy, cannot be sustained in either the short-term or long-term.

Imagine how you would feel if you saw people getting assistance taking home at least $700 or more in foodstamps and TANF UNTAXED a month. That does not include the medical insurance or SSI they may receive and the fact that the amount will increase per child that they have. Yet i work 40+ hours a week and have a good salary, but after taxes, insurance for me and my children I barely see half of that money. So how is that right???

So how is that right???

It is not right JustAShame. It is the result of programs put into place by politicians that have led to a reward for irresponsible behavior. Forget Dems & Reps...give us a party of 'accountability', at both ends of the spectrum. Better yet, replace Congress with scientists and we WILL get the problems solved. We sacrifice the success of our children to keep from hurting an adult's feelings!...PC is out...Tell it like it is, is in!

Just a Shame...part of the problem is the way the system is set up from the start. When I was pregnant with my oldest son, I applied for every government program I could get my hands on an application for. I was denied every single one of them except WIC because I "made too much money". At that time I was working as a clerk in a gas station making about a dollar more than minimum wage. The social services lady that was working my applications told me flat out that if I was unemployed, I would have qualified for housing assistance, food stamps, energy help(gas and electric), free basic phone service for my home, day care assistance (why would I need daycare if I wasn't working??) and free job training in one of about 15 different jobs they had listed ranging from dental hygienist to truck driver. BUT! Since I busted my ass 40+ hours a week for a pittance...I made too much money to get anything other than WIC vouchers equal to roughly $50 per month. Oh, and I was also told that since I made the mistake of answering honestly on the applications that my brother lived within a 100 mile radius of me, that the State of Missouri puts the burden of my care and my child's on him. Seriously. Just because we happen to be born of the same mother, he suddenly is supposed to be responsible for me and my kid? No...I am responsible for me and my kid (since his dad bailed), not my brother. And the help from the gov't I was asking for was minimal and was intended as a helping hand until I could better my place and my kid's in life...not a way of life.

So, yeah. When the system is set up from the very start to reward those who are unemployed and "punish" those who do work by rejecting them as viable candidates for help...you have to really say that system is broken.

JustaShame......you are lying out through your teeth! No one takes home that much in food stamps. Most welfare recipients take home less than $1200 a month MAX, including housing. And they don't get paid extra if they have more kids. They may get more in food stamps, but it's not much. $700 in food stamps a month? Please............

Hollywood yes I do see this...

that shows you the maximum amount of foodstamps a family can get. So please tell me how they cannot receive $700 if they have the right amount of kids. Also here in Missouri it seems that people have learned to "work" the system. So unless you work in this profession and see what i see on a daily basis it does seem unbelievable.

They keep deleting my link, but basically if you go to dss.mo.gov and look up foodstamps and they have a spreadsheet that tells you the maximum amount of money a family can get in foodstamps. It stops figuring at a household of 8 with $1202 in foodstamps and then it says to add an additional $150 per member after that.

but add that along with free daycare, medical insurance, TANF benefits. What do you think the total of that would come to Hollywood???

Mike7 You seem confused. What does your post have to do with women poppinbg out babies with different men? For many minorities the woman never even bothers to demand that the man marry her before sex or even after she turns up pregnant. The men just go to the next set of open arms and legs and do it again.

We need to have more people pulling the wagon and not going along for a free ride. We tried to demand that single moms give us the name of the father before they receive public assistance and guess what? Most women were not sure who the father was or could only narrow it down to several different possible men.

Bill-433395

'For many minorities the woman never even bothers to demand that the man marry her before sex or even after she turns up pregnant.'

Sweetie, that happens with EVERY race of woman. Tell me what woman you know that actually says 'oh, we have to be married before we have sex'. And if you watch tv, you see that the people who flaunt this the most are white women, unless you've never seen 'Sex and the City' or 'The Hills' or any of the other garbage that passes for entertainment nowadays. Don't get me wrong, I know minority women put it out there, too, but don't say it's 'many' minorities. Give me a break.

Bill-433395

So all the families that once had a Dad & Mom are no longer a family unit?
How did that happen? The lawyers and the court system deemed it so for the best interest of the real family?
I know there are and have been for decades women getting pregnant just to get money from the tax payers and still are, including those coming in our country from the middle east, Iraq, Somalia and other countries and the government allows it!
We bomb them and instead of helping them in their own country we bring them here with their kids and diseases! Why?

Mike7 - sounds like you got the bad end of a divorce. There would be no need for divorce attorneys if people could stay married. The costs of a divorce skyrocket when the divorcing couple keep bitching about who gets what rather than walking away with what's fair. The more time the attorney has to put into the case means the more he or she has to charge. How is that unfair? Let's put some blame where it belongs, the divorcing couple too stupid to realize their marriage wouldn't work and too hostile to walk away with the least amount to damage to both parties. In the end, it was the spouses that sought the attorney, not the other way around.

mgavery

Your are right in your statement.
The only thing wrong is, we the people of the U.S. are no longer separated from Church & state as I previously bogged.
Why do people get married in Church? Some magical thing is going to happen, L.O.L
I was stating a fact that our So Called government does not care about Family.
Why is that? Why does the rest of the world want the U.S. to die and go away?
Now they want U.S. to become like them!
We no longer know or understand what our forefathers wanted to see happen to the country they fought and died for!
Now we have the A.C.L.U. dictating what is right and wrong, and we sided with them!
So be it then.
I Pray all those that like the Change they are getting will give them what they want?
Change is happening and all those that believe in this change will be happy Soon!
We all need to read the last chapters of the Book, Revelations, chapters 17& 18
John foresaw what I believe to be the U.S. Ya'll may say I am crazy, but read it and put yourself in John's time, 2000 years ago and try to explain something he did not know would ever exist.
Maybe the 2012 theory is not a hoax, or maybe it is? Time will tell and show U.S. ALL!! I prefer the latter! I am ready to meet my Creator, How about You?

TITLE 4D of the Social Security ACT keeps fathers away from kids. Proven fact that Child Support is a money making system for the states. In my state of PA - always in top 5 in collection amount and makes over $30 million a year from 4D. Its free money the govt gives to states just be recoding how much suppor they collect.

It started with LBJ and his "Great Society". Welfare queens found out they could make more money having kids without being married.

Don't get me wrong, I know minority women put it out there, too, but don't say it's 'many' minorities. Give me a break.

Actually, if you want the facts...73% of black babies are born out of wedlock, 51% Hispanic, and 28% white...for a total of 41% born in U.S. out of wedlock. Why not?...better than paying $8000 for child birth costs. So yes, the number of minority OOW births are the majority for that group.

You totally missed the point on this one... blinded by your own biases, perhaps? She isn't saying "Women make brilliant single parents (and men don't)" or anything like that. She is saying that women who by circumstances happen to be parenting on their own do a brilliant job. Sure, by their nature as single mothers there are no fathers involved, but by indicating she is talking about single mothers, she has restricted her comment to reflect on that specific demographic and no other. It is a supportive comment on single mothers -- not a condemnation of fathers who are involved or anyway suggesting single motherhood is the preferable way to go. Many single mothers do a great job, and I am sorry if that is somehow threatening to you. We, as a society, are lucky that they do. We'd be in real danger if they all failed -- though your ego may feel better if that were the case.

Wrong "saddened" on trying to distort my opinion and justify the purpose of NOW. NOW discriminates against Males and the role of the Father. If it didn't, it wouldn't exist with any real purpose. Try reading the book The Myth of Male Power by Warren Farrell to understand how NOW distorts the facts.

Saddened, you missed the point. I believe the point Spo was trying to make was that the article assumed that all single parents are mothers. Single fathers exist, too, and the article made no mention of them. It is pretty insulting to single fathers. They can do a great job raising kids, too, and shouldn't be excluded.

We could start to clean up the problem by deporting all the criminal illegal aliens along with their anchor babies.

Next we need to find the "father" and garnish his wages if he does not provide child support. The only problem is that a lot of these "fathers": are hanging around the corner selling drugs.

Dianarose- I agree with you on that, except that illegals are not the only ones who live with the "baby daddy" and collect monies...unfortunately, I know of 2 women who did just that while living with their now husbands, complaining that they should not have gotten married because now they don't get the free money. As a former single parent household (who did it on my own, BTW) any single paretn HH collecting welfare monies should be looked at and scrutinized for who lives in the house. If the other parent lives with the single parent, all income should be counted. Too often, people hide this income so they can qualify. I heard of someone who actually lied, said the husband abandonded her and the kids, got money and no one checked on this!

Unfortunately, I am in the same situation. I would actually have to stop working to get any help. Where is the incentive for people to work, then?

I am in the same boat, whenever I have been without a job, I have 60 days to find one or the State will take my assistance away. But yet I see all these people here sitting around having baby after baby, get free daycare to sit at home and do nothing. I have a son who has mental health and behavioral issues, and sometimes with his issues end up losing a job I have had for over a year or more and then get told I have to have a job within 60 days or I loose my assitance. Why do they not try to help the people that are working and not make it so easy for the ones who just keep having baby after baby. My kids are 21, 18 and 12 so as you can see they are well spread out. No matter how hard I try my ex does not help and really wants nothing to do with his kids, the alcohol is more important to him, and yes I decided to get divorced because I did not want to hurt my children more. They have always come first and always will. I am a single mom and will do whatever I need to, to support my children on my own..........it is the ones who do not have the will power to change that hurt the ones who are really trying.

Muzical

The blame is not the governments nor is it the wealthy citizens. the blame for your situation is yours alone! That may sound like a callous statement but unless your spouse died and you have yet to remarry it must be considered. I do not know the specifics of your situation but as an example, when was your child born? Were you and the mother married at the time? What caused the union to crumble? How old were you when you became a parent? How old was the mother? There are many single parents that have not had the choice, like when a partner dies when the child is young, but there are also many that never gave children as a consequence for irresponsible behavior a second thought! The fact that you are raising your child is admirable, but the child needs both parents, because children learn best through example and the hole that is left by the missing parent is never really filled. Further, I believe that children from divorced households seem to embrace the idea that divorce is an easy way of dealing with problems between partners and so are more prone to divorce than reconcile if trouble happens in their relationships. Like I said I do not know the specifics of your situation, but the above arguments need to be considered because every case is different but the trends have to stop. Blaming others for your misfortune is a crutch that we can no longer afford.

I commend you for being a single father and doing well on your own. We as a country need to realize that this day and age there aren't just single mothers, but single fathers too. There is an increase in women who have children and decide that they don't want anything to do with them anymore. Times are changing and not for the better.

Deborah - Sorry but unless you took the "father" to court and demanded child support society should not be forced to help you. Did it ever occur to you that the "father" is your safety net?

Well, I think you missed my point, Bill. "Society" has never helped me. In fact, I make more money than 90% of the virulent male commentators on this article. Yet, immediately, "single mother" or "single parent" for that matter evokes hateful comments and stereotypes. Where are my tax dollars going, of which I contribute plenty, by the way, more than most of the loser opinionated white middle-aged males in this forum? Maybe to bank bailouts, not to poor single mothers.

Deborah

You are an exception and not the rule when it comes to single parents. I praise you for your efforts and hope that you remain successful. Here is a flip side case for you to ponder. Two friends of my children had a daughter 7 years ago. They have tried to make it as a couple, but outside influences have torn them apart. They care deeply for each other, but the girls mother has been their undoing. She lived with them and when she lost her job relied on the kids to support her as well as themselves. There is no reason for her not to seek a new job. The couple however, having had their daughter at the ripe old age of 17 never pursued education beyond high school, in fact the girl never graduated leaving fast food jobs and waitressing as her only options in our area. The young man is an assistant manager at a retail store and the pair have been helped by many friends along the road. Their only problems seem to be a lack of commitment to their child and the hole they dug themselves for having a child so young. I have to ask you whose fault is this? The government? The wealthy? Or is it the fault of the participants in this relationship? Unfortunately there are a lot more like this couple than there are of people like you as single parents.

archangel, that seems to be poor parenting to me. First and foremost your priority should be your children. Providing for them not only through monetary means but emotionally and through time. Maybe if they made that their main focus things could have worked out differently. The mother could have found means to finish school, if she so desired. Every situation is determined by the choices you make.

Why don't you re-read my comments. I said..."for the most part". I stand by that statement and if you can refute it with facts, fine. But every study I have seen says the majority of single parents are poor and uneducated. It's just like someone like you to call us names when you dont agree.

Deborah -

How on earth can you be making six figures and have no safety net??? Maybe your problem isn't your status as a single mother, but a problem managing money. I couldn't blow through all that cash if I tried, and I'm quite skilled in spending money.

@Megidolaon - perhaps you are reading too much into what Deborah was saying with regards to a "safety net." While agree everyone needs to save when and where they can, sometimes tragedy strikes and you end up where you end up. My husband was a very savy financial person who saved well, but due to circumstances beyond his/our control he was left without a job for 1.5 yrs before I lost him. We had A LOT in savings, but that can quickly be drained by normal things in life that happen. Before you or anyone else says were living beyond our means - I will make it clear, no we were not. We could have bought bigger and better - drove in high style, but we didn't see the need for that. When things started going South for him, we used quite a bit of our savings to make sure our house was paid off as well as our cars. We have money set aside for college for the kid and still have some emergency fund left which I continuously add to. I understand where Deborah is coming from - I too make a salary comparable to Deborah, but if I were to lose my job, even without having any debt, it would be very hard to live on unemployment - pay for Cobra to keep health coverage going and pay for the basic expenses of food, utilities and gas. There is also insurance for the house, car and personal property taxes. We'd have to dip into savings again to keep things going smoothly and that money would only last so long. Look around at the job market - there are many people who are taking jobs for 1/3 to 1/2 of what they made before and that is after they looked for work for over a year or more. Even a lot of savings can be completely wiped out in that period of time.

Agreed. I am a divorced mom of 1, getting little financial support from my ex. I own my own business, and make good money. I live well within my means, and I invest for both my retirement and his education. But always in the back of my mind is the thought of what would happen to my son if something happened to me. I have life insurance, but that's not the same as decades of income. He would live with his dad, I suppose, but the schools in the area where he lives are terrible, and there are few opportunities for a career. His dad would be hard-pressed to both hold a job and find childcare, as there are no daycares or after-school programs there.

So, yeah, a better safety net would be nice. I would feel better knowing that if I die or become disabled, my ex would be able to raise our son comfortably and give him the same opportunities he would have with me.

"I am not saying that religion is the only way, but that it is the greatest exposure to a code of morality that a child gets in their lifetime."

Completely agreee -- kids need to have faith in something

Bristol Palin

So sick of the puritanical "you can only have morals if you have faith" argument. Get off your cross, somebody else can use the wood.

Muzical...

Your post is sad.

"kids need to have faith in something" BS!

Kids need to believe in themselves. Not "faith". Faith doesn't provide for anything other than wishful thinking. Kids need to be doing instead of hoping.

Only weak people need the crutch of faith. Kids deserve more.

Kids are born atheist at best. They are not born "into" a religion as you put it. That comes from getting raised in said religion. Religion is hogwash at best IMO, but then again, I tend to live by "to each their own."

Mandatory chastity belts for anyone under 21 might be a solution?

Bristol Palin

I am NOT that old and I remember when your community held you in shame if you had a baby out of wedlock. Now there is no shame and if I complain about you demanding my tax money to support your babies from multiple fathers I am called a racist with no heart.

Right on bill...Im fairly young (early 30's) and thats exactly my sentiments. Shame needs to be assigned again..big time!

Shame cannot be administered Queenie. Even calling a gay person a derogatory name is frowned upon as discriminatory. In the land of the free, these young women can only be labeled as "pants challenged".

Even better, they system pays you more money for not having a father.

If you list the father, then he has to pay child support. If you don't, Uncle Sam is your daddy.

The more kids you have the more welfare and perks you get.

No downside. Others have to pay for their poor choices in life.