Some useful ideas here, but the definition given for "self-compassion" sounds like muddy psycho-babble. What they describe sounds more like being balanced and mature, not a strategy for parenting.

Psychologists keep getting it wrong and then changing their tune. Just like the great "self-esteem" epidemic, "self-compassion" will become gospel and go on to screw up the lives of the next generation.

Read some Aristotle or some fiction instead. People haven't changed very much in the last 2,000 years.

May I suggest a further resources to learn more about empathy and compassion.

The Center for Building a Culture of Empathy
The Culture of Empathy website is the largest internet portal for resources and information about the values of empathy and compassion. It contains articles, conferences, definitions, experts, history, interviews, videos, science and much more about empathy and compassion.
cultureofempathy com

Also, I posted a link to your article to our Empathy Center Facebook page
facebook com/EmpathyCenter

and Self Compassion Magazine..

Wow! This is right 'up my street' so to speak.

I will begin to comment how, for me, 'self-esteem' has never been the quite shallow buffering up oneself 'against others', but is, rather, what I like to differentiate as 'real self-esteem' - i.e. one that is deeper, more qualitative, and just comes from the factor that -as every other human-being surely needs to as well, you VALUE yourself.

Herein, everyone's value is Equal (it is knowing, or touching, the 'specialness' of oneself, the Core of oneself being not something that is unpleasant, but rather, something that is wholesome, despite one’s small-mindedness, selfishness, darker-sides, etc. (if one has had the courage - or has been forced by life-circumstances, to find this out). Indeed, this sort of self-esteem is not blind to one’s behavioural shortcomings.

Of course, there is a place for 'competition', for expressing one's individual talents, but healthy self-esteem never intends to put others down simultaneously! Surely, it is a matter of experience (to differ between the two types of 'self-esteem',) and the way I have described certainly feels wholesome.

This kind of self-esteem, that you are a very care-worthy human-being leads and is synonymous with self-compassion:

Self-compassion is absolutely essential for me, and replaces the need for over-dependence on friends for this (when they often don't have the time, sometimes lack the capacity or willingness because of what they're going through in their lives) and who don't really or always know what our emotions and experiences MEAN to us, individually…, whereas we do because we are experiencing them.

Of course, it is an art one needs to learn throughout one's life but is not about wrapping oneself up in cotton wool (though there is a time to be very protective of oneself). It is a feeling-with (which is what I believe compassion can be defined as), and is in this case, feeling-with-Oneself.

Paradoxically (for me, what I have observed), it really feels like an 'unselfish' thing to do: you are caring for your own aliveness, your own process, thoughts and feelings, etc; in fact, it is essentially just being there consciously for yourself; this is enough (even if you don't always know what to do, to get yourself out of a tricky or unpleasant situation, just being present can make THE difference!). It is like 'self-parenting' in the most enlightened meaning of that term... having one's 'good-enough' mother and father inside oneself (I think we all can feel what is an ideal mother and father; we just have to learn to 'be' this unto ourselves).

In this way, it is also creative: by being more Present to oneself, one finds one can be intuitively resourceful, as logic can feel like a dead-end in some situations; reverting to a more subconscious creativity can create the perfect solution to a previous stuck-situation.

For me however, the challenge is to be like this when happy and there is 'no problem'. One can still be there, even if there is no need to 'think of solutions... and it adds to one’s experience.

In these ways, it is almost synonymous with the Buddhist Practice of Mindfulness... which, as this article rightly says, is neither indulging in nor suppressing your feelings, but is simply mindfully (self-caringly) aware of them.

Self-aware self-compassion also proved some 'Inner Space' much like Mediation (meditation requires this aspect for one to carry on, and stay ‘open’, during the difficult moments)

For me, and therefore I think other people, Self-compassion is a Necessity, is not only a pre-requisite for a healthy life (and relationships), but is mental health ITSELF. I feel that it is something we need to be able to give ourselves - as much as we can, even if we are involved in stressful, self-consuming situations like intense study, work or child-rearing.

Obviously, for myself, the comments re the Chinese person's approach seem to be anti-mental health, although may be it is more subtle an approach than appears here.

This (kind of ‘humanistic’) point-of-view may seem rather ‘soft’, and/or rather unnecessary for some people, but for people like me, it is both necessary, and is something that actually works. This is for people who want to be fully alive and themselves in the world, who feel pain and hardship and don’t deny the truth of how difficult being ourselves or this world can be. It is for people who need to contribute to the World in the most effective and fulfilling way. And it can be done even when one’s external environment is impoverished. It is all a question of attitude and choice.

Funnily-enough, for me, when we treat ourselves with this kind of ‘attitude, then our ‘self’ rewards us back with greater self-balance and well-being.

This is a case of science once again confirming the teachings of Buddhism. The Western beliefs are catching up to the Eastern philosophies (except China's, of course).

I think a comment from the foremost authority on self-esteem would be helpful-

I have the AMERICAN VERSION take what you want to keep you happy screw everyone else- the more you take the more you want the true american way

Be kind to yourself and success will follow, I don't think so. How about doing the right thing for yourself and others will bring success. Pesonal responsibility bring success and good fortune. If that is what they mean by self-compassion then I'll agree. But, if a person is negative, feel the world is not fair, or doesn't understand others, then success will not follow, but misery and dispair will. Success is measure by your achievements, personal reponsibility, and positive attitude.

The same can be said of Science. They keep 'getting it wrong' when they expand their understanding. Wasn't the Earth the center of the Universe at one point? Then the Sun? You can go on and on.

Psychologists aren't the only ones still trying to understand the world and where we fit.

Failure is "not an option," it is an eventuality; it will happen to everyone given enough time. So, where are you supposed to rest when you fail?

If failure = death there is nowhere to go if you are imperfect.

To paraphrase that beautiful line from Ms Etta James' song At Last...!!!!!!!!!...

For too long now we parents have allowed the material things of life and what society thinks to influence the way we nurture and care for our children and even those in our communities.

The caring and nurturing values which guided so many of our lives as children and young adults in the past, were thrown out for the altar of instant gratification and quick fix life styles which resulted in so much heartache and disappointments that left families and communities adrift, hurting and disconnected.

At times, it felt that we were just existing; but this article clearly delivers hope, hope that a little dose of kindness and compassion can go a long way in dealing with life's challenges. Yes! people we need to teach our children/families that even in the times of failure we will be there to support, encourage and love them.

As the song says.. Love, Love will keep us together...................

Has any of this pontification been published in a peer-reviewed journal? Publishing a pop culture book is often, but certainly not always, the act of an academic who cannot get his/her research published by peer reviewed journals.

Be true to yourself; be honest for what you can do and what you can not do; be honest to yourself, including mourning, crying, laughing, but be kind to your angish (means don't over do it; and play it safe); do not take any criticism seriously and do not take it personally; if you find you are lack of something, find the means, legally, to compensate the lacking... If it is no, just say no... you deserve to have time to think... no hurry, especially yourself.

Be honest, be true, with a learning heart.

To prevent atrophy ; get a trophy

Much like cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, sex, cigars, pipes, snuff, chewing tobacco, are all severe addictions that get away from people and so is food. Our culture is so addicted to food we close business deals over it, celebrate good news, and reward kids for good behavior with it. Why does it have to be the focal point of our lives? The addiction rules. First part of recovering from excessive food addiction is to understand and identify what it is. Over consumption is as serious a problem as under consumption.

"Self-esteem" is often very shaky, dependent on our latest accomplishment or on others' shifting opinions of us. With self-compassion, we not only tend to treat ourselves with kindness---we tend to be kind to others as well. At the same time, kindness isn't over-indulgence. We need self-discipline---of the compassionate kind---too. Much of our cultural training is geared towards fault-finding and harshly blaming ourselves and others. Some of this can come from cruel religious dogma, like when I was 11 and the Catholic Church told me I was a "mortal sinner" cut off from God. Harshness towards others is really self-harshness, projected outward. When we treat ourselves with genuine compassion and respect---which is totally different from indulging our every whim---we make not only our own world better, but that of everyone else in our lives.

I think self-compassion is giving yourself whatever it is that you need first, not in a selfish way but understanding that sometimes others must suffer if you are to flourish. Real love for children is giving them your time, not smothering them with it just making time for them and making time for yourself demonstrates to them how to care for themselves.  Some kids hear what you say, some kids do what you say but all kids do what you do.

Very glad the research is catching up to clinical practice. In the 26 years I've been a doctor, the only thing I've ever seen really heal anyone is compassion. And, yes, that means self-compassion. Thanks for the article.