Good to know that you are such an expert parent. Thanks for sharing. The study however indicates that divorce generally has a negative effect on children.

Wow, no wonder you're divorced, you're a self-righteous 4ss!!

person named x, lawcpa isn't a self righteous 4ss. I would say it is ignorance that breeds problems and bit divorce. All lawcpa is saying here is divorce had no negative impact on his or her kids just like there are many kids who were not affected. YES THERE ARE SOME PARENTS THAT CAUSE UNDUE STRESS ON THEIR KIDS AFTER A DIVORCE BUT THERE ARE JUST AS MANY MARRIED PARENTS THAT CREATE A NEGATIVE HOME LIFE FOR THEIR KIDS. My daughter who is fully grown ran into a situation in middle school that the school tried to blame on the fact she was from a broken home until the principle realized the two adults ( key word adults) were me and my ex wife. Lo and behold they realized it wasn't all my daughter and a lot had to do with the teacher. Yes there are ignorant parents who put their children in the middle of their failed marriage but I will bet you can find ignorant parents who are still married as well.

This Country promotes divorce and one parent homes.
Is this why 1 out of every 5 women are having children by more than one guy?

Men have no more power in the majority of relationships because the government has taken it away.

It used to be that parents would have 8 or more children and the children would help take care of the home. Now the majority of us are having one or two babies because of the laws created by those who think that we should live a life of fiction.
Women think before they have a baby "I don't have to have a man in my life I can collect child support or alimony and raise the kid by myself and get another man and use his money to raise the kids."

Women file for 70% of the divorces. Divorce is about what is best for the woman, not the man or the children.

There are exceptions to the rule, however, I think researchers need to delve a bit deeper then just divorce. I can say, with great honesty, and great regret, that my social skills are lacking, and I had a tough time with math, and my parents are still together. My mother screamed at my father constantly, for no real reason, other than he worked 10-12 hours, sometimes 6 or 7 days a week, then dared to sit down when he came home instead of doing whatever chore my mother had lined up for him.

I think if parents, divorced or not, screaming constantly and fighting is what effects children. It just happens to happen more often when a divorce occurs.

That's funny, your girl can't seem to get enough of this child of divorce. Booyah!

Haha, sorry, couldn't resist.

But seriously, I think the phenomenon you describe might have other causes than divorce; I've never noticed that pattern at all from my lovers.

yeah only you haha

Amen to that sister!

Wow, thanks for making me feel even worse about how my parents handled their divorce.

Happy with yourself?

Too many people continue to run from what they chose to do in the first place.

If you know that a man is not going to workout then do not have a child with him.
A study was just done concerrning who initiates marriage and who initiates divorce between men and women.
It was determined that the majority of women did the initiating.
I bet this is so even when it comes to having children and then initiating the father out of the picture and replacing him with child support and alimony.

What the majority of men don't understand is that when their financial power is taken by the government where their relationship is concerned, they are no longer head of the household or the relationship. In fact they are placed beneath a child where their power is of concern.
The power of finance is an important power for men and it should not be tampered with.
The result is broken families and the creation of less wholesome individuals.
Over the last 30 or so years look what these laws have done to our society.
I know that many were trying to do the right thing but sometimes things are better if left as is.
Especially in a culture where we only do enough to get the results that we want and have no intentions of seeking further results for balance.

Hmmm... @peel-layer, so after you've had 4 kids with your husband and THEN he starts sleeping around, that sounds like darn good reason for the woman to initiate divorce proceedings. And you can't say it wasn't his financial power taken away - this was a very traditional family. While I'm sure that lots of kids do suffer, and I can totally understand the point about the cumulative problems with having a down year or two in math, I also think sometimes divorce can be the best thing for kids. It's probably hard to sign up enough families where the only reason they're staying together is "for the kids", but I know I wish my mother had kicked his behind out years earlier! (and this is from a child of divorce with a degree in Math).

Gretchen wrote " What the article really misses is that the impact depends on how each couple handles it "

That's what studies are about : understanding common behavior. Despite the variation in how each couple handles child-rearing after divorce (70% of which are filed by women), the study reveals that the average couple is unable to provide an environment that is as good as that in a long-term marriage.

princessbridde wrote "so after you've had 4 kids with your husband and THEN he starts sleeping around, that sounds like darn good reason for the woman to initiate divorce proceedings."

70% of divorces are filed by women. Men are faced with paternity fraud and female infertility that is increasing due to a rising median age of marriage bumping up the wall of female infertility. At age 37, half of women are infertile. A legitimate reason for male-initiated divorce is female infertility.

princessbride wrote "I also think sometimes divorce can be the best thing for kids. "

But divorce is better for women, and that is why women file for 70% of divorces. 70%! That means that for every two women that file, only one man files.

I believe that there may be a confounding of variables at work in this study. When children experience a stable and peaceful environment, whether in an intact or divorced home, they have the tools that they need to learn and grow. My children and I were lucky to have a good support system throughout the divorce process. My son does well at school and has aspirations to become an Air Force chaplain. My daughter excels at school and will be taking Algebra I Honors next year in the seventh grade. Both kids are avid violin players. I do not think that marital status can predict school success. Much of it can be luck, frankly, and the gift of children who are intrinsically motivated to learn and to socialize. I am a counselor in private practice, so I see the patterns of pain and success in my office every day.

acounselor wrote "I do not think that marital status can predict school success."

This study is precisely that. There are countless studies that show that children fare worse with a single mother (but better with single fathers ) but not a single study concludes that children are worse off with parents in a long-term marriage. What kind of a counselor are you?

If you can't take the heat then stay out of the kitchen.

If you don't plan on staying married with the person you have kids with then don't have kids with them!!!!
Take responsibility for your actions!!!
Do you think that your ancestors had it wrong for thousands of years when they would force their sons to marry if the girl they're with gets pregnant?
Look at where this country is mentally under this new era of divorce.
The proof is in the pudding.
Stop running from your responsibilities because they multiply in the future!!!

Good Riddance! - How right you are!

My parents divorced when I was a toddler; I did have insecurity problems and problems with fear of rejection. But, my mother was getting beaten and feared for her life while married to the father I loved. Bravo for Mom, she did what she could to be a good mother; I turned out good enough. While my problems may have been worrisome, her's were downright life-threatening.

Good for you! So nevermind then, divorces for everyone, yay!

Yes, because that's exactly what the article stated.

Idiot.

I am sorry your parents did not handle their divorce well, Person named X, but many others have and their children are fine, healthy, successful and happy. So get some help for your bitterness so you can enjoy the rest of your life.

Or just simply provided women with the message that marriage is not just about a rise in female living standards with the expectation that a man provide her with a social environment of eternal bliss. With half of marriages ending in divorce and women filing for 70% of divorces, it's clear that women are unable and unwilling to keep their marital commitments.

Look, these studies are generalities. Each individual is unique

And that is why you cannot apply a study involving thousands to the individual. Good point!

I have a teen who scores in the top 5% of math students in the USA. But that doesn't mean she got their without a lot of help and intervention. i would also say that in single family households, many parents may not have the skills and knowledge to create that intervention.

The biopsychosocial model at its best! Divorce is just one of the ingredients. A lot has to do with the depth of the gene pool in which you are swimming.

Your particular situation does not negate the findings of this study and may instead actually validate it.

While we can make general statements based on large studies (i.e. treating strep throat with penicillin helps prevent rheumatic fever) we cannot negate the study with a single case (i.e. I treated my strep throat with penicillin but still got rheumatic fever).
Good post!

Wonderfully balanced, understanding comments.

But at the end of the day, we KNOW what to do, we just choose not to do it, or we do not have the emotional maturity to follow through. So we stumble and grope and sometimes make mistakes, and if we were lucky enough to grow up learning how to love, we might stick with it long enough to make something worthwhile.

Personally I love being married, I just wish I could afford kids. We wanted to try but with this economy we've been flat broke for 3 years. Hard enough to feed ourselves, much less adding kids into the equation.

person named x I am 20 years in my second marriage and have kids from both you can never afford to have them and yet they can be the cause of a lot of problems. Love has nothing to do with being married, and everything to do with the amount of effort both parties bring to the relationship. There are just as many if not more married people who suck at being parents as there are divorced parents that excel at raising their kids.

@Rancher Bob: I don't think I've ever seen a better synopsis of the effects of military life on families than what you wrote. You hit the nail on the head with every word. The only thing I'd state a bit more strongly is that the active-duty parent (usually the father, but not always) is gone a LOT even if they aren't actually deployed to a war. There are long days, inspections, TDYs, parades, details, staff duty (24 hours at a time), recall exercises, and field training exercises all the time. And, I don't care what anybody tells me, I've been a single parent and you just need TWO parents around to raise a child.

The military pays great lip service to family support, but I've been in and I still believe that the military is no place to start or raise a family. I've known very stable, excellent families in the military with awesome kids - but the one that leaps to my mind was the family of an officer who was never deployed and was just one of the very few lucky guys who didn't move around a lot. (And, when he did get moved, they went to places like Belgium - as a family.) That's the exception. Not the way it works for the vast majority.

The military should go back to their old policy - official or otherwise - that if they wanted you to have a spouse or kids they would issue them to you when you sign up. It's not a family-friendly atmosphere.

I was not singling out the military. Suburban life is just as destructive. In non-military areas, you can substitute long commutes, long hours and business travel for deployments and training.

A parent who leaves for work before the children arise in the morning and arrive home after the children (especially younger children) have gone to bed, have been reduced to part-time parents and part-time spouses. Again, the ability for the children to learn about love relationships, marriage, parenting and family by observing their parents is missing. The missing parent becomes marginalized and their absence is, from the child's viewpoint, what a "normal" family is about.

Jerry, well said comment.

I will second that even though person named x knows more then any of us

It comes down to the intelligence and character of the parents and not just because of a divorce. Abusive relationships can scar children even in married couples.

My parents being seperated was a slight boost for me to be honest. It meant I get to spend time with two different families and have my own time without being hounded for anything by both parents. Then again it was easy for me to say "I don't mind having divorced parents" because I was barely 3 or 4 when they seperated. However, my dad never ceases to remind me everyday of how my mom did him wrong by never being that "model" parent.

However, I am horrible at math, but I always hated it (who doesn't?!!!!), I excel at everything else including having amazing social skills. This article is quite flawed, but it's just a general opinion of one situation rather than painting a whole picture.

Yes yes, let's all believe your *hunch*, and completely toss out the results of this study, because you have ONE anecdotal counterexample.

G4ddamit, why are people here such f0cking IDIOTS??

Let me ask you a question when you look in the mirror and are so amazed at how perfect you are does it turn you on. You are the ignorant 4ss. LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. YOU CAN HAVE A STUDY SAY ANYTHING DEPENDING ON THE GROUP YOU STUDY. WHAT I AM SAYING AND IT IS OBVIOUS YOU ARE SO SMART YOU AMAZE YOURSELF EVERY DAY IS I KNOW A LOT OF CHILDREN THAT HAVE EXCELLED JUST AS MY DAUGHTER DID BECAUSE REGARDLESS OF MY EX WIFE'S ISSUES AND MINE WE PUT OUR CHILD FIRST AND SO HAVE A LOT OF OTHER DIVORCED PARENTS.

Case in point: look at the recently published study of the happiness of the people of various countries. China was number one; North Korea as second; and the United States was dead last. Of course, the study was published by the North Korean government!

bh0673 wrote "BULL, maybe it is the study that is flawed or the sample they took but my one daughter a product of a divorce still graduated last year from a highly regarded Veterinary school as an animal surgeon and is very well adjusted."

I suppose the flaw of the study of a large number of divorced couples was that they did not include you so your brilliant daughter could bump up the average by 0.001%.

let me ask you a question, do you think that it is because you are married only or the fact that you are intelligent and caring when it comes to your children? Not all divorces end with arguments, fights and cussing and not all marriages are free of arguments, fights and cussing. It is the parents regardless of the marital situation and not the situation by itself. My daughter from a broken marriage was a straight A student and went to a special county run high school for children who were at the top of their individual classes went on the a medical college and graduated as a veterinary surgeon yet my younger daughter as well as my ex's son who are both from stable marriage environments have not attained that level of excellence although they have done well in school. Let's take my daughter as well as your children aside, ignorant and abusive parents can have a negative impact on their children whether they are married or not.

bh0673 wrote "My daughter from a broken marriage was a straight A student and went to a special county run high school for children who were at the top of their individual classes "

Are you trying to tell us that divorced parents do a better job? The family court system is so biased against fathers that any father must have obviously superior qualifications to compete with the mother for the custody of a child. What you should be saying is that single fathers do a better job overall than single mothers.

I have yet to see a study that shows that children are unaffected by divorce or flourish in single parent households.

AHHH, Diva

Dive wrote "I had to sell me house and leave Parker because of all these so called successful two parent families..."

So, you're saying that divorce is better for children? Will my young children grow up to have the "highest GPA's in the United States" if I divorce?