Sexual anxiety may lead some men and women to infidelity, study finds
Article Source: msnbc.com
from:msnbc.comHow likely is your partner to cheat?
Seeded on Mon Jun 20, 2011 11:42 AM EDT (msnbc.com)
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I must say I am not that surprised that folks with sexual anxiety cheated. If you think you are bad at something what do you do to get better? Practice, practice, practice and not with the target audience (i.e. the one that matters) but with a crowd you aren't necessarily that hung up on pleasing. Once you are good and have your confidence then you can get on the main stage for your main performance and wow that crowd. Of course this is a bit warped considering that you could end up breaking a loved one's heart with this kind of behaviour.
Hey Utter,
Your use of the 'Main Stage' reference sounds a little like some clubs I've heard about.
And your comment brings to mind two sayings "practice makes perfect" and the old (bad) joke, "How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice"
Maybe it's best to practice early in life, so you don't end up suffering the consequences of your last sentence.
Hey johnsmithee,
Something tells me that you haven't just heard about those clubs ;)
Nice catch on the practice makes perfect bit as that is exactly what I was referencing.
I couldn't agree more. People need to realize their actions do have consqequences. I do hope that people will realize that my comment was completely tongue in cheek.
A new, incurable STD would answer all the moralistic prudes' prayers.
what about aids?....herpes?....etc?....so far those are not curable, just "maintainable" with meds. If people are going to cheat, hopefully they at least use protection.
Of course, regardless of her sexual anxiety, if a women is just plain frigid, she will not only ruin her marriage(because she deceived before marriage), she will keep a good man from being a good father and husband and ruin his life as well. He may be driven to cheat by her lousy attitude. She doesn't care about her life quality, so she doesn't care about his or their kid's life quality, either.
The real question is then why is she suddenly "frigid" towards you? It doesn't just come out of the blue, I know from experience. It usually takes two to make or break a relationship so I am not buying the whole frigid issue. There is a reason she suddenly is turned off...believe me.
Get it out of your system young. When your buddies tell you the sex life ends at the wedding cake take heed. But, that never gives someone the right to hurt or betray the one they married. If you are too good to do laundry by hand, don't get married.
ignored dad, there are many men out there that, to use your colloquial term, that are also "frigid" . I agree with tinlou though, 90% of the time you need to take a hard look in the mirror to see what you are doing to perpetuate the situation. If she is mentally abusive and emotionally cold..... and it really has nothing to do with you then she needs to be evaluated by a competent mental health professional. Good luck. Living without love and passion in a marriage is not good for anyone.
How stupid, if a man gives a hoot about his woman's pleasure maybe she will be less likely to be frigid. I know this from experience. And the sex only ends with the wedding cake if your partner never enjoyed sex with you, which you would have known if you gave a hoot about their pleasure. So if your only concern is your good time, then don't be surprised when your partner desires you less. Good relationships go both ways and there is seldom a person that just becomes frigid overnight without a reason, male or female.. If you don't want to see it that's your problem.
Liz-1105926, exactly. People need to stop being selfish and putting their own needs above their partner's. This is why a lot of cheating occurs, because the whole "me, me, me" thing gets tiring. It's about both parties getting pleasure, not just one party.
IgnoredDad has a point. Some (NOT all) women pretend to be a person that they aren't really, their "dating persona", while they are dating. It's whatever they think their future spouse will find the most attractive. Then after they get married, they abandon that dating persona. I don't have any hard statistical data, but I suspect that a lot of other men will say that when they got married, their wives suddenly found them a lot less interesting, maybe even boring, especially in bed. Meanwhile, they still find other men interesting, which leads some of them into having affairs. I guess it's a version of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and it probably goes both ways. However, I think it happens more to men because it's easier for a man to be satisfied with a routine sex life, whereas a woman wants romance, and it's harder to keep the romance alive over the years than it is to plug away at having a regular sex life.
Liz, where I disagree with you is that for most women it's more about romance than physical pleasure, and romance is much harder to deliver year after year.
Is about the illusion of security in a relationship. So I meet a woman and think, wow this is the person for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with this person and never think twice. We get married, have kids and co-mingle the finances. Then a few years later, meet the true soul mate that makes all the bells and whistles go off and head for divorce court (or worse, lie lie lie). For some, it might be about sex but for most, is about getting older and knowing ourselves and then meeting someone truly compatible. So, whether the cheater or the cheatee, the question is simple: is it for lack of bedroom excitement or an incompatible relationship? Sex life can be spiced up but can't fix and incompatible relationship.
Alan, that goes both ways. Maybe the wife was less interested
becausehe also changed. Maybe after having sex he called her his ex wifes name. Maybe because on Valentines day-2 yrs in a row- he preferred to get drunk at the bar with his friends while she sat at home waiting for him. I would call her stupid for waiting. Maybe because while he was drunk, he told his best friend if he wasn't married he would be with her friend, and she over hears him. Maybe that's who he's with now. Maybe he should have never gotten married in the first place if he didn't know what he wanted. Maybe that's y his wife was the way she was. Maybe she went to counseling while he sat at the bar because she wasn't important to him. Maybe that's y she sought attention somewhere ele. Maybe feeling like u are worthless makes u do the opposite of who u r. Maybe after everything that happened she got drunk and said something she shouldn't have and he held it against her. Unless ur part of that relationship u shouldn't judge. People change for a reason.Well I just wasted about 2 minutes of my life reading this useless piece of trash story that I will never get back.
Then on top of that I wasted about the same amount of time writing this useless piece of trash opinion.
God, sometimes you just can't win.
Remember that old piece of advice: When you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.
I've had this conversation many times:
"If there was absolutely no way anybody could find out, and no risk of any kind of negative consequences, would you cheat on your wife?"
"No."
"You're lying. Every man would."
"No, because cheating is wrong, and even if nobody else knew I had done it, I would know, and I wouldn't be able to live with that."
"You're lying. You're just afraid your wife will find out you said you'd cheat on her."
...and so on. They simply cannot understand the concept of a man who would feel guilty about cheating.
Cheating isn't bad. It's only a mistake, like 1+1=3. No harm in that. Maybe next time you'll get it right or not. It doesn't matter. We're only human after all. A life without mistakes isn't a life at all.
Excitability is the determining factor in cheating? Lame excuse to get out of sex lol. Everyone knows that low impulse control is the culprit. Worrying, Jealousy and paranoia are more about feelings of inadequacy, control and manipulation. All things that should be looked at early on in relationships. If you have a high sex drive but your partners is low....probably isn't going to work out.
This reminds me of a saying I once heard,
""Men need a place and women need a Reason""
And another equally true saying is:
When a man marries a women he hopes she never changes. When a women marries she's hoping she can change her husband.
It all boils down to building a foundation and weathering the storms...TOGETHER without trust and compromise the foundation fails.
I agree with you on all counts.
When I see statistics like this I wonder if men are embellishing opportunities or if women are less than honest about the numbers. It takes two to cheat. Guess another question should be whether it is still cheating if I am single and she isn't? As a single divorced man, can tell you there have been plenty of opportunities with married women looking for some fun on the side. Consider myself average, not rich and generally lazy, so somebody is being less than truthful about the tail tally.
It's the way they're defining it. As far as this study is concerned, if a married man has sex with an unmarried woman then only the man is cheating.
The real number is probably closer to the national divorce rate and then add some for the people who didn't get caught.
MSpielman- not true. If the single woman knows he is married, she is cheating also.