PTSD is a real syndrome for some people in experiencing truly unpredictable and horrific events, but there comes a point where we are just diagnosing life. The expectation that life will be all sunshine and roses, that nothing bad will ever happen and there is no reason for us to, or expectation that we can, persevere is beyond unhelpful. It is destructive. Labeling survivors like this turns them into victims.

I don't think it's helpful to assume you know how traumatic something is for another person. If you have the symptoms of the disorder, then you have the disorder, whether or not someone thinks your experience was "worthy in its horrificness" or something you should just get over. After my breast cancer diagnosis in 1999, I developed major depression, which thankfully is completely controlled by medications, which I still take 12 years later. None-the-less, I still HATE the month of October, and all things pink -- especially pink ribbons. They make me cringe. I do still get my yearly mammogram and blood work from my wonderful oncologist, but I go out of my way to not patronize any businesses that are doing the "pink ribbon" thing -- it stirs up too many bad feelings.

As a cancer survivor, I can say that some things from that traumatic experience has changed my life forever. It is not something anyone does conscientiously, but the idea of the "monkey on your back" making a re-appearance tends to have that person wondering: is this just a cold or something more insidious going on? I do not think of this as PTSD, just a fear that raises it's ugly head every now and again. My point is- it is the little things that trigger that fearful response and recognizing that response for what it is at that moment goes a long way to making a survivor, just that.. a survivor not a victim..

However, the permanent damages and conditions created by chemo treatments can have a survivor feeling as though it has never come to a complete end. After all cancer is not ever cured, it is put into remission only, this may make some folks feel like victims......

I have Follicular Non-Hodgkins lymphoma (F NHL), diagnosed in August 2010 with Stage IVB F-NHL. After undergoing 8 rounds of chemo with Rituximab (R-CVP), I am now on Rituximab maintenance therapy (bi-monthly).

I have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder (2 weeks ago...although I was not coping for months before I admitted it to the G.P.), and am finding 'adjusting' post-treatment really difficult. I find myself always saying to people who ask things about me. 'I used to be...', like 'I used to be a teacher', 'I used to be a walker', 'I used to be able to do yoga'. I can't say what I am or what i do now...because truth be told, I am so sore and fatigued that I don't do very much now and can't do all the things I used to do.

I had also been suffering with severe anxiety and hypervigilenece. Everything was a huge issue and my rational mind no longer existed. My GP put me on the lowest dose of Diazepam (Vallium) possible...2mg 3x daily, which has eased my anxiety and taken the edge off how I was feeling, enabling me to cope with with situations around me in a more rational way...and also to relax the tension in my body.

I have also started a mindfulness course, which is funded by a local cancer charity for patients with incurable cancers such as mine.

I feel that both these treatments compliment one another. The meds take the edge off, and the mindfulness teaches you how to be present in the moment more often, and not dwelling on the past or worrying / freaking out about the future...it truly relaxes the mind and body, and is so easy to practice.

I would be keen to hear if anyone else is suffering or has suffered post traumatic stress disorder after diagnosis / and, or treatment, and how you got or are getting through it. Thanks.

Trish.

Might I also add in response to Anita and her very negative view of diagnosis...I am in the UK. I get FREE medical trearment, and we don't make insurance claims for PTSD...or any other illnesses...this is a very americanised thing. You make many assumptions in your two posts, none of which are helpful to sufferers of PTSD. To inform your ignorance, 'labels' are put on things as these 'labels' carry alongside them symptoms, treatments and other necessary medical acknowledgements, which enable G.P's to treat according to diagnosis. These also enable research, statistics and improvements to be made.

Were we not to 'label' anything, I would not have cancer....just some lumps and sweats and hey ho!! It is a way of organising, classifying and treating diseases and disorders, and I take great exception to your attitude regarding this.

Trish

Dear Outragious,

Thank you ao much for your message, it really means a lot! To reassure you...and myself of course, my doc doesn't think I'm depressed, just naturally anxious about the future while also being 'lost' or 'stripped of my identity'. I just want to do something worthwhile...like you did. I always really enjoyed both my work and studies, and the many activities I did with my kids (Bronwyn, 13 & Nathan, 11). We used to go on really awesome activity holidays where we would abseil, go quad biking, do archery and fencing and go on sensory walks and literally dozens of other great outdoor activities. At work I engaged well with my students and provided tonnes of support...in all possible ways, which made a huge difference to their lives and studies, but also made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile. That's the same with my own studies and PhD, it was so very interesting and I was massively engaged with it...but can't get back into a frame of mind where I can concentrate long enough to get anywhere with it for the time being.

I guess I just need a rewarding interest, such as what you did with the dogs, and what you now do with the elderly people...what an amazing woman you are! You really are an inspiration!

To clarify, I am on daily meds for the PTSD - Diazepam (Vallium, 2mg), but I now receive Rituximab 8 weekly intravenously at the Oncology unit. I'm back on watch and wait, as my sub-type of cancer cannot be cured. It is Follicular...slow growing, meaning it spreads throughout the entire lymphatic system quietly, almost unrecognised...then it hits the bones and bone marrow (well it did with me). If it were fast growing(aggressive), it would most likely enlarge one lymph area, would be recognised and can be blasted with a combination of Radio & Chemo therapies, and in some cases bone marrow stem cell transplant...and ultimately cured, in full remission. However, the sub-type and moreover, the stage I was at at diagnosis mean that cure is not possible, but there are a few treatment routes to go down.

I really could see myself working with animals in a voluntary capacity, and I really do think that would be very rewarding. I'll definitely look into doing something of that ilk when i've got myself to a better place within. This mindfulness class really is wonderful, and I feel so much better when I practice it. I am currently making a conscious effort to incorporate it into my everyday activities.

In answer to your questions; the meds i am taking daioly are to ease the anxiety, so no, they do not leave me anxious...they relax me, but not overly...just take the edge off and leave me almost bearable to live with! :)

My family are great, and my friends do what they can, but I very much moved in professional circles, and therefore my friends are very busy with work and relationships and their own children etc. I do get out almost every day, and almost always with someone. I have my children and partner (Tony) to spend time with in the evenings. We spend out weekends eating out and going to the cinema, swimming, bowling and such likes...things I can still manage (although my bones and muscles ache all week after swimming and bowling...a side effect of the Rituximab I do believe, as I've now been receiving it for over a year as it was part of my original chemo regime (R-CVP).

According to my GP, my symptoms of anxiety are entirely founded. He...a practicing buddhist, advised that the short course of Diazepam (anti-anxiety pills....extremely low dose), alongside the mindfulness & meditation course might just set me on the right course, and he has hope that I will work through my issues, negating the need to begin a course of anti-depressants. I think he's right. I am strong. I need to remember that. I am mentally and physically strong...my mind and body have just taken a bit of a hit, that's all. I just need to accept that 'i used to be...' and 'i used to do...', and find a, 'but now i work voluntarily at....'

You've helped. Thanks so much. I know i've a way to go yet, but i'm more than sure i'll get there, depression free! :)

Trish.

P.s. I felt that hug...and Tony and I did a simultaneous 'awe, how sweet' as we read your post.

Dear Outragious,

Our health systems do indeed seem to be poles apart. The waywe diagnose is the same...we 'label' illness, disorder, condition, syndrome and all manner of other ailments, but the reason for doing this seems to be different...but is it? If we still label and there is no insurance claims, then perhaps this is genuinely done for the purposes of addressing the condition?

I can tell you much about the health system here, like I have no life or health insurance, but am receiving ongoing intravenous therapy bi-monthly at the rough cost of £6,000 per infusion...I believe that's somewhere in region of $10,000 (is it?). My chemo was free, my anti-anxiety are free and all doc consultations and following treatments are free and part of a national health service, provided to every single legal occupant of this country, even other non-British nationals, like Europeans, asians, etc who live here now legally.

We are taxed on food and drink and also on wages, and pay a monthly tax on our homes, which in turn provides free services, such as prescriptions, healthcare & treatment, garbage disposal and recycling services, roads services, water services and repairs, lots of support services, education services and community services related to mental illness, deprivation, single parenthood, self harming, homelessness.....and many many more. I will (hopefully) never ever be denied a treatment, regardless of cost on the national health service, and I will most certainly neve be charged andy fees for anything...we only pay tax...on food & drink & earnings & homes / services (it is called council tax). Thats it!

Is Obama not trying to introduce a similar public health service in America? That's what I thought I had heard.

I agree, this must be a very grey area with insurance companies and I am glad I do not need to justify my tests, treatment, diagnosis, etc to anyone...it would only make coping with the condition even more difficult, and would greatly influence treatment options.

Clearly, our NHS are bound by budgets and so will offer some cheaper drugs than the brand named ones, but they are entirely identical in ingredients and therefore effect...and companies here will make drugs and negotiate with NHS officials about their products etc...and there is some financial balancing, but we are not deprived. I calculated (from the cost of my individual treatments), that my R-CVP cost the NHS in excess of £72,000 for my 8 rounds....thats treatment alone...not considering at all the time the nurses spent, the consultant, the CT scans, the other bloods which I get taken monthly and checked FREE....its bloody amazing and I feel privileged to live in such a 'nice' society, with good principles and such high regard and respect for human life, regardless of who you are, how rich or poor you are...etc.

I could answer more fully, but it's nearing 10pm here, and I am rather tired after a very exhausting day.

I hope this addresses a small part of your curiosity? I will be in touch again as soon as I have a window to 'play' on my laptop.

Thanks again for all your words of wisdom, and I hope this suffices somewhat. ?should it raise more questions, even specific ones, please feel free to get back to me.

Have a good day :)

Trish