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What do you think of couples who refer to themselves as 'we'?

Married couples who refer to themselves as "we" or "us" and describe possessions as "ours" are happier than those who use singular pronouns, a new study shows

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Results with 22 short comments
Total of 1,313 votes - click on the "Display Comments" bar below to sort comments

51%
It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.
670 votes
10.1%
It's sickeningly lovey dovey. Have they lost their own identities?
133 votes
22.2%
Depends on the couple.
292 votes
16.6%
I don't care what people call themselves.
218 votes
Display Comments:
It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

There is no "I" in 'couple' or 'love' either!

  • 2 votes
 - 5:31 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

I always said "we"; she said "I." She said "2008 is going to be MY year." Turns out that was the year she told me she was leaving me.

  • 1 vote
 - 6:13 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
I don't care what people call themselves.

I unconsciously say "we" when we've done something together, like a weekend event, but I use "I" when it's just me. Is that so weird?

  • 2 votes
 - 7:16 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
Depends on the couple.

It could be posturing or it could reflect the relationship.

     - 7:27 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
    Depends on the couple.

    I know some who say we and some who say I, think it depends on the people. For myself, though, strictly I and I am NOT part of a couple!

       - LyndaAZ
       - 7:50 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
      It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

      Sweet/romantic..., humm. They're showing their bond to each other and that's what's important. Call it what you want, they're still lover

      • 1 vote
       - Aus10
       - 8:07 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
      It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

      It takes two to make a marriage; so, yes, it is us, we, the two of us, a couple. If you feel that you will lose your identity,don't marry.

      • 1 vote
       - Lalita$
       - 8:11 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
      It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

      We've never thought about this before, but it makes perfect sense to us.

      • 1 vote
       - 8:31 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
      It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

      My husband and I have been together for almost 30 yrs..we've bonded forever.

      • 1 vote
       - 9:01 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
      Depends on the couple.

      It is totally up to each couple. People who are baby boomers I feel are more prone to doing it.. It is a generational question.

         - 9:46 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
        I don't care what people call themselves.

        Another example of why same-sex partners should be allowed to marry!!

           - Wendy P
           - 9:53 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
          It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

          Man and woman as one flesh. Why would anyone put up walls and barriers? It only leads to selfishness and separation.

          • 1 vote
           - 10:23 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
          I don't care what people call themselves.

          bunch of bull

          • 1 vote
           - 10:30 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
          It's sickeningly lovey dovey. Have they lost their own identities?

          Marriage is such a quaint and antiquated ritual. Why do people still sign their life over to somebody else like a slave?

          • 1 vote
           - jtg1961
           - 11:17 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
          It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

          Hey, I'm gay and my husband and I got legally married in California afer being together for 41 years. We always say WE and it is wonderful

          • 1 vote
           - 11:49 pm EST on Fri Feb 5, 2010
          It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

          My husband and I have always referred to ourselves as "we." We've been happily married for over 44 years, something must work!

          • 2 votes
           - 1:18 am EST on Sat Feb 6, 2010
          It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

          It is much more than sweet and romantic. It demonstrates a true partnership and mutual respect. The business of life overrides romance.

          • 2 votes
           - Dr Know
           - 12:33 pm EST on Sat Feb 6, 2010
          It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

          I think it's a sign that they see themselves as a unit (whether they're straight, gay or bisexual). It's a good thing!

          • 1 vote
           - 4:09 pm EST on Sat Feb 6, 2010
          Depends on the couple.

          They can both be saying "we," but it's really a "she" or "he" "wants to go do this" or "buy that" arrangement while the other has no say.

          • 1 vote
           - 4:11 pm EST on Sat Feb 6, 2010
          It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

          That is exactly how my hubby and I refer to our bond, 'WE'. We've not spent one day apart and our bond grows stronger every day from 'we'.

             - 4:18 pm EST on Fri Feb 12, 2010
            I don't care what people call themselves.

            Reminds me off Venom from Spiderman

               - Lawli
               - 4:30 pm EST on Tue Feb 16, 2010
              It's sweet and romantic. They're showing their bond to each other.

              While it is sweet and romantic, there has to be some boundries. It is healthy to have a seperate identity in a relationship.

                 - 12:23 am EST on Wed Feb 17, 2010
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                Discussion with 24 comments - Click here to jump to the comment form.

                I think it's definitely sweet and romantic and I am going to start using it today

                (except in certain, you know, 'women only' situations...;-))

                  Reply#1 - Fri Feb 5, 2010 5:19 PM EST

                  I use we all the time, it is someone that I am going to spend the rest of my life with, so why not?

                    #1.1 - Fri Feb 5, 2010 8:03 PM EST
                    Reply

                    This is much ado about nothing. My wife and I drive separate cars, so I refer to the one I drive as "mine." The house we live in, our dogs, and our furniture, are "ours." There aren't very many things don't fall pretty clearly into one category or another. Should I refer to my job as a college math teacher, or my wife's job as an attorney, as "our" job? This is silly.

                    • 1 vote
                    Reply#2 - Fri Feb 5, 2010 6:00 PM EST

                    I totally agree, what's mine is mine, what's his is his and what's ours is our

                      #2.1 - Fri Feb 5, 2010 7:29 PM EST

                      Silly? Yes, it would be silly to refer to a job as "ours" unless you do it together. But "our house," "our car," "our children" are completely appropriate. In our household, there are very few things I would refer to as "mine" or "his." Clothes and toiletries are about it.

                      When my husband and I wed we formed a partership, a union, and a family. "I/I" became "we" because we united. Its us against the world, not me against the world and him against the world separately.

                        #2.2 - Wed Feb 10, 2010 5:06 PM EST
                        Reply

                        My view is that when both partners contribute (in the way that they have agreed to - not just financially), the relationship is equal, and should be treated that way. Equality is sharing - the good, the bad, the responsibilities, and the material and financial objects. In equality, everything is "ours".

                        • 1 vote
                        Reply#3 - Fri Feb 5, 2010 7:46 PM EST

                        It's more than a word, it's a vital position. Without "we" the relationship is in for rough waters, without "we" there is no team, there is joint effort, it's hard to get on the same page. The school of hard knocks have taught me that.

                        • 1 vote
                        Reply#4 - Fri Feb 5, 2010 11:20 PM EST

                        I agree about this being silliness. If I went to dinner with a friend I would say "we went to dinner", why not do the same thing with my husband? Same thing with mine, his, ours, with most things being ours as we're financially bound. Ridiculous.

                          Reply#5 - Sat Feb 6, 2010 1:05 AM EST

                          The sum of the whole is greater than the total of the parts.

                          • 3 votes
                          Reply#6 - Sat Feb 6, 2010 12:42 PM EST

                          "We" is the most obnoxious word in the married vocabulary after "schmoopy." People who suddenly become a "we" are just trying to fill a hole that existed long before the marriage. "I," for one, do not buy this study. Scientists spend a lot of time alone in the lab dreaming of "we."

                            Reply#7 - Sun Feb 7, 2010 1:41 PM EST

                            Um, single, right?

                              #7.1 - Wed Feb 10, 2010 5:07 PM EST

                              If not now; soon.

                                #7.2 - Thu Feb 11, 2010 1:38 AM EST

                                Um, isn't that what marriage is all about? "Filling a whole that existed before marriage?" For a lot of people, commitment is the pavement that fills that whole. I'm thinking that if you are in a relationship, you're the one who wears the pants, right? The "I" in marriage was meant for "I do." I wasn't meant in context as in "I alone". I don't know why people let marriage-isms bother them so much. Yes we formed a bond and a promise to each other before God to create "we". We share everything (save for clothes, and even then I steal my husband's shirts periodically and claim them for Scotland as nightgowns! :P) because everything we have is "ours". It's obviously something "for worse" if you can't comfortably use that kind of collaborative vocabulary in your marriage.

                                  #7.3 - Fri Feb 12, 2010 4:28 PM EST
                                  Reply

                                  The only time I cringe, is the new tendancy to say 'We are pregnant'. Sorry, it annoys me, YOU are pregnant, honey, WE are having a baby, but you are pregnant.

                                    Reply#8 - Sun Feb 7, 2010 9:00 PM EST

                                    Totally agree with that!

                                      #8.1 - Wed Feb 10, 2010 5:07 PM EST

                                      Usually my wife and I have used the term we to mean both of us. I have only used it once in relation to pregnancy, however. When I did, my wife turned to me and gave me the classic Tonto line, "What you mean we white man?"

                                      • 1 vote
                                      #8.2 - Fri Feb 12, 2010 4:49 PM EST
                                      Reply

                                      When my boyfriend and I do something, I'll say 'we.' But if I'm talking about myself or my opinions, I will say 'I.' I don't assume that he has the same opinion as me, for example "WE love bowling!" I let him talk for himself.

                                        Reply#9 - Wed Feb 10, 2010 12:48 PM EST

                                        Really? On something so inconsequential as bowling?

                                          #9.1 - Wed Feb 10, 2010 5:13 PM EST

                                          nikkinala:

                                          Lighten up, It was an example.

                                            #9.2 - Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:27 PM EST
                                            Reply

                                            The origins of marriage are one of ownership and is why my wife's name is hyphenated. She's her identity and I have mine yet we're one. The only thing my wife and I don't share are her bras.

                                              Reply#10 - Wed Feb 10, 2010 9:54 PM EST

                                              How do the panties fit? J/K :)

                                              • 2 votes
                                              #10.1 - Wed Feb 10, 2010 10:35 PM EST

                                              Bet she looks good in your jockstrap.

                                                #10.2 - Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:20 AM EST
                                                Reply

                                                I think of Venom everytime I hear a couple say it so I am usually laughing at them but I have never gotten that deep in a relationship.

                                                  Reply#11 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:32 PM EST

                                                  'My' husband and 'I' do not state 'we'. While 'we' have children together, a house, a dog and fish, 'I' have different goals than he does. 'My' accomplishments will be his pride, and his, mine, but 'we' are seperate entities.

                                                  We who were two before became one, but share still our own seperate identities. 'We' do not agree on everything, nor would 'I' ever expect him to agree with everything 'I' say. 'I' love him; 'we' do not love him.

                                                    Reply#12 - Wed Feb 17, 2010 12:32 AM EST
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